His Amish Choice

by Leigh Bale

  “How are the maed?” he asked after her sisters.

  “Gut. They wanted to come with, to see you and how Timmy is doing, but I insisted they go to school.” She quickly told him about the close call last night and all that Dr. McGann had said about Eli saving the child’s life.

  “Ja, Deacon Albrecht visited me earlier and told me Timmy will be all right.”

  “The doctor credits Eli with helping Deacon Albrecht get on top of his diabetes too,” she said.

  “Hmm.” Jeremiah looked skeptical.

  “The Lord moves in mysterious ways. Perhaps He used Eli to do His gut work here on earth,” she suggested.

  And if that was the case, wasn’t it also possible that the Lord had provided the opportunity for Eli to gain higher learning, so that he could serve others in such a manner? Lizzie didn’t pose the question to her father. She knew better than to push the issue, even if Eli’s education had saved Timmy’s life and helped other members of their Gmay.

  “Ja, it is possible.” Jeremiah’s voice sounded rather gruff and disapproving.

  Sitting in a chair next to her father’s bed, she chatted with him about the farm. Finally, Lizzie asked a question that had been weighing heavily on her mind of late.

  “When he first went to Denver, Eli said he left me a letter of goodbye. He also said he sent many other letters to me, yet I’ve never received any. Do you know something about this?” she asked.

  Jeremiah’s eyes widened and he took a deep breath, taking time to choose his words carefully. A sick feeling settled inside Lizzie’s stomach and she dreaded his answer.

  “Ja, I know about the letters.” Lifting his head, Jeremiah met her gaze, his forehead set in a stubborn frown. “I feared Eli might entice you to join him in the Englisch world, so I sent all the letters back to him unopened.”

  So. Eli had told her the truth. He’d tried to say goodbye to her after all. A part of her was relieved that he hadn’t lied. That he hadn’t abandoned her without a single word. And yet, another part of her was angry that she’d been denied the truth for all this time. Eli had his reasons for leaving, but her father’s deception hurt her deeply. A feeling of righteous indignation clogged her throat and she gripped her hands together in her lap, trying not to be angry.

  “You had no right to hide my letters,” she said.

  “I know. Please don’t think harshly of me, dochder. As your vadder, I did what I thought was best, because I love you and didn’t want to lose you.”

  Her heart softened. She couldn’t really fault her father’s actions. By hiding Eli’s letters, he’d only been trying to protect her. To keep her in their faith, with their family.

  “You should have trusted me more. I’m a grown woman and the choice to stay or go be with Eli was mine alone to make,” she said.

  He looked away, licking his dried lips. “I couldn’t take that chance. Knowing how much you loved Eli, I feared you might go.”

  She shook her head. “You might have been surprised. I love my familye and my faith dearly too.”

  He looked at her, his gruff face lined with fatigue. “If I had given you Eli’s letters, would you have left?”

  She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s in the past.”

  Yet, she didn’t really know the answer. Four years was a long time and yet it was no time at all. She had only been seventeen. She had felt so grown up, and yet since that time, she had changed so much. Her heart had been broken, but her faith had grown. Her familye had come to mean more than anything to her, and she knew now that their community was where she belonged. Yet, she wasn’t sure if she would have stayed back then. And knowing about the letters changed nothing between her and Eli. He had left. They’d grown apart. Now, their priorities were different. But she had to be honest with herself. She might have gone with Eli. Her love for him had been so strong that she might have put aside her faith and become Englisch in order to be with him. But it didn’t matter now because she would never know.

  * * *

  The buggy bounced through a mud puddle in the rutted road leading to the schoolhouse. Eli gripped the lead lines tighter and breathed a thankful sigh that they were nearly there. With everything that had happened last night, he hadn’t slept at all. He’d been too worried about Timmy. Fatigue hadn’t set it until this morning, when he was assured the boy would recover. Now, Eli felt a mixture of lethargy and relief. A few more hours and he’d be able to rest. But first, he had to make sure Lizzie and the girls arrived home safe and all was well on their farm.

