Allie's War Early Years

by JC Andrijeski

  “...Gods damn it, Terry!” he snapped. “Grow up! This isn’t about me... or us. And it isn’t about her and me. There is no her and me, she’s married... remember? Like you said, she’s having another seer’s child. She and I... I’ve never touched her, Terry...”

  When Terian let out another angry laugh, Revik felt his own anger worsen.

  “...And if you think she’s the only reason I left, then you don’t know me at all, Terry!” he said. “You say you know me so well? Well, I didn’t want to be there anymore, Terry. I hadn’t been happy for years... which you would have known, if you knew me half as well as you like to pretend. Just let it go, for fuck’s sake! It’s over!”

  But Terian only shook his head.

  “No, brother,” he said. “No, no, no... it’s not over. It will never be over, because I can’t just let you live a lie. I can’t. You wouldn’t let me, if our positions were reversed...”

  “Live a lie?” Revik growled.

  He snorted, letting Terian hear his contempt.

  He remembered all of those months in the caves, the memories they forced him to relive, all of those scenes, over and over again... how much he fucking hated himself, for all of it.

  The more those images flashed behind his eyes, the more he didn’t care if the other male did cut his throat. Fuck it. Good riddance.

  No! a voice snapped in his mind. No, goddamn it... don’t!

  Realizing it was Dalejem, Revik felt his fury worsen.

  He didn’t care what Dalejem or any of them heard about him any more. He didn’t care what they saw about his past under the Rooks or at any other time.

  They knew what he was. Who was he kidding?

  “...Jesus, Terry,” he snapped, aiming his fury at the Rook. “What the fuck do you think I did under Galaith for all those years? You’re so convinced that was the real me, and this is some illusion... that I’ve been brainwashed or tricked or somehow I got lost between Vietnam and India. You really think I’ve been snowed by the Seven? By the Adhipan? By fucking Kali, who only ever tried to help me... who’s never been anything but a friend to me... ?”

  He tensed, jaw tightening, when Terian pressed the blade harder against his skin, but he didn’t let that shut him up, either.

  “She’s having a child right now, Terry,” he said. “Right now, as we speak... a child all of us should be trying to protect, not sell into slavery. Or use in some kind of juvenile pissing match with me...”

  He trailed when he saw the delight rising back to Terian’s eyes.

  Why the fuck was he bothering with this, either?

  Terian couldn’t even hear him.

  Did he really need to confess his sins to the Adhipan, either?

  Fuck them, too.

  Fuck all of them.

  Clicking under his breath, Revik stared down at Terian, feeling pity for him for the first time. Revik himself might be a fucking mess, but at least he was starting to see the truth about who and what he really was. Unlike Terry, he was no longer deluded into thinking he was the hero of this particular movie. He no longer believed he’d be proven right by history, by time, by faceless masses of seers and humans, or by some higher power.

  He was just another cog in the machine.

  Just another stupid asshole who got deluded into fighting for the wrong side.

  “...Did it ever occur to you that maybe it was the reverse, Terry?” Revik said. “That maybe you’re the one living the lie, and that I’m the one who finally woke up?”

  “No,” Terian said, pressing into him again with the knife. “No, it didn’t, Revi’.”

  Revik held up his hands, more in instinct than conscious thought. He slid his throat and head back in the same motion, moving as much of both out of the way as he could without taking more than a half-step back.

  Terian made up that half-step with a full one.

  Revik felt warmth pooling at the neck of his armored shirt. His throat was bleeding steadily now. Maybe he really was going to die out here.

  He didn’t even know if he cared anymore.

  “Put the fucking knife down, Terry,” he said, his voice cold.

  “I want my toll, first.”

  “Your toll?” Revik glared at him, barely masking the contempt in his voice. He was done with this. He was tempted to tell the other seer to shit or get off the pot, but he knew Terian would likely slit his throat as soon as he said it.

  “...What toll, Terry?” he said instead.

  Terian smiled, sidling closer to where Revik stood.

  “I want you to let Quay here suck your cock before you go,” he said, his eyes glinting with that mad light Revik remembered. “I want to watch you come, brother.”

  Again, he managed to catch Revik off-guard.

  Revik felt the words like a punch again, too... that time, maybe to the solar plexis.

  He barely had time to think, though, before Terian was forcing him back, towards the side of the clearing, angling his body to keep Balidor behind Revik. Revik matched his steps, again moving more in instinct than thought, gasping a little as the warmth seemed to increase at his throat. He hadn’t hit the artery yet, but Revik knew that was intentional, too.

  Terian knew where all of the arteries lived. He studied anatomy almost obsessively when Revik knew him. Genetics, too.

  Revik pushed those flickers of memories out of his light, as well.

  Even as he did, Terian spoke again.

  “I think hanging around the Seven hasn’t done much for your sex life, Revi’,” he said, still matching micro-movements with Revik, keeping the knife pressed firmly against his throat. “...Really, I think I should probably make you give head to everyone out here, my friend... including your kneeler brothers and sisters... since I’d hate for you to get too out of practice. That being said, I’ll be satisfied just to watch you come in brother Quay’s mouth. Or you can blow me right here. Your choice.”

  Revik felt his light react again, and Terian pressed the knife deeper, making him gasp.

  More blood ran down his neck, pooling at the base of his throat.

  “...Just once, brother,” Terian coaxed. “What could be the harm?”

  “You’ve lost your fucking mind,” Revik snapped. “Jesus, Terry. What the hell is the matter with you?”

  “What is the matter with me?” