Kiss Me Always (A Novella)

by J. M. Walker

  I almost scoffed then.

  “Thank you,” Aster said softly. She released Laurel, turning to me. “How about that date?”

  “Date?” Laurel snapped.

  “Chill the fuck out.” I rose to my feet. “Aster’s kidding.”

  “Whoa.” Aster held up her hands. “Am I missing something?”

  “It’s nothing to worry about, baby girl,” I told her, making sure she saw my smile. I didn’t want her to worry. She had enough shit to deal with. Aaron would get my fist in his face and my boot up his ass for causing her this pain. But first, I needed to make sure that Aster was fine.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that I need to get out of this dress.” Aster paused. “Oh God.” Her face paled. “My honeymoon. We were supposed to leave tonight for Italy.”

  “Aster.” I closed the distance between us, pulling her against me. “Shhh…breathe. Let it out but damn it, woman, breathe.”

  Her hot breath seared my skin, scorching me through the thin cotton of my dress shirt. The scent of lilies wafted into my nose. Summer and sunshine. My favorite smells. Every time I hugged her, I waited a beat before I let her go. It bordered on inappropriate, especially with everything that had gone on this morning but whenever I let her go, I always missed her touch. It had been home to me. Even as a small child. It was something I looked forward to on a daily basis.

  “Roux,” she hiccupped on a sob. “I can’t do this.”

  “Yes. You. Can,” I bit out. I was going to kill him. His death would be mine and I would laugh in his face while he stared up at me, begging for his life.

  Laurel crossed her arms under her chest, jutting her chin out.

  Narrowing my eyebrows, I shook my head, silently begging for her to leave it alone.

  “Mom and dad want to talk to you,” Laurel finally said.

  Aster stiffened, forcing her small body out of my grip.

  A cold shiver slid up my back, strangling me once it reached my neck. I missed her touch already.

  “I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Her chin trembled. “I know they’re concerned and that they mean well but I’m not ready. I don’t have any answers to the questions I know they’ll have.”

  “At least let them know that you’re okay,” Laurel pushed.

  “But I’m not okay!” Aster screamed, her chest heaving with every breath. “I’m not okay. I don’t know when I’ll be okay. My fiancé left me on my wedding day, Laurel.”

  “I know,” she said gently. “But you need to talk to them.”

  “And say what?” As soon as that question left Aster’s mouth, a hard knock sounded on the door.

  I bit back a huff, knowing full well she was about to get bombarded with questions. It wasn’t my place, but I wanted to take her out of there. I wanted to bring her to a place where she wouldn’t think about the fact that she just got stood up. That it was her wedding day. That she was supposed to go on her honeymoon later that evening.

  How Aaron could leave her, I would never understand. My stomach churned, knowing full well that it had involved Laurel and maybe other women as well. It would kill Aster when she found out.

  Two secrets hung over my head, tightening around my neck like a noose.

  “Roux, are you going to answer the door?” Laurel asked, frowning.

  Aster’s brows furrowed, her mouth setting in a grim line.

  Clearing my throat, I opened the door and stood back.

  “It’s about time,” their father, Francis, grumbled. He glared at me before making his way to his daughter.

  Susan Jonz was the kinder of the two. She patted my hand, giving me a small smile and followed her husband.

  They talked amongst themselves, asking question after question.

  What happened?

  Did Aaron say anything?

  Did he show any hint that this would happen?

  What did Aster do?

  That last question pissed me off. How could they think that Aster did something to deserve this? Didn’t they know their daughter? Didn’t they know that there were always three sides to a story? His, hers, and the truth. But in this case, this was all Aaron’s fault.

  Francis turned to me. “You’re still here? This is a family matter. You can leave.”

  I bit back a curse and went to do as I was told when a soft voice stopped me.

  “No, daddy. He stays.” Aster held tight onto his hands.

  “He doesn’t need to be here,” Francis argued.

  “Yes, he does. He’s here for me. I asked him to stay.” Aster’s voice was final.

