Confessions of an Estranged College Freshman

by Kitty Parker

  "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" he bellowed, grinning like a madman (which he very well could have been, judging by his behavior).

  I gave him a blank look. "Thank you. That was very touching. Now could you please get off of me before I lose the ability to bear children? You're crushing my ovaries."

  Tully immediately moved at the mention of my reproductive organs.

  "I think I'm feeding him too much sugar," Amory observed as he ambled through the doorway.

  Elena nodded in agreement. "Good thing we didn't make fairy cakes, then."

  We all gave her the same strange look.

  "What the fuck is a fairy cake?" Amory voiced the question running through all of our minds.

  Elena let out an oh-you-stupid-Americans sigh. "Cupcakes." She glanced at the clock on her bedside table. "We ought to get going. The band goes on at eight-thirty and it'll take us at least half an hour to walk there."

  I picked up my purse from my desk. "Right. Come, friends, let us away," I quoted in my best Shakespearian voice.

  "Nuh-uh." Tully jumped in front of me as I made for the door. "Don't think even for one second that you're walking there."

  I raised an eyebrow at him. "What do you want me to do, crabwalk?"

  He rolled his eyes. "No, I mean you're going to ride on my shoulders." He made a grab for me, but I darted out of his reach.

  "I'll hit the ceiling!"

  "Fine, when we get outside, then," he insisted. "You're the birthday queen, and the royal feet must be spared from blisters."

  The four of us ambled down the hallway, stopping to pick Elizabeth up from her room before heading down the stairs and outside. As soon as we'd cleared the doorway, Tully scooped me up and easily placed me on his shoulders. I thought back to the many carnivals and parades where my dad would let me sit on him so I could see all the performers in their colorful costumes. The redheaded hockey player was hardly my father, though, and at first I just felt stupid. There I was, on my nineteenth birthday, riding on someone's shoulders like a toddler. As we walked, though, and the breeze coming up the hill from the lake blew my hair back, bringing with it all the scents of autumn, I started enjoying myself.

  The sun had already set and the last of the day's light was disappearing behind the hills to the west. It was fairly dark by the time we reached the Thurston Avenue Bridge over Fall Creek.

  "Hey Evie," Amory began. "What would you say if Tully tipped you over the edge and into the gorge right now?"

  "I'd be dead," I pointed out. "So I doubt I'd be saying much of anything."

  Tully gave a fake gasp. "I'm shocked you would even suggest such a thing, Amory. I'd never toss Evie into the gorge on her birthday. I'd at least have the decency to wait until tomorrow."

  I kicked him in the side.

  "Ow!" he yelped. "Hey! Don't kick your ride!"

  Elizabeth grinned. "That's what she said."

  To get his "revenge," Tully charged forward like a racehorse, making sure I was jostled around as much as possible on his shoulders.

  "Eep!" I squeaked in surprise. "Tully! Knock it off!"

  "What was that, Eves? I didn't quite catch that."

  I grabbed a strand of his hair and gave it a little tug. "I said knock it off, you brute!"

  He slowed down to a walk, chuckling at my discomfort. "Serves you right for kicking me."

  By this point we had almost reached the Straight and I could see Mischa sitting on the low stone wall in front of it, waiting for us.

  "Mischa!" I called to him.

  He looked around, then spotted our little group and stood up, giving us a wave.

  I waved back as we approached him. "Hey!"

  "Hello!" he greeted me. "S dnyom rozhdeniya! Happy birthday, Evie!"

  I beamed at him. "Thanks!"

  Although I expected Tully to set me down so I could hug my friend, he did no such thing. He merely gave a nod of recognition and a small "hey," which Mischa returned in a much more friendly tone of voice.

  "Mischa, these are my friends. You already know Tully, this is my roommate Elena, this is Elizabeth, and this is Amory." I indicated each of my four companions in turn.

  "Pleased to meet you." Mischa shook their hands.

  "How would you say that in Russian?" Elizabeth asked curiously.

  "Ochen priyatno."

  "Well, uh, osh-in pri-yet-no, Mischa," she replied, horribly mispronouncing the phrase.

