For the Love of Suzanne

by Hudecek-Ashwill, Kristi

  He gazed at her in awe. “You never cease to amaze me. You say something new all the time. I need to see your world so I can see this Kleenex.”

  She sobered. “I need to get back to my world before my baby comes,” she said softly.

  He nodded, not wanting to tell her that the baby was gone

  “Are we any closer?”

  He tossed a twig into the fire. “We’re farther now than ever,” he admitted glumly. “We’re headed north toward the mountains.”

  She sat up with amazing speed. “But I need to get back to Arizona,” she cried. “My baby won’t survive in these conditions because I can’t survive in these conditions.”

  “Suzanne—“

  “Are we going back?” she interrupted him. “My baby can’t survive, Cody. He will die. I can’t let this happen. I just can’t.”

  He still didn’t have the heart to tell her that Jenny hadn’t heard a heartbeat. He wondered if she knew what had happened to her in the past days. The brutality and the torture, the inhumane conditions, the sickness…did she have any idea what had happened to her? Yet he still didn’t tell her.

  “Where is your husband?” he asked abruptly with irritation in his voice. “Why did he let you go out alone?”

  “I always go out alone,” she responded quietly. “Women do that in my world.”

  “Do you want to go out alone now?” he demanded.

  She shied back as if she’d been hit. “Are you sending me away?” she asked uncertainly.

  He saw that damn fear again and hated it. She had many things to fear; he didn’t want to be one of them. “No,” he said softly, wanting to put her at ease. “You wouldn’t make it out here. You need to stick with me. I’ll get you back to where you need to be.”

  She covered her mouth with trembling fingers, looking away from him, as she choked back tears. She was more apprehensive now than ever. She was too far from the accident. She was convinced she had to be there in order to get back home.

  His heart went out to her. He scooted over and carefully wrapped his arms around her, not wanting to cause her more pain. He dropped a kiss to her soft blond hair. “Don’t cry,” he murmured to her. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to get you back to where you belong if it’s the last thing I do,” he vowed quietly.

  She sniffed reverently, clinging to him weakly. “I can’t make it out here, Cody,” she whispered distressfully. “Please don’t send me away.”

  “I won’t,” he murmured into her ear and smoothed her hair down her back, ignoring the singed pieces that were still falling onto her clothes.

  She rested her cheek on his shoulder, feeling so warm and safe. She’d never felt this way with Beau; it was so intense, she never wanted to let him go. She felt him watching her and finally looked up into his dark eyes.

  Her nearness was giving him comfort, too. After riding an entire day in the hot sun and her blood-caked injuries, she still smelled rather clean. Her hair was almost white now except where it had been so viciously burned away by Chief Tall Deer. Her skin was now a glowing brown from exposure to the sun. Her eyes were the deepest blue, and he easily lost himself in them. Not only was she beautiful, she was good. Her spirit was good and her heart was pure. It pained him to know how much she’d suffered.

  But now as she held him around his waist and gazed into his eyes, it didn’t seem to matter. All that mattered was the two of them. They were alone. He could feel the tension between them and it was nothing like he’d ever felt before. It wasn’t anger but a sweet compulsion to hold her, protect her, and never let her go.

  She moved her hand behind his neck, tangling her fingers in the dark hair that flowed loosely down his back, and pulled him down to kiss him very softly, being mindful of her sore lip.

  He didn’t pull away, but held his reservations. He knew she was married, but her husband went to the back of his mind as he caressed her cheek with his fingers and slowly swept the inside of her mouth with his tongue.

  It was a long, sweet kiss like none he’d ever experienced before. It was her. Only her. He’d kissed many women and nothing could match how she was making him feel. His heart was racing, his head was floating and his body was heating. It was more than physical. There was emotion involved that was new, strange, and exciting.

  She was afraid yet brave at the same time. She entwined her tongue with his and tightened her hold around his neck as he eased her onto her back again. He felt so good and she was melting into him.

