Rescued by the Dreamy Doc / Navy Officer to Family Man

by Amy Andrews / Emily Forbes

  ‘If the doctors are taking all your breast tissue, why do you need chemo as well?’

  ‘There’s always a chance of tumours developing in the small amount of breast tissue that may remain behind after the surgery. The oncologist recommends chemo for pre-menopausal women with this type of tumour,’ Juliet said with a shrug of her shoulders. ‘It decreases the chance of anything further developing. If he’s recommending it, I’m going to follow his advice.’

  Sam took a deep breath, trying to organise his thoughts, trying to work out what he could do, how he could help. ‘So what exactly does all this involve? What do you need me to do?’

  ‘I’ll be in hospital for a few days with the surgery. I’m having that done in the school holidays and I’m going to ask Mum and Dad to have the children. You’ll be away.’

  As usual. He could imagine Juliet wanting to add the accusation to the end of her sentence. He knew he was away a lot but she’d married a naval officer; he knew they’d had a plan but he’d tried a desk job and he’d hated it. In his opinion he’d done what he could to save their marriage and it hadn’t worked. They were both to blame but now wasn’t the time to look back. They needed to focus on the present. They couldn’t change the past. Their marriage was over and he should be able to travel without feeling guilty, but he knew now that he wouldn’t be able to. Not when Juliet was sick and his children were going to need him.

  In the circumstances he decided it was best to ignore her comment. He didn’t want to start an argument, especially one he wouldn’t win because she was right. He would be away. But he wouldn’t always be away and if he knew what the schedule was he should be able to be around for Juliet and the children at least some of the time. ‘And then what?’

  ‘Then I have chemo.’

  ‘How does that work?’ It was strange—cancer was such a common disease, everyone knew someone who’d been affected by it and everyone bandied around terms like chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but Sam really had no idea what any of it meant or how it worked. How exactly did the doctors target the cancer cells and what else got damaged along the way? How sick was Juliet going to get? Would she be in hospital for weeks at a time? Would she be able to manage the children? ‘Chemo is what you see people having in the movies when they’re hooked up to the drips?’ he asked, needing clarification. He needed to make sure he understood.

  Juliet nodded. ‘It’s not always given that way but Hollywood makes it look like that. Some of the drugs are given intravenously and others are in a tablet form—it depends what combination the medical oncologist decides to use. Whichever way I have the drugs, the usual process is four lots of chemo given about three weeks apart. The doctors expect me to be finished by Christmas.’

  Christmas. Could this be her last Christmas? That thought burst into Sam’s head before he could censor it. He couldn’t think like that, he knew he needed to stay positive. Juliet needed support, not negativity. He’d stick to getting the facts first, deal with the things that were certainties. ‘And how long does each session take? Do you stay in hospital each time?’

  What would happen to their children?

  ‘I’ll have to go into hospital for a half-day on the first day of each cycle. Then I wait a few weeks and repeat the process.’

  ‘What about the kids? Will you be able to manage them?’

  Juliet shrugged. ‘I hope so. It’s a bit of a waiting game to see how I cope with the chemo. It affects people differently. I might have to call in some favours from friends but if I get really sick I’m sure Mum will come down to Melbourne.’

  ‘You haven’t told your parents yet?’ Juliet’s wording implied she hadn’t given them the news.

  ‘Maggie’s going to drive us down to Bowral tomorrow. Maggie knows.’ Juliet shrugged. ‘She’ll help me tell Mum and Dad.’

  ‘And what about the kids? What have you told them?’

  ‘Nothing yet.’

  Sam frowned. ‘What am I supposed to say to them?’ He was used to Juliet telling him what to do when it came to organising their family. He was comfortable being in charge on board a naval vessel but when it came to working out domestic matters, he relied heavily on Juliet. As a single father he knew he’d have to work things out for himself, but he hadn’t had to deal with anything this dramatic and he was at a loss.

  ‘Nothing. I’ll tell them over the weekend when we’re at my parents’. Just take them out to dinner, that’s what they’re expecting. They won’t pick up on anything if you behave normally.’

  Behave normally! Hell, his wife—ex-wife—announces she has breast cancer and he’s supposed to behave normally.

  ‘Sam, I know this is a shock but there’s a really good success rate with this treatment regime. I am going to beat this.’

  ‘How can you be so certain?’

  ‘I’m going to have everything that’s recommended for me, I will do everything possible, and I’m counting on that being enough. I will do whatever needs to be done and that includes fighting this thing with every bit of strength in me. I am not leaving my children.’

  And there it was, the thought that was on both their minds, out in the open. What was going to happen to their family—what was left of it? Even though the children seemed to be coping well with the divorce, he couldn’t imagine how they were all going to get through Juliet’s treatment, let alone what would happen if she didn’t make it. How would the children cope? He knew what it was like to grow up without a mother and it wasn’t something he would wish on anyone, especially not his own children.

  Juliet knew what he was thinking. ‘I understand that the idea of something happening to me, and what that would mean to the children, worries you. It was the first thing I thought of too. But your mum was killed in an accident? there was nothing that could be done to change that. I can be treated and that’s why I need you to stay strong. I’m going to make sure the children are okay through this and the rest of my energy I’ll use to fight this thing. I can’t be worrying about how the adults are coping. I’m going to fight this and I’m going to win.’