  I snorted. Hooray for engineers.

  Mischa chuckled good-naturedly. "Thank you."

  Tully sighed impatiently. "Come on, guys, let's go. The sooner we get there, the sooner we get corn nuggets."

  Though Mischa and Elizabeth seemed to know what he was talking about, Amory and Elena both gave him a completely grossed-out look.

  "Corn what?"

  "Corn nuggets," he repeated, starting to walk in the direction of Collegetown. "They're this appetizer at The Nines and they're fucking delicious. There's no other way to describe them."

  "They're good," Elizabeth agreed. "I had some after the first marching band practice when we all went there for pizza."

  "You all must try some tonight," Mischa chimed in.

  "What's in them?" I asked, curious about this supposedly scrumptious food.

  "Corn," Tully replied. Well, duh. "They're sort of like chicken nuggets, but minus the chicken. Instead of chicken, there's corn."

  Amory made a face. "That sounds really weird."

  "Don't knock 'em 'til you've tried 'em," his roommate advised. "Who knows? You might get addicted. There are plenty of people around here who are."

  The six of us chatted happily all the way down to The Nines. From my observations, my friends appeared to like Mischa. Tully still seemed unreceptive and cold to him, but I figured he'd warm up eventually. They were both nice guys; there was no reason they shouldn't be friends.

  When we reached our destination, Tully finally set me back on my feet. Heading inside, we claimed a rectangular table with a good view of the stage in the back of the restaurant. We sat three per side with me between Tully and Elizabeth. Mischa took the middle of the other side, flanked by Elena and Amory. I mentally cringed when I realized that Amory and Elizabeth were directly across from one another. That had the potential to end badly.

  After a minute or so, a perky blonde waitress showed up. Tully was quick to order two baskets of corn nuggets. Amory requested two pitchers of water for us all to share and, writing this down, the waitress pranced off.

  "So, Mischa," Elizabeth began. "You're in Evie's bio class."

  The dark-haired, Russian hunk nodded.

  My friend's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Have you guys worked with DNA helicase yet?"

  Oh dear God, Elizabeth's making nerdy bio sex jokes.

  I supposed that's what I got for befriending a bioengineering major.

  "No, we have worked mostly with bacteria." Mischa apparently hadn't heard the joke ("If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes"), and I let out a sigh of relief. Thank God for cultural differences.

  "That's too bad. I think Evie could use a little DNA helicase in her life right-- OUCH!" Elizabeth jumped as I pinched her side.

  "If you don't shut up," I whispered. "I'll make sure you neverget any DNA helicase again!"

  Amory snorted, having heard our exchange and getting the joke.

  Elizabeth kicked him in the shin.

  He glared at her. "You won't need to, Evie. She couldn't get any DNA helicase even if she wanted to."

  It was a good thing the water hadn't come yet, or Elizabeth probably would have thrown her glass in his face judging by the look in her eyes. "Well, even if you got DNA helicase, it wouldn't matter. Your nucleotides and sugar-phosphate backbone are so small that no self-respecting DNA polymerase would want to attach her nucleoside triphosphates to your leading strand anyway."

  There were a few beats of silence.

  I shook my head in amusement. Only at Cornell…

  Amory frowned. "Are y
ou implying that I have a small-"

  "Ready to order yet?" chirped our waitress, setting two pitchers of water down and pulling out her pad and pen.

  We squabbled for a minute about what kind of pizza we should get before compromising - one large veggie, one large meat.

  The waitress sauntered away again and Tully watched her retreating form with longing. "Where are the corn nuggets?" he whimpered.

  * * *

  The rest of the night had gone well…ish. Amory and Elizabeth had continued to antagonize each other, but I had forcibly stepped in and informed them that I didn't want any more fighting on my birthday. They had respected my wishes.

  Tully, on the other hand, had been harder to deal with. He hadn't been outright disruptive or hostile, but he'd kept making pointed comments about Russia's flaws as a country, dwelling particularly on the conflict in South Ossetia and Abkhazia the previous August. Mischa had started to become uncomfortable, but the waitress had thankfully turned up with the corn nuggets, which had shut Tully up immediately.

