Please Don't Tell My Parents (Book 3): I've Got Henchmen

by Richard Roberts

  They sure were to Master Scorpion. The old guy's reserve had completely cracked. He went bug eyed and stuttering. “Those are mine. Mine by right! That stupid, decrepit fool let a girl child – why is she still alive?!”

  Two things happened at once. Marcia went completely still, hands clasped, and a second later darkness washed over her like a splattering wave of ink. Beads shot out everywhere, plummeting her down out of sight. While she fell, Witch Hunter decided he wanted the rewards of Master Scorpion's teachings enough to skip the middle man. He came up from his kneeling position like an Olympic sprinter, leaping the railing and dropping to the main floor after Marcia.

  I ran two steps to the down escalator, gripping the handrail as I watched the drama below, wondering if and when it would be right to step in.

  Beaddown certainly didn't know what to do. Her beads lay still, scattered everywhere. Everybody just watched, various levels of surprised, as Witch Hunter drew one of his swords and beckoned with one hand at Marcia. “You will give me the scrolls, hero girl. If a child like you can use them both, so can I.”

  Marcia stood with her knees bent, almost crouched, breathing hard. She held her fists clenched, pulled in next to her waist, sneering at Witch Hunter. Her short black hair had achieved record bed-head levels of messiness, red stained the edges of her nostrils, and she was breathing hard, but the look she gave him was totally focused, and her answer simple and calm. “Finders keepers.”

  My hand slipped into my belt pouch. Witch Hunter couldn't possibly be serious about this, robbing someone in plain view in Chinatown on a Saturday night. Maybe nobody could believe he was doing it, and that was why we all stood here like idiots.

  He advanced slowly, step by poised step, the point of his sword between himself and Marcia. “You're a clumsy, rampaging animal, hero child. The scrolls have made you think you're strong, but I can take them from you. I won't let this chance get away from me. Spare yourself the humiliation.”

  That little speech gave him time to close the distance between them, until his blade almost touched Marcia's stomach. He was tense, poised, on guard for anything she might try.

  Except, of course, for the thing only Marcia was insane enough to do. She leaped forward, running herself through. It must have come out at waist level in back, because I saw both scrolls clatter to the floor, stained by her blood, the white scroll unrolled and slashed into a mess.

  Marcia didn't care about any of that. She and Witch Hunter were joined by that sword. Too surprised to drop it, he couldn't dodge when she punched him in the chest.

  It wasn't her best hit. It merely knocked him off his feet and into the wall, like he'd been hit by a car.

  The spell of astonishment broken. People crowded around Marcia. Beaddown asked, “Should we get the sword out?”

  Sue pushed herself to the front. “Yes! Before she passes out. Hold on, Marcia. Keep fighting.”

  I'd never seen Sue's power before, and I wasn't sure what I was seeing now. She held out her hands, and the lights went low around Marcia, who froze, tilted on her side. Without anyone touching it, the sword slid all the way out.

  While everyone watched this in fascination and horror, Witch Hunter stumbled to his feet, and clumsily charged forward towards the discarded scrolls. Fortunately, I was right next to him. As he staggered past me, I threw my cuffs at him. They hit him in a mass, locking around arms, legs, and neck.

  He hit the ground and rolled, but still didn't give up. Tangled like a fly in a web, he twisted around far enough to grab the black scroll with the one hand he could reach out.

  A splash of black and a crackling sound sent him flopping and writhing away.

  Marcia, legs limp and clothes bloody again, dragged herself hand over hand to the scroll. Lifting a fist, she smashed down. The black tube wasn't just crushed, it exploded into scraps of wood and paper.

  The white scroll wasn't in much better shape. Witch Hunter's sword had not only perforated it, but sliced it apart as the scroll fell.

  Up above me, Ray and Master Scorpion looked down at us over the railing. The old man stared at the destroyed scrolls with his usual calm scowl for all of three seconds, and then turned and walked out of sight. The guy had dignity. Forget losing the scrolls. For a fossil like him, seeing a thirteen year old girl not just use but master his precious secret techniques would be the ultimate insult.

