The Recoil Rock Series Box Set

by K E Osborn

  Pursing my lips, I wonder if that’s a good idea or not, but figure, why the hell not.

  Me: Yeah, if you think it will work. Suss her out, see how she’s reacting to the gift. But yeah, I’d like a full report obviously.

  Scott: Obviously. Okay gotta go, got some shopping to do…

  Me: Thanks bro

  He doesn’t reply, and I figure it’s because he’s already off buying my gifts for Alex. I really hope she likes what I have in mind for her. I thought about what means something to us, and I’m hoping that will be what gets it across the line for her wanting to talk to me again. Now all I can do is fucking sit here and wait.

  ***

  It’s an hour later, I’m nervously sitting by my cell, waiting aimlessly for something, anything from either Scott or Alex. One of them to tell me how it’s going when I hear a knock on my door. I furrow my brows and stand up from the sofa, walking toward the door, wondering who the hell this could be. Then it dawns on me, it might be Alex. Maybe she’s come over after Scott gave her my gifts, and she’s so happy that she’s here to make up?

  I smile widely while rushing to the door, my feet get tangled in each other slightly, and I stumble falling into the door like a toddler. I right myself, shaking my head, and take a calming breath before straightening up and opening the door to see… not Alex, but Scott.

  I frown and sigh exasperatedly, and he swallows hard. The look on his face is not one of triumph, and I inwardly die a little. I already know it didn’t go well, but I don’t want to believe it.

  “Did you buy her the flowers? The right ones?” I ask.

  He nods and pulls up his phone showing me a picture. “Daisies and daffodils… a massive bunch. I asked the florist to custom design it. The thing was huge.”

  I look at it and it was, it was really pretty, and even though way bigger and more lavish than the bunch I gave her the first time, it still represents us—the flowers I brought for her the first time we went out. Even though not technically together.

  “And the Mexican, did you get all the tacos and burritos? And the potatoes? Did you get the fiesta potatoes?”

  He chuckles. “I got it all, Matt, and the ice cream and the chocolate.”

  I nod and take a deep breath while looking at his solemn eyes. “And, did you tell her how sorry I am, and that I need to talk to her if she would just let me?”

  He nods while moving from foot to foot awkwardly like he’s uncomfortable, and my eyes bore into him as my brows scrunch together. “Scott?”

  He looks to his cell and winces bringing up a recording. “Alex did a voice recording for you. Said she wanted you to hear it for yourself, but she didn’t want to talk to you directly. I tried to tell her to call you, but she insisted on letting me record her talking to you instead.”

  My stomach starts doing somersaults, and I feel a little sick. Nodding, I clench my jaw and wave my hand in a signal for him to hear my destiny. Scott presses play, and instantly the sound of Alex clearing her throat filters through the air. My body relaxes slightly at finally hearing her, and I lean against the doorframe getting ready to listen to what she has to say.

  “Is it recording?” she asks.

  “Yes, go ahead,” Scott replies.

  “Okay, Matt, as you know I’ve been avoiding your calls. I am doing this on purpose. I don’t want to talk to you. I’m also not reading your messages, so please don’t send any more. I won’t read them. Do not bother to call or message anymore. Our friendship is over… for good. You need to move on and let me go. This is what I want, and it’s the only thing that will make me happy. So please, Matt, to make me happy…” her voice breaks slightly like she’s trying to fight back the tears, “… let me go.” The recording ends and I screw up my face.

  I look up to Scott who’s frowning as he puts his cell away and shakes his head looking at me in sympathy.

  “I don’t get it. Why would she do this?”

  “I have no idea, man. Alex seemed infuriated. She threw the flowers in the trash. The food, though, she took… girl’s gotta eat I suppose.”

  “Did she seem like she meant it?” I ask, and he shrugs.

  “Shit man, I’m not the one to ask about women and their psychology. I’m the worst at reading women… but she seemed all over the place. When I gave her the flowers, she had a slight smile, then it was like something clicked in her mind and she threw them in the trash. I don’t know, Matt, she seemed… broken. But, I honestly think she believes if she can distance herself from you, then she’ll be happy in some twisted way.”

  My stomach sinks and I clench my eyes shut hating this feeling—the feeling of losing her. Alex means so much to me, and I pushed her away because I couldn’t give her what she wants. I was all about stupid fucking rules, and not thinking about what was right in front of me.

  Good going, dip shit.

  “She will be happy without me…” I let the words float through the air hating that I even spoke them. But if that’s how she truly feels then I guess I have to. It’s all about her happiness, right?

  Goddamnit, I have to let her go.

  Because the only thing I want for Alex is for her to be happy, and if me chasing after her is going to make her miserable then I can’t put her through that.

  I have to let her go.

  “Fuck!” I cuss, slamming my fist against the door.

  Scott winces and puts his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. “If it’s any consolation, she’s gonna get fat eating all that Mexican.”

  I roll my eyes and huff. “You’re a dick. But thanks for trying. Thank you for going to the trouble and trying to have her call me.”

  He winces again. “I’m sorry it didn’t work, man. I tried, I really did. She wouldn’t budge. Alex’s a fucking feisty little thing.”

  I let out a half-laugh. “Yeah, I know.”

  “You gonna be okay?”

  “Not really, but what can I do. I have no choice, do I? Gotta pull up my panties and get on with life now, I suppose.”

  My phone dings and my chest squeezes in the hope that it’s Alex and she’s changed her mind. I grab it out and look down to see it’s not her, but instead a message from Charlotte. I sigh and put my cell back in my pocket.

  “Matt, I believe everything happens for a reason. I’m not sure why Alex has turned you down, but you getting a message from Charlotte right now… I’d take that as a sign.” Scott slaps my shoulder and turns, walking away.

  I raise my brow and tilt my head. I guess the saying ‘when one door closes another opens’ is true. But I’m not sure with my history of internet dating if I should pursue anything with Charlotte. Sure, I’ve been talking to her for months, but also I’ve had this thing with Alex blow up in my face. I think I need to calm the fuck down and take each day as it comes for a little while. Honestly, thinking about throwing Charlotte into the mix so soon after Alex is daunting.

  All I can think about is Alex.

  But she doesn’t want me.

  She’s made that painfully clear.

  So maybe I need to do what she’s apparently doing and move the hell on.

  Fuck my life!

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  It’s been a week, a solid week without Alex in my life. I haven’t tried to call or text her. I have looked a few times to see if she’s checked the text messages I’ve sent previously, but she hasn’t. And even though I didn’t admit to myself the feelings I’m pretty sure I have for her, it’s too late now, and she’s out of my life. I know we weren’t a couple, but this feels like a breakup. Sure, we were only together that one time, but emotionally I think we were more like a couple for longer than I realized. It’s just neither of us wanted to break the friendship.

  How stupid that was.

  I miss her so much.

  And being Tuesday today it’s hitting me hard that I’m going to be spending another night without her. Tuesdays were our day, it was our thing, and now I can’t even watch a Taco Bell ad without wanting to
throw the remote at the television.

  I’ve been asking Nate how she’s doing but he’s not telling me too much. He hates being stuck in the middle of us. But what he has told me is she’s basically working hard and keeping to herself. Alex isn’t hanging around him as much, and he thinks it’s because he reminds her of me, and it’s a shit that I’ve hurt their friendship too.

  My actions aren’t just affecting me now. They’re affecting my friends, my family. People I love.

  I wish there were something I could do to make Alex feel better, but the only thing I think that may, is time and distance. And I’m giving her that. As much as I hate it, I’m giving her the space she needs from me, though it’s killing me a little more every day.

  I hope we can go back to being friends one day because obviously anything else is way off the cards now. I hope she finds happiness somehow.

