by Loretta Lost
“I wish I could take all your pain,” I tell her softly. “I wish I could do your exams for you, and take some of your burden away.”
“What are you talking about?” she says, giving me a puzzled smile. “You did take away my pain by giving me this book. And I’m going to ace that exam. The course was insanely easy, anyway.”
I sigh with relief and bury my face into her hair. “That’s my girl,” I say fondly. “You’re stronger than you realize.”
“Only because of you,” she tells me, reaching up to give me an awkward hug while continuing to flip through the pages. “Now, please go and get me some more coffee. This is a really long book. If Richard and Kahlan can actually survive these trials, then I should definitely be able to survive college. MIT is nothing compared to the Midlands.”
Chapter Sixteen
Sophie Shields, 2016
“I’m sorry. I overdid it on the drugs,” Benjamin tells me softly, as I stir awake. “I know that I went too far and you got really sick. But you need to trust that there’s a method to my madness.”
To say that I feel hung over would be a huge understatement. Groaning, I try to move my limbs, and find that I am still in the zombielike state of being half-alive.
Corpse-adjacent, you called it earlier, Snow reminds me. I liked that.
It’s good to hear your voice, I tell her. I was worried I’d lost you.
“You may have slightly overdosed,” Benjamin tells me. “Which is entirely my fault, princess. I may have been overzealous in your medication. But you must understand, you were being so violent. I needed to subdue you, so I could make you see reason.”
“Reason?” I ask him weakly. I was trying to be indignant or sarcastic, but I couldn’t muster the strength to put either of those emotions in my voice.
“Yes. You see, I’ve been sitting on some information that could change your life. I just had to make sure you really didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what?”
“About the terrible mistake you made.”
I can’t follow his cryptic speech as my head rolls back and forth across the pillow in a daze.
“Joy?” Benjamin asks, and the young girl stirs. I realize then, that she is curled up against my side, with her arm resting on my stomach.
“Do you feel a strong connection to Serenity?” Benjamin asks.
“I like her a lot,” Joy answers with a yawn.
“That’s understandable. You see, there’s something I’ve been waiting to tell you both. But I’ve been waiting to see how you two got along, first.”
I am feeling way too sick for Benjamin’s mind games right now. I try to ignore him and go back to sleep.
“Serenity, Joy is your daughter.”
This is a very strange and random statement. “I don’t have a daughter,” I tell him hoarsely. I am so drugged that this is fucking with my already fucked up head.
“But you do,” he responds. “You see, I’ve known about your new identity for a little while. From the moment you and Cole submitted your DNA for testing, years ago. I kept tabs on you, and I had a private investigator follow you around, taking pictures to make sure you really were my long lost daughter.”
“I wasn’t sure until my P.I. informed me that you had abandoned Cole. That you disappeared off the radar. It took him a few months, but he was able to track you to a seedy little motel in the absolute middle of nowhere.” Benjamin looks at me knowingly.
“And you were pregnant.”
The accuracy of his words startles me out of my substance-induced stupor, and I try to sit up and focus on what he is saying. He speaks slowly and clearly, but he has to repeat himself several times before I can understand.
“Joy is the baby you had at that motel.”
“No,” I tell him, “This isn’t possible. I miscarried.”
“Four years ago, a baby girl was born prematurely in a motel room bathtub, most likely due to the poor nutrition of her mother. She was found crying and alone in a pool of blood and placenta, where she had been abandoned. Her little lungs were so underdeveloped that she could barely breathe. No one thought she would survive, but she was a tough little girl. A good girl, who was filled with joy despite her rough start in this world. She was determined to be good, and kind, and happy, in the face of everything bad.”
“Is that me?” Joy asks in wonder.
“Yes, sweetheart. It was you!”
“So you’re saying that Miss Serenity is my real mommy? For real?”
Benjamin nods. “I just had to make sure she wouldn’t hurt you, Joy. Not even if it meant self-preservation. I needed to be absolutely certain before I could let both of you know.”
“Why would I ever hurt her?” I ask him in annoyance. “You’re the one who hurts children.”
“On the contrary, my dear. You’re the one who kills children.”
His logic frustrates me. I wish I could press my hands over my ears, but they are still tied together over my head. “This is the most insane thing I’ve ever heard,” I mumble to myself.
“She’s four years old,” Benjamin points out. “Weren’t you suspicious about her age? Why she’s the perfect age that your child would have been?”
“There are plenty of children around four years old,” I say in annoyance.
“Not many that look exactly like you, and share your DNA,” Benjamin counters.
Maybe it’s my drugged state, but I decide to humor him for a second. Looking down at Joy, I consider the possibility that I somehow did carry a pregnancy to full term. How could I possibly do that with zero memory of—
Shit. There is a way.
I close my eyes. I think I’m going to throw up. Snow, I whisper accusingly. What did you do?
No, no. It wasn’t me. I would never…
We are both silent, then. I know we’re thinking the same thing.
But there’s someone else who lives down here in the basement, Snow points out. And we don’t know much about her. What do you remember about back when we lost the baby?