  Bull's voice broke through the hush. “Well, that was exciting, for certain. How are you doing, Bradley?” People melted out of his way as he picked up the battered, electrocuted, chained-up Witch Hunter with one hand. Claudia was tucked under his other arm like the proverbial bag of flour. She didn't look happy about it, but she also wasn't actively fighting.

  Marcia climbed to her feet, legs twitching at first, but by the time she was standing up her only worry was holding onto her pants. The sword had cut her belt in half. She smiled up at Bull. “Having a great time, sir!”

  Bull nodded, his smile equally at ease. “Good enough for me. I was going to put it off, but I suppose we should go see Spider next. I have a delivery for her.” He lifted Witch Hunter up like a present.

  The Expert raised a hand. “Excuse me.”

  It earned him a bemused look. “Yes?”

  Waving at Marcia and the other clustered students, the mad scientist asked, “What is the official status of these children?”

  “Family of superheroes, until they make it impossible to treat them as non-professionals.”

  That got a number of nods from the adult villains, but a scowl from the Expert. Staring fixedly at Marcia, he made a disappointed 'mmm' noise. “Pity. Her powers merit further study. I suppose I can buy and dissect her when she goes public.”

  That was the signal for the adults to go back about their business. Us kids stayed very still and quiet in the middle of the hubbub.

  Bull jerked his horned head, and walked off towards one of the discreet garage stairwell doors set into either wall. “Come along, kids. I wanted you to meet Spider under calmer circumstances, but this is a lesson we all have to learn.”

  Rebellion and disorder thoroughly quashed, we all fell in. Subdued whispering did start up in the ranks. Everyone had heard of Spider, but only a few of us knew what to expect. Will certainly did. I saw his grimace of disgust. Cassie did look a bit green about the gills herself.

  We tramped in threes down the cement stairs, and poured into the unused parking garage. By necessity, everyone stayed close to the wall. A giant white cobweb, strung between support pillars and with strands as thick as tow cables, filled most of the space.

  Most of the kids didn't know what they were looking at, at first. I hadn't. The light was dim down here, and even I didn't see Spider until Marcia, confident of her invulnerability, walked right into the web. The huge black widow had to extend one foreleg and gently push her out again.

  There were a lot of screams. A hippopotamus sized, glossy black spider took some getting used to, and that was without seeing how long her legs could stretch.

  Claire had never gotten used to it, and stood back in the stairwell, facing away but propping the door open with her body so she could listen.

  Bull lifted Witch Hunter up above our heads. His bland good cheer had finally vanished. Grimly resigned, he said, “Got something for you.”

  The same foreleg that had ejected Marcia tapped a monitor stuck in the web. In her crisp female voice, Spider answered, “I was watching on the cameras. Witch Hunter has broken a community truce and badly harmed a child, all while attempting to steal an artifact to which he had no personal claim. If Master Scorpion had issued a challenge, there might be some excuse for mercy, but this case could not be more clear.”

  The frown on Bull's elongated animal face only got sadder. “Yes.”

  Spider's disconcertingly ordinary voice added, “I must remind you that if you had been paying as much attention to your other charges as you did your daughter, Witch Hunter would not have had a chance to make this mistake.”


  Bull winced.

  That super-long leg reached out so far it touched Bull's chin. Boys and girls whined and crowded away. Bull, if anything, seemed comforted. Spider certainly sounded sympathetic, more than I'd ever heard her. “I know you don't like this kind of thing, but it has to be done. Deposit him in the web. I'll wait until the children don't have to watch.”

  Claudia started to kick and squirm, but Bull's arm tightened around her. Horror washed over Marcia's face as she realized what was going to happen, and she gave me a pleading, desperate look. A bunch of other kids did the same.

  Shoulders shaking, I nodded at Marcia, then looked pointedly past her at Bull. As he pulled his arm back to throw Witch Hunter, Marcia swiveled and punched him in the wrist.

  It was just enough to make Bull let go. The battered, leather-clad swordsman fell to the concrete floor of the parking garage.

