He kissed her soft, fragrant hair, then gently lifted her head off his chest and gazed into her blue eyes. She was so beautiful in all ways. Her skin was tanned from being in the desert, her hair was still soft with curls at the ends, her eyes were breathtakingly blue, and he could feel her baby pressing against him as he held her. It didn’t revolt him. Instead, he wished she and the baby were his. He would take care of both of them and love them forever.
She returned his gaze, mesmerized by his dark eyes, feeling her knees go weak. Her heart was beating faster as she held him around his slim waist, wishing he would kiss her again because she didn’t have the courage to kiss him first. She wasn’t even sure whether he was real or this wasn’t the longest dream in history. If it was a dream, she wasn’t sure she wanted to wake up. Everything she’d been through with him was worth it just for the privilege of knowing him.
He pushed her hair away from her face and ran the backs of his fingers over her soft cheek. He couldn’t wait anymore and slowly brushed his lips over hers. He felt her lips trembling as he kissed her, moving his hand down her back to pull her closer, and slipping his tongue between her teeth.
She’d been kissed before but never by someone she loved as much as she loved Cody. It made her want to hold onto him all the more. Why can’t we stay together? She couldn’t stay here and to get him to her world seemed impossible.
A soft tap at the door drew them away abruptly and she shoved him away.
“Hide,” she whispered to him urgently.
He quickly slid under the bed, knowing that Boris would start waving his guns around again if he caught him here; he was too tired to deal with it.
She wasn’t thinking of that his coat and boots were in plain sight, but she still opened the door just a crack and saw Boris standing there. “Hi,” she said quietly.
“Who you talkin’ to?” he grumbled roughly.
“Nobody,” she said lamely. “Myself.”
“I heard a man’s voice in here. Now where is he?” he demanded.
“Who?” she asked innocently.
“Your big buck lover. I know he’s here,” he said coldly.
Cody closed his eyes, hating to have Suzanne defend him, but knew better than to make his presence known. He would undoubtedly be thrown out and he wasn’t sure Boris would let her stay, baby or not.
“There’s nobody here, Boris,” she said firmly. “Just me and I won’t be much longer. I’m really sorry I’ve put you out and I’m sorry I offended you. I’ll be leaving when the storm breaks,” she assured him. “I won’t be a bother to you anymore.”
“See that you ain’t,” he snapped. “Now, pipe down. I hate gettin’ woke up.”
“I will. I’m sorry,” she said sincerely.
“Just keep it down,” he muttered and headed back to his own room.
She closed the door and quickly went to Cody who was still under the bed. “I think it’s safe now,” she whispered.
He gracefully slid out and regained his feet as she sat on the edge of the bed.
“I was actually getting ready to leave,” she whispered to him.
He sat next to her and took her hand. “And go where?”
“I was going to try to find my way home.”
He shook his head. “You can’t leave right now. It’s brutal out there and you would never make it out of the mountains. We’ll leave as soon as we can, honey,” he promised her in a whisper. “I didn’t know he was being mean to you.”
“It just started today and I’m okay with it. I brought it on myself.”
He looked at her quizzically. “How?”
“I told him and Marda that you and I aren’t married and I didn’t think you were coming back. I asked him to point the way to Arizona. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he whispered and kissed her on the cheek, wishing she hadn’t told the Claybornes anything. He didn’t want to make things any more complicated than they already were and Boris was a difficult man with no tolerance for Indians. Cody had faced the fact that he being with a white woman would be unacceptable, but lying about them being married served to explain the presence of a baby no matter what race he was.
He knew that most marriages were done by mutual agreement, but had heard of people getting married for the sake of convenience or for business opportunities. But to marry an Indian or a half-breed would have to be done out of love. With Boris being with Marda, he figured the man would understand, but he’d been wrong.
He wished again that he’d left Suzanne with the wreckage of that terrible machine. If he had, she wouldn’t be following him around now in this godforsaken country, but he’d had no idea she wasn’t of this time. It still bewildered him how she got here. How could all of this happen? How could she make it back to her time when they reached the wreckage? Was the wreckage still there? Would she even be able to make it back if it were? Could he go with her? He certainly had nothing left here.
He’d had time to think about these questions while he’d been away from her and hadn’t come up with any logical conclusions. It was a mystery. She was a mystery. He was responsible for the mystery and his heart was breaking for what was to come. He’d never felt like this about anyone. He didn’t want to lose her. But he knew the time was coming and it was coming soon.
He thought of Lame Bird. He should have married her, but his mother had always told him to never marry any woman unless he loved her. As sad as it was, he had been fond of Lame Bird, but his feelings had not gone that far. He appreciated everything she’d done for him, tried to provide for her and respected her, but nothing past that.