  “There’s Marty.” Lizzie pointed as they rode into the school yard.

  Eli pulled the buggy to a stop in front of the one-room red log building. Constructed by the men of their Gmay, the schoolhouse had come from a kit they’d ordered a number of years earlier. Surrounded by a chain-link fence, the property included a small baseball field and sat in the farthest corner of Bishop Yoder’s hayfield.

  “Lizzie!” The girl waved.

  Taking Annie’s hand, both children ran toward them. Several other kids followed along with Rebecca Geingerich, their teacher. No doubt they’d all heard from Marty and Annie about Timmy’s accident and were eager to know if he was all right.

  “Have you just come from town? Any news of Timmy?” Rebecca asked in an anxious tone, holding her shawl tightly around her shoulders.

  Eli nodded. “Ja, and he is going to be just fine.”

  The children listened eagerly as Eli and Lizzie related all that had happened. A few parents who were picking up their kids also paused, seeking the news.

  “It was gut you were there when David needed you,” one man exclaimed.

  “Ja, little Timmy might not have made it without you,” Rebecca said.

  Eli waved a hand, feeling embarrassed by the praise. “The gut Lord saw us through. It was Gott’s will that Timmy survive.”

  “Ja, it was Gott’s will.” They all nodded in agreement.

  As Eli helped Marty and Annie into the buggy, he knew word would soon spread across the entire Gmay about what had happened. Eli really believed what he said. Truly, the Lord had blessed them. This time.

  He could take no credit for the child’s recovery. In fact, he’d believed Timmy would die. At the very least, the boy should have suffered permanent damage to his lungs. Yet he was thriving and even breathing on his own. Eli never should have doubted the Lord’s power. But why hadn’t Gott saved Shannon? Why did she have to die?

  Pondering the inequality, Eli slapped the leads against Ginger’s back. He glanced at the gray sky overhead, which mirrored his doubtful feelings.

  Marty smiled brightly. “I’m so happy Timmy is gonna be okay.”

  “Me too,” Annie spoke with a contented sigh.

  As the buggy sped along the county road, it started to snow. Big, heavy flakes laden with moisture. Reaching out a hand to wipe off the front storm window so he could see out, Eli was eager to get Lizzie and her sisters home safely. He was grateful the buggy had thin glass to protect them from the elements, but he sure missed the windshield wipers of a car.

  In the back seat, the two little girls exclaimed about the snow. Cocooned by the sheltering walls of the buggy, they nestled beneath a warm blanket. Soon, their eyelids drooped and they dozed off.

  Casting a quick glance over her shoulder, Lizzie smiled with satisfaction. “They didn’t sleep well last night. I’m afraid everyone in the Gmay has been worried about Timmy.”

  “Ja, his condition was pretty serious,” Eli agreed.

  “My vadder should be able to come home on Thursday,” she said, then related what the doctor had told her.

  “Gut. The storm will have passed by then, but the roads may still be slick. I’d feel better if you let me drive you into town to pick him up from the hospital.”

  She nodded. “I would appreciate that. I’m not sure I can lift him in and
out of the buggy by myself. He won’t be able to walk for several weeks.”

  “It’s no problem. I’ll help you.”

  She nodded and a long, swelling silence followed.

  “You seem deep in thought today. Is everything all right at the farm?” he finally asked.

  “Ja, all is well.” Her voice sounded small and she tugged her black traveling bonnet closer around her face.

  They rode in quiet for several more minutes before Eli couldn’t take it any longer.

  “Is something troubling you?” he asked.

  Finally, she glanced his way. “I...I spoke to my vadder about your letters.”

  A leaden weight settled in Eli’s chest. “And?”

  “And he confessed that he sent them all back to you.” She hurried on. “I hope you won’t think unkindly of him. He’s very sorry for not telling me about them, but he feared I might leave and join you in Denver. He only wanted what was best for me.”

  Hmm. Just as Eli had suspected.