  Sam knew Juliet never said anything she didn’t mean. She was tiny but so full of courage and determination. He knew she would fight with every last breath and, knowing Juliet, she would win.

  Their conversation was interrupted when Maggie arrived home with the children in tow. Sam felt as though his heart would burst with love and pride for his kids but there was also a trace of fear and worry in there too. What would become of them all?

  He tried to focus on the children but his mind kept drifting back to Juliet’s health. He was still finding it hard to believe they were divorced but the fact that they were made it more difficult now?he would do anything and everything he could to help but how much help would Juliet accept, and realistically, what would he be able to do? He was about to spend six weeks at sea, something that was a regular occurrence and the very thing that had been at the root of their separation. He didn’t even know when he’d next have a chance to speak to Juliet properly. Discussing things on the phone hadn’t proved very satisfactory in the past and he didn’t imagine it would be any easier now.

  But she’d need help now. She’d need him.

  No, he thought, she had her sister and her parents. Yes, she’d need help but she didn’t necessarily need him. Her family was close, they would help her, he had no doubt about that. He was probably a long way down her list and that thought bothered him considerably. He wanted to be able to offer her support, wanted her to be able to rely on him, but realistically it wasn’t going to happen. Not when he was going to be out of the country.

  He took the children to the Sydney fish markets and the fresh, salty air helped to ease his fears slightly. Being near the sea always made him feel better. He’d missed it when he’d lived in Canberra and he’d missed it when he’d taken leave from the navy to try to save his marriage. He knew now that he needed to be near the ocean, he needed to know that he could get out on the water if necessary. The ocean helped to c
lear his mind and soothe his soul. He just wished he and Juliet had been able to work out how to have it all, but they hadn’t made it.

  He and the children walked around the pier before they went to choose their dinner. Dozens of boats were moored to the bollards and Edward had to inspect several of them as they bobbed gently on the waves. Watching Ed, Sam wondered if the love of the sea was a genetic trait. He had it, his father had it, and it looked as though Ed had the same fascination. The scene must have reminded Edward of Sam’s father, a retired naval officer who still spent the majority of his time on his own boat, fishing, pottering about or just thinking.

  ‘When are we going to visit Grandad?’ Ed asked.

  Sam wasn’t sure how to answer that. He and Juliet had made tentative arrangements for the Christmas holidays. This was to be their first official Christmas apart; even last year when they’d been separated they’d still celebrated Christmas together, but this year would be different. Their plan had been that Juliet would spend Christmas with the kids and her folks and then meet Sam in Merimbula, on the New South Wales coast, where the children would spend a week with him and his dad while Juliet returned to Melbourne. Sam had no idea whether that would still be possible. But the kids knew nothing of Juliet’s illness yet so he supposed explanations weren’t necessary. As far as he could work out, those plans wouldn’t need to change.

  ‘I’m going to take you to see him after Christmas. We’ll have a holiday at the beach.’

  Sam still loved spending time with his dad. Sam was an only child and his mother had died when he’d been about Kate’s age?which was partly why Juliet’s news had freaked him out—and he’d been brought up by his dad and his dad’s widowed sister. They’d been a close family, as close as it was possible to be when his dad spent weeks at sea, just like he himself now did. Sam knew what it was like to have an absent father but he didn’t feel that it had affected their relationship. They were close and they had their shared love of the sea to bond them.

  Sam still felt that Juliet had never really understood that the ocean was in their blood and he couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to get out on the water. He imagined he’d be like his father when he retired and still spend his time mucking about in boats. He wanted to start teaching the kids to sail and he’d planned to get a little boat this Christmas that they could play around in and keep at his father’s. Sam had fond memories of lazy summer days of his childhood spent on the water, learning to sail, and he wanted to create the same memories for his own children. He didn’t want these plans to change. Somehow, they’d have to get to Merimbula.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  September 2008

  SAM couldn’t settle. He paced in his cabin, unable to relax, unable to keep focussed. He was almost wishing for an emergency. Wishing for something to happen that would distract him from his thoughts. He needed a crisis to demand his full attention because at the moment he had too much time on his hands. Too much time for thinking.

  He’d been at sea for nine days with another thirty-three to go.

  And Juliet was having surgery. Today.

  He’d tried to be positive about the procedure, had tried to tell himself everything would be fine, but day by day the tension had slowly increased until he was edgy and stressed. He hated this feeling of helplessness, hated being so far away. He was starting to understand why Juliet had wanted to keep them all together. He wanted to be with his family too. For the first time in a long time he didn’t want to be at sea—he wanted to be in Melbourne.

  He left his cabin, unable to endure its confines a minute longer. Maybe the ocean breeze would clear his mind and settle his nerves. It usually did.

