Crissy Chance

by Douglas E Roff

  “You’re a pussy, Adam, like Misti says, but since I like pussy too, you’ll have do even though Eene and I prefer to go for, you know …”

  “Dick.”

  “Yeah. She wants to please you; aspires to be more important to you. She doesn’t know how.”

  “When she decides she loves our family, that will be everything she will ever need to do. Then we’re family and you and I will both have the privilege, not the burden, of caring for her. If so, we will have a family with one and, I hope, perhaps two more members.”

  “Misti’s right. You are a fem-boy.”

  “I’ve been called worse.”

  ***

  Alana returned to discuss what she had found so far. “Crissy boarded a commercial flight for London right after she spoke with you at the five-Story. She landed at Heathrow, met a woman and was driven to central London. Lost her in traffic.”

  “Edward and Anna’s new place must be in the city. I like to keep track of where those vipers reside.”

  “Do they do the same with you?”

  “I think so. They make a half ass attempt but since I am a failure in their eyes and a disappointment, my whereabouts and utility are nil. I made the computer structure they use to help solve and commit their crimes. I must say their scheme is more genius than foolishness, but I suspect they’re in London with Crissy to do something new. Then they’ll come for Laura and Gaea when they think the time is right. I suspect they want to create a vertically integrated crime organization and the Marco Polo heist will be their trademark and master work. Prove to the world of illicit antiquities trade that they are the organization to deal with. We should check who’s coming to London starting a week ago and for the next month or so. I’ll give you a list of names and organizations, museums and anthropologists and shady characters to watch for.”

  “You’re going to stop them?”

  “No, I’m going to kill them. My parents I mean. They’ll be sending teams, Triads I suspect, to come after us in New York City and to send me to the great beyond. I’m a loose end.

  “Your parents …?

  “Don’t be coy. You know they’re aren’t my real parents; just wanted me for some sick experiment gone wrong. They want me dead for so many reasons I can’t even count, including inheriting my money. That’s off the table now. I’ve moved my fortune around and have now signed documents that provide comfortably for everyone I love if I’m killed.”

  “Anything else I should be looking for?”

  “Nope. We’ll talk about the rest of the story after you and the newbies get the tour of the residence and Island after we land.”

  Alana had no more questions.

  “Adam? Eene’s right. We’re tired of running and bad situations with worse men. When this is all over, we want to stay with you for as long as you let us. I want to stay too. Tell us what you need us to do and we’ll both do it.”

  “You chose to come with me. You could have run. I told you to run. But here you are. You’re family now if you want to be. I’d have thought you knew that already.”

  “I don’t have all my shit together, I have a temper and I’m not always good company.”

  “But Eene is. She makes us both better persons.”

  “Do we get a certificate or something like that?”

  “Sure. Except you give it to me. It says, ‘I love this fucking family’; then you’re in.”

  “Can we cuddle now?”

  “Yep. I’ll get pillows while you get the Princess awake.”

  Adam walked down the aisle looking for pillows.

  Alana awoke Eene. “He said yes.”

  “I love this guy,” Eene said. “He’s our fem-boy.”

  “I know sweetie, I know. We’re finally home.”

  Chapter 21

  The afternoon arrived; Adam had made lunch for the assembled crowd of ladies, each of who had different questions about different parts of his life. Even Kalindra and Misti had questions, though both could have gone without answers. They were used to keeping things separate from Adam; Adam respected that they too had topics that were off limits. They didn’t like prying into Adam’s secrets too much; they liked their privacy and secrets too. Of course, Misti now had a different relationship with Adam and Noki that would take time to fully realize.

  “I know that most of you here either want to know about my childhood and relationship with my parents, Edward and Anna. Some about Crissy Chance too. The rest, if not all, want to know about my one-year disappearance and my Immortal wives and children. I will not say I am delighted to share but if I asked you, or you have volunteered to join our expedition fraught with danger, you are entitled to know. I stand before you ready for your questions after I tell my story. I do not intend to ask about your lives but you may, if you wish, tell me whatever it is you deem important for me to know. I would be grateful.”