  “But what about what you wanted?” he asked with a brief glance in her direction. In this weather, he was unwilling to take his eyes off the road for long.

  She took a deep inhale and let it go. “I guess we’ll never know now.”

  True. It was water under the bridge. But Lizzie’s voice sounded embarrassed, as if she hated confessing her father’s duplicity. Because of the situation, Eli couldn’t bring himself to be angry over Jeremiah’s misdeed. Not when he had so many faults of his own to repent from.

  “It’s all right,” he said. “I probably would have done the same thing if you had been my dochder. I can’t blame Jeremiah for wanting what he believes is best for you.”

  She looked at him. “Danke. I appreciate your understanding.”

  “When I didn’t hear from you, I figured you didn’t love me anymore,” he said. “I felt terrible about that, but then I realized I had to move on with my life. I...I met an Englisch girl and...and I asked her to marry me.”

  The words slipped out before he could stop them. Lizzie jerked around, her eyes round with shock. He wondered if he’d made a huge mistake by telling her, but also felt relieved to finally tell someone about Shannon. Because he feared their censure, he hadn’t even told his parents about her.

  “You...you were engaged to be married? To an Englisch woman?” she asked, her voice sounding small and deflated.

  He nodded and suddenly the story poured out of him. He told Lizzie everything. How he’d given up on ever hearing from her again. How he’d met Shannon when she was working at the hospital as a pediatric volunteer. How gentle, kind and reserved she was and how they’d dated some time before becoming engaged. And then about the drunk driving accident after which she’d died in his arms.

  He stared straight ahead and gripped the lead lines tighter as he spoke in a low, hoarse voice. “She was driving the car that night when a drunk driver hit us head-on. She survived the initial impact and I thought she’d be all right, but I...I couldn’t save her, Lizzie. She was bleeding internally and I couldn’t stop it. I prayed so hard, but Gott didn’t answer me. He let Shannon die.”

  Lizzie must have heard the anguish in his voice, because she pressed her gloved fingers against her lips. He was surprised to see tears shimmering in her eyes.

  “Ach, Eli. I’m so sorry for your loss, but I have no doubt the Lord was with you that night. We don’t always understand His ways, but He has our best interests in mind. There was nothing else you could have done. It wasn’t your fault. You know that, don’t you?” Her voice was filled with sincerity, her eyes crinkled with compassion.

  No, he didn’t know that. He kept replaying everything in his mind, as if in slow motion. Trying to think of what steps he might have taken to help Shannon survive.

  They were quiet for several moments, listening to the gusts of wind as white swirled around them. The falling snow was getting worse. Ginger lowered her head and trudged onward, her horseshoes biting into the slick sheet of ice covering the road. Without the protection of doors and windows, they would all be truly miserable right now.

  “You must have loved Shannon very much,” Lizzie said.

  He nodded. “I did, just as I loved you.”

  She stiffened beside him and he feared she might be angry. But when he glanced over, he saw nothing but sympathy in her eyes.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Eli. Accidents happen and you can’t save everyone. We have to trust in Gott. He knows what is best for each of us. You must believe that.”

  Somehow the conviction in her voice made him feel better. Yet, knowing how he’d broken her heart, he was surprised she was offering him comfort. If anything, he deserved her anger. But that wasn’t her way.

  “When you left, I was hurt to think that you could forget me so easily,” she continued. “But now, I understand what happened. You wanted to know more about the world, to learn and grow. It was your choice to go and I mustn’t judge you for that. It wasn’t your fault that Daed hid your letters from me. And I can’t hold a grudge against Shannon and the love you shared with her either.”

  “I...I tried so hard to save her,” he said, trying not to let his emotions show in his wobbly voice. But he couldn’t seem to help it. He had to quickly wipe his eyes.

  “Of course you did.” She rested a gloved hand on his arm, her touch consoling. “I know you did everything you could. But now, you should hand your pain over to the Lord. Give your grief to Him and be at peace.”