  When he shifted against her and covered her legs with one of his and his hand wandered her stomach through his shirt that she was wearing, she shot away from him, covering her mouth with her hand as she trembled.

  He sat up and met her terrified eyes and knew she’d been hurt worse than what the men had done to her at the fort and in his village. It was a fear from her soul and he couldn’t imagine who would have done something that would make her look at him like she was. He reminded himself that he really didn’t know what had happened to her at the fort and feared she may have been raped. He had stopped that act himself when Walking Bull had been about to do it to her, so he doubted anything like that had happened in his village.

  He took the risk of pushing her hair away from her face, feeling her tremble under his touch as she held her breath and kept her eyes closed. “Who hurt you, honey?” he asked her softly.

  She shook her head, not seeing any point in telling him about Beau. He was gone and couldn’t hurt her anymore. She just had to go on with her life…if she ever got back to it.

  “Is Beau your husband?” he asked quietly as his heart raced with anger. She’d been beaten and brutalized by several different men since she’d been here, but she’d cried out only for Beau while she was delirious with fever. Still she’d also said he was dead.

  “How do you know about him?” she asked shakily as she moved her hand away from her mouth, still not looking at him.

  “You called his name while you had a fever,” he explained, still touching her hair.

  She looked around the cave and out the door, noticing night had fallen. “I did?” she asked with trepidation, wondering what else she’d said.

  He absently toyed with a strand of her hair. “Yes. You did.”

  She still avoided looking at him, feeling like she had a cheating heart when it came to her husband. He had been gone for over a month now or longer. She really had no idea how long she’d been here and had lost all track of time. She was falling in love with another man when she should still be grieving.

  This was just a dream, right? Anything can happen in dreams. A husband could die. Another man from another place and time could sweep her off her feet and make her feel like she mattered when she knew she didn’t. She would wake up and Beau would be beside her in bed, snoring off another drunk just like always. Cody and his kindness were just things dreams were made of, a handsome man who was perfect and loving and promised to take care of her. Yes, this was just a dream.

  He ran the back of his fingers over her cheek. “Did he hurt you?” he asked softly.

  She had never received such compassion from anyone in her whole life. When it came to men, she’d always been in the way or a convenience. With Beau, there was the added humiliation of his cheating and never being nice to her, even when he claimed he loved her. He had caused her so much pain and she longed to give herself to Cody, but he was a man and he would tire of her just like everyone else did.

  He dropped a gentle kiss to her lips and eased her down into his arms as he laid beside her and situated her head on his bicep. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he told her in a quiet voice as he looked into her face by the subdued light of the fire.

  “I know,” she whispered, seeing the sincerity in his dark eyes.

  He pushed her hair back affectionately, taken by her blue eyes and internal beauty. “I would never hurt you, Suzanne,” he said solemnly.

  She nodded slightly reaching for his chest, then thought better of it and dropped her han
d. She knew nothing good could come from this. This was just an illusion, a mean trick her mind was playing on her. There was no Cody. There was only Beau, the father of her child, her dead husband.

  “Was it Beau?”

  She still didn’t look at him, not wanting to talk to him about anything pertaining to Beau. She wanted to be with him without the ghost of Beau in her head, but knew it was just a dream. Men like Cody just didn’t exist.

  Cody wanted to know more about her husband, but knew he’d lost the moment and said no more. He lightly pressed his lips to her forehead and tightened his hold on her carefully, not wanting to inflict any more pain on her.

  After a long, quiet moment, he gave her a slight smile. “Shall we eat?”

  She nodded, visibly relaxing. “I’m starving.”

  Chapter 25

  Cody helped Suzanne outside to relieve herself after they’d eaten, giving her privacy by keeping his back turned. She seemed a little stronger now and he hoped they could leave in just a few days, even though he wasn’t sure where he was going to take her. He knew where he should take her, but didn’t think it was safe yet. They couldn’t stay here for long. They were sure to be found.

