HUGE STEPS

by Stephanie Brother

  “What’s the damage?” she asks, putting on her reading glasses as I hand her the clipboard.

  “The usual,” I reply, shrugging. Another thing I would never admit to Miranda? Both me and Jamie always give her a discount just because. And we don’t tell her because we both know she’d never allow it.

  “Oh, I almost forgot!” I fish around in my bag for the lollipop I made sure to grab on the way over. “Blueberry this time.” I hand it to Cassie who immediately cheers up a thousand percent, beaming like crazy up at me. “Thank you!”

  She throws her arms around me and I gently pat her head. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Miranda watching, her face softening.

  “You know, you’ll make a really great dad, someday,” she says thoughtfully, adding her signature with a flourish to the bottom of the worksheet. “Jamie too, even.”

  “Now you’re pushing it,” I chuckle. We both know how stubborn and well, Jamie-like, my brother can be.

  “No, no, I mean it. You seem to have a way with kids. You should be proud of that. Not all men are like that.”

  I pretend not to notice the sadness in her voice.

  Things were the same for a while with Mom. I know that she had it rougher than she’d ever care to admit to me or Jamie, and that’s the main reason why instead of getting all way-overprotective of her, we were relieved when she found Keith.

  Well, at least we were after a while, anyway; when he’d proved himself to be worthy of her.

  Cassie tugs on my sleeve. “Are you going to come back the next time? Or is it going to be Jamie?”

  “Are you asking me to cheat and give you the answer? I don’t think so. Besides…” I add with a laugh, “…as long as you don’t try any more experiments on the kitchen sink, your mom can take care of things pretty well on her own.”

  Miranda’s face brightens a little as she hands over her credit card. “One can only hope.”

  I thank her, waving bye to her and Cassie, and head out the front door, satisfied.

  Maybe it was Miranda’s words about me being a good dad, or maybe it was goofing around with Cassie, but I feel good. I have to chuckle at the thought of what my mom would say, and whether she’d agree with Miranda. I can’t imagine being a dad yet, but someday it’s definitely my plan.

  I’m missing one pretty fundamental factor, though; someone to have a baby with.

  Just like that, Abi’s pretty face comes back in view.

  I feel like a kid who got given his favorite toy for Christmas and then had it snatched away. It was hard before I knew what it felt like to be with her. Now I know, I can’t stop thinking about her. The worst thing is that I have no idea how she really feels. I thought…or hoped that she was as into us as we are into her, but then she pushed us away like we’d just made the most terrible mistake.

  Jamie’s as confused about it as me. I can’t really say I know what’s going through her head. I wish I did.

  I check my watch, surprised to see how much of the day has already passed by. It wouldn’t hurt to just stop by, would it?

  I throw my bag over my shoulder, resolving to go over and check on Abi once I’m done. She might not want a repeat of the best night of my life, but that doesn’t mean I can be her friend. Maybe, just maybe, she might have changed my mind. I guess, one way or the other, I’ll have my answer soon enough.

  8

  Jamie

  “Hey thanks, Paul. I owe you one.”

  I hit the end button on my phone and lean back in my seat, watching the cars go by.

  Maybe I should feel guilty about dropping out of work early for the day, but I’m so damn distracted by all things Abigail-related, that I nearly left a stupid snake in one of the s-bends of a client’s toilet.

  “You gotta get your head on straight, man,” I say to my reflection in the rearview, running my hand through my hair. I yank it away the moment Abi’s gorgeous red hair springs back into my head like an all-out fucking assault on my senses, my pride, and not to mention my dick. I adjust myself accordingly before throwing the truck into drive.

  I know the moment that I park, I’m not going inside just yet. Abi’s car is in the apartment complex’s parking lot, and I chew on my lip, debating. With all that went down between the three of us that night and then Abi wigging out the next morning, I haven’t had much of a chance to say anything to her. Jared begged me not to go ‘making things worse,’ by trying to talk to her, but who would I be, listening to my little brother’s every wish like that?

  “Fuck it.”

  I stride across the street, stopping to make sure my breath isn’t gross after my lunch, and knock on her door.

  I don’t hear anything inside, so I knock louder this time and wait. I’m not exactly known for being the patient type. I mentally try and go over what I want to say to her, how I want to apologize—something I don’t ever do. But my brother’s sorta right…I don’t want to make things worse and I have a shitty way with words sometimes.

  From somewhere inside, I hear Abi’s voice calling out.

  Not long after, the door opens, so I launch into my whole spiel as fast as I can. “The thing is Abi, I’m not sorry about what happened with us, but I am seriously sorry that it made you feel uncomfortable because that’s not what we meant to do—”

  She’s in front of me, her t-shirt half-soaked and her face red from exertion, brandishing a large wrench, staring at me as if she’s seeing a ghost. It’s a funny enough scene that if I weren’t in the middle of apologizing, I would probably laugh.

  I raise an eyebrow at her. “Busy?”

  Abi blows a strand of hair from her face. “You could say that. I’ve been working on this stupid sink for over half-an-hour. I can seem to fix the little doohickey.”

  Snorting, I let myself inside. “Doohickey, huh? You might want to let me handle that since I’m—you know—the professional and all.” I can practically feel her eyes rolling as I head further in. “Lead the way, ma’am.”

  She may try to hide it, but there’s definitely a smile on her face as she scoots past me and heads to the bathroom. “It’s back here. I busted my butt in here because the floor was flooded with nearly an inch of water around the sink. I thought maybe there was a leak somewhere, but I’m not sure.”

  Sure enough, there’s water all around the base of the sink, and wet towels pushed into the corner of the room. When Abi turns toward the sink I even see where she fell ass-first into the water, the liquid leaving a heart-shaped print on her fine behind. Not the time…not the time.

  My dick doesn’t seem to be listening.

  “All right, let me take a look here,” I say, leaning down and checking out the pipes underneath. “Oh yeah, I can already see it. It looks like there’s a hairline crack along the length of the trap here.” I point to the small crack that’s leaking a few drops at a time. “It’s a pretty easy fix.”

  “The trap?”

  “This part right here, you see the pipe? That’s the trap.”

  Abi leans down close enough for me to smell the sweet scent of her hair, her face screwed up in concentration as she looks for the crack. “Oh. Okay, I see it. So, the big pipe is the trap?”

  I smirk, unable to help myself. “Some think so.”

  Just as I hoped, Abi’s cheeks flush pink. She leans away from me and runs her fingers over the leak. “What could’ve caused something like this? It’s not like I shove a lot of stuff in there.”

  Oh, she makes it too easy. “Shoving things into your pipe isn’t all that bad sometimes…but yeah,” I continue, turning back to the sink, “this is definitely going to need to be replaced.”

  “Well, I mean, I didn’t mean like—” she sputters, but I just wave her off.

  “It’s okay, Abi, I know what you meant. I think I actually have a few extra replacement trap pipes that will fit here. If you give me a minute, I can go run and get them from my truck.” I don’t stick around for the reply, knowing she’ll probably just say something stupid about not nee
ding my help—the typical Abi reply. God knows she doesn’t want anyone thinking she can’t handle something herself.

  When I come back inside I notice how she’s taken her hair down from the bun it was in, and it takes me all of the focus I can muster not to stare at it.

  “Could you grab me a—”

  “Here you go,” she says, sticking a hand towel into my open palm.

  I nod feeling a little awkward at how eerie it is that she’s guessed exactly what I was going to say. “Ah, okay. Cool.”

  “Is it hard?”

  I laugh because it has been since I saw her are the door, but I don’t think she was referring to that. I bend down to get under the sink.

  Abi chuckles a little, groaning. “I meant, is it difficult. Trying to fix the leak in the pipe?” she gestures to the sink.

  “Nah, it’s not that bad. You just have to make sure the pipe is cut to fit right, and that you have enough caulk to fill it up. Goddamn,” I sigh, shaking my head at myself when Abi bursts out laughing. “You’ve got a dirty mind, you know that?”

  She feigns being offended. “Uh! I so don’t. It’s you! You’re a bad influence!”

  I turn off the water valve, still looking at her. “What can I say? I’ve always been the naughty one. Mom could tell you some stories.”

  I get hold of the tool I need. “Okay, so I’m going to take this part off here…”

  I spend the next hour replacing the old pipe with a new one, and I may have taken twice as long to replace Abi’s pipe just because. “Ouch. Stiff back,” I say, finally standing up. “But it’s all done, at least. As long as you’re not shoving things down your drain, you shouldn’t have a problem.”

  Abi rolls her eyes but she’s smiling and I fucking love to see it.

  She’s trying to put things back on a level with us and I don’t question it. It’s why I came round to check on her in the first place. I don’t want to move from where I am but I have to. Abi awkwardly leads me from the bathroom, clearing her throat when I head to the door. “Hey, uh, thanks, Jamie.”

  Dammit. Why does she have to always pull me back like this? “You’re welcome. It’s not a big deal, really.” Abi digs into the wallet that’s on the table, and when I realize what she’s trying to do, I put my hand over hers, shaking my head when she meets my eyes again. “You don’t have to pay me, seriously. Listen, Abi, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “You know. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable the other night. I’m just sorry, that’s all.”

  Fuck, I’m beginning to sound like Jared.

  Abi’s face softens and she goes quiet for a minute. “Don’t be sorry,” she says. “I’m not sorry it happened, Jamie. It just can’t happen again.”

  It’s the words I didn’t want to hear, and they sting just as hard the second time.

  “Okay,” I say. “You call me if you need anything, okay. Plumbing related or not.”

  She smiles. “I will.”

  I wave as I walk away. After a few steps I turn back and she’s still standing at the door watching me leave and I have no idea what to make of that.

  9

  Abigail

  After getting washed up from the earlier sink fiasco, I finally have a chance to settle in and see how much I made this past week at Dandie’s. Anything to get my mind off the way Jamie came in like my knight and shining armor.

  “Well, at least I’ll be able to buy some decent groceries this week. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even splurge and pick up a couple new shirts.” I let out a small sigh of relief, just grateful that I’m able to still stand on my own two feet without Cody here pretending to have my back.

  There’s a tap on my door and I quickly turn around in my seat, wondering who the heck could be visiting this time. Shay’s with her family and Bailey’s out of town now. Unless my dad is doing a random drop-in, maybe. He doesn’t usually surprise me but I know he’s worried.

  Learning from earlier, I check the peephole. Jared.

  It takes me a moment to compose myself before I throw open the door with a little too much enthusiasm. “Hey, uh, what are you doing here?”

  “I just wanted to come by and check in with you. You know, to make sure you’re feeling okay. The way we left things before was a little, uh, abrupt,” he replies, cutting right to the point. Well, at least he’s honest.

  I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. “Oh. Right.” I shouldn’t let my feelings get so twisted up in my chest every time he speaks, but it’s sort of hard not to. Realizing I’m staring at him, I bite my lip and move over. “Sorry. Come in.”

  The truth is that I don’t want to have any kind of conversation with Jared about what happened. The more I think about that night and what we did, the harder it is to stop thinking about it.

  He walks past and waits for me by the couch, his eyes never leaving mine. “I just wanted to know that we’re okay. Are we? Okay?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?” My way too casual tone isn’t fooling anyone.

  “You’re not mad at us, are you?”

  This, I wasn’t expecting. Mad. Is that what they think. “I’m not mad, Jared. Not at all. What happened…it’s not like I didn’t want to, you know?” I say more to myself than to Jared.

  He nods. “I just had to make sure we didn’t make you mad because that would not have sat well with me or Jamie. We just want you to be happy.”

  Warmth spreads through my veins like a slow-burning flame. Why does Jared have to be so sweet and caring all the time? It would definitely make it easier to avoid thinking about him if he wasn’t.

  “I appreciate that,” I say softly. “I’m okay. We’re good.”

  “Good.” He beams at me and I practically melt on the spot. “And…if you ever need anything, anything at all, Abi, just tell me. Just let me know.”

  I sigh gently. “Thanks, Jared.” The contrast between the way my stepbrothers treat me and Cody is just so stark and it feels completely unfair. They make me feel so safe and secure and Jared, in particular, has always had this presence around him that leaves me calmer. I let his words roll around in my head

  What I need is to feel him inside of me again, holding me close, taking his time with me until I feel the ultimate release. My eyes widen as the thought. I need to stop before my fantasies start spiraling out of control. I lick my lips quickly and turn back to him. “I good right now, Jared. I really need to get back to my, ah, cooking. Or it’ll burn.”

  Jared twists until he’s sniffing for the non-existent food in the kitchen. “Oh really? What are you making?”

  Without missing a beat, I walk over to the front door and open it, smiling at him the best that I can. “Soup. Some plain, boring soup. I didn’t even really want it, but I needed to go ahead and eat it while I still can.”

  He seems to take the hint, and nods, smiling at me. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Just remember…let me know.” He ends this with a knowing look that I have to glance away from. There’s just no way I can keep staring up at him without letting all my feelings out in the process.

  “I will.”

  Jared gives me one more nod before walking out and letting me shut the door. My chest loosens a little, finally able to relax. When did it become such a physically impossible venture to let the guys leave?

  Probably when you basically seduced them, the other side of me chimes in, reminding me. And maybe I’m right. Maybe I was just feeling bad about myself and only wanted their attention without their affection. It’s definitely possible.

  My chest tightens yet again at the thought of this. I don’t want to lead my step-brothers on, but I don’t know if this is me leading them on, or if this is me wanting my deepest desires to be real again.

  10

  Jared

  With Abigail still on my mind, I’m feeling a little less worried and a little more thoughtful about things as I take and park my car back over at our place. When I see Jamie’s truck already sitting outside t
he house, I have to do a double take. Inside, he is on the couch, beer in hand and watching me as I come in the door.

  “What are you doing back so late?” he asks, raising a brow in my direction.

  I snort. “Me? What? What about you… Why are you home so early? It’s Friday night, isn’t it? Aren’t you usually out you know…doing things on Friday night?” At least that’s how it’s always been, up until recently, but I keep this part to myself.

  My brother’s eyes narrow at me. “It’s been a while since I’ve picked up some chick from the bar, Jared. Or haven’t you noticed.”

  I figure biting the bullet and getting this over with is probably the best way to handle things with him. “I wanted to talk to you about Abi,” I say, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch, leaning forward.

  Jamie sorts, “What’s there to talk about…we fucked up thinking that she wanted anything other than rebound sex.”

  I nod. “Yeah. It’s complicated.”

  “Complicated? Nah…more like a cluster fuck.”

  I roll my eyes because Jamie can’t seem to communicate without f-bombing all over the place. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s definitely a cluster-fuck. Normally I really wouldn’t care but…”

  “…but this is Abi,” Jamie says nodding.

  “Exactly.” I let my voice trail off, thinking of how Abi acted when I was at her apartment; flustered and cool at the same time, obviously trying to sort out her own feelings.

  The other women I’ve shared with my brother have been those usual wild, I-want-to-fuck-you-because-you’re-twin-brothers, kind of girls. But not Abi. She is pretty much the literal translation of girl-next-door material. Wholesome, family oriented. Abi is so much, but it doesn’t make this conversation with my own twin brother any less awkward.

  I rub my hand across my brow, trying to work out how to approach what I want to say. “Yeah, yeah. I get it. Before, with the others…we didn’t really have to say anything after, did we? The thing is, it’s different with Abi, and things are blurrier in my mind than I’d like to admit, I guess. You don’t think…I mean we didn’t…”