Killing Lies

by Desiree Holt

  She pulled a chair in from against the outer wall and slid it next to the bed.

  Reno dropped into it and took Sarah’s free hand in both of his. And once again, tears dripped down his cheeks, but he didn’t care. She was alive, and he’d spend the rest of his life telling her how much he loved her.

  In another hour, they came to move Sarah to her private room, and Reno moved his vigil to another chair.

  “Why hasn’t she woken up?” he asked the nurse who came in to check her vitals.

  “She was under pretty deep anesthesia, and they gave her a heavy dose of pain meds. She’s still getting them. Give her a little time.”

  What if she never woke up?

  In his mind, his treatment of Sarah and the shooting were all tied up in one tangled ball. If he lost her, he didn’t know how he’d live with it.

  He was sitting next to the bed, again holding her hand, barely aware of how dark it was outside, when Tony came into the room.

  “You need to come out into the hallway with me for a minute.”

  Reno frowned. “Why? I can’t leave Sarah.”

  “You can leave her for this.” He showed Reno his cell phone. “They’d rather we didn’t use it in the room. Come on.”

  “Molly?”

  Tony grinned. “Stop talking and come out here with me.”

  As soon as they were outside the room, Tony pressed the button to kill Mute and handed the phone to Reno.

  “Nick?”

  “In the flesh.” His partner laughed. “Someone here wants to say hello to you.”

  Reno heard him talking, then, “Dada? Dada, Dada, Dada?”

  Reno felt so weak in the knees, he was afraid he’d collapse. “Hey, Molly girl. Yes, it’s Daddy. I can’t wait to give you a big hug.”

  Then he heard a shuffling sound as Nick obviously retrieved the phone.

  “She’s fine,” he assured Reno. “Not hurt at all. And kind of excited about her helicopter ride. You’ve got a long way to go to compete with this, buddy.”

  Reno’s throat tightened. “I don’t know how to thank you. I can’t—”

  “It’s all good, Reno. We blew the shit out of Aguilar’s compound and his coca fields.”

  “Bring her to the hospital as soon as you get back. I want to see her for myself.”

  “Will they allow it?” Nick asked.

  “I’ll make damn sure they do.”

  “Okay. Lindsey insists on giving her a bath and changing her clothes, and then we’ll be along. It might be close to midnight. You sure you wouldn’t rather we took her to the ranch so she could get a good night’s sleep?”

  “The hospital,” he insisted.

  “Okay. She’s your kid.”

  “Yes, she is.” And as he said it, a tremendous feeling of peace came over him.

  He strong-armed the staff into bringing a crib into Sarah’s room. He planned for Molly to get her sleep right there.

  He had just sat down again when Sarah groaned and shifted slightly under her covers.

  “Hurts,” she moaned.

  “I know it does, sweetheart. Let me get the nurse.”

  After taking Sarah’s vitals again and checking her bandages, the nurse injected more medication into the IV drip.

  “She can take a few ice chips,” she told Reno. “Her throat’s probably sore from the intubation.” Then she looked at the crib. “Really?”

  “Our daughter was kidnapped. I may never let her out of our sight again.”

  “Kidnapped. Damn! Then you call us if you need anything for her.”

  It was close to midnight when Lindsey and Nick arrived with Molly in Nick’s arms. The little girl’s eyelids drooped, and she was sucking hard on her thumb, nestled against Nick’s shoulder.

  Reno took her and, for the first time in almost a year, held his little girl. He was so overwhelmed with emotion, for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. And when he kissed her cheek, he felt tears filling his eyes again.

  As he was about to lay her in the crib and settle her for the night, he heard a soft moan. Turning, he saw Sarah open her eyes.

  “Reno?” Her words were slurred from the medication.

  “Right here, sweetheart.” He moved close to the bed. “And look who I’ve got here.”

  Molly, who had been leaning against his shoulder sucking her thumb, perked up when she heard Sarah.

  “Mama!” She leaned away from Reno, reaching toward Sarah.

