Held Against You

by Season Vining

  “Yeah, just finished them before you got here.”

  Jack leaves the kitchen and returns a few minutes later with a thick envelope. I empty the contents and sift through all the papers, IDs, passports, and two gold rings. I check the photos and names, grimacing when I compare the two.

  “What the fuck, Jack?”

  He leans against the counter, grinning innocently. “What?” he asks.

  “Why do we have the same last name?”

  Kat grabs her passport from my hand and inspects it. “Elizabeth Turner,” she says. “Who are you?”

  “Lucas Turner.”

  “Why do I have red hair in this picture?” Kat asks.

  “Ta daaaaaa,” Kelli says, appearing with a box of hair dye. “Clairol Natural Instincts Raspberry Créme! I was going to go red, but now it’s all yours.”

  “I thought you’d have more luck posing as a vacationing married couple. Those are your rings,” Jack says, pointing to the simple gold bands from the envelope. “Congratulations, you two!” He raises his beer and clinks it against Kat’s. “To the happy couple!”

  I glare at him for a long moment before Kelli steps between us announcing dinner is ready. We all sit around their kitchen table eating and drinking like tomorrow is not a do-or-die situation.

  “So, Kat, where are you from?” Kelli asks.

  “San Antonio,” she answers between bites.

  “How old are you? You look really young.”

  “Kelli!” Jack says. “Can the poor girl eat without you interrogating her?”

  “It’s just a question,” Kelli insists, pointing her fork at him.

  “It’s not a problem, really. I’m twenty-three,” Kat answers.

  “So, how did you meet our Sammy?”

  “Kelli,” I warn. “Can we not do this?” I drum my fingers on the tabletop.

  “What?” she asks innocently. “You’ve never brought a girl home. I’m excited. And it’s my duty, as the only permanent woman in your life, to conduct thorough assessments.”

  “She’s been watching too much CSI,” Jack says.

  I turn to Kat. “You don’t have to answer any questions.”

  She raises an eyebrow in my direction.

  “You always have a choice,” Jack, Kelli, and I say in unison.

  Kelli giggles as Jack shakes his head and continues eating.

  “Okay, that was creepy,” Kat says, her fork hovering halfway between her plate and mouth.

  “Surely, you’ve heard that before tonight,” Jack insists.

  “Oh yeah,” Kat answers. “Been there, heard that, even saw the visual aid.”

  “Well that’s interesting,” Jack sings. “You’ve seen the tattoo? How did she see that tattoo, Oz?”

  “Drop it,” I say. “Unless you want to discuss tattoos in general, Jack?”

  Jack drops his fork and it clatters to the ground. He mumbles profanities as he stands and grabs a new one from the kitchen. Kelli silently laughs, her shoulders shaking as she looks away.

  “What?” Kat asks. “Am I missing something?”

  When Jack returns he spins his back to the table and pulls the side of his pants down. On his left ass cheek is a tattoo of a cartoon pirate with the word “Booty” in a banner beneath it.

  “Oh my God!” Kat shouts.

  Kelli can no longer hold in her giggling. She throws her head into her hands and lets it go. Kat is somewhere between flustered and amused. She laughs so hard her face turns pink. Jack ignores us, sits down and finishes his dinner like nothing happened.

  When she can finally catch her breath, Kat asks, “Why on earth would you do that?”

  Jack shakes his head and drinks down his beer.

  “That was the same night they finished the tequila,” Kelli answers, smiling at Jack’s pouting face. “I was so pissed off that I’d have to look at that thing the rest of my life. Now it’s just hilarious.”

  After a few minutes, we’ve all calmed down and refocus on our meal.

  “So, Sammy. Going on a vacation?” Kelli asks as she spears a piece of chicken.

  I shoot Jack a glance, pissed that he hasn’t prepared her.

  “You know I’ve always wanted to stay down there.”

  “You’re not coming back?” she asks. I shake my head and take a bite. I figure if my mouth’s full, she won’t have any more questions for me. I should have known better. “You’re leaving the business? Done? Kaput?”