  Suzanne was curious about her clothes. The buckskin pants were surprisingly comfortable even if they were too big for her, and the white shirt was roomy and allowed a lot of air to touch her skin.

  He watched her emerge from behind a big boulder. She was beautiful even with part of her hair burned off and the bruises on her face. He knew what was under her skin and in her heart, and that’s where true beauty lies.

  She coughed as she walked, but made it to him and let him support her with his arm. “Sorry,” she said breathlessly as her body shook with the hacking.

  “It’s okay.”

  She spit phlegm onto the ground. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

  He smiled. “I’ve never seen a woman spit before,” he said lightly, getting a little laugh out of her.

  “It’s not something I normally do, but I didn’t want to swallow it and I don’t have a Kleenex.”

  “Ah yes, the Kleenex,” he remembered as he led her back to the cave.

  He made her herbal tea as she rested on the blanket, then watched her drink it as they talked about the clothes she was wearing. She was surprised they were his, but thanked him for letting her use them.

  After the tea was gone, she was drowsy. Her belly was full, the tea had relaxed her and she was safe with the only man who had ever shown her an ounce of kindness.

  Cody lay down with her and held her close under the only blanket as they fell into an exhausted sleep.

  In the early morning hours, he heard a shuffle outside the entrance to the cave. He stayed still, but opened his eyes with the feeling that somebody was outside. Had they been tracked so easily? Not even a day had gone by.

  He listened closely.

  There was no sound of horses or wild animals. The fire had gone out and day was just beginning to break.

  His guns were behind him but within reach. However, he had his back to the door and Suzanne was sleeping with her arm around his waist. He would have to move fast and be accurate if they were going to make it out of here alive.

  He knew Chief Tall Deer’s death would have to be avenged. He knew the others would know who had killed the chief. He also knew he would not die in battle, thanks to a vision quest he’d gone on when he was younger; he wasn’t so sure he couldn’t die in a fight or an ambush. They weren’t the same. He was sure that didn’t extend to Suzanne.

  His own horse was tethered inside the cave a fair distance from Suzanne and himself; when the black stallion began to stomp his feet, snort, and whinny nervously, Cody was sure somebody was around.

  He stayed still, barely breathing. He knew he had to move Suzanne to free himself and quickly subdue the intruder.

  Suzanne woke with a start and tried to move away only to feel his hand come over her mouth. “Sh-h,” he whispered in her ear.

  She gazed into his serious face and wondered what he was going to do to her, trembling with the thought that he was going to hurt her.

  He could see her fear. He crossed his lips with his finger in a silent order to be quiet.

  She nodded, knowing something was wrong.

  He diligently moved his arm from under her head and grasped the loaded pistol that was resting near them. With one quick movement, he was on his knees with the gun pointed at the doorway where a man had a gun pointed at a woman’s head.

  “You had better think about this, Black Fox,” the man growled. “I’ve got your woman here and I’ll shoot her where she stands.”

  Cody didn’t back down and kept the gun leveled at the big man. He knew him to be Red Dog, a fierce warrior but not an honorable man. He’d joined Chief Tall Deer in his atrocious mutilations of women and had been known to rape a few on his own. Lame Bird meant nothing to Red Dog and Cody knew Red Dog wouldn’t hesitate to kill her.

  “Give me the white whore and I’ll let Lame Bird go.”

  Suzanne stood without hesitation. “Okay.”

  Cody pulled her back down. “No. I will not give you the white woman. You give me Lame Bird.”

  He laughed and cocked the gun and shoved the barrel in Lame Bird’s temple with a sneer. “You are a traitor to our people.”

  Lame Bird didn’t flinch, but Cody could see she was terrified and didn’t blame her. Red Dog had no respect for life.