  ***

  “First, since I would rather you hear it from me rather than from Alana now that she knows, Edward and Anna St. James are not my parents in any sense, birth, adoption of otherwise. I do not know who my real birth parents are, but I assume I was kidnapped and/or they were murdered. Of course, I have no proof, and there are adoption records that were certainly falsified. Anna and Edward took a year off from the Vic Institute to develop a revolutionary new tool in forensic archeology. When they returned a year later, they had a very good, well conceived system based on forensic crime scene procedures, forensic accountancy and other forensic and financial tools. Their system was manual, slow and time intensive in the beginning, but when I was eleven years old I fixed that problem for them.

  “At thirteen, I told them I could make them famous and their system world class under one condition. They were overjoyed at the deal I offered them and they readily accepted my proposal.

  “Until that time it could at best be said that my mum tried hard to ignore the fact of my existence and would rarely speak to me except to criticize or to say ‘no’ to whatever I needed or asked for. They wanted me to help them with sketchy projects, which I knew was wrong, so I refused. The Vic Institute Fellows, however, did help me with the things I needed which were sent to Misti’s folks, hidden in Augustine’s Lab. Since early childhood, Maria, Augustine, Misti and Rod were my only family and friends, along with Cindy Parker. But her father Mark, the local Constable, sided with my parents and was extremely harsh on me too. I received more than one beating at his hands. Edward and Anna could not have been more delighted.

  “Dad was the worst offender. He had no issue delivering a back hand for perceived slights, work undone or physical training he decided was unsatisfactory. When my lessons were sub-par, he would take me to the gym and pound me mercilessly. He was a Black Belt; I was not. Injuries, which were frequent were palmed off as training mishaps. Mark would do nothing; the Institute was powerless, and my sensei could do nothing to intervene in a family matter. I redoubled my efforts with the help of my sensei and, by fifteen, I could hurt my father. My sensei also taught me Muy Thai and Krav Maga to add to my skills and hurt opponents.

  “I had my final showdown with my father at fifteen and, after breaking his arm in a ‘training accident’, made Edward and Anna my offer.”

  “Which was?”

  Misti answered. “Adam came to live with my family; Edward and Anna would have no contact except to work with Adam on their tech requirements. Adam had to agree to ‘no questions asked’ on the tech but would not help with field work or questionable activities. Anna and Edward went crazy with joy.”

  Misti continued, “Everything after that was smooth. I was in love with Adam, but one day I discovered girls. Then, Adam accepted that fact and was my biggest supporter and confidant even after I came out at fourteen. The family was shocked but we moved on. Adam used to drive me to Victoria on the weekends for sport; I was hormone driven teen and spent most of my day hunting girls. Even older women. Adam covered for me, made sure I was safe, and never said a word.

  “In our Vic Institute c
ommunity, all the girls knew Adam. He was popular with the girls for walking them home at night from the Library, events or just because they wanted to spend time with him. Some nights were multiple duty. He was their friend and they shared secrets. He was oppressively quiet and kept confidences for his ladies. He often had ‘words’ with boyfriends, mostly from Victoria; none of the guys at Vic Institute wanted any part of Adam. Adam had almost no guy friends who weren’t my brother Rod, or adult male Fellows at the Institute. Except for Pops, of course, who Adam spent day and night with, when not with my Mom.