  I nod, keeping my eyes on my plate. Kelli squeals, jumps out of her seat, and runs over. She wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes tight. This was not the reaction I expected, but I’ll take it over an inquisition.

  She leans into my ear and whispers, “She’s good for you, Sammy. Hold on to her.”

  I don’t respond. Kelli doesn’t understand. Since we were teenagers, she’s always pressured me to find a girl and settle down. Like that would be the answer to all my problems. She wants me to have what she and Jack have. It’s not something I can imagine for myself. I notice that Jack stays quiet and I’m thankful for it. It’s not often he gives me a free pass.

  “Kat, I’ve got some clothes that will fit you. Sammy, you can take some of Jack’s,” Kelli says after taking her seat again. “I’ve packed a full suitcase for you guys, in case you get stopped. You need to actually look like a vacationing couple.”

  “Thanks,” Kat mumbles. “Do you think this will work?”

  “I haven’t heard any word about either of you on the inside lines. Hopefully, you’ll be gone before anyone notices you’re missing,” Jack offers.

  “It’ll work,” I assure her, though I’m not even convinced myself.

  When we’re done eating, Jack and I do the dishes while the girls pick up the food.

  “I never thought I’d see the day,” Jack says without looking at me.

  “What day is that?”

  “Samuel Ozley, giving up the career. I figured you’d be in it for life, ya know? Or death.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I answer.

  The girls leave the kitchen and I’m left alone with Jack and his knowing smirk.

  “So why now?”

  He turns to me and wipes his soapy hands on a towel. I finally look at him, his eyes appraise me in absolute wonder. He wants me to say it out loud. He wants me to confess. So, I do.

  “Kat.”

  16: her

  I help Kelli put away the leftover food and can’t help but sneak glances at Samuel. Jack is washing and rinsing dishes while Samuel dries. That man, who sometimes seems to be made of lead and concrete, looks unexplainably sexy holding that dish towel.

  He’s different here, a little more relaxed in the presence of people he trusts. I steal another glance to find him watching me, his expression pokerfaced while Jack says something low enough for only them to hear. I stand at the refrigerator, door wide open, and forget what I’m doing there.

  “Kat?” Kelli says.

  I snap out of my daze and slam the door closed. The sound of Kelli’s laughter follows me out of the room.

  I grab new panties from my bag and retreat to the bathroom, where I start the water for my shower. For a few minutes, I sit and stare at my reflection in the large mirror. I don’t recognize the girl who stares back. She’s a criminal and a liar. She seduces men meant to kill her. I turn to the side and look again. She’s kind of badass.

  I catch the new light in my eyes just before the steam erases that girl completely from view. There’s a knock on the door and I jump, feeling like I’ve been caught.

  “Kat? It’s just me,” Kelli says.

  “Come in.”

  “Ready to be a redhead?” she asks holding up the box of hair dye. “I brought you something to sleep in too.”

  “Oh, yeah. I forgot.”

  I shrug my shoulders and take a seat on the closed toilet lid.

  “Don’t worry, I dye my own hair all the time. I’m a pro.”

  “Okay.”

  Kelli turns the shower off and sta
rts preparing the dye. I watch in fascination as she methodically places the supplied gloves over her hands and combines the solutions. She shakes it and the mixture turns into a bloodred color in the bottle.

  The air is thick with steam and silence. I feel choked by it.

  “Can we crack the door?” I ask.

  “Sure thing.” She opens the door before approaching, bottle in hand. “Now, don’t worry. This won’t hurt a bit. Normally, I’d drape a towel around your shoulders in case it drips, but I don’t think this shirt needs protecting.”

  I close my eyes as she applies the solution and massages it through my hair. The feeling is calming and reminds me of when my mom would braid my hair before school. It takes a few minutes for Kelli to saturate all of my hair. When she’s done, she carefully rinses her hands in the sink and removes the gloves. She sets a timer on her phone and hops up onto the counter.

  “So,” she says. Her eyes appraise me carefully.