Sometimes he thought his mother was foolish for hanging onto such misguided notions. He didn’t remember his father being particularly kind to her, but he didn’t remember him being mean to her, either. They had to have been in love. She’d never married again, which was no surprise since she’d lain with a white man and had given birth to his child. No Indian man would ever touch her unless she was whoring for him, which she did often in return for food and provisions for her son and herself. She had to have known the risks when she had gone away with him, but maybe thought it was well worth it.
Cody had been teased unmercifully by the white children when he’d first tried to go to school. They’d called him half-breed, red boy, and a plethora of other names that were unkind. Finally, the school board had told his mother to take him out of their school because it was too much trouble having an Indian boy in the classroom.
His mother had taught him as much as she could at home, but her reading and writing skills were lacking. At the age of fourteen, he was recruited to go to a boarding school for Indians in the East. There, they’d cut his hair and taught him and the other children how to speak the white man’s language, how to read and write the white man’s words, and to do arithmetic. He was given white man’s clothes and instructed on how to act in the white man’s world.
Lone Wolf had been his only friend when he and his mother had moved back with the tribe. He had been the only one to walk the extra distance to the very edge of the village and ask Cody to join the others in games. The reception had been cool by the other boys, but Cody came to be well-liked and respected even though he was never fully trusted. Their trust of him went to zero when he became an Indian agent, but Lone Wolf had remained his friend.
His heart cried for the people of his village but especially Lone Wolf. He knew the cavalry would retaliate for the attack on the fort, but he hadn’t expected it to be wiped out even if that had been what happened at the fort. Most of the warriors were probably drunk and couldn’t defend anyone, he thought sadly.
Suzanne stood up and gestured toward the unmade bed. “You first.”
He snapped out of his reverie and quickly took off his clothes and set them on the chair and crawled into the bed and waited for her to get in next to him. He got situated, and held his arm out to her as she stood beside the bed, looking at him. “Come here,” he whispered to her.
She he
sitated for a moment before lifting the heavy blankets and sliding in next to him, not sure why he wanted her in the bed, but there was just the one bed and being with him was not an unpleasant experience.
He was exhausted and it felt good to be warm and be with her. He tucked her head under his chin as he felt her arm come around his waist and held her close, inhaling the clean scent of her and the feel of her growing child pressed against his body.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked lowly.
“Anything,” he whispered against her ear and kissed her there.
She shivered a little at the delightful sensation that produced. “Why did you tell Boris and Marda that we’re married?”
“Because I had no way to explain why I was with a white woman who is with child. If I hadn’t said that, it would mean that I got you dishonestly because no respectable white woman would ever lay with a man like me.”
She drew away far enough to look into his dark eyes. “What do you mean? A man like me?” she asked with ire.
“I’m a half-breed,” he whispered, returning her cool gaze. “My father was a white man. My mother was Chiricahua and that makes me both. I’m not accepted by either race and I’m often shunned, but I have to live in this world.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I have no other choices, Suzanne. This is it,” he said patiently.
She took his hand as it rested on her baby. “No. It doesn’t have to be.”
“What are you saying?” he asked with confusion.
“You come with me when I go back to my world. If I came to yours, can’t you come to mine?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how any of this happened and I’m almost afraid we won’t be able to get you back when we get to that machine,” he whispered to her truthfully and saw her eyes fill with sadness. He kissed her on the cheek, moving to capture her lips where he tenderly kissed her for a moment, trying to keep it chaste.
She laced her arm around his neck and entwined her tongue with his, feeling like she’d never felt before. Beau had never made her feel like this and the guilt she once felt for having these emotions for Cody was fading.
He wanted her so much, he ached. He felt his body responding to hers and didn’t want to scare her. He drew away and hugged her. “Don’t worry, honey. This is going to work out.”
She knew he would get her back, but she didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t know how she would live without him.
There had to be a way to take him with her, but would he want to go?
Chapter 33
The blizzard lasted for three days. During that time, Cody couldn’t come out of Suzanne’s room because of Boris. He spent a lot of time sleeping while she socialized with Boris and Marda, trying to act as normal as possible.
She brought him food after Boris and Marda went to bed which made her feel bad because he was eating just once a day. She didn’t want him going hungry. He assured her he was okay and told her he’d gone for days without food and once a day was better than not at all.
At night, he went through the window to take care of Titan who he’d left in the woods near the house after building him a shelter. He took food from the barn to feed him and would make it up to Boris before they left.
He was very quiet throughout the day. He didn’t want to alert Boris to his presence because he knew that Boris would come at him with a gun again and somebody was bound to get hurt.
“We should leave tomorrow,” Cody whispered to Suzanne as they stood at her bedroom window, looking out at the crescent moon and the stars as well as the immense amount of snow that had fallen.
“Can we make it?” she asked, not looking at him, not wanting to see the look on his face. He had to be happy about it. He was finally getting rid of her and getting his life back.
“I think we can. I’ll leave Boris one of the horses in return for the feed I’ve been taking to Titan and for letting you stay here.”