  Cody knew he had to rescue her and in the back of his mind, he was wondering where the rest of the women were. Had Lame Bird fallen behind and the other women left her? Had they been separated? Had they all been captured? Were any of them even alive?

  “Give me the white woman,” he growled.

  “No. Release Lame Bird,” he demanded.

  “We trade,” he decided.

  “No,” he said seriously. “No trade.”

  They glared at each other, but neither moved, each waiting for the other to do something.

  Suzanne looked at Cody. “Trade me,” she said quietly. “I’m not worth all of this.”

  He ignored her and continued to glare at Red Dog, his gun still leveled at the despicable man.

  “Okay,” Red Dog said simply and pulled the trigger, putting a bullet into Lame Bird’s head, creating a spray of blood and brain matter as she dropped to the ground without uttering a sound.

  Cody pulled the trigger simultaneously, hitting Red Dog in the neck and watched both his friend and foe hit the dirt at same time while the horse whinnied with fear as the exceedingly loud bangs ricocheted off the walls of the cave.

  He didn’t hear Suzanne scream or see her cover her face in horror, but rushed to the horse to calm and restrain him, knowing he wanted to bolt. He needed the horse to get Suzanne back to where she’d come from; that was his first priority. He grabbed the halter and tried to hold him down as he reared onto his back legs as high as he could, impeded by the rather low ceiling of the cave.

  He spoke softly to the horse and began to stroke its nose comfortingly. He did this for a long while before the stallion was finally settled down. He looked at the two bloody bodies that were blocking the doorway, realizing that both of their heads were pretty well blown off. Blood was everywhere as well as pieces of Lame Bird’s head.

  He heard Suzanne crying softly and looked at her. “I’ll take care of this,” he muttered sadly and went about the daunting task of heaving Red Dog onto a large flat rock for the vultures to eat. He went back for Lame Bird and set about the task of burying the woman who had wanted to be, and probably should have been, his wife years ago.

  Chapter 26

  Suzanne came out of the cave into the cool morning and spotted Cody in the distance, digging with a small shovel with Lame Bird’s body nearby. She was still upset over the shootings. She’d never seen anyone die like that before except in the movies. It was far more gruesome than Hollywood could ever produce with blood stains and brain matter on the walls around the door. She ging
erly stepped over it on her way to talk to Cody.

  “Why did you do that?” she asked shakily.

  He’d heard her coming and looked at her for a moment as he dug. “Do what?” he asked as sweat poured down his face. He’d taken off his shirt and stood wearing only jeans and a pair of boots as he labored.

  “Why didn’t you trade me?” she demanded, her voice still trembling. “Somebody died because of me.”

  He didn’t stop his work. “Nobody died because of you,” he muttered quietly.

  “How can you say that?” she asked with disbelief. “That guy wanted to trade me for her. Why didn’t you do it? Why did you even save me at all? Your troubles were over when you left me at the fort and yet you brought this burden back on yourself. If you had traded me, she would still be alive,” she said quietly, gesturing to Lame Bird with her hand. “Your life would still be in order.”

  “This is my fault,” he admitted glumly. “People are dying because of the decisions I’ve made and I can’t help that now. I feel bad about it, but the decision was right. I don’t want to talk anymore,” he muttered. “Please let me do this.”

  She knew better than to push any man. She sat down on a nearby rock, which was close enough for her to see Red Dog’s body being swarmed by flies and other insects, making her stomach roil.

  Cody had promised he would get her back to where he had found her, but she knew promises were just lies waiting to be told. He’d verified that knowledge when he’d told her they were headed north instead of east. They were going the wrong way. He should have made the trade and none of this would have happened.

  Check that. If he’d left her where he’d found her, none of this would have happened. He’d brought this on himself and the true part of it all, she didn’t blame him. Not really. He’d been trying to help her and she’d be dead right now if he hadn’t done what he’d done. She knew to be anything other than grateful wasn’t right and quickly shifted her thoughts to something else.