  “Fine.” Francis stared at me. The older man had never liked me. Much like Laurel, he didn’t like the fact that I was best friends with his daughter. Although in his case, he had assumed I only stayed friends with Aster because I wanted something from her. I did. But the timing had never been right, so I never acted on my feelings.

  “You will stay, right?” Aster asked me, her eyes shining.

  “Of course,” I answered, my voice rough. “Anything for you.”

  Aster

  MY PARENTS HAD ASKED the typical questions. None of which I could answer. But the one that tugged at my heart was when they asked what I had done to cause Aaron to leave me. Because it was all my fault. I scoffed.

  They usually meant well but this was crossing the line. Aaron came from money, so they figured if I married him, it would make a good name for themselves as well. And for their future grandkids. They would be put in good schools. I would never have to work again. I would remain barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my days until my womb dried up and could no longer give Aaron the offspring he so rightly deserved. According to them anyway.

  When in all reality, I realized now that if we had gone through with the wedding, I would be barefoot and pregnant alright. But he would only use me to get children out of it. Our sex life had never been passionate. It had never come to the point where all we could do was fuck before anything else. He was a selfish bastard and if anything, he had done me a favor.

  “You alright?” Roux grabbed my hand, brushing his thumb over my palm before looking back out onto the road in front of us.

  After I wasn’t able to give my parents the answers they were looking for, I got changed into ripped blue jeans and a blood red tank top. I especially chose this outfit because Aaron had always hated my jeans. They were comfy after being worn for years.

  “I have no idea,” I mumbled, squeezing Roux’s hand. We shouldn’t be touching this way. I shouldn’t have Roux’s hand in mine but even though I knew it wasn’t right, I needed it. I needed that gentle touch that only he could provide. I needed that physical contact from someone who had known me for most of my life. Roux knew everything there was to know about me. But anything that went past our friendship, was new for both of us. Because I had no idea what I liked. Aaron never asked. He just assumed what I wanted in bed and never took the time to actually have a conversation about it with me.

  Back at the hotel room, when the questions became too much, I broke down. Again.

  My parents and sister ended up leaving me alone with Roux, much to their dismay. I knew my sister and father had never liked him, but he had been the only person who was there for me over the years. I was awkward and shy. He even warned me about Aaron when he first showed any interest. Even though Roux had gone off to school, he still felt the need to tell me to be cautious. But now I was wondering if there wasn’t more to his warning, instead of just being a good friend.

  I smiled, remembering the fight we had.

  “What are you smiling about?” Roux asked, gripping the steering wheel tight in his other hand.

  “You warned me about Aaron. You told me that he was only using me, and I never listened.”

  Roux sighed. “You were in love with him. It’s hard to see past that. I’m just…”

  “What?”

  “I’m glad this happened now before you had kids.”

  I grunted. “Me too.”
/>   As much as it hurt, I would never want to put children through that. Fresh tears welled in my eyes. What would I do now?

  “Aster, baby girl, you will get through this.” Roux brought our joined hands up to his mouth and kissed the back of my knuckles. Letting his lips linger, he caught my gaze.

  My breath hitched.

  I wasn’t sure what was happening, but things had changed suddenly since that morning. We had always been close, becoming even closer now that he was home and no longer in school. For whatever reason, Aaron had never been jealous of my friendship with Roux. Not that I expected him to be all possessive and caveman like, but I was friends with another guy. Aaron had to care at least a little bit. Or that was what I thought before today.

  It had still been my wedding day but after changing out of my dress and washing off my makeup, I demanded Roux take me as far away from the church as possible. I was going to get drunk. And fast. But these tiny sweet moments between us threw me off. Maybe it was because I had been left on my wedding day that I was so desperate for some form of affection. I also hadn’t had sex in over a month. Aaron had been busy with his job these past few weeks; I hardly ever saw him. That was one reason I was looking forward to our honeymoon so damn much. We would finally get time together. Just him and I.

  “You didn’t put plus one on the RSVP,” I blurted.

  “Why would I?” Roux’s jaw ticked. “I don’t have anyone that I would want to bring.”

  “I’m sure there’s a woman out there that would go with you.” The guy had women dropping their panties at his feet. It had been like that for years.

  “I wasn’t interested in anyone.” A flush of pink slid up the back of his neck.

  “Why not?”

  “Aster,” he huffed. “There is only one woman that I would even consider asking but she was busy today.”

  My heart jumped, my stomach twisting. “Oh. Her loss I guess.”

  Roux chuckled, shaking his head. “If you only knew, baby girl. If you only knew.”

  “Where are you taking me?” I asked, getting the hint and changing the subject.

  “Just a bar I attend every so often.” Five minutes later, Roux pulled the car into a parking lot filled with motorcycles.

  “A biker bar?” I sat forward, intrigued by all of the shiny machinery.

  “Yeah.” He smiled. “Call it my home away from home.”

  “Those bikes are beautiful,” I exclaimed, jumping out of the car. “Do you miss yours?”

  “I do.”

  He came up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “But my safety is more important than having a bike.”

  I didn’t believe him.

  Roux had ridden for years. As soon as he was old enough to get his license, he got his motorcycle one first. But after having a bad accident that almost left him paralyzed from the waist down, he never got back on the bike.

  He gripped my shoulders, his thumb brushing up and down the side of my neck. That small touch sent unexpected shivers racing down my back. It eased the tension that had been weighing heavily on my body ever since that morning.

  This was supposed to be my wedding day and yet there I was, standing with my best friend in front of a bar instead.

  “Let’s go, baby girl.” Roux kissed the top of my head. “Before you change your mind.”

  A part of me just wanted to go home and crawl into bed, never coming up for air again. Aaron did this to me. Because of him, I lost the little strength I had left. My parents judged. My sister pitied me. What had I done to deserve this? What did I do to make him unhappy?

  My parents were old-fashioned. My mother obeyed my dad and not in the sexy kinky way either. I was supposed to take whatever it was that Aaron wanted to give me. Make him happy, have his babies and stand by his side while he pushed his way to the top.

  “Alright, let’s do this.” I stepped out of Roux’s hold, making my way to the front doors of the bar. My mouth watered for a cold beer.

  Aaron had always given me a hard time for my love of beer. “A lady shouldn’t drink beer. It’s a man’s drink.”

  Fucking please.

  “Stop thinking about him,” Roux scolded, coming up beside me and grabbed my hand. “Tonight, it’s just you and me.”

  “Isn’t it a little odd though?” I raised an eyebrow. “My best friend is taking me to a bar on my supposed wedding night.” I laughed which came out more as a sob. Not this again. My chest tightened, my lungs gasping for air.

  “Aster.” Roux stepped in front of me, cupping my face. “Breathe, baby girl. Breathe.” He took deep shallow breaths, repeating for me to breathe over and over.

  I followed suit, mirroring his breathing. My heart slowed to a steady rhythm, the thump thump in my head quieting to a dull roar.

  “You’ll get through this.” His eyes twinkled. “I promise you.”

  Tilting my head, I licked my lips. Not exactly sure what was coming over me, I took a step closer to Roux. The heat from his body enveloped me in a blanket of bliss. It took over my thoughts, controlled my actions and forced me to succumb to the madness of it all.

  I wanted him.

  It was horrible of me to admit it. Especially at this time. But the way my body burned just from the mere closeness of Roux, I knew. I craved him.

  A hard lump formed in my throat, my stomach somersaulting at my silent confession. God, this wasn’t right. Not at all.

  “Aster,” Roux said, his voice rough. Every so often he would glance down at my lips. He wanted to kiss me. I knew it. I could feel it.

  “I want you to kiss me,” I confessed, not sure where this sense of bravery had come from. With Aaron, I had been shy. Even after we had sex the first time.

  Roux’s eyes darkened. “I want to kiss you.” His hands moved from my cheeks to my throat, holding me in a possessive way that sent heat between my legs.

