There wasn’t time for a prolonged greeting as Kate and Edward arrived at the door in a flurry of excitement. They were heading for the Dandenong Ranges, south-east of Melbourne, where they were going for a ride on Puffing Billy, a restored steam train, and Edward had been bouncing off the walls since early morning, bubbling with anticipation. Juliet had read the entire collection of ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ stories to Ed when he’d been younger and this excursion was still one of his favourite things to do. They all loved this trip through the hills, which was why she’d chosen it as her outing.
There were some intermittent showers as they wound their way in the car through the foothills but by the time they reached Belgrave the rain had eased, although low mist still hugged the treetops and obscured the sun. The air smelt clean and fresh with an underlying scent of eucalyptus, and drops of moisture fell from the grey leaves of the gums and wet their heads as they walked beneath the trees and made their way to the station.
The train was waiting at the platform, steam billowing from its chimney as it waited for its next departure. Edward dragged Sam to the front of the train, watching in fascination as the engineer stoked the fire.
‘We’ll buy tickets and get some seats,’ Juliet called to Sam as she and Kate headed for the ticket window. They found seats looking out over the platform and waited for the boys to join them. The carriages had bench seats and the top half of the carriage sides was open with just a couple of horizontal bars dividing the space. Green tarpaulins made makeshift walls but these were rolled up out of the way for the journey to allow the passengers to enjoy the view. The children scrambled to the sides of the carriages and clambered up to sit on the edge, legs dangling outside the carriage, bodies inside and arms clinging to the horizontal bars.
Despite the fact that her children, and hundreds of others, assumed this position every trip, Juliet was always nervous. She had one hand ready to reach for Ed if he started to topple and she jumped as the sound of the train’s whistle pierced the stillness of the morning. A cloud of steam drifted past their window as the train lurched and began to pull away from the platform, and the children cheered as the train gathered speed.
‘Relax! He’ll be fine—he always is,’ Sam said.
He was sitting opposite her and he recognised her discomfort, knew she was always worried about the perceived danger. He reached across and rubbed her knee, shooting a smile in her direction. A delicious tingle raced through her with his touch and she felt her nervousness abate. She took a deep breath and relaxed into her seat, reminding herself that she was going to have fun and commit every minute of the day to memory. The scent of eucalyptus was strong in the air, released from the leaves of the trees by the recent rainfall, and the rocking of the train was hypnotic. She closed her eyes briefly as the fresh air rushed over her face, ruffling her short hair. The noise of the train’s wheels clacking on the rails made conversation almost impossible so Juliet didn’t bother attempting to make small talk and instead watched as the world went past.
The train pulled into Emerald station, where they were stopping for lunch before returning to Belgrave. The sun had come out and the air was muggy with humidity. The kids stripped off their jackets and handed them to Juliet before racing off. There was a model railway exhibit here, which was Ed’s second favourite thing after the train ride. Sam had given them money for the entrance fee and they wanted to make the most of the time they had before they’d be called back for a picnic lunch. Sam carried the basket he’d packed and they walked together looking for a spot to settle.
‘Sun or shade?’ Picnic tables were being claimed quickly but Sam had a picnic rug under his arm so they were self-sufficient.
‘I’d like a bit of time in the sun?it’s such a beautiful day now,’ Juliet said as she pointed to her left. ‘Under that tree looks like a good spot.’
She shrugged out of her coat as Sam spread the blanket on the ground. He opened the basket and started to pull out provisions.
‘I can do that if you want to catch up to the kids,’ Juliet offered. She unpacked hard-boiled eggs, ham and salad sandwiches and lemon tarts. Sam brought cold drinks back with him and they shared the picnic under the trees. The children returned to the model railway as soon as they’d finished their dessert, leaving Juliet and Sam lying on the picnic rug.
It brought back memories of New Year’s Eve when they’d shared a blanket on the beach. When Sam had kissed her. Despite his tireless proposals, he hadn’t kissed her properly since that night. He’d been a perfect gentleman and Juliet still didn’t know whether she should be relieved or disappointed. In the cold light of day she knew she wasn’t ready for anything more than a kiss but at night, alone in her bed, she often imagined how it would feel to be back in Sam’s arms, how it would feel to have his comforting bulk wrapped around her.
She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist—the one Sam had given her on New Year’s Eve. Except for when she’d undergone surgery she hadn’t taken it off. Sam reached across and put his hand over hers and the warmth from his fingers spread through her like liquid gold. With his other hand he pulled a parcel from the pocket of his jacket.
He handed her the present. ‘Happy birthday, Jules.’
The present was small, the size of a jewellery box. Juliet unwrapped the gift, opening the lid to reveal another charm for her bracelet. It was a miniature spray of flowers.
The flowers had silver stems and golden petals.
‘Yellow tulips.’ Her voice was husky and soft, and her emotions were running high. He hadn’t forgotten. Her eyes filled with tears. It was the most beautiful charm she’d ever seen. ‘It’s gorgeous. Where on earth did you find this?’
‘I had it made. Tulips are our thing.’ Sam sat up, kneeling on the picnic rug. ‘There’s something I want to ask you.’
