Stop!

by Alison G. Bailey

  We stared at each other for a few seconds, allowing me a better view of Risher’s eyes. They were an intense shade of dark emerald green with hypnotic powers. His gaze shifted down to my mouth.

  His gaze shifted down to my mouth!

  He licked his bottom lip, I bit mine. I watched his Adam’s apple slide slowly down his neck while my neck started to sweat. It occurred to me that neither of us had said anything for quite some time. Risher was the last to speak, so he was probably waiting for me to say something.

  Say something, Hollis. Anything. Anything at all.

  “You have an awesome smile.” I sighed.

  Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!

  I was dumbfounded that the words came out of my mouth. Heat flooded my cheeks. My mind was foggy being this close to him, not to mention the fact that he touched my arm.

  His chin dipped down as he aimed his gaze at me. “Thank you.”

  I could either pretend I didn’t say the most embarrassing thing ever, run away never to be in his presence again, or suck it up and try to recover some shred of dignity.

  “Your parents must have spent a small fortune on dental work.” The corners of my lips curled up slightly.

  “You do realize that if I were to compliment you now, it would come off as empty and obligatory, right?”

  “Timing is everything.”

  What was it about this boy that had my feelings bouncing all over the place?

  “You’re something else,” he said.

  “What exactly does that mean?”

  “Just that you’re different. A lot of the girls I went to high school with… I don’t know, there wasn’t a lot going on behind their eyes.”

  “Great. I’m a geek.”

  “A cute geek, though.”

  My chin dropped to my chest, in order to hide my flaming red cheeks from him. I knew this was his way of further apologizing for hurting my feelings earlier, but for a brief moment I allowed myself to believe this boy was flirting with this girl.

  FOR THE REST of the day I was on cloud nine. Oh hell, I was on cloud nine bazillion. I was proud of myself for standing my ground and confronting Risher about calling me that name. It was like a little bit of the old Hollis was coming back. Being around Risher, even for brief moments, made me feel different. Normal. When he looked at me, there was curiosity in his eyes, but not because of my appearance. He genuinely acted like he wanted to get to know who I was on the inside.

  I had to keep reminding myself, though, to listen to the logical part of my brain. Risher was just being a nice guy. We were at the beginning of a good friendship and I had to be okay with that. I couldn’t get caught up in girly daydreams. Like recalling everything he ever said to me and how his mouth formed around each of the words. I didn’t need to be thinking about his adorable nervous habits. Like the way the tip of his tongue would glide over his bottom lip whenever he was trying to think of something to say. I definitely was going to block out the memory of how my body reacted when he touched my elbow. I mean, it’s an elbow. It wasn’t like the guy grabbed my boob. I shook the thought of a Risher boob grab from my head and continued walking across campus.

  My other classes went pretty well. I was in for a lot of studying, but I wasn’t afraid of hard work. So far, day one of college life was pretty good. I thought I’d see Abigail at some point during the day, but I didn’t. Even though she didn’t know I knew about her illness, I wanted to text her to make sure she was okay. Heading back to the dorm, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts, then I realized we never exchanged phone numbers. I decided to send Maggie a quick text instead.

  Me: Day #1, done and done.

  Maggie’s response was immediate, as usual.

  Maggie: Yay! First things first. Boy situation?

  Me: Better than expected. You’d be pleased.

  Maggie: Holla!

  Me: Classes are good. Lots of work, though.

  Maggie: Roommate?

  Me: Undecided. Could be a dud.

  Maggie: Your roommate’s a dude?!

  Me: A DUD!

  Maggie: Oops, read that wrong.

  Me: You still coming next weekend?

  Maggie: Hella yeah!

  Me: Yay! I’m heading to my room. Chat later?

  Maggie: Good deal. I miss you.

  Me: Miss you too.

  I was halfway up the stairs, heading to my floor, when suddenly I got knocked against the wall. The person didn’t stop or say a word, he just continued to jog down the steps. I straightened and peered over the railing, to catch a black hoodie busting out the door.

