Aurelia felt for the edge of the dining table and sat down. She opened her mouth, shut it again. He watched her through bloodshot eyes while she tried to comprehend what she was hearing.
‘My father was a cold, controlling swine who made our lives miserable. My mother and I lived constantly in misery thanks to his coldness and bitterness. Rather than live under his roof after I was sent to school my mother left and took me with her.’
‘But you told me...’
‘Of course I did,’ Jonathan snapped. ‘As I told everyone who asked. Only Edward knew the truth and he was sworn to secrecy. Our whole lives here were based on that lie.’
His eyes flashed and he took her hands, fingers gripping tightly. ‘As you are now.’
‘Why are you telling me?’ Aurelia asked.
‘Because you deserve an explanation of why I’m not entirely in command of myself,’ he said, pointing an unsteady finger at her. ‘And because you are my wife. And a husband and wife should have no secrets from one another. I am done with secrets.’
Aurelia dropped her head, thinking of the letter from Arthur that was still hidden in her writing slope and the secret of her romance that she had never shared with Jonathan. She should have told him. Jonathan walked unsteadily to the table and abandoned his whisky. He poured a large measure of brandy, tipped it down his throat and placed the tumbler carefully down again, nudging it until the glass was perfectly at the centre of the coaster and lined up with the whisky tumbler.
‘You see, Mrs Harcourt, I’ve received a great blow today,’ he said. ‘Edward asked me to retrieve some papers from his desk in the office. As I’ve mentioned before, his filing system needs a complete overhaul and while I was looking I found a letter addressed to him from my father. One of a series.’
He curled his fist around the brandy glass tightly enough it could almost shatter. ‘My father always knew where we were, but, thanks to Edward’s intervention, he chose to let us live in peace. I don’t know why. Presumably Edward used their previous friendship as a lever, though why he would be friends with that swine I don’t know.’
Aurelia gently prised the glass free and put it softly on the table. She stood quietly, uncertain what to do while her husband raged.
‘That’s not the worst of it,’ Jonathan continued. He took a deep breath and his face contorted in disgust. ‘It appears my father had been attempting to support my mother ever since she left her marriage. He had been sending her money and she refused to spend it on herself. No wonder she died leaving such an inheritance.’
‘That’s good, isn’t it?’ Aurelia asked.
‘No!’ Jonathan’s head whipped around. ‘She left him. I supported her. I worked hours in the mill, working the machines amid the noise and dust. Spending my nights learning so I might prove capable enough to work as a clerk in the office. I need not have bothered. My path was already arranged. Edward always intended to offer me employment in some capacity. I bought my shares in the business with that devil’s lucre.’
Aurelia added a large measure of soda from the siphon to the half-empty glass of whisky and held it out to him. He took it and gave her a bleak smile. She drew up the footstool and sat down beside him while he sipped the whisky and soda and gradually his trembling stopped.
‘I confronted Edward with the letters and he admitted everything. He asked me if I would visit my father before he dies. He asked for my forgiveness, but I refused. I told him our friendship was over and I would begin proceedings to dissolve the partnership. We parted angrily and I returned to the mill. An hour later Edward’s valet sent a boy to fetch me. Edward had taken to his bed, overcome with grief. I refused to go. I couldn’t forgive him and I may be too late.’
Jonathan bit back a sob. ‘My greatest friend and I turned my back on him. If his end comes quicker as a result of my words or actions I shall hold myself responsible.’
Aurelia put her hand on his. He stared at her bleakly.
‘I’m sorry. You shouldn’t see me like this. I hoped you would have gone to bed.’
‘How could I go to sleep not knowing where you were? Now I’m even more glad I stayed up. I hate the thought that you might have been grieving alone.’
Jonathan shivered, then seemed to pull himself together, but his eyes grew bright with pain and the tears that he was holding back pooled on his lower lashes, turning his eyes a startling topaz blue. Aurelia tried not to notice, ashamed that at the time of his greatest grief she was thinking about something so trivial.