She nodded as her heart slowly broke. He was anxious to go and she understood that. He’d brought it up several times since he’d been here. He didn’t want to live like this and she understood that, but her own selfishness made her want to stay here forever just so she could be with him.
He looked at her as she stood next to him. “Are you well enough to travel?”
She nodded. “I’m fine.”
He gazed at her warmly, fully facing her now and ran his fingers slowly through her hair. “Why do you belong to another man?” he asked himself more than her. “Your husband must be going crazy with worry.”
She shook her head, lowering her eyes, senses reeling from the gentle way he was touching her and the way his soft voice was caressing her. “Nobody misses me, Cody,” she said softly.
“Somebody does. You’ve been gone for months,” he reasoned.
She shook her head again. “No. I don’t think so. Maybe my mom,” she said thoughtfully. “But she lives in New York and I hardly ever see her. She’s so caught up with her husband and stepkids. I don’t blame her at all. I mean, I’m all grown up and I’m supposed to be taking care of myself. Her stepkids are much younger and they need her a lot more than I do.”
“I’m sure she misses you. Just because she has other children doesn’t mean she loves you any less.”
“I know she loves me,” she said with quiet confidence. “I love her, too.”
“I’m sure you do. What of your husband? Would he not miss you by now?”
She shrugged. “Maybe. If he were alive. But even if he were, he would probably be relieved I’m gone.”
“He’s dead?” he whispered, hoping the hint of elation stayed out of his voice.
She nodded, feeling a slight twinge of guilt that would have been worse a few months ago. It wasn’t fair to compare Beau to Cody. They were entirely different men. Even if she had been miserable with Beau, it had still seemed wrong to be in the arms of another man so soon after he died. But with Cody, it didn’t seem wrong at all. He’d done nothing more than kiss her, hold her and make her feel like she mattered. After being with him and after feeling his care and respect, she wasn’t sure she’d ever loved Beau.
“How?” he whispered, fondling her hair as he looked into her face.
“Construction accident. He was with a bunch of guys who were moving a hill and he was on the front-end loader. The hill caved in on him and he suffocated.”
“Front-end loader?” he echoed with confusion.
She smiled at him. “It’s a huge machine that digs holes and stuff,” she explained. She smiled at his bewildered look. “I think you’d better come and see for yourself.”
He nodded. “I need to see this Kleenex, too.”
She adored his innocence. “I’ll get you a whole case of it.”
He smiled. “I think I’d like that.”
“I think you’d like a whole lot of things in my world, Cody,” she said seriously.
He pushed her hair away from her face affectionately as he gazed into her eyes. “I don’t want you to go,” he whispered.
She caught his wrist and swallowed hard. “If I got here, isn’t there a way for you to get there? Life is easier in a lot of ways and I would like very much for you to see it.”
“But I don’t understand how you got here,” he said softly.
“I don’t know.”
“How can I go with you when I don’t know how you got to me?”
She shrugged slightly. “I don’t know. I guess that was a silly thing to say,” she said apologetically, looking away from him.
“No,” he said softly, gently pulling her chin around so she faced him again. “It wasn’t silly. I want to be with you,” he said sincerely.
She swallowed hard again, seeing the emotion in his dark eyes. “You do?” she asked with uncertainty.
“Yes, I do.”
“Why?” she breathed in disbelief, knowing she’d caused him nothing but trouble from the moment they’d met.
That surprised him. “Why?” he e
choed as if he hadn’t heard her right.
She nodded, looking away from him again.
He needed to say it. He should have said it long ago. But up until now, he thought she was married and it would have made the relationship wrong. He could tell by some of her actions that she had been hurt in the past and more than what had been doled out to her at the fort and his village. There was pain in her soul. He hated the thought of anyone hurting her and strongly suspected her husband was the culprit.
He gently took her by the arms and gazed into her eyes. “Suzanne, I love you,” he said sincerely.
She was surprised to hear those words coming from him and felt herself tearing up. She hadn’t known he felt that way. She thought that he was just being nice and taking care of his obligation. But it was euphoria at the same time.
He continued to look at her. “No matter what you say or do, you can’t change it. I love you.”
“But I’ve been such a pain to you ever since we met,” she said sadly.
“All of this is my fault. Maybe I should have left you with that whatever-it-was, but I am so glad I didn’t. I’ve never felt like this before and I know what it is. It’s you, Suzanne. I love you.”
“This wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was, but maybe it’s more like fate. We’re together. It is now as it should be.”
She gazed at him. “I, uh…” she cleared her throat nervously and looked away for a moment then focused on him again. “I love you, too, Cody,” she said softly.
Hearing her say that was like a dream come true and he reveled in the good feeling as he pulled her into a tight hug with a sigh of contentment. “I’m going to take care of you, honey. You and the baby.”
She held him tightly, believing he would.
He ran his hands up and down her back through the heavy nightgown that hung to the floor, getting a soft moan from her and kissing the top of her head.
For the Love of Suzanne Page 18