  “So,” I repeat, a little fearful of where this conversation may go.

  “You guys heading to Sammy’s house in Cabo?”

  “Yeah, that’s the plan.”

  “No one’s ever been to the house in Cabo. He must trust you.”

  I look down at my fidgeting hands and back up. “I think he feels like he owes me.”

  “Ah. Guilt. The biggest weapon in a woman’s arsenal,” she says. “Can’t say I’ve ever seen Sammy affected by it though. There must be something else.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know.”

  “How long have you known him?” she asks.

  “Three days.”

  Kelli’s mouth drops open before her shoulders push up, making her neck disappear. There’s a small squealing sound that escapes her lips. I don’t know how to interpret that, so I say nothing.

  “You’re a special girl, Kat. I’ll let you in on a little secret.” She hops off of the counter and walks over to me, taking a seat on the tub. Our knees touch as she leans into me. “Samuel is damaged.”

  I blow out a breath and look at her. “That’s not a secret.”

  “No, the secret is he’s not who he appears to be. I’ve known him for a long time. It’s like he walks around playing this part, this tough guy with no emotions. It’s not him, Kat. Inside that man is a world of hurt and pain. But there’s also kindness and fierce loyalty. He’s super protective of women, and will never forgive himself for his mother’s death. Sammy has been wearing this persona so long, he thinks it’s who he is. You could help him find himself again.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t. There are things about me you don’t know, about how we met and my past.”

  Kelli places a hand on my knee, her shiny red nails in sharp contrast with my dirty jeans. “None of it matters. He’s different with you. This is a Sammy I haven’t seen since we were kids. Please don’t give up on him.”

  Kelli opens a small closet and digs around, pulling out towels for me. So many thoughts spin around my head. I barely know Samuel, but I can see all the things Kelli says are true. I know that he longs for redemption, even if he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. I know beneath his thick skin and dark nightmares is a man who needs to be reclaimed by humanity.

  The timer sounds, jarring me out of my inner musings. Kelli turns it off and starts the shower for me again.

  “I don’t want to pressure you into anything,” she says. “It’s just amazing to see a change in him. And I know it has everything to do with you.”

  I nod and she exits the bathroom. Alone again, I sit there for another few minutes piecing together the Samuel I know with the Samuel she does. I can’t imagine that I could change anyone in three days.

  I peel off my clothes and hop into the shower. The pink water splashes around my feet as I wash the dye out. I try to keep the worry from my mind, but it seeps back in. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. All I know is that I’m scared and Samuel needs me to be strong.

  As I dry off and slip into the sleep shorts and tank top Kelli left for me, I wonder if I can be Mrs. Turner for him. Can I act the part and play a role? I comb out my new red hair and find the strength to try.

  An hour later, the house is quiet and I sit on a bed in the guest room. My mind races with the possibilities and probabilities of tomorrow. The pep talk I had with myself just sixty minutes ago is long forgotten. A knock sounds on the door and I ignore it. Another knock and then the door cracks open. Samuel sticks his head through. His hair is wet and some of the shorter pieces stick to his forehead.

  “Hey,” he says.

  I don’t know what to say, so I continue to stare at the blank television. I feel his gaze on me before he crosses the room and takes a seat on the bed.

  “Kat,” Samuel says again. He reaches out and slides a piece of hair between his fingers. “Wow. The red really suits you.”

  My eyes finally meet his and I find an intensity that stirs confusion and longing inside me. I know he sees all my fear and desperation.

  “Samuel, I’m really scared.”

  “Did you study your I.D. and passport?”

  I nod and look away again.

  “Jack and Kelli are your friends, right? You trust them?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  “How do you know they won’t call the police when we leave?”

  “Kat, they are the only people in the world who are important to me. They would never,” he insists.

  “How do you know each other?”

  “After my father killed my mother, I was put into foster care. I was moved from house to house, until I finally ended up in the same place as Jack. We looked out for each other, vowing to always have each other’s back. The couple that housed us didn’t care about where we were or what we did, as long as we stayed out of their hair. We were both on a path headed downhill until Kelli arrived.”