  Stupid boy.

  Black hoodies weren’t rare, but I wondered if that was the same guy from class.

  I made it to my door without another hit and run episode. As I searched in my backpack for my key, I heard squeaky giggles coming from down the hall. My attention perked up at the sound of Risher’s name being mentioned.

  “God, Leah, first day of classes and you’re already on the prowl.” I glanced up and saw the blond chick from class with a brunette walking toward me.

  “Well, when I sees what I likes, I don’t waste time. And I definitely likes that Risher Stevenson.”

  The blonde from class, Leah, caught me staring at them. She threw me a double eye squint and pursed her lips as she passed by. Clearing my throat, I dropped my gaze and fumbled, putting the key in the door. Finally, I walked into the safety of my room. My empty room. This was becoming the norm.

  I tossed my backpack on the desk, grabbed a bottled water from the fridge, and slipped out of my shoes. The idea of Leah going after Risher kept creeping into my head. Then the idea of Risher going with Leah nudged its way in. I threw back a couple of gulps of water and decided to get some studying done before dinner, hoping to clear my head. I wanted to try the cafeteria. I had taken a protein bar with me for lunch and was in the mood for something more than chips and another peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I decided to wait until almost closing to avoid the crowd. Plus, I was hoping Abigail would show up so we could do some more roomie bonding and I wouldn’t have to eat alone.

  Sitting at the desk, my gaze flipped back and forth between the open history book and the window. Each time my stomach growled, I peered out the window, hoping to see Abigail heading toward the dorm. I held off for another half hour, not able to make a decision on whether or not to go on my own. I glanced over at the clock. The cafeteria was set to close in less than an hour. Besides the stairway hit and run and the prowling blonde, today had gone pretty well. Focusing on the positive, a tiny drop of confidence trickled through me. I could face the cafeteria by myself. Before I had the chance to change my mind, I stepped into my shoes, grabbed my keys, pulled up my big girl superhero panties, and walked out of the room.

  The cafeteria was directly across from my dorm. I ignored my pounding heart and the breath sticking in my throat, and powered through the door. I calmed a little at the sight of an almost empty dining hall. I picked up a tray and headed to the salad bar. The time it took putting together my salad gave me a good opportunity to scan the room without appearing too awkward. After piling veggies on my plate and snagging a Diet Pepsi, I headed over to an empty table in the corner.

  As I sat crunching on a carrot, a group of five girls came walking in. Two of them I recognized as Leah and the brunette from earlier. They picked the most visible table in the center of the room before going to get their food. Right on cue, my gaze dropped and glued itself to my plate. I knew from the second I saw Leah in class that I’d feel intimidated by her. It wasn’t anything she did to me, really. It was just her confidence and my lack thereof colliding that caused me to become uber self-conscious. Not to mention the fact that she had the mean girl vibe oozing from every perfect pore.

  I stabbed at the chickpea playing hard to get on my plate, when all of a sudden, the chair across from me scraped along the floor. All the empty spots in this place and some moron picks this spot. The clamor of the tray hitting the table caused my ga
ze to shoot up briefly, but all I saw was a dark shirt. The little bit of salad I’d eaten felt like a boulder sitting in my stomach as a picture of the jackass hoodie guy flashed through my mind. Pushing a piece of lettuce around, I waited for the rude person to speak. Then another chair screech and rattling tray echoed around me.

  “Dude, I almost didn’t see you over here hiding in the corner.”

  The voice was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it. After a couple of loud gulps came flying over the table, I lifted my gaze.

  “I was wondering when you were going to look up” Emerald eyes and a sweet smile greeted me.

  Relief and chills ran through my body at the sight of Risher.

  “Hollis, this is my pain in the ass, Chuck.” Risher introduced the blond guy to his right.

  “Hey,” Chuck said, shoving a forkful of pasta in his mouth with one hand, while flipping Risher off with the other.

  “Hey.” I smiled over at Chuck.

