Heart's Desire

by Sorcha MacMurrough

  She ran into the kitchen to fetch some brightly-colored candies.

  She offered them to him with an encouraging smile, and watched him pop both of them into his mouth.

  "You've been working too hard and not getting enough exercise. We need to keep you in balance. For now you should rest."

  "You need help with--"

  "Bridget and Becky are being dropped off by Jim at five. The only things that have to be done apart from the cooking and serving, I can do on my own while you're resting. There are only the flowers for each room, and the table to be set, and I thought I might make an effort to look nice. Apart from touching up my dress, it's all about as perfect as I can make it."

  "I'm sure it'll be perfect. And my family will like you no matter what you wear for dinner, so don't make a fuss, and try not to be nervous. Can you wake me up at five? I'll sleep first, then get ready."

  "Sure thing. Have a good sleep." Sinead watched as Austin headed up the stairs.

  When he reached the top she heard him say, "Thank you, Sinead."

  "What for?" Her eyes met his and the electricity crackled between them once again.

  "Everything, love, everything."

  Sinead heard rather than saw his ascent to his room, for her eyes had blurred with tears. She had been badly scared, and Austin was now worried about what he could be capable of once he was out of balance.

  Well, Sinead decided, he would have to learn to live with it and she would try to make sure he didn't feel that she was afraid of him. With any luck those attacks would be few and far between, thanks to her training.

  Sinead looked at her watch and groaned, then headed straight out to the car to get the flowers and the last minute goodies. She placed all the arrangements in the rooms except Austin's. She'd bring it in when she went to wake him later.

  Once she had set the table, it looked extremely elegant with the linen, fine dinner service and the exquisite floral centerpiece. She went through all the rooms one last time to make sure everything was in place before she returned to the kitchen to start the meal.

  She preheated the oven, and then halved the avocados, and mixed some prawns into her own homemade cocktail sauce. She garnished the plates with a variety of lettuce leaves and tiny radishes to make them look attractive, and placed them on the ledge of the food hatch for the girls to put on the table later.

  Sinead salted the ducks before putting them into the oven to roast slowly, and she made several different sauces in elegant bowls to suit a variety of tastes. After preparing the potatoes, carrots, celeriac and broccoli, she whipped up the dessert, a bittersweet chocolate mousse with orange liqueur, and put it into individual serving dishes in the refrigerator.

  At the end, she thought with a smile of pleasure that everything looked lovely. She couldn't remember the last time she'd entertained any guests in her own home, but she'd done well.

  Except, of course, that it wasn't her own home, and she had certainly never cooked dinner for eight before. Sinead was impressed with herself, and once again thought how different she herself had become under the influence of Austin: horse riding, nature watching, gourmet cooking, passionate love making.

  Sinead pushed that last thought from her mind as she plowed on with all her chores. She removed her apron and took the iron and board from the cupboard. She fetched her dress down from her room, and gave it a firm pressing. After tidying everything away, she went into the bathroom and bolted the door on Austin's side. She ran the tub, and thought with a pleasant shiver of the last time she had taken a long soak and the unexpected pleasures Austin had introduced her to. She tried to soothe away the tension in her shoulders, but she knew it wouldn't help. She was terrified at the prospect of meeting Austin's family.

  Sinead tried to tell herself logically that they weren't coming to meet her, merely to see Austin and his new home. They probably didn't even know yet about his diabetic condition. But she really admired Austin and his family, and wanted to be liked by them, wanted to impress them, if only so that they could see how totally unsuitable a marriage he would be making to Margaret.

  She knew it was catty, but what could she do? She couldn't help herself, though she knew it was impossible. A man like Austin wouldn't take a second look at her, not when he could have any woman he met swooning within two seconds of meeting him. Or when he could have the voluptuous Margaret Knight.

  But what if she forced him to notice her? Sinead wondered with a smile as she did her hair and make-up. As Maeve had pointed out, it would be an interesting experiment. Sinead tried to remember some fancy hairstyles she had seen in the ladies' magazines, and how the glamorous models did their makeup. She dried her hair and swept the mass of dark waves up onto the top of her head with some jeweled combs. She used some light purple eye pencil to emphasise her lovely eyes, and applied several coats of mascara in a similar shade.

  Next she used three different shades of pink eyeshadow to make her eyes look even larger, and thought the effect striking, but not too extravagant. She used foundation and powder, and emphasised her cheekbones with two complimentary shades of blusher. Her lipstick was dark pink and lush, and with the dress and hair, she hoped to create a sophisticated image which everyone, even Austin, would admire. And of course, she would be safe from his advances with so many others in the house. She could afford to flirt with him a little, to tease him the way he had shamelessly teased her!