  He nodded to the few sailors he passed on his way to the deck but didn’t stop to engage in conversation. His mind was too preoccupied to discuss anything more detailed than the weather, but the fresh air didn’t allay his fears. His thoughts followed him, colliding with each other inside his head just like the waves he could see crashing into the bow of the ship as he stood at the rail. All the different scenarios rolled through his mind, threatening to overwhelm him. What if the surgery was unsuccessful? What if Juliet didn’t even make it through the surgery? What if he lost Juliet not through divorce but through death?

  He hadn’t considered the divorce to be a final, complete separation. He knew they’d always be connected through their children but the idea of losing Juliet altogether was devastating. The thought had been in the back of his mind since she’d told him about her diagnosis—had that really only been ten days ago?— but he’d managed to suppress it until now. Until she was undergoing surgery and he could no longer ignore just how serious this situation was.

  He’d arranged for flowers to be delivered to her at the hospital. It had seemed important to him to let her know she was in his thoughts but now his thoughts were far from sunny and light, nothing like the flowers he’d sent. Now that seemed like such a minor, meaningless gesture. What good would flowers be?

  He closed his eyes and let the salt spray fall on his face. There had to be more he could do. Juliet deserved more.

  He should be there. He should be with his wife.

  That thought confirmed his dilemma. He still thought of himself as married. He still thought of Juliet as his wife. She was still his responsibility and he should be by her side. But instead of being there and supporting her, he was thousands of miles away in the middle of the ocean.

  Juliet had been right. He had his priorities wrong. He’d made the wrong choice.

  He felt helpless. Devastated. Lost.

  Would he have a chance to fix things?

  Juliet sat on the hospital bed with her back to the doorway. It wasn’t the door she was afraid to face but the mirror beside it.

  ‘Are you okay? You’re very quiet.’ Maggie was standing behind her, brushing her hair like she’d done years ago when they had been children.

  Juliet nodded. Maggie’s strokes were long and rhythmical, almost hypnotic, and Juliet’s mind drifted as her hair was tended. She wasn’t okay, far from it, but she didn’t really want to tell her sister where her mind had drifted to—she had a feeling talking would make the situation worse, not better.

  ‘Shall I plait it for you?’ Maggie asked. ‘You’ll have to wear one of those paper hats in Theatre?tying your hair up will keep it under control.’

  Juliet knew she’d be going off for surgery soon and as the time approached she found herself becoming increasingly nervous. The surgery itself didn’t bother her and she’d made the decision to undergo surgery without hesitation. In her opinion surgery was her only option, but what if it wasn’t enough? What if the cancer was lurking somewhere else in her body? What if she couldn’t beat this?

  Juliet could feel Maggie lift the weight of her hair in her hands, separating its length into three strands before twisting them together. Her chestnut hair was long and healthy?it had always been one of her features that she’d liked and she’d looked after it. So far her hair looked like it always had if she ignored the odd grey hair—it was still glossy and thick. The rest of her also looked the same as she’d done for the past twenty years, give or take a few wrinkles. So far the only things about her that had changed were all on the inside but still she’d become wary of mirrors. She was wary of confronting her physical self. She knew she was trying to forget what she looked like so the new Juliet wouldn’t be so much of a shock.

  Today was the beginning of some major changes. And some big losses. She knew very well that her hair might not be with her for much longer but she also knew she could live without it. She was going to lose much more than her hair. Just as long as she didn’t lose her life. As long as she could live she didn’t care about her hair. Or any other parts of her.

  ‘Did Mum ring this morning?’ Maggie’s question interrupted her ponderings.

  Juliet nodded.

  ‘How did she sound?’

  Juliet had been dreading telling her parents about her cancer. She’d been far m
ore nervous about giving her parents the news than she had been about telling Maggie and Sam. How did a daughter tell her parents she had a malignant tumour? What parent wanted to be told their child might die? But having Maggie’s support when she’d made the trip to see them had helped immeasurably. And Juliet had been surprised at how well they’d taken the news.

  Her mother had been shocked initially. Juliet had seen the shock roll across Harriet’s face as she’d processed the news. She’d seen her try to compose herself, try to hide her thoughts, but she’d always been easy to read. But Harriet recovered well and started doing what she did best—organising her family. It was her way of holding things together.

  Her parents had listened as Juliet had given them the information she’d had and then they’d taken over, planning the logistics of having their grandchildren to stay and organising support for Juliet. Juliet had wished her mother could tell her everything would be okay but she knew that wasn’t possible. She knew her mum was waiting for someone to tell her the same thing but all Juliet had been able to do was give her the facts?she couldn’t make any promises. But just sharing the information with two more people, two people who she knew would do anything for her, had eased her anxiety.

  Telling her parents had been difficult but now that they knew she felt the burden had lifted. As always, her parents had the ability to make her feel better about the situation. Part of her wished she could ask them to come down to Melbourne with her but Kate and Edward would be better off in Bowral. They would benefit from John and Harriet’s reassurance and Juliet really didn’t want to expose her children firsthand to the events of the next few weeks. It would be much better for them to stay protected up there until she knew how things were going.

  ‘I think she’d like to be here,’ Juliet answered, knowing that was how her mum felt, even if she hadn’t voiced that opinion. ‘But I really couldn’t cope with lots of people around,’ she added honestly.