Killing Lies

by Desiree Holt

  Maybe this would be the night to heal whatever was wrong between Reno and Molly. The holiday spirit could open a lot of doors. Tonight, after everyone was gone, she’d find a way to test the waters.

  Her parents arrived first, bringing wine and fall flowers, then Tony with more wine.

  Lindsey and Nick arrived a few minutes later, both of them wearing an air of barely controlled excitement and bringing a box of their housekeeper’s special cookies. They insisted on seeing Molly and playing with her for a few minutes. Reno excused himself, announcing that he needed to carve the turkey and taking the sting out of what was turning into an awkward moment. When the little girl’s eyes began to droop, Sarah carried her upstairs, followed by Lindsey and Ellen. They all talked nonsense to Molly while Sarah put on her sleeper and settled her in her crib.

  When everyone was seated at the dining room table, Nick lifted his wine glass. “I want to make a toast. Here’s to the newest Vanetta, who will be joining us sometime in June.” His eyes sparkled, and he reached for his wife’s hand.

  “Do you mean what I think you do?” Sarah gasped.

  “Yup. Lindsey’s pregnant. We saw the doctor yesterday afternoon.”

  Sarah watched Reno, and his reaction to Nick’s announcement stunned her. His eyes were filled with such despair and longing she didn’t know what to do. She quickly jumped up from the table and hugged Nick and Lindsey in turn.

  “I am so glad for you,” she told them. “That’s such great news. Does the doctor say everything’s okay?”

  “Yes,” Lindsey told her. “I have to take it very easy again, and this is my last glass of wine for a while. But the doctor said he doesn’t foresee any more problems than before. This one might even be a little easier.”

  “How wonderful for you. Isn’t that great, Reno?” She turned to her husband, who was trying hard to rearrange the expression on his face.

  “Yes, it is. That’s terrific.” He managed a stiff smile. “Congratulations to both of you.” He shook Nick’s hand and kissed Lindsey on the cheek. “It will be nice for Jason to have a little brother or sister.”

  The turkey was roasted to perfection, the sweet potato casserole fluffy and light, the yeast rolls hot and crusty. Compliments flew across the table. Everyone seemed immersed in the holiday spirit, and Sarah’s sense of expectation rose.

  She kept an eye on Reno, and as the meal progressed, he visibly relaxed, although the amount of wine he consumed might have had a lot to do with it. She didn’t remember ever seeing him drink more than a glass or two except for the night of his strange proposal. She tried not to stare at him, wondering what he was thinking. But the flex of the muscles in his throat as he swallowed, the movement of his strong jaw as he talked, the deft way his long, lean fingers handled the wine goblet fascinated her.

  Lindsey and Nick were the first to leave.

  “Gotta get Mama home.” Nick winked, ushering his wife out the door.

  Tony and the Madisons were the next to go. Sarah stood in the doorway, waving and smiling until the last car had pulled away, then she turned back to Reno. “Well, I thought everything went well, didn’t you?”

  “Yes. You did a great job. Everyone enjoyed themselves.” He cleared his throat. “It was a wonderful evening.”

  “Molly was good as gold when we had her downstairs,” Sarah pointed out. “Don’t you just want to give her the warmest hug?”

  As soon as she looked at Reno’s face, she knew she’d made a mistake.

  “Don’t presume beyond your job description.” His voice was harsh, his tone cutting.

  Sarah’s heart shifted painfully, but she reached out and touched his arm, not willing to give up. If anything were to happen between the two of them, Molly would have to be a part of it.

  “Just try holding her.” She made her voice soft rather than demanding. “Just once. Please. You’ll see. You’ll fall right in love with her. I just know it.”

  Reno froze, then slammed the front door so hard the walls echoed with it. He nearly knocked both of them down in his haste to move away.

  “You run this house,” he shouted, “you run the child, you run the basic structure of my existence, all with frightening efficiency, which I completely appreciate. That’s what you’re paid to do.” His eyes blazed with fury. “Leave it at that. Do not attempt to run this one tiny corner of my life. Can you not learn to mind your own business?”