  It was just about time for the girls to arrive, so she slipped into her black and sapphire dress. The top was a black bustier which pushed up her breasts to curve alluringly but not too obviously upwards. The rest of the dress swept downwards in a filmy blue cascade over her slender figure, hugging her tiny waist and smooth hips, but puffing out slightly to fall gently over her long shapely legs to her knee.

  Sinead had some sapphire earrings and a matching necklace which Luke had given her once many years ago, but which she only ever wore with that dress. She felt rather ill at ease in such sophisticated clothes, but Luke had always enjoyed dressing up, as if it were a child's game.

  Except that the game Sinead was planning to play tonight was going to be anything but childish. She wanted Austin to see another side of her, one which would surprise and entice him.

  Sinead wondered for a moment if she was overdoing it for a family dinner, but a housewarming was a cause for celebration. Besides, she felt so reckless, she thought she could dare anything!

  Taking one last look in the full length mirror of her wardrobe once she had put on her high heeled black pumps, she decided that she looked the best she could-if only Austin agreed!

  She made her way to the bathroom and unlocked Austin's door. She had only glimpsed his room a couple of times since she had arrived, and as she looked around she saw that it was a more masculine version of her own room, complete with four-poster. Lying on the bed, under the covers, but still looking alarmingly naked, Austin seemed sound asleep.

  Sinead hesitated to wake him, but his family were due by seven and might arrive early if they had no problem on the roads. She had to wake him up if he was to have the chance to bathe and dress.

  She approached the bed cautiously and called his name. Several attempts failed to produce the desired result, so she was forced to stretch out her hand and shake him by the shoulder.

  "Austin, it's time to get up," she called. Her hand came into contact with his smooth warm skin.

  He opened his eyes and smiled lazily, and shut them for a moment before opening them again. he sighed. "So much beauty, I thought I was dreaming. But you're real," he whispered. "It's another side of Sinead I haven't seen before. You take my breath away." He reached up to trap her hand to his chest.

  She gently tried to disengage herself. "If it's too much, I'll change. It's just that I thought your housewarming should be a special occasion..."

  "And so it shall be. Don't you dare change."

  Austin made a move to sit up. Sinead fled, alarmed at his bareness and sure she couldn't trust herself not t
o react to the awesome maleness of him.

  She scurried out the door into the hall and picked up the flowers standing there. She took a quick peek before entering the room to make sure he was decent, and saw that he was wearing a lush burgundy silk robe.

  She placed the flowers on a low chest of drawers.

  Austin admired the arrangement enthusiastically. "I'm impressed. You certainly think of everything, down to the most minute detail."

  His eyes glowed as he surveyed her up and down until she felt completely undressed in front of him. Her heart beat faster and though she knew there was still plenty to do, somehow she couldn't bring herself to leave him. She tried to make polite conversation, though her throat was dry as she watched him move around the room with a cat-like grace, laying out his clothes.

  "The girls will be coming, so I'll go down now. Are you feeling all right? Is there anything I can get you, Austin?"

  "Nothing right now, my dear, but I reserve the right to take you up on that offer at a more convenient time," he said, grinning meaningfully.

  Sinead flushed and fled downstairs to the safety of the kitchen.

  The time passed by in a whirl of activity, opening the wine, explaining to the two red-headed teenaged girls what to do and when, and then preparing the vegetables. She loaded the CD player with some charming background music, and put the elegant candles she'd bought into the candelabra.

  When Austin finally came into the kitchen, her heart turned over. He wore a black dinner jacket with a sapphire silk tie and cummerbund and a crisp white shirt which set off his dark coloring to perfection. His freshly-washed hair shimmered, and curled slightly at the nape of his strong neck. Sinead desperately searched for something to do or say.

  She had the uncomfortably delightful feeling that they looked just like a couple. This idea was reinforced when he asked her to help him with his cufflinks. Sinead grasped them in shaking fingers, and willed herself not to fumble with them as she attempted to thrust them into the buttonholes. She wondered what finishing touch was missing, and in a flash of inspiration moved over to one of the flower arrangements. There she chose the finest white carnation and moved to offer it to him as a boutonniere.

  "Have you a pin?" she asked, holding up the flower. Austin bent his lapel forward, and she secured it to the fabric.

  "Perfect," she said as she stepped back to survey his appearance from top to toe.

  "I agree," he said softly, admiration glowing in his expressive eyes. He took her hand, and Sinead felt herself being pulled closer.

  The peal of the bell startled them both. She jumped away, but Austin kept hold of her hand and tucked it firmly into the crook of his arm.

  "Come now, Sinead, don't be shy. Let's greet our guests at the door."

  Completely mesmerised by Austin's warm compelling gaze, Sinead nodded wordlessly as he swept her towards the front door.

  Once there, she found herself caught up in a swirling sea of lovely smiling faces, kisses and hugs, and happy laughter.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  On Sunday evening, Austin and Sinead again stood at the front door of the house, watching the cars drive off into the darkness. Sinead could not remember ever having met such a lovely family, or having had a better time.