  “She lived with you guys?”

  “No. Her family moved in next door. I remember the day she showed up. She was like this ball of energy that projected sunshine onto everyone she met. We were sixteen and out of control. She walked into our lives and just like that, had us wrapped around her finger.”

  “I see nothing has changed.”

  Samuel shakes his head and gives me his dimpled grin.

  “We would do anything for that girl, and we did. When I graduated high school, I left. I got involved with people who eventually led me into the life I have now. But Jack wouldn’t leave. Kelli was two years younger than us, so he waited for her. When she turned eighteen, they got married.”

  “Wow. But, he’s obviously involved in shady stuff too.”

  “Yeah. He’s the best in the business at producing false documents and new identities. Kelli couldn’t keep him out of it completely.”

  “They seem so great together,” I say.

  “Jack told me the day he met Kelli that he loved her. I never doubted it. They saved each other.”

  “What about you?”

  “What about me?” he asks.

  “No one saved you.”

  “Not yet.”

  I look away and frown at the closed window. Don’t ask me to save you. I’m not strong enough.

  “If we don’t make it, then I’ll have to run again or go straight to prison. I’m so tired of running. And I’d go crazy in prison. I would.”

  “Kat, we’ll make it. I promise.”

  Those words immediately bring anger. So many people, so many promises before have failed me. My fingers claw into the mattress on each side of my hips.

  “You can’t do that, Samuel. You can’t make promises. You were hired to kill me and here you are, comforting me like you care. I want to hate you. I want to tell you to go to hell and take your promises with you. But I can’t. You’re my only hope now.”

  He leaves me on the bed, crossing the room and opening the door to leave.

  “If that’s all I can be, I’ll take it.”

  * * *

  Samuel wakes me at four in the morning. With no words spo
ken between us, we dress in the clothes Kelli laid out, me in a turquoise sundress and Samuel in a T-shirt and jeans. He thinks I shouldn’t wear the key, so I take it from around my neck and drop it into an inside pocket of the suitcase. I slip on flip-flops and a cardigan and take a seat on the bed.

  This time of day always feels special to me. Just before dawn when you assume no one else in the world is awake besides you. There’s the sharp contrast of sleep wanting to pull me back under while nerves work to keep me awake.

  Samuel sorts through our new paperwork. He hands over my I.D. and passport and I put them in my new purse. He slides his I.D. into his wallet and pockets his passport. Everything else, but the rings, is returned to the envelope and tucked into the suitcase.

  He shoves the ring on his left hand and takes my hand. Gently and without looking up at me, he slides the ring on my finger. I know he’s asking me to trust him. At this moment, I do.

  “Ready?” he asks.

  “As I’ll ever be.”

  Samuel carries our suitcase through the dark house and out the front door. We load our things into Jack’s truck and take off, praying to survive what lays ahead.

  When we reach Highway 19, Samuel informs me that we have about an hour until the border town of Nogales.

  “Nogales means ‘black walnuts’ in Spanish for the trees that grow there. It’s the largest border town in Arizona.”

  “So why are we going through there? Shouldn’t we try to sneak across?”

  He frowns at me and shakes his head. “No. If we’re caught doing that, it will be much harder to explain.”

  “How do you know so much about all these cities? I get that you travel a lot, but where does all this random information come from?”

  Samuel keeps his eyes on the road. I can tell whatever he’s about to say is not something that he wants to share.

  “I told you we didn’t have a television when I was a kid. Now when I travel, I still don’t have much interest in it. Instead, I have a habit of reading all the travel brochures in hotel lobbies. Honestly, it’s more like an unhealthy obsession.”

  I laugh and continue to watch him, amazed at his never-ending ability to surprise me. If he was capable of blushing, he’d be pink by now. I kick off my shoes and sit cross-legged on the seat. I tug the oversized purse into my lap and begin digging through it. While I discover the surprises inside—granola bars, sunscreen, and condoms, among other things—Samuel checks his phone.