The Shatterproof Heart

by Loretta Lost

  I am surprised. I stare blankly, in amazement. Disappointment. Relief. Gratitude.

  “Sophie!” he is shouting as he runs toward me. “Oh my god, is that really you? Your hair! It’s blonde.”

  “It’s me,” I say hoarsely, stunned to see a human being I care about standing before me. I never thought I would see anyone again. Somehow, he looks more beautiful than I remember him ever being. My eyes drink him up greedily. I feel like I have been lost at sea, and Zack is a life raft or flotation device that was tossed to me when I was definitely about to starve and drown.

  “Luciana and I had to split up, because we’ve been looking for you all day and night for days. Cole flew out here to help out, too. I had to look up all of the companies Benjamin does business with, and all of his rich friends, and look for their properties in the area, because we already searched his house from top to bottom, along with all his nearby holdings—”

  “Zack,” I say softly, shutting him up with a tight hug. “It means so much that you were looking for me.”

  “Of course. I mean, I know you’re a strong woman and you didn’t need a knight in shining armor to rescue you,” he says sheepishly, returning the hug. “But I had to try.”

  “No,” I tell him, pulling away to smile at him in the evening light. I reach up to brush my fingers over his sandy blonde hair, watching as the light catches it and makes it glow. “You are a sight for sore eyes. I’m injured all over, Zack. That guy really did a number on me.”

  “Did you kill him?” Zack asks.

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Sorry for asking, but these things can get a little emotional. If there was any chance at all that he might have survived, I would highly recommend we go back there right now so I can finish the job.”

  “Zack, I ripped his heart out and ate it. After castrating him.”

  “Oh. Well, that seems pretty thorough to me.” His face displays surprise, although his voice is calm. “Uhm, good job?”

  “Thank you,” I tell him softly. “Can you help me, Zack? I need to get the morning after pill, right away.”

  His eyes grow shadowed with understanding. “Of course. Let’s go. I’ll grab your suitcase.”

  “I totally forgot to introduce you,” I say, rubbing my head tiredly. “Zack, this is Joy. She was also being held captive with me. Joy, this is Zack, my ex-boyfriend.”

  “Hi, Zack!” Joy says in her friendly way.

  “Hello,” Zack says in surprise and confusion, looking to me for answers. “She is…?

  “She’s about four years old,” I tell him. “Don’t worry, she hasn’t been harmed. He tried, but—I took care of it.”

  “We need to get you checked up at a doctor,” Zack tells me. “You don’t look so good, Soph.”

  “I’m fine. Let’s just get moving.”

  “Where to?” he asks.

  “I don’t know,” I tell him softly, as I open the car door for Joy to enter. “I kind of just want to go home.”

  “To California?”

  “No,” I say as I get into the passenger seat. “That’s so far. Home to D.C., with you.”

  He looks over at me, in amazement, before gripping his steering wheel and resting his forehead against it, for several seconds. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words, Soph.”

  “I’ve been through a lot, I guess,” I tell him quietly. “And I did realize that the last time I felt safe, was with you. I just want to feel safe, again. It also means a lot that you’re here right now, looking for me. I hate to sound desperate and pathetic, but I kind of need you right now. And so does she.”

  Zack glances over to the back seat, and smiles hesitantly. “Are you going to tell me her story?”

  “She might be my daughter,” I explain, and I feel happy as I say these words. “I’ll explain more, later. Can we stop at Wal-Mart on the way back? I want to grab some black hair dye. And Joy needs a car seat.”

  “I’m too big for a car seat!” she protests.

  “You know who says things like that? People who need car seats,” I tease.

  “Sure,” Zack says with a smile, as he begins driving. “We’ll grab your pill and the car seat on the way. I’m just happy we’re going home, Soph. I missed you so much, you have no idea.”

  He reaches across the center console and takes my hand. I stare at his large fingers as they interlace with mine, and I sigh in contentment.

  Not a great love, but a reliable one. A safe one.