  She turned away with more grace than he had any right to expect. “I think I’ll go upstairs now. Good night.”

  Sarah made it to the rocking chair in the nursery before she collapsed, forcing back the tears that threatened. All she could do for a long time was sit in the chair, shaking like a leaf, staring at Molly sleeping so peacefully.

  Well, now what?

  All day, her growing feelings for Reno had kept bubbling to the surface. Every time she sensed his eyes on her and raised her own, there was no mistaking the heat that flashed between them. Little shivers of anticipation had chased themselves along her spine as she’d thought of what tonight might bring. Would her erotic dreams finally come true?

  The confrontation had destroyed all of that and wiped it away as if it had never happened. The harsh words lay there like unexploded bombs. She was as angry as Reno but wounded that he could say the things he did. Why had she forced the situation? She knew better. Clearly, after all these months, his head was still in the same place. He was a long way from dealing with whatever pain he carried. Trying to ease him into interacting with Molly hadn’t been a raging success. Even today, he’d found a way to leave the room when the little girl was downstairs.

  She had been so sure, with everyone wrapped in the holiday spirit, that this was the time to try moving forward. Instead, she feared she’d only made things worse. What dreadful thing had happened to turn him against his adorable daughter? What tragedy in his life had closed him off from a child who was so easy to love? The hidden hope that their feelings for each other might be something real was swallowed up by the bitterness of the words he’d flung at her like so many sharp knives.

  I knew better. That was a stupid thing for me to do. Now he’ll hate both of us, and any hope for the future is down the drain.

  Whatever drove him might just end up destroying them all.

  She kept listening for his car to start, wondering if she should go out there and make sure he was all right to drive. But she couldn’t face him at the moment. Her pain was too intense, too sharp. She was barely holding herself together as it was.

  What was he waiting for out there? Was he planning to come back inside?

  Then she realized, knowing Reno, he was waiting until he was sure it was safe for him to drive.

  After a long time, she finally heard the growl of the engine turning over and the squeal of tires as he backed out of the garage. She managed to rouse herself and, assured that Molly was still sound asleep, went into her own room and took off her clothes. Throwing them on the chair, she pulled on the first nightgown she found in the drawer.

  Tired to the bone, she crawled into bed, resisting the urge to pull the covers over her head. She closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep, praying that tonight the erotic dreams wouldn’t plague her. But her restless subconscious sought the pleasures she was denied when she was awake.

  ****

  Cursing himself for his stupidity, Reno had slammed out of the house, not even bothering with a jacket. He’d gone to the garage and stood for a moment, breathing in the unseasonably cold evening, letting it shock the effects of the wine from his system. Bracing himself against the car, he’d waited a moment to make sure he was competent to drive. The last thing he needed was to be arrested for drunk driving. Secretly, he’d hoped Sarah would come looking for him, but after a long time, it was painfully obvious that wasn’t going to happen.

  Finally, when his head had cleared and his hands were steady, he’d started the car and backed out into the street.

  Reno felt sick to his stomach. Well, he
’d done it now. What the hell was the matter with him? How could he say something like that to Sarah who deserved so much better?

  As soon as the words had left his mouth, he’d wanted to take them back. Sarah looked as if he’d slapped her. Her face had gone paper-white, and her hands trembled. When he turned to say he was sorry, that he didn’t mean it, she was already gone. An intense pain had captured his heart, worse than the night he’d found out about Molly’s parentage. A pain that still stabbed at him.

  Nice going, jerk.

  That was the price he paid for drinking too much wine. Or anything. His mouth got ahead of his brain. Hadn’t he learned his lesson yet?

  Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. Oh, God, how I want you. I didn’t even have the chance to tell you. I need you to let me put my arms around you, apologize, try to tell you how I feel. For a man who’s such a raging success in business, I certainly manage to keep screwing up my private life big time.

  Reno banged his fist against the steering wheel.