  “Adam learned everything he needed from our family. Spanish, an abrazo, every curse word under the sun in Spanish, and the love of our family not just in Barrows Bay, but also our family in Seattle. We’re all still close, and Adam was and is included in every birthday, quinceanera, wedding and special event. He is family, and more than one of my female cousins of legal age, wanted a date with him. I screened all candidates, but unfortunately for them, he belonged to me. So, mala suerte for the primas, or female cousins. My tias, aunts, wanted him to visit more often and cook and attend Mass. My tios, uncles, wanted him there so they could get out of going to Sunday Mass and watch Seahawks Pre-game shows. My primos, male cousins, wanted to hang out with him, which he did whenever possible. Cousin Rafi Pineda, Octavio Alarcon and the Paz twins were never far away. There were scrapes with other kids growing up; Adam was always there in the mix. Especially for cousin Rafi who was not a guy who liked fighting. He liked girls. But he got bullied a lot. Adam put a stop to that.”

  Adam said, “I went to Caltech but, after a short while, Misti came down every weekend and during vacations, with Mom and Pop’s permission. We roomed together for those two years and I pimped for her.”

  “You did not!”

  Adam looked at Misti.

  “Alright he did. But it wasn’t like I was unable to find my own dates.”

  Adam said, “Let’s just say the house was busy in those days.”

  Misti said, “It was fun. Adam wasn’t always alone, though his closest friends were computers one through five. He occasionally had female friends over. He liked Bitsie Tolan; speaking of Bitsie, whatever happened to her?”

  “Has her own shop, mostly DOD stuff, in San Diego.”

  “I think she’s waiting for you.”

  “I think she’s a grown woman who knows her own mind and loves her work more than me.”

  “Call her. I double dare you. I bet she’d drop everything and come here in a heartbeat.”

  “She’s a good girl who doesn’t need this.”

  Misti said, “Before this is over, you’ll call her because you may need her. I’d call her now so she’s forewarned. If you don’t, I will.”

  “You’re right. Been a while and Bitsie may be upset with me for not calling more often.”

  “How much more often? You already email her every week, call every two. She’s not mad, she’s encouraged. Let me handle this for you.”

  ***

  Misti said, “I was Edward and Anna’s protégé through most of college. I majored in Criminology and minored in Anthro. They were grooming me, I thought, to one day take over for Edward. That was not, however, their plan. I dropped out of their scheme at the end of my sophomore year at UCLA and it was the last I ever heard from them. Tuition came from my folks, a scholarship, and other funds from my fake brother Adam. He sold some copyrighted software and patented hardware, so we had some cash and we enjoyed our good fortune and squandered his cash on stupid things, did some traveling and had some fun.”

  Adam continued, “I spent two years at CalTech, then left LA at age twenty with my Ph.D. When Misti graduated, she went first to Miami; by then, I was already New York City. Eventually she went back to Barrows, I stayed in New York City and made a fortune thanks to Kalindra. I met Noki after I came home from oversees, and we’ve been together ever since. So, the three who matter most to me now are Noki, Misti and Kalindra. Alana and Eene have applied for family membership, which I approve if all others do too.”

  They all shook their heads yes, vigorously.

  ***

  “Now for the year abroad. This I will explain Cliff Notes style. I will warn everyone here that what I’m going to say is true and any disrespect for my tale will be cause for great upset. I shouldn’t even share any of this with you, especially Laura and Gaea. Sorry, but you’re not family.”

  Gaea said, “I want to stay. I want to be family too, and so does Laura, but she can be so independent and stubborn sometimes.”

  “We don’t ask for recruits. There are no invitations or prima donna’s. If you wish to belong, then say so and we’ll all vote as a family. What we have is voluntary and exclusive. You all know the rules, so if you aren’t sure, then please go downstairs. Gaea, if this is what you truly want, you are welcome. But be sure this is what you want. I don’t think this will ever suit Laura.”

  Laura said, “How could you possibly know that?”

  “Your tone. Your independence. You wish to live by no rules other than your own.”

  “And what are the rules you impose here?”