  "So what did you think of the band?" Elena asked, checking her email when we got back to our room.

  "I liked them," I replied. "The trombonist was really good. Elizabeth kept going on about it. I guess she'd know, right?"

  There was a knock on our door. I hopped off of my bed and opened it, only to find a certain redhead lurking in the hallway.

  "Hey, Tul, what's up?"

  "You want to go for a walk?" he asked abruptly.

  I raised an eyebrow.

  "It's just that I have your birthday present and it's such a nice night out…" he trailed off.

  I smiled, eying the little wrapped gift in his hands. "Aw, you got me something?"

  He nodded, clearly excited about whatever was in the box. "Yeah, now come on." So saying, he seized my hand and started leading me toward the stairs.

  "Be back in a while!" I quickly shouted back to Elena.

  "Use a johnny!" she replied, not looking up from her computer.

  I blushed heavily, recognizing the British slang word for condom. Tully didn't seem to have heard my roommate's "advice." Thank God.

  Once we were outside, Tully led me down toward the lake. It was a lovely night, the stars shining in the clear, dark sky. It was a bit nippy, though, and I shivered.

  "Cold?" Tully inquired. He didn't even wait for my answer before he put his Gloucester High hockey jacket around my shoulders.

  I smiled. "Thanks."

  He just grinned back at me as we walked along the water's edge. We finally stopped to sit down on a little stone bench.

  "Here." He held out the little present.

  My smile widening, I took it and began to carefully tear off the wrapping paper, revealing a little black box.

  Tully's eyes shone with hope and a certain kind of apprehension as I flipped it open. "Do you like it?"

  Speechless, I fingered the silver chain. On it was a small pendant shaped like a life preserver. It glinted in the moonlight.

  My companion nervously fiddled with his hands. "I bought it for you when we were fourteen. I was going to give it to you for your fifteenth birthday, but… yeah."

  I winced at the silent reminder.

  "It's just kind of been sitting in my room and I thought you might still like it, so I had my mom send it up. I thought it would remind you of home. And it's sort of symbolic…"

  I met his eyes. "Of what?"

  "Well," he began, clearing his throat. "It's a life preserver, so, well, it saves people. And I thought it fit, since, er… well, I'll always be there to save you. I know, I know, wicked cheesy. But when I was fourteen I thought it was clever. And it's still true."

  I melted a little inside at the sweetness of the gesture. "I love it."

  He beamed at me.

  "Will you help me put it on?" I asked.

  He nodded, taking the box from my hands and removing the necklace. "Turn around."

  I did so and felt his hands securing the clasp behind my neck. When he removed them, I turned back to face him.

  "Perfect," he declared.

  I grinned. "Aw, come here, Tul!" I scooted toward him on the bench and wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him in a tight hug.

  He seemed surprised at first but soon hugged me right back, rubbing his right hand up and down my back in the way he knew I liked and nuzzling his face against my neck. He hadn't hugged me like that in over four years.

  How did I ever manage to get along without him? I wondered before smiling to myself. Damn, it was good to have him back.

  Chapter 11: Attack of the Kremlin Kid!

  Tully had been getting more and more antsy as October eighteenth, the first hockey game of the year, approached. It was only an exhibition game against the US Under 18 Team, but he was nonetheless both nervous and excited for his debut at Lynah Rink. When the actual day arrived, I was pretty sure he was going to piss himself. He paid little to no attention in bio and little to no attention to me, which was incredibly unusual to say the least.

  I wasn't stupid, nor was I blind. I could tell that Tully was trying to steer our relationship down the non-platonic path. It had been obvious since my birthday. I, however, wasn't ready for the leap from the friend-zone into the relationship-zone. Tully and I had only just rekindled our friendship after four years of not even speaking to one another. I didn't want that progress to blow up in my face. So, in typical Evie Kaiser fashion, I decided to ignore the problem, treating Tully no differently than I normally did.

  "If you don't eat your fajita, Tul, I'm going to force it down your throat."

  He looked up from his plate, still pushing its contents around with his fork, and raised an eyebrow at me.