  You finally figure out you’re in love with the woman, so you show it by insulting her. Big time. Way to go, jerk-off.

  He’d give anything if he could take back the words he’d flung at her. What Sarah had done was the most natural thing in the world, connecting father and child on a holiday. Her intentions came from the heart. Unfortunately, she had no idea why he felt the way he did.

  It was all that damn wine he’d drunk, way past his two-glass limit. Still, a drink seemed the only logical choice to blunt his pain. And he knew right where he could get one. Nick’s office, where he kept liquor for celebratory drinks.

  For everyone but me and rightfully so.

  They had keys to each other’s offices, so access there wasn’t a problem, but the cabinet with the liquor was also locked.

  Shit. Paranoid son of a bitch.

  In his own office, he dug through a junk drawer, looking for anything to help, finally coming up with a screwdriver. Nick would kill him for sure, he thought, as he worked to pry open the lock, but this was an emergency. At last, the cabinet was open, the door hanging lopsided. Pulling out a bottle of bourbon, he poured a shot straight and raised the glass.

  “To the world’s greatest screw-up,” he toasted himself and gulped down the liquid. Then he refilled the glass, took it and the bottle back to his office, and sprawled on the couch.

  But one drink followed another and soon all he could think of was Sarah. He still remembered that clumsy scene in her bedroom the night of the wedding ceremony, felt the softness of her mouth when he’d touched it, the silkiness of her skin against his palms. The heady scent of her perfume still lingered in his nostrils. He knew he couldn’t run from the truth any longer. All those nights he’d lain awake in his bedroom craving her, all those erotic dreams when he’d fucked her every way possible. His body had been sending him messages. So had his heart, but he was too bitter to recognize it

  Desire had grown within him all day today. He’d been impatient for everyone to leave so they could be alone, and he could try to tell her how he felt. He was filled with an almost overpowering need to make love to her and tell her how she’d made a place for herself in his heart. Then in seconds, with a few thoughtless words, he’d killed that chance.

  So Maggie had made a fool of him, played a cruel joke on him. He was the one who’d gotten into the mess to begin with, and he was the one who refused to deal with its aftermath. Everyone was right. He’d turned into a self-pitying wreck that no one even wanted to be around anymore, including himself.

  He wanted what Nick and Lindsey had—a loving marriage, children—and he wanted it all with Sarah. He was gripped with a fierce desire to hold her naked in his arms, her breasts warmly covered by his hands, her body arched against him. He couldn’t stand the thought he might lose her and he might not ever have that opportunity. Right then, he wanted her more than he’d ever thought it possible to want a woman. But what could he do about it now?

  He had no idea how long he sat there, drinking steadily. The more he drank, the more depressed he became. What if she leaves me?

  Panic coursed through him, chilling his blood. He didn’t think he could stand it without her. He could not lose her. Somehow, he had to make her understand, let her know how he felt.

  He’d blamed what happened on the alcohol. It was easier than blaming himself. If he hadn’t gotten drunk, none of it would have happened. In his right mind, he’d have slept it off and waited for the sober light of day to plead his case. But the liquor had wiped away all sense of sanity, urging him to yet greater folly. He swallowed the last of the bourbon and headed for his car.

  His alcohol-fogged brain had lost all ability to reason. He had no idea how he managed to get home without running the car off the road or into a tree. He hoped Sarah had not come back downstairs and set the alarm because he didn’t think he could remember the code tonight.

  Chapter Nine

  Sarah stirred restlessly in her sleep, twisting her body. The dream had engulfed her again.

  A naked Reno stood beside her bed, holding his pulsating erection in his hand, staring down at her…

  “I can’t wait.” His voice was thick with desire.

  He didn’t bother stripping off her nightgown, just pulled it up to expose her body. He pressed her back against the pillows and pushed the gown up to her neck. She felt his heavy, naked presence as he lay down in her bed, caressing her, murmuring to her. Her hands, reaching up, touched hot, naked flesh covered with the now-familiar mat of chest hair.

