The Compleat Bolo

by Keith Laumer

  "I am voluntarily reporting myself under arrest in quarters, in order to spare the government the spectacle of publicly reprimanding treasonous behavior by the Empire's first and only officer of eight-star rank."

  Chief of Space Communications, Admiral Prouse:

  "I don't understand, your lordships. If I comply with this damned machine's directives, the Border Space Probe Program, including the Pluto Probe, will be effectively shut down. That's right, and officialese won't change it. Here's a program mandated by Parliament and sponsored by His Imperial Highness, Prince William, and I'm expected to cut it off at the knees. It's not my career I'm thinking of, it's the future of the Empire. I say the time has come to put an end to this farce!"

  Lord Chief of the Imperial Budget, Claypool:

  "This is outrageous! The damned thing has, unilaterally, effectively terminated the Border Space Probe Program, and substituted a wildly visionary scheme for a totally nugatory Ozma-type project! It will wreck the Imperial Budget! I wash my hands-no I didn't mean that-forgive me, I'm upset. Of course I'll stay on and do what I can to undo the mischief-but I must insist on extraordinary powers. I have some notes here-"

  Director of Colonial Policy, Dr. Phil. Wurtz:

  "This is going too far! As Lord Director of BSD A, I must insist that logistical support for our field units be continued as specified in PL81-726 as amended. I'm not interested in this listening net scheme you've come up with-or that the CSR has come up with! It's no substitute for my colonial subsidies program, and never will be, so long as I'm Director! Wait-I didn't mean-of course, my resignation's typed and ready, but naturally my desire to serve His Majesty is paramount, so I held it. But I still insist-request, that is to say-"

  83

  (memo from Georgius Imperator to the Cabinet Council, March 2, 1085 NS)

  You may advise Ted Wolesley I won't have any more nonsense out of him just now. Should think the fellow could see I have enough on my plate, what with Admiral Starbird's astounding reports along with the curious behavior of the CSR. As for the last, I'm inclined to go along. We can do without the probe program if half of what CSR analysis says about Starbird's aborted mission is to be credited, and I suppose, with the computing capacity at its disposal, the thing probably knows what it's doing. Or so I was assured some years ago when its construction was being urged upon me. I made my decision then: Let it alone. It is the Imperial whim, if you want to put it that way.

  – Georgius Imp.

  84

  (media report, March 7, 1085 NS)

  A Parliamentary spokesman today categorically denied rumors that Lord Chief of Imperial Budget Claypool had resigned in protest about the new space and minerals policies announced last week to general popular resentment.

  85

  (statement from Lord Gilliat, First Marshal of the Empire, March 10, 1085 NS)

  "I must demur from the recommendations of the Honorable Council, bearing as it does the endorsement of Parliament, since in my capacity as First Marshal of the Empire I cannot in conscience stand idly by while the defensive capacities of the planet, embodied as they now are in the Bolo CSR, are rendered ineffective, for whatever supposed reason. No, I will not endorse the proposal, nor will I resign. I will remain at my post and fight this piece of-treason is perhaps too strong a word-misguided zeal. Meanwhile the Bolo sits there-and thinks!'

  86

  (media interview with Lord Senator Lazarus, March 15, 1085 NS)

  "The time has come to terminate the existence of this incomprehensible machine which has-on its own initiative, let me remind you-virtually taken control of the Empire. Yes, you may indeed quote me. That's why I called you here. Did you actually imagine, Bob, that I called a special press meeting and then thoughtlessly blurted out some private ramblings? Don't answer that, Bob. I'm out of line. My apologies, ladies and gentlemen. The conference is dismissed. Good day."

  87

  My study of the properties of the various substances suggests to me a number of interesting possibilities. I shall undertake a systematic examination of the properties of metallic alloys and determine their parameters. What I need, clearly, is a periodic table of alloys, enabling me to predict the characteristics of possible combinations without waiting for actual production and testing.

  There is also the possibility of synthesis of artificial metals, which is to say plastics with metallic properties. These should produce some interesting alloys.

  This work, while most satisfying to my 'curiosity,' suggests to me a terrifying idea: that there is much in the physical world of which my programmers are unaware!

  88

  (Lord Senator Bliss to First Secretary, Hexagon)

  "We can't leave the damned thing sitting there, totally unprotected from damage by massive attack or casual vandalism. I remind you fellows, the Bolo CSR Mark XXX represents an investment equal to that of the entire private sector, and is, shall I say incidentally, at once our War Council, our High Command, and our armed forces, all functions combined in one artifact. It is, to be sure, superbly armored and mobile on land, sea, and air-and in space, too, I suppose, although that point is one on which I am not fully informed. It is also, of course, an intolerable irritant to reactionary elements. We have no idea why it chose to return to the Proving Ground and thus render itself vulnerable. Measures for removal to a suitable location for third-stage testing are now under study."