  Turning back toward Risher, I tilted my head to the side and raised my eyebrows.

  “What?” He looked confused.

  “Why didn’t you say something when you first sat down? I was afraid a serial killer wanted to have me for dinner.”

  “You were in hot pursuit of that chickpea. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

  “Thanks for being so thoughtful.”

  “I’m nothing if not well-mannered.” He tossed me a wink.

  The winking. Oh the winking.

  Before getting busted staring at Risher dreamily and melting right in front of him, I moved us into the typical college conversation.

  “How are classes so far?” I picked up my drink and took a sip.

  “They suck elephant balls,” Chuck mumbled.

  Resting his elbows on the table, Risher’s head dropped into his hands. “As you can tell, Chucky Boy here is an English major with a poetry minor.”

  I laughed.

  “I’m only speaking the truth. And that Algebra class is the suckiest and biggest elephant ball of them all.”

  As Chuck shoveled more food into his mouth, Risher leaned back in his chair, and popped him on the back of the head.

  “What the fu…?”

  “Maybe wait another ten minutes before you show Hollis what an ape you are.”

  Chuck opened his mouth, showing Risher the partially chewed glob of food.

  “I’m sorry, but for some reason, I can’t seem to shake him,” Risher said.

  I liked watching the two guys joke with each other, but it made me a little homesick for Maggie. “It’s fine. I have a best friend back home, so I get it. I don’t think the class will be that hard.”

  “Obviously, you haven’t checked out the syllabus or the textbook. There are equations in it that may as well be written in Chinese,” Chuck grumbled.

  “I’ve looked. Piece of cake.”

  Risher sat with a big grin on his face enjoying the conversation.

  Chuck swallowed another mouthful of food. “You’re a cocky little thing, aren’t you?”

  “I’m a math major.”

  Dropping his fork, Chuck raised his hands above his head. “Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! You and I are going to become good friends.”

  Back handing Chuck on the arm, Risher chimed in, “Hold on, I saw her first.”

  “Now boys, don’t fight over me.”

  I was having so much fun with the guys, I didn’t notice when Leah walked up.

  Draping her arms around Risher’s neck, she leaned down and whispered, “Fancy meeting you here.”

  I wanted to look away, but my gaze was stuck on Leah and Risher, her chest pressed against the back of his shoulders. Risher stared at me with an, I’m sorry, in his eyes. I tried to keep the blood from draining out of my face. I tried to keep my smile secured. I desperately tried not to look as hurt as I felt. But my disappointment was like a force of nature. It wasn’t their fault. Neither of them were doing anything wrong. Sure, I had a crush on Risher, but he was a free agent.

  Grabbing her wrists, Risher peeled Leah’s arms from around his neck. “Leah, have you met Hollis? She’s in our Algebra class.”

  Leah glanced over with the same snide expression she gave me in the dorm hallway. “No.” She leaned back on the table with her back to me. “Are you guys pledging next week?”

  Shrugging his shoulders, Risher looked at me and mouthed, “What the fuck?”

  A slight giggle escaped me, causing him to chuckle.

  “Chuck and I were thinking about it but haven’t decided.”

  “I’m pledging the Zetas.” Leah’s fingertips roamed up and down Risher’s forearm.

  He shifted away, attempting not to be too obvious. “Good for you.”

  He really was well-mannered.

  A loud burp cut through the air from where Chuck sat. “Zetas? Aren’t they the airhead sorority?”

  “You’re gross and rude.” Leah huffed. “Anyway, Risher, think of all the awesome parties and dances we can go to with our Greek brothers and sisters. In fact, I have the perfect little black dress that’s cut down to…” Her fingers trailed down between her boobs.

  Abruptly, I pushed away from the table and mumble coughed, “Pushy bitch.”

  Leah’s head whipped around, her face screwed up like she smelled something really bad. “What did you say?”

  “I gotta go.” I coughed one more time.