  This is enough.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Zachary Small, 2016

  I am holding her. I can’t believe I am holding her in my arms again, after all this time. She feels skinnier, and frail. She is trembling slightly, but I don’t think she notices. I quickly study her body and take note of her various injuries, including the track marks on her arms.

  “Did you kill him?” I ask her angrily.

  “Yes, of course.”

  I am mostly asking out of concern, but I am also asking because I want to put a bullet in that man. “If there was any chance at all that he might have survived, I would highly recommend we go back there right now so I can finish the job.” I don’t even care if he is dead—I just want to put some more bullets in him, anyway.

  “Zack, I ripped his heart out and ate it. After castrating him.”

  “Oh. Well, that seems pretty thorough to me,” I say in disappointment. “Good job.”

  “Thank you,” she says. “Can you help me, Zack? I need to get the morning after pill, right away.”

  Dammit. That fucking bastard. I try my best to hold in the string of profanities threatening to burst out of me. “Of course. Let’s go. I’ll grab your suitcase.”

  “I totally forgot to introduce you,” she says, rubbing her tired eyes. “Zack, this is Joy. She was also being held captive with me.”

  I am suddenly confused. I look around, but there is no one on the road for miles. I look back to Sophie, and see that she is pointing to a spot near her suitcase. Does she think there is someone standing there?

  “Joy, this is Zack, my ex-boyfriend.”

  Oh, shit. I’ve seen this sort of thing before, in Afghanistan. Death can do funny things to a person, and maybe Sophie saw this girl die. “Hello,” I say cautiously, in the direction of the suitcase. I bite my lip, scared to offend Sophie, but very worried about her mental state. “She is…?

  “She’s about four years old,” I tell him. “Don’t worry, she hasn’t been harmed. He tried, but—I took care of it.”

  Oh my god. Did Sophie just witness a four-year-old girl getting raped and killed? I grab her suitcase, trying to fight back my emotions as I turn around and gently touch her shoulder. “We need to get you checked up at a doctor,” I say in a calm way, trying not to reveal my shock. “You don’t look so good, Soph.”

  “I’m fine. Let’s just get moving.”

  “Where to?” I ask her.

  “I don’t know,” she says, opening the back seat for an invisible person to enter. “I kind of just want to go home.”

  My heart skips a beat at the way she says home. “To California?”

  “No,” she responds as she climbs into the car. “That’s so far. Home to D.C., with you.”

  Oh, god. Oh, god, this poor girl has no idea what she’s saying or doing right now. She’s a mess. She’s obviously been drugged and raped. She is seeing people who aren’t even there. And she says she wants to come home with me. I know that right now, when her judgment is so impaired and she is so broken, is the only time she could possibly give me another chance. I need to take it. Even though she needs medical attention and a shrink, I’m going to take her home instead. Because I need her, too. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words, Soph.”

  “I’ve been through a lot, I guess,” she says. “And I did realize that the last time I felt safe, was with you. I just want to feel safe, again. It also means a lot that you’re here right now, looking for me. I hate to sound desperate and patheti
c, but I kind of need you right now. And so does she.”

  I look behind us at the empty back seat. I don’t care. If Sophie needs me to take care of an invisible kid, then that’s what I’ll do. “Are you going to tell me her story?”

  “She might be my daughter,” she says.

  It causes me physical pain to hear this, as I begin driving. My chest aches for her. What has she suffered? Did she actually have a child at some point in her past? Did Benjamin take this girl? Or did Benjamin find some random girl and tell her some bullshit? Did he actually kill someone, and she doesn’t remember?

  Is she telling herself that Joy is still alive, because she can’t face the truth?

  That the young girl is dead? I swallow, wondering how many bodies Sophie left behind her.

  “I’ll explain more, later,” Sophie says. “Can we stop on the way home and get her a car seat from Wal-Mart?”

  Apparently, the invisible girl said something cute, because Sophie responds teasingly. My arms grip the steering wheel tightly, and I am afraid to do or say the wrong thing in this delicate situation. “Sure,” I tell her, “We’ll grab your pill and the car seat on the way. I’m just happy we’re going home, Soph. I missed you so much, you have no idea.”

  Reaching across the center console, I take her hand. I see that her small fingers are bruised and broken from clawing at someone. I shut my eyes briefly, squeezing her hand firmly, but gently. “Did you call anyone, to tell them you were safe?”

  “No,” she says.

  “Why not?” I ask.

  “Because I couldn’t find a phone, Zack. Benjamin’s had no battery.”

  “Oh, that reminds me,” I tell her quickly, leaning over and reaching to open my glove box. “I’ve been keeping your cell phone charged up, and with me—just in case I found you.”

  She hesitates as she reaches for it. “I don’t know if I’m ready to tell anyone what just happened…”

  “I understand. So you don’t think Cole should…”

  “Stop. Please don’t say his name right now,” she whispers, as though it pains her. She glances to the backseat, smiling sadly at the girl who doesn’t exist. “Cole might be Joy’s father. And if that’s true, then it means I left his daughter to die a few years ago. I had a dream where I told him, and he was okay with it, but—I’m not ready to tell him for real. He’s going to hate me.”

  “Cole could never hate you, Soph. If you’re avoiding him because of this—” I glance back at the empty back seat with apprehension, wondering what really happened. What did Benjamin do? What did he say to her? “You should really just talk to Cole. You know that he loves you more than life itself.”

  “What the fuck, dude?” Sophie says, her voice suddenly changing. “Do you want to be with Serena or not?”

  Glancing over at her, I feel a shiver of fear run through me. I know what this is, now. I think. Maybe the child never even existed? Sophie could have dissociative identity disorder. This girl in her mind—Joy—is just another part of Sophie. Maybe it was someone she needed to create in order to survive whatever Benjamin did or said back there. I take a deep breath to brace myself.

  “I do want to be with her. More than anything.”

  “So, when you get the perfect opportunity just handed to you, why are you going on about Cole? Do you know how difficult it’s been for me to convince her that Cole is bad news? I am literally the only one on your side right now. Everyone else in this body is totally Team Cole.”

  “Who are you?” I ask this stranger.

  “I’m Sibyl,” she responds.

  “That’s a cool name. Like the oracles at Delphi, in Ancient Greece.”

  “Yes, Zack. Exactly like that. And I can prophesize the future, too. If you don’t shut your mouth about Cole, right now, you’re going to lose her. Also, you can’t take her home to D.C.. Lucy or Cole will find you there, quite quickly. In her current state, they will be so upset at you for not contacting them immediately upon rescuing her. You need to find another place. A safe place. Far away from here. And you need to take away her access to technology.”

  “You’re telling me to kidnap her. A girl who was just kidnapped and raped. A girl who I love.”

  “A girl who left you. A girl who is in love with another man, and will leave you in a heartbeat if she so much as gets a phone call from him again. A girl who refused your marriage proposal, but just held your hand and told you that she needed you.”

  I turn to look at this strange woman suspiciously. “What’s in it for you, Sibyl?”

  “You are. I’m the part of Sophie that still actually loves you. I think that you’re the safe choice, and I think that you would make a good father to Joy. You see, Zack, I am the mother. I’m the one who gave birth to Joy, and had her stolen from me. I thought she was dead. I never even had a chance to hold her—I was being held captive at the time. The other girls don’t know. They think they run things around here, but they have no idea about half the decisions I need to make on their behalf.” She shakes her head, slowly. “Cole is wonderful, but he is dangerous. I can see the future and the way things will work out. I can’t risk losing my child again, Zack. Now that we’ve found her, Joy’s safety is my primary concern.”

  She doesn’t know the girl isn’t real, either. I clear my throat. “If you agree, it’s not kidnapping, right? You’re part of Soph, and you’re giving me permission. You think I should take her away, and keep her safe?”