  It’s getting close to 6:30 p.m. and I know that’s the time Alex will be arriving home and when we would usually be starting our Taco Tuesday. So instead, I pull out a bag of M&M’s and nibble on them aimlessly watching my cell, wondering if tonight might be the night she’ll give in and call. When suddenly my phone beeps, I glance down full of hope, and then I sigh when I notice it’s Charlotte.

  Sinking further into the sofa, I open the message to read her text.

  Charlotte: Hey, hope your night’s going okay. I’ve been thinking of you today. I know you’re sad about the fight with your friend, but I’m here if you need to talk. You know that, right?

  I sigh. Charlotte’s been good the last week. I figured I wasn’t going to make the same mistake with her that I made with Madeline and not tell Charlotte about Alex. Though, I haven’t told Charlotte the full extent about Alex—you know, the fact we slept together because that’s between Alex and me—but I have told her that we were best friends, we’ve had a falling out, and that I’m having a hard time without her. Charlotte is actually being really supportive about it all, which is nice. It’s been good to have someone to talk to about Alex. Even though I don’t know Charlotte officially, sometimes it’s what’s needed to have an unbiased opinion.

  Me: Thank you. That’s nice of you. It’s great to have a friendly ear…

  I hit send, and the typing bubbles come back almost instantly.

  Charlotte: Well, what do you say about catching up in person and talking it out? I’d love to meet you, even if it’s just as friends. I know you could do with one right now?

  My chest tightens, and I wince slightly at reading her words. Knowing how badly things went south the other two times I met my internet friends, I’m kind of erring on the side of caution and not agreeing this time. But Charlotte is really the only person listening to me at the moment, and I don’t want to put her offside too by saying no.

  Great! Damned if you do, damned if you fucking don’t.

  Me: Yeah okay, when were you thinking?

  I hover over the send as I gnaw on my bottom lip, wondering if I really want to do this. She did say as just friends which makes it easier to walk away if I want to. But having an ear right now would be really good.

  Charlotte: Maybe this weekend? I have to work all week, but either Friday night or Saturday, whichever suits you?

  Taking a deep breath, I clench my eyes shut wondering if I should delay it for as long as possible or try and get this happening sooner.

  Me: Friday night would be good for me. How about we catch up for drinks somewhere? Just something casual? Nothing too fancy?

  Charlotte replies with a smiley face and one simple word—perfect.

  A sense of guilt rushes over me. Instantly, I think of Alex and that I should be trying to spend time with her.

  Slumping back into the sofa, I grab another handful of M&M’s and shove them into my mouth. Whisper would die if he saw me eating these. He hates candy about as much as ice cream. I smirk thinking I should probably spend some more time with him, but he’s a friend of Alex’s too. Whisper’s probably angry with me right now, and I truly get that, and deserve everything. Sighing, I slump even further and bang the back of my head on the headrest of the sofa as a Taco Bell ad comes on the television.

  “Oh, come on,” I call out and throw an M&M at the screen, deciding that I’ve had enough of today. I’m calling it. So I switch off the television and make my way to my bedroom, dodging the fichus by the stairs, as I traipse up them and head to bed. Sure, it’s early as fuck, but I’m probably going to lay in bed sulking anyway.

  FRIDAY

  I’ve spent the last three days going through Alex withdrawal. Not being able to call her is making this way more official than I would like. But I have to face the truth, she doesn’t want me in her life. I have to let her go, that’s what she wants, that’s what she said would make her happy and that’s all I want for her. So instead of fighting for her like I want to do, I’m letting her go, and choosing to let her be happy. I just hope it’s the right damn choice. I doubt myself every day, but then I hear her voice playing over Scott’s cell saying, for her to be happy, I need to let her go.

  It sucks, but I do it for her. Not for me, because I want her in my life more than anything. But right now, I can’t think about that. I have to go and meet Charlotte for drinks. She’s been great the last few days. Supportive and sweet, and I almost forgot that she doesn’t know who I am and that I have to go through this whole process of Matt the rocker bullshit again.

  Sighing, I know I should call Scott and let him know what’s happening. I’m more than aware of the fact that I must have security with me at all times in public. It’s a deal we all made with Tillie and Oliver. That’s why Nate and I had Scott and Dwayne assigned to us. But for once, just once, I’d like to try and go out and not feel like I’m this trapped man. I’d like to think I could go somewhere and not constantly worry about women throwing themselves at me, and people asking for autographs. I don’t even know how Charlotte’s going to react when she finds out who I am. She seems perfect in every way, but who really knows. According to my list, she meets a fair few of my requirements, but tonight we’re meeting as friends, and that’s what I need right now. I’m not going in this looking for a lover. I just want a friend. And I’m positive she knows that.

  There’s a small street fair happening not too far away from here, and that’s where we’re meeting. Sure it will have a few people around, but I’m going to be wearing the usual celebrity disguise of shades and a cap, so hopefully, I’ll be hidden enough that no one will notice. She knows I’m going to have on a Black Lilith cap, they’re another high-profile rock band around the scene at the moment. Great bunch of guys, equally as chaotic as us. Amazingly talented, I love their sound, and I bought the cap at one of their concerts I went to. So I’m wearing that rather than a Recoil one, and a pair of Aviators to hide my face. Plus, a hoodie to cover everything up nicely around the neck area too. I’ll look a little gangster, but that’s okay. I don’t really need to make a huge impression. She will understand.

  Grabbing my keys, I decide to make a judgment call. It could be a bad idea, but I never do anything exciting.

  Matt the sensible one—well, not to-fucking-day!

  Shoving my cell in my jeans pocket, I take a breath knowing I’m probably being stupid, but I think all my sense and reasoning went out the door when Alex told me to leave her alone. Scott will probably kick me in the nuts when he finds out I’ve gone without him, but meh, you only live once, and right now I would not call what I am doing living.

  I walk out of my very empty house. It used to be filled with Nate, Whisper, and Alex, and now it’s just me. I hate it here. Sighing as I leave, I walk out and lock the door. I move to my car and slide in.

  I have no idea how this is going to go, but I’m hoping for the best because right now life can’t get any worse… can it?

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  The streets are buzzing as I park in a back street. I can already hear the hype and energy from the fair filtering over from the next street. Moving my jaw fro
m side to side, I’m a little nervous being here without any security. I know this is dumb. But I couldn’t care less. I know all it will take is for Charlotte to know who I am, and to start fangirling for it to turn into a circus, but to be honest, I don’t get the vibe from her that she’d be the type to make a scene even if she does know who I am.

  I’m hoping this will work out, but either way, I’m a fast runner, so I always have that to fall back on if needed. I let out a small chuckle at the thought. I jump out of my car and pull my cap down lower and ruffle the hood around my neck sheltering me a little more. The sun is setting in the distance, sending pinkish hues through the aqua sky, and it makes me think of Alex and how she should be here with me. This is something we would have done together.

  Clicking my tongue to the roof of my mouth, I start the walk to the fair to find Charlotte. My shoulders inadvertently rise up, sheltering my face more from the swarms of people, but no one looks at me or seems to care. I look like all the other guys here. I head toward the giant tree next to the candy floss station where we said we’d meet and I notice her there waiting.

  Charlotte looks just as I imagined and like her profile pics. Like Maggie from The Walking Dead. I half-smile as I look her up and down while she stands there in her jeans, a wife beater, and a cargo jacket. She looks cute. Stylish. And even though the look is, I guess a little tomboyish, it’s still very feminine on her. Smiling, I walk toward her, and she turns seeming to sense my presence. Charlotte looks right at me and smiles as I approach. I walk up to her as she waves shyly, and I step in front of her and grin watching her big blue eyes as they light up while she looks me over. She furrows her brows almost squinting at me.