  “I impose no rules. These are the rules Noki and I agreed to when we became as one. Misti agreed too, as have Alana and Eene. There is total freedom within the confines of our family. But we are not a group of people who come and go as we please. But we change, we accept, and we live life as it presents itself. What we agree to become for each other is for our own protection. We’re all hiding from something, running away from something or running toward something. I mean no disrespect, Laura, but you don’t fit in here. Maybe Gaea does. But I understand the bond between the two of you and if you both wish to remain on the outside, we’re happy to accommodate your needs temporarily. Nothing changes for us; this isn’t a cult. If you don’t want to be around us, or you wish to go a different way, feel free to go. This family does not need you or your project. But we would like to help if you feel you need us.”

  “I don’t need your help. I thank you for what you’ve done for me, for us, so far. But, I don’t need you and if Gaea wants to be part of your colony, that’s up to her. I’ll take care of myself and my project from here on out. I’m glad to be here now, but now that I’m safe, I’ll be moving on.”

  “Leave then. I’ll have the helicopter ferry you to the jet and let you leave from Crete. Go anywhere. I’ll give you a Sat phone number to call if you change your mind and want to stay in touch with Gaea. Leave in the morning.”

  “Fine.”

  Adam looked at Gaea and said, “Gaea, stay or go. I understand that you will be torn. If you leave, please come back.”

  The pair left to go downstairs.

  Gaea said, “What is the matter with you.?”

  “He’s a fraud. Don’t be simpleton. This is all an act. He’s after our stuff; nobody’s this nice. He’s probably in cahoots with his parents.”

  “Simpleton? You arrogant bitch. I’m staying. You’ll be dead; I feel dreadfully sorry for you. How could I have misjudged you so badly?”

  “You figure it out. I don’t need you. You’re dead weight any way.”

  Gaea went upstairs.

  “Sorry for that. I’m staying. I guess never knew her.” Gaea burst into tears. Eene and Noki ran to comfort her.

  ***

  Adam said, “The other topic is the Immortals. I’m not going to say much except the basics, some of which you already have been given. When my wives return or I come back from my weddings, I will show you the whole story which will remain in your minds so long as we remain a family. This knowledge is not for others; not now, not ever.

  “You have been invited to see what I have witnessed, as I witnessed it. And, you are invited to my weddings.”

  “I thought …?”

  “Me too. Change in rules, change in plans. He can be more quixotic than me.”

  Adam continued, “When I was twenty-two, I experienced a vision, as I had many times in my life. I was asked to go to place in Kenya, o
n the Serengeti and wait for a guide. I was told I would not be away long, so I left Kalindra in charge. I was gone a year, the first mortal to ever stay with Immortals for more than a month. When I arrived, I met Niona the Huntress, who was unhappy with her assignment to deal with a mortal, Fionna, her sister, who was delighted and Yaz, my guide. Yaz mentioned that his real name was so long that it was easier to just call him ‘Yaz’.”

  “Yaz said he would leave Niona and Fionna to answer all my questions and have ‘experiences’.”

  “We began the next day, and while the experiences were exotic, they were devoid of emotion, love, and compassion. It was a collection of vast knowledge but, to me, cold and without meaning.”

  Adam paused.

  “I said I would like to try something different one day. Fionna was excited; a mortal with an idea. Niona asked if she could be excused. I said no. It had to be all or nothing.”

  I said to them, “Enter my body and mind and go back to the very beginning of life. Then live every life from birth to death on my planet, all the good and bad, the physical and emotional, all that was true and false. Every plant, animal, insect, and life form. And mine. That’s what I wish for today. I will meditate.”

  In minutes both were back.

  “You can do all those things, feel all those emotions, love and that thing you call sex,” asked Fionna. “Is it common or just for the very few?”

  “It’s for everyone.”

  Niona, always quiet and rude, said, “I would like to try it. With you, mortal.”

  “I will with two conditions.”

  “What? Conditions from a mortal, hardly acceptable.”

  “Then Fionna, would you like to be first? Your sister is both rude and arrogant. I choose not to be with her. Is it my right, correct?”