  “Mama doesn’t feel so good, sugar. She can’t hold you right now.”

  “Mama,” Molly insisted.

  Sarah reached the hand without the IV out to him. “Let me just touch her. Please?”

  Reno bent down so Sarah could close her fingers around Molly’s little hand.

  “Mama,” the little girl said again. “My mama.”

  “Yes, sugar.” Reno had to swallow against the lump in his throat. “It’s your mama. And if you go to sleep, when you wake up, she’ll be right here beside you.”

  The whole process was so foreign to him it took a few minutes to settle the little girl in the crib. Finally, she was down for the night, her little bottom up in the air, her thumb in her mouth.

  Reno turned back to his wife—his wife!—and took her free hand in his.

  “I love you, Sarah.” Tears pricked his eyelids, and he had to stop and swallow against the lump in his throat. “I love you with all my heart. I’ll never, ever let you down again. Just promise me you won’t ever leave me.”

  “Molly?” she slurred.

  “Molly, too. God, yes. I can’t believe how much I missed with both of you because I was such an idiot. But that’s done now.” He took a breath. “I promise to love both of you forever.”

  He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers, noticing the tears sliding down her cheeks. He plucked a tissue from the box on the bedside table and carefully wiped her eyes and her cheeks.

  “Love…you, too.”

  Her face was creased with pain, and he could see what a struggle it was for her to speak.

  “As long as you love me, we can do anything. I promise you.”

  The nurse bustled in to give Sarah her pain meds, but Reno never moved, standing beside the bed, holding the hand of the woman he loved more than life itself. And right next to him the little girl he’d nearly lost through his own stupidity. He had a long way to go to deserve the two women in his life, but he was damn sure going to give it his best shot.

  At last he pulled a chair between the bed and the crib and fell asleep, one hand on the crib rail, the other holding Sarah’s hand.

  ****

  Sarah was in the hospital for another two weeks. Lindsey and Nicki shared babysitting duties during the day, but Reno insisted they bring the little girl to the hospital to sleep near her mother at night. For himself, he told Nick he’d be at the office whenever they saw him, and he didn’t know just yet when that would be. Over those two weeks, the three of them bonded in a way that hadn’t existed before. By the time Sarah was discharged, the family unit was coming along nicely.

  Agent Balenger stopped by, bringing flowers for Sarah and thanking Reno and Nick for doing what they did.

  “And what would that be?” Nick asked, all innocence, knowing Balenger couldn’t acknowledge any of it.

  “Nothing I can discuss,” Balenger joked.

  Finally, Reno was able to bring Sarah home. He’d had the cleaning crew come in and clean everything from top to bottom. He’d even thrown out all the sheets and had Lindsey buy new ones.

  “Kind of an out with the old?” she’d teased.

  He nodded. “And anything else you think needs replacing.”

  “Why don’t we leave that to Sarah when she’s feeling better?”

  “Of course.” He smacked his head. “Good idea.”

  ****

  Sarah had been home for three weeks, healing nicely and enjoying the miracle of being a real family with Reno and Molly. She was able to do more things each day, although Reno watched her as if
she might break. Nicki came afternoons to help her, and Reno became more and more involved in Molly’s care. Sarah’s heart turned over to see the two of them together.

  If there was one fly in the ointment, it showed up when Kip Balenger stopped by and dropped a little bombshell.

  “You know Marina Aguilar isn’t going to let this go. Word is she’s out for blood to avenge the death of her father.”

  “Marina’s a loose cannon,” Reno reminded him. “She could just as easily shoot herself by mistake.”

  “Don’t kid yourself. She’s out for your blood. We’ll keep or eyes and ears open and do our best to keep you in the loop. But trust me. This isn’t over yet.”

  Sarah could tell that something else was brewing in Reno’s mind, too. Something that for, whatever reason, made her edgy. They had yet to get to the reason for his outbreak Thanksgiving night, everything that followed and everything that had led up to it. She was on pins and needles about it and swallowed a sigh of relief when he finally broached the subject.