  One teleport bracelet-enhanced step took me past Marcia, close enough to grab Witch Hunter's chains. Another step took me back through the open door of the stairwell, dragging Witch Hunter along. A third step took us to the top of the steps.

  Fiery pain shot through my muscles. The world swam, and I was so tired I could barely breathe. The bracers made it possible, but nothing saved me from the strain of running a good hundred feet carrying a grown man.

  My falling over pushed the door open. My arms would barely move, but I forced them to drag the key out of my pouch and stuff it into one of the handcuffs.

  Everything hurt. I might have fallen unconscious immediately, or maybe it took a few minutes. I couldn't keep track.

  Merely excruciatingly sore all over, I woke up in the back seat of the bus, in the admittedly pleasant and reassuring position of being held between Ray and Claire. We were alone on the bus at the moment, but I could hear other kids outside.

  “What did I miss?” Oh, good. My voice worked just fine.

  Ray preened at the chance to deliver even an abbreviated story. “A lot. Witch Hunter got away. Nobody seemed to care.”

  “I heard some adults arguing about whether you're sweet or just naive. I can't believe they still don't take us seriously,” said Claire.

  Ray shot her a quick, scolding look for interrupting him, then got back to his story. “There was a big argument when some villains wanted to recruit some of us as minions. One of the velociraptors got out, bit off Jacky's head, and Beaddown caught it and put it back in its box.” Ha! My private name for the jewelry-powered girl stuck. Score!

  Claire affectionately pressed her shoulder a little tighter to mine. Equally smug, she said, “All of that is true, but you left out the part where everyone in the club swore fealty to Penny forever and ever.”

  “That's only metaphorically true,” said Ray, and they both burst into laughter.

  We were alone, just me and my two best friends again, and I had learned one very important lesson. Summoning up the power and arrogance and certainty of Bad Penny, I said sharply, “Reviled.”

  Ray blinked. He bent his head low, almost into my lap. “Yes, Darkety Dark Mistress?”

  “You will take me on a date next weekend.” I made it a command.

  Much more excitedly, he said, “Yes, Dark Mistress! Where to?”

  I thought about that for a minute. Where would we both love to go together? “The Natural History Museum. After hours. We are supervillains, after all.”

  Ray stood up straight, his cheeks flushed rose, his smile so giddy he looked like he might float away. “It shall be as you command!”

  Claire gave her platinum locks a playful toss. “And I shall do my part for this mission by breaking the news to your parents.”

  I groaned, relief flooding the tension away as soon as it rose up. “Thank you.”

  I so meant it. That would make my parents finding out merely the most embarrassing event in my entire life.

  y cheeks burned, and my thoughts went '…' Everything felt white and empty, as I stood in front of my parents while they discussed my going on my first date.

  Mom patted my shoulder, and tried to be Parent Casual. “It's fine, Penny, really.”

  “More than fine. We hope you have a great time,” said my dad, completely failing to live up to the Protective Father routine I'd expected.

  “At your age, we would like there to be a chaperone,” said Mom.

  “But not us,” Dad added hurriedly. He couldn't resist a brief, barking laugh before continuing. “A date with your parents along is not a date.”

  That broke a helpless smirk out on Mom's face, and the subtle jerk as she restrained her laughter. Letting me try to cool, she looked back at Dad, and said, “I was thinking they take Claire along. At a discreet distance.”

  Dad's beneficent smile disappeared, replaced by skeptical surprise. “A Lutra? I know you've got some angle on this, my love, but Claire couldn't be more like her mother if they were clones.”

  Okay, now I had to join the smirking. I'd had the exact same thought, once. Where was Mom going with this? Claire was the exact opposite of a chaperone.

  “Do you remember when Misty arranged our first date?”

  Leaning his elbow on the arm of his chair, and resting his cheek on his hand, Dad watched her and reminisced. “You mean when we went up to Portland, and she bought us one hotel room with one bed without telling us.”

  “…and how did that turn out?”

  Dad's grin grew rapidly. “We eventually found her hiding in the closet. I still don't know how she got in there, but we knew she had to be spying on us somehow.”