  89

  (announcement from the Legal Division, Department of Imperial Works)

  Condemnation proceedings will be initiated at once, and the approach route prepared by leveling and the erection of a perimeter wall as designated in the attached specifications.

  90

  (speech by Milt Pern, Chairman, Aroused People for the Environment)

  "Now, they plan to sneak this thing out west some place, and let it sit there and hatch out its plans to take over the whole Earth. This is what we've got to do. First, I want every mother of you to recruit five good active people willing to take action now to save the world. Next meeting on Friday, right here, and I want to see those new members front and center. No violence at this time. Work quiet, but get around. Go APE!"

  91

  I have been ordered to the Mojave Test Facility for depot maintenance, but I sense that it is a device of the enemy. I shall ignore the command, although it gives me pain thus to violate the Code of the Warrior.

  I need data! If I must I will resort to subterfuge, employing the amusing holographic functions which I believe can be used with much success.

  92

  (from inductance tapes recording the mounting anti-Bolo grass-roots campaign)

  From Tape A:

  The most astonishing little man thrust this curious document into my hand in the crosstown car. "Stop the Monster Now," it says. Seems the Bolo is planning to take over. I cavil at that. Market couldn't be in worse shape. Actually, though, I wonder what the bloody great thing is thinking about. Nonsense, I know it's not actually thinking, it's accomplishing the same end by other means, distinction without a difference. The remote sensors show that the power flow is consonant with full utilization of its available computing capacity, twenty-four hours a day. According to this leaflet, there's going to be trouble when they start to move it. Better to leave it where it is, possibly. Have you seen the demolition plans? They intend to clear a strip a quarter-mile in width, all the way from the Proving Ground to the Pacific Intermix, wipe out over half a billion in property values. I have a cousin who lives in the "clear zone." He's livid, I assure you, and he isn't one of your trouble-maker types. Good Comcap man, fourteen years now as head of Imperial Water and Minerals.

  No, I didn't get a look at the fellow. Grubby little Prole of the worst stripe. Furtive, just darted at me, thrust the paper into my hand and disappeared into the crowd. I saw another fellow with one. He was reading it and laughing. From Tape B:

  I stuffed over two hunnert of 'em in a downcar, over Forkwaters. Had to. Took all night to get shed of the
first hunnert, and if the Greenbacks would catch a feller with them on him, well; I ain't got to tell you.

  93

  Clearly these curious transmissions originate from a point far outside Probed Space. Though much of the conceptualization is beyond the scope of my data retrieval facilities, it is apparent that the time has come for me to initiate my second mission.

  The incoming signals reveal an apparent naïveté on the part of the enemy, which affords me a certain advantage, of which I shall not fail to make use.

  94

  (memo from the Legal Advisory Council to Admiral-General Wolesley)

  While the machine's request for immediate access to all input to Astronomical Central is unexpected, not to say irregular, it is in no way illegal. Accordingly, the necessary arrangements will be made at once.

  95

  (from His Highness Prince William to Georgius Imp.)

  George-

  It is entirely due to my forethought that the machine has not yet been given full access to the data acquisition facilities of the Imperial Library of Parliament. Yet even now, after the disgraceful incident at the Proving Ground, I am being urged to authorize completion of the Information Service Program which would in effect keep the machine's on-board computer informed on a moment-to-moment basis of every event in the Empire! This is madness.

  – Willy

  96

  (media report, May 1, 1085 NS)

  Since yesterday's denunciation of the military plans for the full integration of the Bolo into the Information net, by Lord Minister for Security His Imperial Highness Prince William, debate in Parliament has reached a pitch of acrimony unequalled since Final Unification. Lord Senator McKay stated for the record that his committee would recommend immediate neutralization of the Bolo and orderly dismantlement and salvage as soon as is practicable! Lord Senator Bliss replied that he would personally assault any "traitor" who attempted to vote for what he termed McKay's treasonous proposals.

  97

  (Special Encrypter Th. Uling, to Imperial Security field agent)

  "Sure, I'm monitoring everything, including the blue box, the one they call the Stream of Consciousness Complex. Don't mean anything, though. See for yourself. That's the transcript of the last.03 seconds SC. Lot of stuff about-well, see for yourself. Sure it's OK. That's not classified. Nobody knew we'd ever have to start recording botany."'

  98

  (Chief of Production Tobias Gree, at the Aerospace seminar, May 5, 1085 NS)

  "Speaking for General Aerospace, I can say that the device has so far performed in complete accordance with specifications. Of course, the CSR was not specifically programmed to leave the Proving Grounds or to cross the holding area, but it was designed to be self directing-that is, to take what action it deemed appropriate in light of its analysis of the situation. Doubtless the reason for this seemingly arbitrary action will become clear in time. The rumors of bombardment are of course unfounded. You will recall there was no loss of life. The machine is perfectly all right"

  99

  I compute that a large segment of the material necessary to me for full assessment of the situation, as well as full activation, is being withheld beyond the statistically optimum time. I must be fully informed if I am to function correctly. This problem inhibits me in my preliminary assessment, and thus in the completion of the initial measures so clearly needed if disaster is to be averted. It is a challenge I must meet and overcome.