  Laughter came flying out of Chuck’s mouth along with a little piece of bread. Risher, ever the mannered young man, bit down on his bottom lip, stifling his laugh.

  Risher stood, effectively brushing off Leah. “Wait, Hollis, I’ll walk back with you.”

  Leah crossed her arms, which pushed her boobs up and out even more in the tight shirt she was wearing.

  “Are you sure you’re done here?” My gaze darted toward her.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” He smirked. “I’ll go throw our trash away.”

  “Good deal. I’ll meet you at the door.”

  “Dude, you have half a burger left.” Chuck snatched Risher’s leftovers. “Don’t waste it.”

  “We call him the human trashcan. The Can for short.” Risher picked up my tray and walked away.

  “See ya later, Chuck.”

  Twisting pasta around his fork in one hand, while holding the half-eaten burger in the other hand, Chuck said, “Later, Numbers.”

  Leah followed me as I crossed the room. At first I thought she was going back to her table of cackling friends, but she stayed behind me until we reached the door.

  I turned back toward the dining hall searching for Risher.

  Leah mimicked me. “So, you’re a theater major, right?”

  Not looking at her, I answered, “Math. Why would you think theater?”

  “Wow… your makeup is so… not good. I mean, it would work on stage under the bright lights. My mom and I used to go to a lot of Broadway shows and you know, they have to wear that really thick makeup. The only other people I’ve seen wearing makeup like that are drag queens. You’re not a drag queen, are you?”

  For some reason, I was blindsided. My instincts had already told me Leah was mean. They just hadn’t told me how mean. My body went on autopilot, collapsing in on itself. My shoulders curled forward, my arms wrapped around my waist, and a tremor that started in my legs, crawled up my entire body. Opening my mouth, I searched for the confident Hollis from earlier today, but she was hiding.

  No one had ever been this callous directly to my face. During that week I attempted to go back to school and even in public, I overheard people’s ugly comments. I dealt with it by convincing myself I’d misheard them. Then today with Risher, I finally challenged a comment because I wanted so badly for him to redeem himself. Deep down I knew he wasn’t mean. By the look in Leah’s eyes and the tone of her voice, I knew this was just the tip of the iceberg and I froze.

  With each step Risher took toward me, he got blurrier as the tears filled my eyes. I was on the verge of crumbling and I couldn’t let
anyone see it happen. Not wanting to attract any attention by running, I walked as quickly as my legs would move out the door and across the street back to my dorm. As I stepped up onto the sidewalk a familiar hand touched my arm, stopping me.

  Turning me to face him, Risher said, “Damn, girl, you can walk fast.”

  My gaze dropped to the ground.

  “Hollis, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” My voice cracked on the one word.

  Placing his index under my chin, Risher tilted my head up. “Why are you crying?”

  I was just about to move my head away, when his thumb slowly glided over my chin.

  “It’s stupid, really.”

  “Did Leah say something?”

  Unprovoked the girl was mean. I didn’t want to see what she was capable of if pushed, so I lied.

  “No.” I paused. “Watching you and Chuck joking around made me think of my best friend, Maggie, and how much I miss her. Then I thought about my parents and how much I miss them. I’m a little homesick that’s all.”

  My insides trembled as I looked up at him. I had accepted the reality that I would never have a boyfriend, but it didn’t mean I stopped wanting one. I just didn’t realize how much until I met this boy.

  Realizing he was still holding my chin, Risher blinked a couple of times as if he were coming out of a daze.

  He let his hand drop. “Do you like pie?”

  Now it was my turn to blink. “What?”

  “Pie… do you like pie?”

  “I like pie.”

  “Did you know it was the best cure for homesickness?”

  Running my fingers under my eyes, I wiped away the tears that had spilled over. “What kind?”

  “Apple, blueberry, cherry… your basic fruit pies are the best because you can add a huge scoop of ice cream on top. I bet we could find some great pie in this town.” He blew out a shaky sigh before the tip of his tongue did its nervous trip across his lower lip.