  They were both grinning like fools now. They'd almost forgotten me. “It was better than a bucket of ice water, but we did have a lot of fun talking about her.”

  “It was a pretty good date. It helped us get really close to each other. Just not the way Misty hoped.”

  Rounding on me to apply her hand encouragingly to my shoulder again, Mom said, “We like Ray, we like that you're getting into relationships, and we think you and he are a good match. It's healthiest for kids your age to take things slow, and knowing there's a Lutra around will ensure that. I could show you the statistics about passive and active peer encouragement, but right now, I think you'd rather go somewhere that's not in front of your Dad and I to absorb this. Right?”

  “Yes. Thanks.”

  I fled, but not in as much terror as I'd expected.

  There might never have been a week I wanted to hurry through more, but like my parents, Ray was super cool and made things easy. He acted like there was no date scheduled at all, no more or less friendly than usual.

  When we headed over to the club on Monday afternoon, I was already feeling more at ease. Bull had his chair out, watching Beaddown roll around on her beads, twirling and extending her arms and occasionally a leg in a way that made me sure she'd had real ballet training. Or possibly ice dancing.

  Claudia stood next to him, but with her back turned and her arms folded. Parenting Issues were happening, but I wouldn't know what to do even if they were my business. There was a lot less to watch than there used to be. Most of the kids without good enough powers to join the tournament were gone. Other Claire stuck around, watching everything with an adorable jealous pout, but I hadn't seen the rainbow haired boy who got things started since… was he even in Chinatown? I couldn't recall seeing him.

  The eleven year old with the super-short ponytail, now sticking out at an angle, sat on Bull's other side. She was engrossed in her picture books. Pudgy Bunny Has A Magic Hat was now accompanied by Pudgy Bunny Draws A Circle and Pudgy Bunny Talks To A Mirror. She'd found a lumpy, worn cowboy hat, but it sat in her lap. A little ball of light floated above it, illuminating her books as she read. Not that she needed it on a clear early Spring afternoon, but if I'd just learned my first spell, I'd sure be using it constantly.

  I sidled up to the hairy ex-supervillain. “Hey, Bull? Does Entropy have a sister?”

  His eyebrow raised. “Mirabelle? What about her?”

  “I heard he hasn't been letting her
attend public school, because she doesn't look human.” I pictured Entropy in my mind. Five feet and change, covered in black fur, yellow eyes, basically an anthropomorphic cat. It went with his powers of bad luck and rot. If she looked like him, I could see why they'd be nervous sending her to a public school.

  Until now, that is.

  “I heard that, and it made me think. Now that our school is full of kids showing off their powers, she could come here and nobody would care. She's got to be lonely, if her brother's keeping her hidden.”

  Claudia's head turned an inch. We had her attention. Bull looked thoughtful. “Entropy's not the easiest guy to get along with, but he loves his sister, and their parents listen to him. I'll have a quiet word with him.”

  Ha! With any luck, I'd just done a favor for Will and this mysterious Mirabelle both.

  “So, you're going to a movie? Next to the museum. Which is closed.”

  “That's correct, Miss Lutra!” I chirped back with vacuous innocence.

  Of course Claire's mom knew. It was only times like this, when she had volunteered to drive us to and from our dating spot, that I appreciated just how much she had covered for us with my parents.

  She stopped the car next to the now closed museum parking lot. If there was a theater anywhere within miles, I couldn't tell, but we all maintained our rosy smiles as Ray, Claire, and I exited the car carrying full backpacks.

  “Call me when you're ready to be picked up, kids. I know how movies always run longer than you can expect, and Brian and Beebee will understand that you'll want to hang around and talk after the show,” she said before closing the door and driving off.

  An excellent and comforting point. My folks weren't expecting us to stick to 'a movie is two hours' time. It was almost as if Miss Lutra had been a teenage girl going out on dates herself, at some point. Although I couldn't imagine any parent trusting her alibis.

  For formality's sake, we waited for her to be out of sight range before Claire dug out my clock controlling clock, and wired it up to her phone.