  He caught her after she put Molly to bed one night. “Come sit with me in the den and have a glass of wine.”

  “Okay. What’s up? You’ve been edgy all day.”

  He heaved a sigh. “I think it’s about time I stopped running from my past.”

  A knot began to form in her stomach. “I was hoping we’d get to that sooner rather than later. But things have been so good these past few weeks, I didn’t want to rock the boat.”

  “It’s time.” He handed her a filled wine glass and raised his own. “A toast. To the most magnificent woman in the world. And a prayer that you’ll have some understanding of what I’m going to tell you.”

  “Why don’t you sit down?”

  “I think I’ll stand for the moment. I can talk to you better this way. I want to get this all out right now before I lose my nerve.” He looked hard at her face, as if searching for some indication of her mood. “Sarah, I’m so sorry about Thanksgiving. There’s no justification for any of the things I said or did. You deserve much better than that.”

  “Yes, I do.” She caught her lower lip between her teeth but still sat there calmly.

  Reno raked his fingers though his hair. “I’ve been so terrified of losing you. The things I said that night? I wanted to take them back the minute they were out of my mouth, make them go away, but you were already up the stairs. I felt worse when I finally admitted to myself how I feel about you, but I didn’t know how to fix things.”

  “So you decided to get drunk instead.” She said the words flatly, watching him.

  “No. I was just trying to blunt the pain and find some answers. By the time I realized they weren’t in the bottle, I was already wasted.”

  “Why didn’t you let me know how you felt?” she asked. “What did you think would happen? That I’d run away?” She fiddled with her wine glass. “Surely you had to sense I had feelings for you, too.”

  “Truthfully? I was afraid.”

  She stared at him. “Afraid of what?”

  “Of my own life, I think.” He took a healthy sip of wine. “And in the end, afraid of what you’d say if I came to you sober and gave you the whole story.”

  “What story?” she cried. “What is it that’s so hard for you to get out? The real issue here, whether you want to see it or not, isn’t what happened the other night. The root of the problem is Molly. Everything leads back to her. These past weeks you’ve been wonderful with her and we’ve been bonding as a family. You told me in the hospital you love me. Love her. Is that a lie? If you can’t tell me the truth of what’s behind everything, it’s all going to fall apart.”

  “You’re right.” He drew another deep breath, as if sucking courage from the air. How could he tell her he was so afraid of what she’d think of him? They had just found their footing as husband and wife, as a family. If he lost it all, he didn’t know how he’d handle it.

  “Trust our love,” she told him. “Trust what we are finally building here. I don’t care how awful you think it is, we’ll get past it. You know why? Because I know the man you really are, the one you don’t even recognize. The man who owns my heart. So let’s hear it. No more evading the issue.”

  Help me, God. Don’t let me make a mistake here.

  “I need to tell you things you should have known from the beginning. I was just so sure if I did, you’d turn me down. Then what would I do?” He sucked in a breath. “This is an ugly story that doesn’t make me look so good, but you deserve to know it all. Then I guess the rest is up to you.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets, and with his head bowed, told her a tale that, by turns, shocked and saddened her. In short sentences, he told her about the death of his parents when he was still in college, his fight to hang on to Tony who was four years younger. The decision he and Nick made to open their own company.

  “Nick and I spent fourteen years building Guardian Security into what it is now. I made it my entire life.” He shook his head. “Nick put a failed marriage behind him and moved forward. Now Nick has Lindsey and a child, with another on the way. I was connected only to my work, avoiding all but the most casual relationships.”

  “I knew you were a workaholic when you hired me,” she told him. “It only took me two weeks to figure that out.”

  “Then, two years ago, I took my first vacation ever. If you recall, Nick threatened to lock me out of the office unless I did.”

  “I do.”

  “Maybe the tropics weren’t such a good idea,” he went on. “Beautiful scenery, warm nights, sensual music, and drinks that can knock you on your ass. And there was Maggie—voluptuous, exotic, and predatory. She’d apparently targeted me that first night. I didn’t know which went to my head more, her expressed desire for me or the potent drink I kept slugging down.”