  My brain screamed for me to stop, to put an end to this but I couldn’t. After the morning I had, I needed to feel something other than sorrow and pain. I needed him and as guilty as that made me feel, I wanted to use Roux to take me out of my head and far away from the demons screaming at me to stop.

  I licked my lips, muttering a single word that would change everything…“Please.”

  Roux

  SHE BEGGED. SHE ACTUALLY fucking begged.

  My whole entire life, I had waited for this moment. To have Aster in my arms, begging for me to kiss her. Pleading for me to give her the greatest pleasure I knew she deserved.

  Brushing my thumb over her full bottom lip, I inched my mouth closer, but I still didn’t kiss her. I wanted to. Fuck did I ever. But it wasn’t right. Even though Aaron had left her, and she was now single, she was hurting. I refused to take advantage of her.

  As much as it would kill me and give me the biggest fucking blue balls of my life, I stepped away. Rubbing the back of my neck, I let out an aggravated sigh.

  “Roux.” Aster closed the distance between us, placing her hand on my arm.

  That tiny touch sent shivers throughout every inch of me.

  “I can’t.” I jumped away from her. “I can be an asshole, but I refuse to take advantage of you, Aster.”

  “But I want you to kiss me,” she pleaded, chewing her bottom lip.

  “You say that now.” I shook my head. “It’s too soon. Your wounds are too fresh. I don’t want you to regret it.”

  “Roux, I’m telling you that I want you to kiss me and I definitely won’t regret it,” she stated, her voice firm. “I know you’re not the type of man to turn down an offer when it’s shoved in your face.”

  Fuck. “Thanks for that not so gentle reminder of how much of a dick I can be,” I grumbled.

  “That’s not…” She huffed. “You know that’s not what I meant. I just…I want to feel something. Aaron hurt me. He destroyed that part of me that made me think I could have it all. I need something.” She came up behind me, leaning her head against my back and cupped my arms. “I dreamt it was you.�
��

  My heart jumped. As much as I had been wanting to hear those words ever since we were kids, she needed time. Because I knew that when it came down to it, I wouldn’t be able to control myself.

  I couldn’t do this. Everything in me pleaded that I throw her in my car and fuck her senseless, but I couldn’t. Not yet. If ever at all. She would regret it. She may not think it now, but Aster was a good girl. She deserved to be loved and savored. Not fucked like an animal.

  “Let’s go inside and have a drink.” I looked at her over my shoulder. “Please.”

  She met my stare. Knowing I wouldn’t budge, she grumbled to herself but released me from her tender hold.

  Aster trudged past me, crossing her arms under her ample chest. The small movement pushed up her tits, making my mouth water.

  Fuck my life. I should not be having these thoughts about my best friend. And definitely not on the day she was supposed to be getting married. But she wasn’t married. Aaron made sure of that.

  “Are you coming?” Aster asked, her voice husky. There was an extra sway in her hips with each step she took.

  Shit. She was teasing me. And God, did she ever do a good job of it.

  I wasn’t coming. Not yet at least.

  At that moment, something inside of me snapped. Before Aster could walk away, I closed in on her and wrapped my hand in her hair. Pulling her head back, I stared intently into her beautiful eyes. “Are you teasing me, little girl?” I growled.

  She swallowed hard. “N-no.”

  “And now you’re lying to me. Tsk tsk.” Circling my fingers around her throat, I pressed my thumb into her pulse point.

  Her heart quickened.

  “Do you know what I do to little girls who lie to me?” My fingers inched from her throat to her collarbone, igniting a path of goose bumps along her soft skin. When she didn’t answer and only stared up at me with wide eyes, I smirked.

  I leaned toward her, brushing my mouth along the shell of her ear. “I break them.”

  Aster

  OH, DEAR GOD.

  This was a side of Roux I had never seen before, let alone heard of. He had always been private with his encounters with women. I knew he got around, but I never knew…this.