  She woke with a start, suddenly aware of the naked male body in bed next to her.

  “Sarah,” he moaned. “Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. I’ve wanted to do this every day.”

  Reno! Oh, god. She should push him away, out of her bed, but her body was primed for him, an erotic fog clouding her mind.

  “Let me touch you like this.” His voice was low and husky. “Let me taste you, feel you. I want you so badly.”

  At last. Oh, at last.

  His big hands caressed her breasts, tugging at the sensitive nipples, laving them with a hot, wet tongue the way she had dreamed about. Nipping with little bites then soothing with the warm moisture of his mouth.

  Bite them. She wanted to scream the words. Instead, she pressed against his body, sliding back and forth against the hair on his chest until her skin felt stretched to bursting.

  He moved his lips to her mouth, and that’s when it hit her. The smell of alcohol.

  Oh, god! He’s drunk! Does he even know what he’s doing?

  “Reno.” She had to force the words out, his lips were pressed so hard to hers. She shoved at his shoulders and tried to squirm away from him. “Reno. Wake up.”

  “Sarah, Sarah, don’t leave me. I need you, Sarah.” His mouth slanted over hers again, his tongue probing insistently, giving her a taste of herself. “I want you, Sarah. Please. We’ll be so good together.”

  I want you, too, Reno.

  “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled. “I never meant to hurt you. Don’t leave me. Please. I need you.”

  Damn it! Her stomach knotted, and a dull ache began at the base of her skull. She wanted him to make love to her, but not like this. Never like this. All this would bring was disaster. She wanted to push him away, but he lay pressed heavily against her, making it impossible to move.

  “Reno,” she shouted the word in his ear and dug her fingernails into his skin. She gritted her teeth and pushed harder. She didn’t want to raise her voice too loud and wake Molly. That’s all this god-awful nightmare needed. Somehow something finally got through to him, because he lifted his head, his eyes glazed from the effects of the alcohol.

  “Wha—” He blinked. “Sarah?”

  “Get off me. Now, Reno. This minute.”

  He looked down at her, bewilderment etched on his face.

  She knew the moment awareness struck him. His body recoiled as if struck by ice water. Just like that, the effects of the alcohol were banished as the truth struck him. Shaking, he cli
mbed off the bed.

  Shock replaced bewilderment on his face as his eyes raked over her, lying in a rumpled bed, nightgown pushed up, clutching the sheet like a shield. He took in his own nakedness, and all the color drained from his face. For a minute, he looked as if he would be ill.

  “Oh, god. What have I done? Please tell me I’m imagining this. I didn’t mean…” He sat up and shoved his fingers through his hair. “Sarah, I’m so sorry. So very sorry. Oh, god. I just wanted…” His voice cracked. His throat muscles worked with his effort to swallow. “This isn’t the way I wanted it. Not the way at all. I don’t even…”

  Even what? Want me?

  He turned and stumbled out of her room without finishing his sentence, head down. After a moment, the sound of the front door slamming reverberated through the house. Slightly hysterical, she hoped he’d remembered to put his clothes back on.

  She fell back against the pillows, trying to gather the tattered remnants of her scattered mind. She struggled to find a shred of self-respect and a reason for the way she’d almost given in to him.

  Nice, Sarah. Where’s your self-respect?

  Finally, the tears she’d been forcing back all night flooded her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks. She made no effort to wipe them away, just let them keep flowing. They were tears of rage as much as disappointment, in both herself and Reno. She wanted to scream, to beat the walls at the stupidity of what had just happened.

  At last, she pulled herself out of bed and went to the shower, standing under it for a long time, as if she could wash away the searing memory of the night. She dried herself off, pulled a fresh nightgown from the drawer, and crawled back into her bed. She had no idea how she would face the next day.

  There was no sign of Reno in the morning and no note, but Sarah wasn’t expecting any. In fact, his absence was a relief. She felt as if she’d been in a prolonged battle, her senses and pride battered and bruised. She had no idea how they were going to get past all this.