  “Women like Maggie troll for men like you,” Sarah pointed out. “The fact you succumbed to her takes nothing away from who you are.”

  He gave a short little laugh. “Yeah. Go figure a sharp guy like me would get taken, right?”

  “You’re a smart man with a national reputation. You learned everything you could. You just forgot to study women.”

  “I had another problem,” he went on. “The reason I seldom drink. I have an inability to properly metabolize alcohol. That’s why the most I ever have is a glass or two of wine.”

  He stopped, as if gathering his thoughts.

  “But there you were,” Sarah said in a soft voice, “thousands of miles from home where no one could see if you made a fool of yourself.”

  “And a week of the basest kind of lust where I never remembered one sober minute. But I do remember my haste to get away from her when I finally stopped drinking.”

  “But the baby…” God, what a thing to smack him in the face.

  “No one was more shocked than I when she called me with the news. Even drunk, I’d been careful to use condoms. She reminded me they sometimes don’t work. Apparently, this was one of those times.” He rubbed his forehead, as if trying to erase memories. “I offered her a lot of options, but the only thing she wanted was marriage. Made me realize how much I wanted a child, even if I had to take her with it.”

  “But you were so distant from Molly,” she pointed out, still not understanding. “It wasn’t until she was kidnapped—”

  “I know.” He held his hand up. “Let me go on here. I was able to keep Maggie off the booze while she was pregnant. I was frightened to death of fetal alcohol syndrome. But the baby wasn’t a week old before she was binging again.”

  “And what about Molly?” She had to know how he’d felt when the baby was born. He’d said he wanted her and loved her, so what had happened? How much worse had the nightmare gotten? “What about when she was born?”

  “That little baby captured my heart right away. She was healthy and happy and so damn sweet. A miracle.” He rubbed his forehead. “The moment I held her in my arms, I knew she’d made it all worthwhile. She gave my life new purpose. Then
Maggie destroyed it all.”

  Sarah wanted to get up, to go to him, and put her arms around him, but she forced herself to sit still, even as her heart was breaking for him. She knew what came next was bad, and she steeled herself to hear it.

  “We had a knock down drag out one night about her drinking. She was already half in the bag when I got home and found the babysitter caring for Molly. I told her this was her last chance to sober up or I was filing for divorce. And I’d make sure she didn’t get a nickel from me. She knew I could do it, too.”

  Sarah bit her tongue to keep from saying anything and clasped her hands tightly in her lap.

  “She said she’d get her revenge, because I’d be raising another man’s child.”

  Even as he said the words, shock ran through Sarah like an electric charge. Molly wasn’t his? What a cruel joke to play on him.

  “She said she actually got pregnant when she went back to New York, but the guy didn’t have a dime to his name. She wanted the rich prize with the big bucks.” He snarled the words. “And she said it just like that.” He stopped pacing and looked down at his feet, as if ashamed of his next words. “Since then, I’ve hardly been able to look at Molly without being reminded of how I’d gotten myself in this position and how I’d been trapped and betrayed.” He lifted his head and looked at her, pain vivid in his eyes. “I know, I know. It isn’t her fault. But still, when I looked at her, all I saw was Maggie’s bitter face.”

  Sarah sat rooted to her seat, stunned. She didn’t know what she’d expected to hear, but it wasn’t this awful tale of greed, deception, and betrayal. How could a woman be so uncaring with the lives of a wonderful man and a beautiful child?

  “I acted like a fool,” he rasped. “Something I try not to do very often, you know. Just—” He shrugged. “It happened. I was drunk, and thought I was the one taking advantage of her.” He began pacing again. “I don’t think Maggie and I even liked each other. What we had was lust of the basest kind. She knew how to punch my buttons and get whatever she wanted. I let her do it. You can’t be any more disgusted with me than I am with myself. I deserved what I got.”