‘Alone...’
Jonathan ran his hands through his hair which was in disarray in an attempt to straighten it, but only succeeded in disordering the waves further.
‘Edward was everything to me,’ he muttered. ‘Mentor, friend, confidant. Sometimes he felt like a father to me and now that means nothing. I am alone.’
He drained his glass and sighed. Aurelia took the glass and refilled it. As an afterthought she poured one of her own, topping them both up with a good quantity of soda.
‘You aren’t alone,’ she said quietly, holding the glass out. ‘I’m here. If you want me.’
Did he understand what she was trying to say? She wanted to tell him she loved him outright, but fear of adding to his turmoil held her back.
‘It was Edward’s doing that I married you, you know. What next? I discover his lungs are perfectly healthy and he will live another twenty years and that was merely a pretence?’
He turned his face away. Aurelia’s heart missed a beat. What small consolation it must be to lose his greatest friend and be left with the wife he had never wanted. How fortunate she hadn’t shared her heart. She finished her drink and put the glass back beside the decanter. She had drunk it too quickly because her head was already starting to feel fuzzy and when she picked up her sewing basket her hand trembled. She walked to the door.
‘You don’t have to go.’
She hesitated and looked round. Jonathan held a hand out and gave her a crooked smile. It was nowhere near as warm as his usual ones but at least it seemed he was trying to gather himself together.
‘I mean... I didn’t mean that I regret marrying you. I don’t. I’d appreciate your company. I’d like you to stay.’
She returned to her seat opposite him, but he had lapsed into his thoughts. She opened the basket and took out the blouse she was hemming. She hoped it had been the whisky that had made them both get Jonathan’s meaning muddled and he hadn’t accidentally spoken the truth in his heart. She irritably stabbed the needle through the cloth, missed a couple of stitches and then pricked her finger and gave a cry of irritation as a drop of blood welled.
Jonathan looked up, the sound seemed to have drawn him from his reverie. He furrowed his brow. ‘Did you hurt yourself?’
‘Not greatly,’ she replied. She held out her finger for him to see and was surprised when he took it and brought it close to his eyes. He wiped away the bead of blood with his thumb and pressed it hard on her finger to stem the bleeding. He held it for a moment, released the pressure and examined her finger intently. Then, to Aurelia’s surprise, he lifted it to his lips and kissed the spot. It was how she might treat a child’s injury, but as the warm moistness of his lips closed around the soft flesh of her fingertip, the feelings that spread through her were anything but childlike. She looked up and discovered his eyes were on her. A drum began to beat in her head; a fast rhythm that drowned out any other sense. Her husband watched her closely. Keeping his eyes raised to hers, he put his mouth in the palm of her hand and kissed it once again. Her insides jolted and she took a deep breath. He hadn’t touched her so intimately since New Year’s Eve and now the slightest tenderness was overwhelming. She felt the familiar spinning sensation as desire coursed through her and she curved her fingers over the back of his hand.
Jonathan moved his lips further up until they were over the veins in her wrists. She wondered if he would be able to fee
l the excitement that raced along with her blood beneath the surface of her skin. He kissed her there fiercer now and more fervently. Aurelia bit back a gasp of pleasure. She ran her free hand over his other arm and slid her fingers beneath his shirtsleeve, scraping her nails over the inside of his wrist, mirroring the place where he kissed her. He growled in the back of his throat and pressed his lips harder against her wrist, then all at once pulled away and looked back into her eyes.
She had never seen such raw hunger. He held her gaze with a challenge, like an animal begging to be free. She was not sure how this creature had come to replace her husband, but his expression was more intoxicating than whisky. When his mouth closed over hers there was no hesitation whatsoever in her and she met his waiting lips with fierce passion.
Somehow they were standing, lips locked, arms tight, each trapping the other within an embrace. They pulled apart to stare at each other, both breathing heavily. Jonathan’s face was flushed and Aurelia expected hers would be similarly reddened from the heat that blazed in her cheeks.