Juliet smiled. ‘My answer is still no.’ She knew what was coming and part of her recognised she would have been disappointed if Sam hadn’t proposed today, but her answer was still the same.
‘But why? I know you, Jules. Better than anyone. I know that every year on your birthday you make plans for the year ahead. I want you to include me in those plans. Let’s make a fresh start.’ He looked directly into her eyes. His green eyes were dark, their colour intense. ‘Today is the perfect day to begin again. I love you, Jules, and I want to marry you.’ She shook her head but he held up a hand. ‘You’ve finished your chemo treatment, your blood tests are clear, you’ve had your last surgery, you’re running out of reasons to say no. Unless you don’t love me?’
He was tracing little circles on her wrist now with his thumb, sending sparks of desire shooting up her arm. There was no doubt in her mind that she still loved him. Still wanted him. But she wasn’t going to let her heart rule her head.
She looked back at him, forcing herself to keep her gaze steady. ‘This isn’t about me not loving you, it’s about priorities. Our family is my priority but I still don’t think we are yours. The navy is your first love.’
‘No. It was, I admit that, but things have changed. I’ve changed. Almost losing you has made me realise how foolish I’ve been. A job is nothing compared to my family.’
‘But time after time the navy has taken you away from me and that hasn’t changed. I did think for a while that maybe I’d been unfair, making you choose between us and the navy. I thought maybe I should have continued to follow you wherever you went, but now I’m tired. I could pretend I’m fine but the truth is I’m exhausted and I don’t want to move. I’m not going to say it’s because of the children. I just don’t think I have the energy any more.’
‘I didn’t choose the navy over you. I tried the alternative but I couldn’t do it. That job with the oil company was killing me. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t enjoy that job. I was a failure at civilian life and a failure as a father and husband. The navy was what I was good at.’
‘You weren’t a failure, Sam. You were a fantastic dad, you are a fantastic dad. I love you but
I can’t keep moving. I just can’t do it. I’m sorry. I can’t marry you.’
‘You love me? ‘
She nodded. ‘I always have but I don’t think loving you is enough. I can’t compete with the sea.’
‘Is that your only objection?’ he asked. ‘What if you didn’t have to compete any more? Would you take me back then?’
‘There’s no point in having this conversation, is there? That’s purely hypothetical.’
Sam shook his head. ‘What if I told you this job at HMAS Cerberus could become permanent?’
‘Permanent? A desk job? Are you sure it’s the right thing for you?’ Juliet had her doubts. She’d seen the fallout of Sam’s last attempt at sitting in an office and while she knew he’d been testing the waters for the last five months, that was still a very different proposition from accepting a permanent posting in her mind.
‘This is everything a desk job should be. I’m not crunching numbers, doing someone else’s mundane tasks. I’m doing practical stuff and it means I can be home with my family. With you. I’m begging you, Jules. Please marry me.’
He reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and her senses sprang to life. It was her birthday, a day for making decisions.
‘Are you going to take this job regardless of my answer?’ she asked.
Sam nodded. ‘I’ve already accepted it. I want to be here for you and the children in whatever form you’ll have me.’
It was a day for making decisions but was it a day to follow her heart? She took a deep breath. ‘I’ll think about it.’
Sam’s smile lit up his face. ‘That’s so much better than no!’ He jumped up, pulling her to her feet as Puffing Billy blew its whistle. He gathered her in his arms and kissed her, and she nearly changed her mind then and there. Perhaps they could have a future. Perhaps she could do this. Sam’s kisses were very persuasive. She couldn’t think of any good reason not to spend the rest of her life with him. She couldn’t think of anything at all.
And that was why she knew she couldn’t give him an answer now. She needed some time and space to get some clarity. She had to think logically.
The children were in bed, exhausted after their big day out. Juliet had just said goodbye to Sam and made herself a cup of tea to take to bed when the phone rang. She had been planning on using the quiet time to work out what she could tell Sam and she debated about whether or not to answer the phone. A quick phone call wouldn’t hurt, she decided.
‘Happy birthday, Jules.’ Maggie’s voice came down the line. ‘How was your day?’
‘Good,’ Juliet said with a smile.
‘Did Sam propose again?’ Maggie was back in Sydney but she knew that Juliet had spent the day with Sam and the kids.
‘Yes.’
‘He hasn’t given up yet?’
‘Not yet,’ Juliet replied.
‘What did you say this time?’
‘I said I’d think about it.’
‘Really!’ Maggie gave an excited squeal. ‘I’m not interrupting anything, am I?’
‘No. He’s gone back to the base. He’s got an early start tomorrow, some big training exercise.’
‘So tell me what’s happened. Why have you changed your answer?’
‘Sam is staying in Victoria. He’s transferred permanently to Cerberus.’
‘You’re kidding? That’s great news. So why didn’t you say yes? What are you thinking about?’ Maggie peppered Juliet with questions.
‘I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.’
‘What mistake? Marrying him? Sam has done everything you wanted him to. He’s obviously committed to your family. Are you? Do you love him?’ The questions kept coming.
‘Yes.’
‘Then I think you’d be making a mistake not to marry him. What are you waiting for?’
‘I’m scared.’