  "You need fuel for your game, you idiot," I insisted. "The Big Red is not going to lose its first game of the season because I let the freshman forward starve himself."

  "You're coming, right?" he asked, big green eyes full of hope.

  "Not if you don't eat your lunch," I threatened.

  Sighing, he took a bite.

  I smiled. "Good boy."

  "Thank you, mom," he retorted.

  I shrugged. "Someone has to take care of you while you're at college, you dope."

  Aw crap, that sounded overly possessive and relationship-ish.

  I mentally slapped myself. Stop thinking about it, Evangeline!

  "But you don't have to force-feed me," Tully pointed out.

  "You need food to make ATP and stuff for energy. And you're going to need energy tonight."

  I realized how bad that had sounded as soon as the words had passed my lips.

  Tully grinned widely. "That's what she said."

  I gave him a look and twirled some of my noodles around my fork. "Just eat your damn food."

  "You bringing anyone to the game?"

  I shrugged. "Amory and Elena both said they were busy and Elizabeth's in the band. Maybe I'll ask someone from a class or something."

  Actually, I had every intention of inviting Mischa, but I chose to spare Tully that detail; it would upset him and I didn't want to throw off his game.

  He took a swig of his water. "I don't know how good the turnout's going to be. I mean, it's only an exhibition game and all."

  "I guess we'll find out," I replied.

  "Hey, Tully!" someone shouted from behind me.

  My companion grinned and waved.

  I turned around and saw Keir Ross, a freshman defender, approaching us. I'd never met him, but I recognized his face, since I'd looked up all the players on the roster.

  Hockey stalker? Me? Nah.

  "Hey, man, what's up?" Tully stood up and gave Keir a "manly hug."

  "Not too much, just getting some lunch." He held up the quesadilla he was holding.

  Tully gestured to the our table. "Come sit with us."

  "Sure." Keir plopped down in the chair next to me and stuck out his hand. "Hey, I'm Keir."

  "Evie," I replied, shaking it.

  He grinned. "Oh yeah, you'r
e the one who came to practice a couple weeks ago, right?"

  I nodded.

  "Yeah," he went on. "Tully talks about you all the time."

  The aforementioned redhead scowled and threw a piece of chicken at his teammate, who merely laughed as it missed him by about a foot.

  "Good thing you picked hockey instead of baseball, Tul," I teased. "So, Keir, what're your thoughts on the game tonight?"

  "I'm optimistic," he replied with a smile. "McFadden here's throwing aim might suck, but he's pretty good with his stick." Keir winked at me to ensure that the double meaning wouldn't go unnoticed.

  I gave him a look.

  Tully blushed. "Keir, stop being awkward."

  The defender grinned. "It's only awkward if you make it awkward."

  I snorted. Now where had I heard that before?

  * * *

  At six thirty PM, I met up with Mischa outside of Lynah Rink. I was immensely pleased that he'd agreed to come to the game with me.

  "Privjet, Evie," he greeted me. "Nice shirt."

  I glanced down at the Lynah Faithful t-shirt I'd gotten for waiting in The Line. "Thanks. Come on, let's go in."

  "The game is at seven," he pointed out.

  "I promised Elizabeth I'd get here early to hear her play," I explained, tugging him inside the building and presenting the tickets to the man taking them.

  I led Mischa to our seats in the middle of section B, just one over from the band in section A. I looked over toward the bandies, clad in their red and white striped polos, and caught Elizabeth's eye.

  She beamed and gave me a wave.

  "Have up 'Davy' for when the team comes out!" shouted the conductor, a lanky senior with a goatee and a baseball cap jammed backward over his longish hair.

  He had spoken not a moment too soon. Suddenly, the fans who had come to the rink early broke into a collective, deafening shout: "Let's go Red!"

  The band blasted 'Davy' as the team skated out onto the far end of the ice for their warm-ups. I watched Tully zooming around, stretching and shooting, and gave him a little cheer.

  I was confused when the band started in on a rendition of the Mickey Mouse Club Theme. "What the hell…?"

  "They play that when the other team comes out," Mischa explained, gesturing to the players in USA jerseys at our end of the ice. I hadn't noticed them before.