  Everything had been magically perfect from the moment Austin's family had arrived until the time they'd left. They had praised every last arrangement she had made, from food to flowers. In spite of her fears that his successful sisters and brother would look down on his nursing aide, they had been wonderfully friendly and had included her in every activity. They had gone to the stables, skated on the pond, swum in the pool, shopped in Seskin, torn around the countryside in the Jaguar, and spent the evenings watching TV, or playing cards and board games together. Austin's brother and sisters had treated her like they'd known her for years, and Austin's mother, a gentle, quiet woman, had made a point of coming into the kitchen to chat with her and offer help with the cooking.

  It had been great fun to dress up for dinner, and to be the hostess. Occasionally she had been reminded somewhat uncomfortably of her old life with Luke. But Austin's family were completely different. They were happy, loving people, who didn't need to hide their insecurities behind a luxurious lifestyle. Nor did they have chips on their shoulders about being self-made. They weren't shallow and vain like Margaret, who fortunately if somewhat strangely had not put in an appearance, and they were all intellectually exciting to be with. They talked constantly of politics and current events, and Sinead had wished she'd had the confidence to join in more.

  Then there was Austin. If she hadn't already been completely head over heels in love with him before the weekend, she would have fallen for him in no time. He was the most kind and gentle man she had ever met, thoughtful, intuitive concerning her every need, and yet so masculinely forceful he took her breath away. He had held her hands ice skating, admired her extravagantly in her sexy new swim suits, and made her drive the Jaguar while he sat with one hand on her knee and the other pointing out the sights as they flew past.

  Sinead had flirted lightheartedly with him when they were on their own, knowing that she had the security of a house full of people to help keep him at arm's length. He had always come to sit by her, and had even held her hand or put his arm around her, until she was afraid she would melt with the passionate sensations which coursed through her body. The whole weekend had been perfect in every way, as romantic as she could have hoped considering six other people had been present.

  But now Austin's family had kissed them both goodbye and Sinead was alone with him once more. Austin shut the door on the arctic world outside, and looked at her questioningly.

  "Well?" he asked softly.

  "I suppose I had better tidy up the kitchen, which looks as though a bomb has hit it, and then perhaps an early night, before I fix up the rest of the house tomorrow."

  Austin sighed deeply. "Then perhaps I'll go for a swim." Without another word he headed off to the pool house.

  Sinead felt bereft as soon as he'd gone. It had been splendid fun with all the others there, and of course she'd miss them in some ways, but she was relieved to be on her own again. She had perhaps secretly hoped Austin might feel the same, but maybe he was glad of a bit of peace and quiet too.

  She scrubbed the kitchen furiously and loaded the dishwasher. She stuffed the washing machine with sheets and towels. But no matter how hard she tried to attend to the housekeeping, she longed to be with Austin again.

  A glimpse at her watch told her she could go out to him on the pretext of giving him his injection.

  Her breath caught in her throat as she saw him emerge from the pool like a sea god, the water shimmering down his perfect physique in sensual cascades. The slim hips, muscular thighs, broad shoulders were perfection and she longed to caress his whole body.

  He picked up his towel and vigorously rubbed his hair, before walking over to a bench at the side of the pool. Austin sat down and put his head in his hands, as a ragged sigh escaped from him.

  Sinead waited, admiring his broad shoulders, but he only rubbed his hair dry with one slow hand, while massaging his forehead with the other. Sinead thought worriedly that he might be unwell, and her small movement towards him gave away her presence. He turned to face her, and she held up the needle wordlessly.

  Austin nodded and pointed to a bare thigh.

  She blushed, but did as he indicated.

  As soon as she was finished, he reached out for one of her hands. "We need to talk, Sinead."

  She blinked up at him. "Are you ill? You looked so, so down when I came in."

  Austin kept hold of her hand, but he turned his head away almost as if he couldn't bring himself to look at her.

  "Sinead, I've tried to be noble here. I know your problems from the past, and your current situation. I've tried to tell myself that you're my nurse, my friend. That I shouldn't run the risk of splitting you up from Mike and maybe asking more of you emotionally than you're read
y to give."

  Sinead opened her mouth to protest at this last sentence, but he put his fingers to her lips and shook his head. "No, don't say anything yet. I can only promise you, as I have before, that I'd never willfully hurt you. I've waited for days for you to come to me of your own free will, to trust me. If I thought for a minute you were in love with Dr. Sheridan, I would never consider telling you how I feel."

  Sinead pulled free and stood up, turning her back on him but unable to walk away. She couldn't quite grasp what she was hearing. It was all so unbelievable.

  Austin pressed on, though she could see the effort it cost him. "I don't blame you for looking for a little security. A lot of women do. But believe me, living without passion, without happiness, is an empty life. I've lived it for years, until I saw a woman in a hospital corridor who made my heart turn over.