  “Yes. But don’t just do it without asking her. Suggest it to her. Convince her of it. Here, I’ll put her back on the line.” Sophie’s voice suddenly changes back to the girl I’m used to.

  “I know he loves me,” she says, answering my earlier words as though no time has passed. “But I just can’t face him right now. Wait—did I fall asleep or something? The road looks different.”

  I cast a sideways look at her, cautiously.

  “Oh, no,” she says, in fear. “Did I… change?”

  “Yes,” I say softly.

  “Was it Snow? Tell her I’m absolutely not wearing the necklace she made from Benjamin’s vertebrae. Also, I don’t think an eyeball encased in glass is the kind of jewelry I want to go around showing off in public. So, she can throw away those eyeballs she carefully wrapped and stuck into our suitcase, because I absolutely will not get them made into necklaces.”

  Staring at her crossed arms out of the corner of my eye, I sigh. “Canada.”

  “What?”

  “I have a sister who lives in Canada with her boyfriend. She’s always bugging me to come and visit. Maybe we could go and stay with her for a while, if you want to avoid everyone in D.C.?”

  She thinks about it for a minute, and then nods. “Yes. Canada sounds good. I recovered my passports in my wallet, so that will be fine. What about Joy? I don’t have her documentation.”

  I clear my throat. “They should let her in. Because of her age, we shouldn’t have too much trouble at the border. I don’t think she needs documentation.”

  “Are you sure?” she says, reaching for the phone in the glove compartment. “I can look it up.”

  Clearing my throat, I gently take away her phone. “Don’t worry, Sophie. You’ve been through a lot. Just try to relax, and let me take care of you. You’ll be safe from now on. Trust me.”

  “Okay,” she says softly, with a nod. “Okay, Zack. I do trust you.” She leans across the console and rests her head against my shoulder, before exhaling quietly.

  Tilting my chin down, I place a kiss on the top of her head.

  Looking back to the road, I swallow.

  This isn’t going to be easy.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Cole Hunter, 2016

  “Really?” Luciana says as she listens to the person on the phone call. “Are you sure? Oh. Oh my god.”

  “What’s going on?” I demand to know, but she holds up a finger to silence me sharply.

  “Is he... alive? Wait, what? Why didn’t you tell me that first? Okay, we’re
coming over there.”

  Luciana takes a deep breath before turning toward me.

  “Well?” I ask her.

  She shakes her head before responding. “Okay, Cole. Um, here’s the deal: Zack went missing, so they checked out a few of the locations he was supposed to search today. They found Benjamin handcuffed to a bed with his penis cut off.”

  My eyebrows lift in response. “Finally, some progress. I’m guessing Zack didn’t cut his penis off.”

  “No. Actually, I didn’t use the word they told me. The penis was chewed off. And it was missing—like it was maybe ingested. They think she swallowed it.”

  I find a smile spreading across my face, followed by a small chuckle. My smile grows so large that my cheeks hurt, and suddenly, I know that everything is going to be okay. “That’s my girl,” I say fondly.

  “What? This is not the time to make sex jokes, Cole. I don’t want to hear about what you do with Sophie in bed.”

  “It’s not Sophie,” I explain to her, “And it’s not a sex joke. It’s this other girl, Snow—she promised me that if she could only get into the same room with Benjamin, she would take care of him, for me and Scar. It sounds like she did.”

  “Okay,” Luciana says suspiciously. “I’ve never heard of Snow before, but that’s super interesting.”

  “I’m also proud of her for not killing him,” I tell Luciana. “She’s kind of bloodthirsty. I’m surprised she only dismembered him. It’s not like her.”

  “What is she, like an assassin or something you hired?” Luciana asks, tapping her foot in frustration. “Because she did kill him, after all. She used a broken lamp to carve out his heart.”

  I pause, imagining this. My pleasure at hearing that Benjamin was injured is replaced by concern for Scarlett’s condition. “Why didn’t you lead with that?” I ask with a frown. “You made me waste time imagining an asshole without a penis when I could have just imagined a dead asshole.”