  She withdrew her hand and became very still, her brow furrowed in a troubled frown. She seemed so understanding. So supportive. It reminded him of when they were teenagers and she’d always put everyone else first. Her generous spirit had been one of the things he’d loved the most about her.

  A particularly hard gust rocked the buggy and drew his attention back to the road ahead. He had to reach outside and clear the caking snow off the window. The wind buffeted them. For just a moment, he missed the comfort of an automobile’s heater and defroster, not to mention the solid security of the larger, heavier vehicles. But a car wouldn’t include Lizzie. Dear, faithful Lizzie.

  He felt strangely calm sitting next to her. As he drew his arm back inside, he caught her worried look.

  “I’ll sure be glad when we’re home,” she said. “I thought we could beat the storm. I have to admit I’m glad you’re driving instead of me.”

  In spite of her smile, her body seemed stiff and her demeanor reserved. Perhaps he was reading something in her manner that wasn’t really there. As she shivered and pulled a blanket over her legs, he figured she was just worried about the weather. Yes, that must be it.

  “You’re willkomm,” he replied, feeling better, yet feeling worse at the same time. Oh, he was so confused. He didn’t know himself anymore. Didn’t know where he belonged or what he wanted.

  Fearing a truck might come barreling down the road and not see them in the storm, he pulled the horse as far over onto the shoulder as he dared. Through the white swirling around them, he could just make out the jutting edges of an irrigation ditch running parallel to the road. He eyed the reflective snowplow poles and mileage markers, using them as a guide to stay out of the ditch. As he concentrated on his driving, they didn’t speak for several minutes. A comfortable silence settled over them, something he hadn’t realized how much he’d missed...until now. But he had little time to consider the reason why as they came upon a car that had slid off the road.

  Chapter Nine

  Two thin lines on the icy road showed where the tires of the black car had skidded off the road. The vehicle’s hazard lights blinked red. Through the flurries of wind gusting against the falling snow, Lizzie could make out the front fender hanging just above the irrigation ditch. Another inch and the vehicle would drop two feet and require a tow truck to drag it out.

  Lizzie clutched the side of the buggy, a feeling of trepi
dation filling her heart. The last time she’d been involved in a car accident had not been pleasant. Even as she wished they didn’t have to stop, she knew they must. They couldn’t pass by someone in need.

  Eli pulled Ginger to a halt just behind the floundered car. “Wait here inside the buggy. I’ll see if we can help.”

  Pulling his black felt hat lower over his forehead, Eli opened the door and stepped out into the lashing wind and snow. Chilling air whooshed inside the buggy. As she looked out at several tall elm trees edging the road, their barren limbs covered in white, she thought the winter scene would be beautiful...if she were watching it from the safety of her kitchen window. But sitting inside a horse-drawn buggy, she couldn’t help wishing they were anywhere but here.

  Hunching his wide shoulders, Eli hurried toward the car. Lizzie’s gaze followed him. For some odd reason, she felt desperate to keep her eyes on him. As if she’d lose him again if she couldn’t see him anymore.

  At the car, Eli leaned forward and someone inside the vehicle rolled down a window to speak with him. Although Lizzie couldn’t hear their conversation, she saw Eli gesture toward the horse and nod several times.

  “What’s going on?” Awakened by the stop, Annie rubbed her eyes and sat up.

  Marty leaned forward, her eyes wide with fear. “We didn’t wreck again, did we?”

  Lizzie swiveled in her seat and smiled. “Ne, bensel,” she reassured them. “There’s just a car off the road and Eli is seeing if they need our help.”

  A strong surge of wind rocked the buggy. Staring out the thin windows, Annie shivered and her eyes welled with tears. “But I wanna go home. I don’t wanna be out here anymore.”

  “Me either. Let’s go home now,” Marty cried.

  Lizzie reached back and consoled both girls, pulling them close for a quick kiss on their cheeks. “Ne, my liebchen, we must help these people if we can. But don’t worry. Gott will take care of us. And Eli won’t let any harm befall us.”