I try to think of a response to her question, but I can’t. The truth is, I don’t remember much of that time period. And it makes me feel sick to think back to it. All I remember is breaking down, and breaking apart. I was overwhelmed with fear, and memories of my first pregnancy. I was overwhelmed in general.
“You found me back then,” I say to Benjamin, in confusion. “What did you do to me? I was so sick.”
“I did nothing but watch you destroy yourself, darling. You abandoned a newborn infant inside a cold, ceramic box, before disappearing and relocating across the country. Don’t you remember this?”
My eyes grow deeply narrowed.
Did I really give birth to a little girl? Is it actually possible? But Snow would know, wouldn’t she? She handled all those situations—the situations I couldn’t handle.
But who handles the situations I can’t handle? Snow asks.
Stop it, I tell her. You’re actually scaring me.
He’s just messing with you, Snow assures me. Come on. This can’t really be true. Right? We would know. We would both know if we had a child!
The same way I always know when you’ve slept with Cole?
That’s not the same. Not even a little bit.
Oh, yeah? So who got me pregnant?
Dammit! Why do you both blame me for this? Take a little responsibility. You two are the ones who share a great love, and I’m just the one who likes to finish what you’ve started.
Like my pregnancies?
No! Jesus, Serena, I don’t appreciate the accusation. I’d have to be a real monster to hide something like that from you. Besides, we don’t even have stretch marks.
Snow’s evasiveness and flippant responses are only serving to make me more anxious about this whole situation.
Joy is touching my hair and shoulder curiously. “Is it true?” she asks with wide eyes. “Are you my mommy?”
“I don’t know,” I say with puzzlement, touching her han
d. “But it doesn’t really matter. I’m going to take care of you either way.”
Joy nods and smiles, as tears start to form in her eyes. “I really hope you are my mommy. That would be the bestest present ever. It would be a dream come true.”
Except for the fact that if it’s true, it means I’ve done the unforgivable. I will have harmed a child in exactly the same way my own mother did to me. I will have been the cause for exposing Joy to people like Benjamin. I’m not sure I could ever forgive myself for that.
“I wanted to adopt her,” Benjamin tells us. “But it was a little tricky when I was campaigning for office. I still made sure she was in a good group home, and I visited regularly. And bought her ice cream.”
“The ice cream was always tasty,” Joy agrees reluctantly.
“Serenity, I am happy to say that Joy has filled the hole in my heart that you made a long time ago. You see, I may seem like a cruel man to you, but I am merely passionate. I love children, and I do not like to see them in pain. I do not like to see them die before they even have a chance to be born. I think children are the only truly good human beings—they are pure, and blameless.” He smiles at Joy before continuing.
“They are resilient. Given half a chance, children can surprise you, and do amazing things. Just like you did, Serenity. Although, you would have done much greater things if you had stayed with me. With all of my resources, I could have helped you to build such a wonderful life.”
His eyes suddenly grow dark. “But you just took from me. You left me, and you killed my child. Our child. You killed so many of my beautiful hopes for our future together. So, I took Joy from you. I took your future, with Cole. I figured you owed me a child after stealing one from me all those years ago.”
At the mention of Cole’s name, guilt and pain starts to flood my chest. If all this is true—how will he ever forgive me? If I am the reason that Cole never knew his daughter—a daughter he wanted so desperately—then I have basically destroyed his happiness with my weakness and madness. I have ripped away the most precious years, years we could have spent together.
I lift my hands toward Joy, still bound together at the wrists, and cup her face gently. I search for evidence of Cole in her eyes, in her eyebrows, in her cheeks, in her chin. I search for Cole in the slope of her forehead and jaw, her nose and ears. I stare at her until I start to see little pieces of Cole staring back at me, lighting up like on a CAT scan.
“No, no,” I say in fierce denial, pulling my hands away from Joy’s face. “This isn’t true. This can’t be true. I never would have done something so dreadful. I never could have done that to Cole. There is no part of me that could ever do such a thing.”
Benjamin scoffs. “You seem to have become a big advocate for women’s rights, lately, including women’s reproductive rights. But what about father’s rights? You ripped away all my rights. So, I ripped away yours. I wanted you to see what it feels like to be the one who isn’t in control. I wanted you to see what it feels like when your body is so bruised and battered that you can barely move.”
For the first time since I’ve been abducted, I actually turn to look at my captor in the face. I actually try to see him as a person, and try to understand his motivations.
“Did you know I was alone in that hospital for months after you pushed me from that balcony?” Benjamin asks softly. “No one came to visit me. No one cared. Everyone I thought I knew—everyone I thought I loved. They all turned on me. They all showed their true colors.” His lips pull together tightly, forming a thin little line.
“The doctors said I would never walk again. And all I could think about was how could you do this to me? My darling little princess—so soft and sweet. How could she tear my heart out like this, and leave me to die? How could she leave me broken and alone in a godforsaken place like Florida?”
I do not respond.
He nods. “So, I took your daughter.”
Turning away from him, I bury my face into the pillow.
“You’re Kill Bill,” I mumble. “Or Rumpelstiltskin.”
He laughs loudly at this. “That’s a fair comparison. I can turn anything into gold, and I was always going to steal your first-born child, Snow.”
I flinch at his words, feeling truly naked for the first time. “What did you call me?”
“Yes. Did you think I didn’t know about Snow?” He chuckles. “Darling, I know everything about you. I know you better than you know yourself. I also know about Sibyl.”
My eyebrows lift in confusion. “Who is Sibyl?”
Benjamin grins. “Like I said. I know you better.”
I feel deeply uncomfortable. There’s power in a name. And he shouldn’t know that name. He shouldn’t know anything about Snow. I have no idea how he does, but I can feel Snow inside me, and I can feel that she feels that he needs to die. Also, if there is power in a name, I have gained some.
I now know the name Sibyl. And while I’m not sure what it means, I am sure I will find out eventually. Perhaps, with a little help from Snow.
“Do you hate her?” Benjamin is asking Joy. “Do you hate Serenity for abandoning you?”
“Nope! If she’s my mommy, then I love her lots. If she’s not my mommy, that’s okay. A little sad, but still love her lots.”
“I don’t understand,” Benjamin says. “Look at what she’s done to your life. You could have grown up with a loving family if it weren’t for that awful woman who left you to die.”
“No way. Ever since I met her, she’s been super nice. I don’t think she would ever do that on purpose. You’re the bad guy. You stole me.”
Benjamin frowns. “Just great,” he says to me, placing a hand on my side. “You’ve turned Joy against me.”
But I am no longer paying any attention to him. Joy is sitting close to me, and I take comfort in the warmth she provides as my body shivers violently in the cold. I’m not sure if it actually is cold, or if I am just unable to get warm. Or if I’m just shaking due to detoxing from whatever Benjamin has been injecting me with for days.
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that she forgave you so easily. You’re a really good girl, Serenity. That’s why I never stopped loving you, all these years. You do something to me—you make me feel more alive. That’s why I keep hoping that we will come to an understanding, and start being honest with each other. And kind. We don’t need to keep treating each other with such unnecessary violence.”
“Please leave,” I tell him quietly.
He hesitates. I guess he is surprised that I am giving him orders now, even though I am the one in chains. But something has changed. Our power dynamic has changed. I am not sure why, exactly. Have I just been pushed a little too far?
No, you haven’t. You’ll know when you get pushed too far.
Because I’m here, waiting in the ranks, ready to take over. Ready to end this all. I don’t care who this Sibyl bitch is. You have me.
I’ve been building power, building steam, building hatred.
Now, I am poised for attack.
I’m the tension in a tightly coiled spring. I’m the fuse burning at the end of a canon.
I’m the twitch against a hairpin trigger. I’m the whistle of black storm clouds in the Midwest. I’m the second of silence after the lightning cracks through the sky, and just before you’ve heard the thunder.
But you always know it’s coming.
And when it does, it will shake you to the core.
Chapter Seventeen
Zachary Small, 2016
“Are you absolutely sure about this?" I ask Luciana.
"What else are we going to do?" she says with a helpless shrug. "We have to try."
"Okay. I still say that we should walk in the back door with guns blazing instead of the front door with polite conversation."
"Innocent until proven guilty," Luciana says. "But I have no doubt that this fucker is very, very guilty. Let's get our Sophie back," she tells me with a nod.
I return her n
od, making sure that my jacket is covering my gun so that I look less threatening. When we leave the vehicle, and walk toward Benjamin's sprawling mansion in upstate New York, I can't help feeling a little in awe of the estate.
It's the perfect type of place for kidnapping girls and holding them against their will. There are probably dozens of secret passageways and maybe even a dungeon. As my imagination takes over at the sight of the beautiful house, imagining what it must be like to live there, I wonder if Sophie is being concealed somewhere inside.
For a fleeting second, I am actually jealous of the person who kidnapped her. Not because of all this wealth and finery, but because it makes sense to me. Kidnapping the girl and forcing her to be with you, until it's second nature for her and she actually falls in love.
That only happens in the movies, Zack. You can't force someone to love you in real life. You can't buy her an engagement ring and put it in a can of coffee, and just expect to live happily ever after forever. Life isn't easy like that.
And great girls always have great options of much better men to choose from.
When Luciana moves forward to ring the doorbell, I quietly hang back and decide to contemplate the situation. A young woman opens the door—she is dressed in a maid’s outfit, and her body language seems a little nervous.
I watch as Luciana pulls out her phone to show the woman a picture of Sophie, and the maid shakes her head to indicate that she hasn’t seen her. Luciana then asks to see Benjamin. The maid hesitates, but nods, and returns to the house. Luciana glances back at me, and gestures.
Placing a hand near my gun, I move closer.
When Benjamin answers the door, my jaw drops. This man’s face is destroyed. Luciana glances back at me with wide eyes, before clearing her throat
“Senator Benjamin Powell, we’re looking for Scarlett Hunter. The wife of the recently murdered architect, Cole Hunter, who designed a building for you.”