‘Of what?’
‘I’m scared of the physical side of things.’ Juliet hadn’t told Sam that because it hadn’t been until he’d stopped kissing her and she’d thought of what would come next that she’d realised what had been holding her back. She knew it was silly, childish even, to worry, and it wasn’t Sam’s reaction that concerned her. He’d told her everything she needed to hear but she knew from past experience that the reality might be very different. To her at least. And she didn’t know if she had enough confidence.
‘Why? I thought that was why you decided to go ahead with the reconstructive surgery.’
‘That was part of the reason but I haven’t tested the waters yet. I still don’t know if I’m ready for the whole naked thing.’
‘There’s only one way to find out. The two of you need a weekend away together.’ Maggie loved to organise things and Juliet could tell she sensed a chance to take over. ‘Why don’t you book something? I’ll come down to Melbourne to mind the kids, or you could drop them off with me in Sydney and go to Lilianfels in the Blue Mountains?it doesn’t get much more romantic than that. What do you think?’
Juliet knew she’d only be allowed off the phone after she agreed to Maggie’s idea. She conceded her idea probably had merit. If she couldn’t relax with Sam there was no hope for her, so in the interests of an early night she accepted.
‘Okay. I’ll look into it, I promise.’
Juliet had dropped the children at school and she was planning on using her free morning to get her new tulip charm attached to her bracelet and then look into a romantic weekend getaway. She would surprise Sam with the trip, she’d decided. It was her turn to do something nice for him. Maggie was right. This weekend would be just what they needed.
She got into the car and nosed out into the traffic just as the nine o’clock news came on. What she heard made her forget all about a romantic getaway. She sat frozen. She’d pulled away from the kerb and the car was sticking into the traffic, blocking the road, but she was completely oblivious to the hold-up she was causing.
‘Repeating our lead story—there has been an explosion on board a navy vessel in Western Port Bay, south of Melbourne.’
Her heart started racing.
‘A navy spokesman has confirmed that at six-twenty this morning there was an unscheduled explosion during a training exercise being run out of HMAS Cerberus.’
Her stomach twisted, tying itself in knots. She took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from gagging. Cars were negotiating their way around her vehicle now, tooting their horns at her as they passed, and she suddenly noticed she was causing a delay. She reversed back into her parking spot as the newsreader continued.
‘No fatalities have been reported but two navy personnel were seriously injured and have been airlifted to hospital. Several others have sustained minor injuries and are being treated at the scene.
Juliet felt physically ill. Sam had gone back to the base last night because he had a two-day training exercise starting today.
She scrambled in her bag for her mobile phone. She hit the button that was the shortcut for Sam’s mobile. It went straight to message bank. He was either on the phone or it was switched off. She couldn’t bear to think of the third option—that it had been damaged.
She threw the phone onto the passenger seat, checked for traffic, pulled back onto the road and began driving. She wasn’t aware of making a conscious decision to head to the base but when she realised she was heading south it seemed as good an option as any and she kept going. She hit the redial button as she drove but the result was the same each time—Sam’s message bank.
A round trip took three hours. She had six hours until she had to collect the children. Either she’d reach the base or she’d get through to him on his phone. Either way, she had to speak to him. And she knew what she would say, what she should have said yesterday. Why had she waited? What had she been waiting for?
If the cancer had taught her any lessons, it was that life was short. She hoped she hadn’t missed her opportunity. No. She couldn’t afford to think like that. Sam would be all right. He had to be. B
ut she wouldn’t hesitate again. She was going to get her husband back.
She kept the radio on but there were no further updates.
She kept her phone on but the farther south she got the more concerned she grew. Surely Sam would assume she’d heard the news. If he was all right, why hadn’t he rung to tell her? He’d have to know she’d be worried. Why hadn’t he called to say everything was okay?
She tried his number again. Nothing.
She was almost there now. She was approaching Hastings. Another ten kilometres to go. Another ten minutes.
An ambulance drove towards her as she exited Hastings. Its lights were flashing but the siren wasn’t on. It headed into town, to the hospital, as she continued to drive south.
The gates of HMAS Cerberus loomed in front of her. She pulled into the car park on the public side of the gates. She hadn’t stopped to think about what she would do once she reached the base. She’d never arrived unannounced before. Sam had always known she was coming.
The gates opened as she neared the sentry post and another ambulance emerged. Juliet watched it pass her by, hoping Sam wasn’t inside. Hoping Sam wasn’t injured. Or worse.
Traffic was all one way. Coming out. Nothing was going in the other direction.
A small crowd milled around on the outside of the gates. Juliet recognised them for who they were. Navy families, waiting for news. Juliet knew they wouldn’t be able to tell her anything. She wondered if anyone could.
Two defence force personnel manned the gate. Both of them looked harassed. Juliet didn’t recognise either of them but she figured the sentries were the only defence force personnel she’d be able to talk to as she doubted she’d get into the base.
She approached the sentry post on foot.
‘Can I help you, ma’am?’ The slightly older-looking sentry addressed her. She obviously wasn’t the first person to come looking for information.
Rescued by the Dreamy Doc / Navy Officer to Family Man Page 31