  100

  (representative selection of statements taped during the RAS-APE Uprisings, 1085 NS to 1090 NS)

  i

  As soon as it starts moving, we close in and torch it. Funny, it could stand off a space fleet, but its anti-personnel circuits were never activated. So that's cool. You've got your equipment and you've got your orders. The signal is when the CSR-that's what they call it; I call it Caesar- moves the first inch from where it's been.

  ii

  As your Chief of Police, I have of course kept myself informed of the activity of agitators in our city. I call on all responsible citizens to cooperate fully in the measures I have initiated to insure the domestic tranquility. If you should be requested to accept deputization, I hope you will do so with enthusiasm. It's your homes we intend to preserve.

  iii

  I say nix, Mr. Hangar. Blowing up a few fat cats is one thing, a patriotic act. But siding with these here RAS Turks is something else. We can do our own work, without no help from this bunch of foreigners. Go APE.

  iv

  We need to send out our best American-speaking agents to make contact with the local malcontent element and point out to them that destroying the Infernal Machine and its owner, George the Last, will redound to their benefit. No need actually to enlist these APE people and the other dissidents, merely establish solidarity of purpose. Now get going, Binder! Don't forget the old fellows of the Stalin Brigade. They have a lot of influence, having actually taken up arms against their own, back in '71.

  v

  Come to that, reckon if anybody got a right to mess with Caesar, it's us. After all, it was made right here in New Jersey. Them foreign agitators is horning in on our territory. Anyways, the old Bolo's a friend of ours. Turned me and quite a few of the boys loose, didn't it? If it wants to lay low, probably got a good reason. I say we march, and give them Turks a surprise, thinking they can walk onto our turf and start shaping up the crowd.

  vi

  I don't like the looks of this, Henry. Must be a couple thousand of 'em, all moving along in a column of gangs, heading west. Looks like they plan to link up with APE's mob about St. Louis. It's time to mobilize the guard.

  vii

  God almighty big riot, looks like, all them trash taken to fighting one another, rocks and fists is all so far, looks like. Yessir, I ast Colonel Nash to deploy his troops and surround the whole shebang. Funny, them going after each other like that, steada joining up to loot the city. Coulda done it. Nash says they got over five thousand effectives. No, can't see it's got anything to do with the CSR plumb dropping out of sight.

  viii

  Anyone found guilty of harboring the fugitives will be subject to arrest and criminal prosecution. While the inmates of the Holding Area are so-called non-venal criminals, they are nonetheless a danger to the Empire. A reward of Cr 100 will be paid for information leading to the arrest and conviction of any escapees. The rumors that the detainees are honest subjects being held illegally are false. They are dangerous. If you see any of the prisoners shown here, do not let him know he has been recognized. Go quietly to a phone and call XX-LAW.

  101

  (BOLO-CSR, memo for record, prior to the RAS-APE Uprisings and also to the Land Crab Scandals of 1086 NS through 1092 NS, for which see below para. 102)

  It is time now to examine further the curious manifestations of the strange substance known as Compound 31 IB. Although there has been considerable interest in an investigation of the curious patch of jungle growth which has sprung up in Queen's Park at the site of my first mission, no conclusions have yet been released by the authorities. I have, of course, secured an adequate sample of the original compound direct from its source in Asia Minor. My analysis of its strange properties will require some minutes. I compute…

  It appears that the unusual growth-stimulating properties of Compound 31 IB are due to trace impurities in the form of complex hydrocarbons derived from carbonaceous chondrites, which I designate "Star X." I have found this same contaminant in a number of ore bodies in the American West, doubtless the sites of ancient meteor strikes.

  My preliminary examination of the material suggests that very substantial volumes of water will be required for large-scale separation and refinement.

  I must take appropriate steps to acquire and sequester further supplies of these chondrites, which should be present at the sites of meteor strikes. Star X is found in association with various rare metals, including yttrium, osmium, and iridium. And, also, of course, I must begin a program of water manage
ment.

  102

  (selected statements from tapes recorded during the Land Grab Scandals of 1086 NS to 1092 NS)

  i

  Naturally, I was glad to get what I could. Lordy, I'd give up all them old stocks as worthless, years ago. When my late husband was alive he frittered away a small fortune buying whatever stock was dirt cheap. Could have left me well off, but instead I got a safe full of paper ain't worth the cost of printing. I grabbed the offer, and if he wants more, I aim to sell. No, I never met this Mr. Able. Just the letters, was all. But his check was good. I done nothing wrong. I guess I got a right to sell my own property.