‘I want you,’ Jonathan growled.
‘I need you,’ Aurelia answered.
His lips came down on hers again, crushing, pulling. A frenzy that was unmatched. She revelled in it. He pulled her close, gripping her buttocks through the mass of skirts. She pushed herself towards him, wishing she was rid of the cumbersome obstacles. Jonathan picked her up and swept her into his arms. The rush as she was lifted off her feet and crushed against his chest was exhilarating.
‘What are you doing?’ she gasped.
‘Taking you to bed before I have you here and now on the dining room floor,’ Jonathan replied, his eyes burning into her fiercely.
Aurelia wrapped her arms around his neck. ‘Then we had better go quickly.’
When he had carried her before she had been insensible with pain and had not appreciated the ease with which he lifted her, but now she grasped his strength.
At the top of the stairs Jonathan hesitated. Aurelia’s stomach seized. He was going to stop as he had done on New Year’s Eve. The thought of that rejection and disappointment was too much to bear. She could not risk those associations and memories ruining tonight.
‘Take me to your room,’ she said.
He didn’t hesitate and for the first time in their marriage Aurelia found herself in her husband’s domain. She had little time to appreciate it, however, because as soon as he settled her on her feet, his hands were at her clothing and his lips were on her neck. They undressed each other frantically and barely made it as far as the bed before the hands that had torn at clothes were teasing at their naked bodies, stroking and pulling and touching. Their hands collided as they scrabbled downwards. She took hold of his erection and he plunged his fingers up between her thighs.
There was no holding back now and any reservations Jonathan might have had were absent. He backed her towards the bed, clutching her to him tightly. Aurelia fell back, pulling him with her. She wrapped her legs around him and jutted her hips up so that his delicious hardness was pressing where she needed him to be. If he did have second thoughts, she would trap him there and not release him until the longing that had been pent up inside her was beaten into submission. She needn’t have worried. Jonathan showed no hesitation. He seemed to be pouring all his anger and pain into his lovemaking, surging against her until he was practically lifting her off the bed in his passion. When finally it was over, he dropped beside Aurelia and held her to him as if he never intended to let her go.
She lay sated and contented with her head resting on his shoulder. Usually afterwards Jonathan left her and returned to his own room. Now it was she who should leave, but he held her so tightly that she could not slip free. Nor did she want to. She closed her eyes, thinking that a few minutes more would be acceptable.
‘You don’t have to go,’ Jonathan murmured, adjusting his arm so she could nestle more comfortably. ‘I’d like you to stay.’
‘I’d like to stay.’
Aurelia pulled the sheet over them both and stared around at the unfamiliar shadows on furniture and ornaments she hadn’t even had time to notice. Soon she felt her limbs beginning to grow heavy and her eyes shutting of their own accord. She burrowed down closer to Jonathan.
‘Thank you,’ Jonathan murmured. He rolled on to his side and pulled her close, his top leg crooked over hers. The room was chilly, but Jonathan’s body was warm and curiously it appeared that naked flesh was better at heating her up than a body clad in wool or linen. Aurelia rolled on to her side, lying with her spine pressed against Jonathan’s chest and her feet tucked between his, drowsing. She wriggled to get a little more comfortable and her buttocks rubbed up against something hard that she would have sworn wasn’t there a second before. She heard Jonathan give a long, drawn-out sigh.
‘Aurelia, are you still awake?’ he murmured softly. His lips were very close to her ears and tickled delightfully.
‘Yes,’ she whispered.
‘Good,’ Jonathan answered, ‘because when you brush up against me like that it makes it extremely hard to settle to sleep.’
His hand slid softly down across her front and his fingers began to gently stroke across her skin. He traced the curve of her belly then began to caress her breasts while he kissed the back of her neck. She arched her back to encourage his mouth and fingers to reach further and she discovered with delight that Jonathan only needed to shift the smallest degree to enter her from behind. They made love for the second time, lying in that position. At first, Aurelia doubted that the same result could be achieved by almost no movement as by the frenzied acrobatics they had previously performed, but sure enough, with Jonathan moving in a leisurely rhythm and his lips and fingers providing a harmony to their tune, she felt the rising tide cresting within her.
Afterwards there was no talk of her leaving and they lay wrapped in each other’s arms until the sun rose.
Chapter Eighteen
Jonathan awoke with a pounding headache and a numb arm. The headache was easily explained away by the amount of whisky he had drunk and it became apparent that the arm was caused by Aurelia’s weight pinning it down.
The events of the previous night gradually formed in his mind. He’d returned home in a drunken state after frequenting the sort of establishments he had never entered before. He’d blurted out everything to Aurelia in a bitter tirade. Then, incredibly, they’d made love—although the animalistic coupling they had first done could hardly be termed that. It had been raw and frantic; a show of all the pent-up emotion and hunger Jonathan had kept so firmly under guard. At one point she had cried his name aloud and he had answered with hers, repeating it over and over as he kissed her face, hair, breasts.
He’d asked her to stay for the night because the thought of being alone—of being without her—had been unbearable. He should never have made the request, having promised her she would always have her privacy to sleep, but astoundingly she had agreed. And she was still there now. She was the rock he had instinctively clung to. The one he had sought for consolation and he never wanted to sleep without her by his side again.
He craned his head to look down at her and discovered she was already awake.
‘How long have you been awake?’ Jonathan asked.
‘Maybe a quarter of an hour,’ she answered. ‘I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so deeply asleep.’
Jonathan’s insides squirmed a little at the idea she had been watching him sleep. It made him feel both vulnerable and excited at the thought. Aurelia put her hand on his chest. Her fingers were icy cold. A shocking contrast to the warmth of their bodies. Jonathan blinked in surprise and shuddered.
‘Good grief, Aurelia, you’re an icicle!’
He took her hand and wrapped it in his, bringing it to his lips to warm it with his breath. Aurelia giggled, deep toned and infectious.
The room was beginning to warm up. The fire w
as crackling softly in the grate, which meant that some time earlier Sarah, the maid, had slipped into Jonathan’s room and lit it. She did this every morning, usually without waking Jonathan, and presumably paid her employer no attention. He hoped she would not have noticed there were two bodies in the bed, especially as it now dawned on him that both he and Aurelia had slept naked. Then again, why on earth should his wife not spend the night in his bed? Why should they not spend every night together?
He rolled on to his front and embraced Aurelia. ‘Thank you for last night,’ he murmured. ‘Please forgive what I said and did. I was not fully in possession of myself. It won’t happen again.’
Aurelia put her hand to his cheek, fingers a little warmer now thanks to his efforts. Her fingers scratched in his stubble. He needed to shave and wash, but the teasing sensation of Aurelia’s fingernails against the roughness felt too good. Far too good, because that simple touch had set his body alight. They had only ever made love at night before and he wondered how different the experience would be in the morning when they were both still sleepy and warm.
He decided to find out and began to kiss her. Immediately her lips began to crush his and she rolled closer. This passionate side of her always took him by surprise.
‘Slowly,’ he murmured. ‘We have got all day.’
Aurelia frowned. ‘Don’t you need to go to the mill?’
‘That can wait,’ Jonathan said. ‘I don’t want to think about that now. I’d rather concentrate on you.’
She slid her fingers down his neck, tickling his collarbone and smiled at him, eyes dancing. ‘Then, Jonathan, I would like it very much if you would kiss me again.’
So he did. And much more.
* * *
It was mid-morning when finally they both agreed they were sated. Breakfast would be cold or had been removed from the dining room. He wondered idly what his servants would be thinking and decided on balance it was worth the gossip to have spent half the morning making love to Aurelia.
The Silk Merchant's Convenient Wife Page 19
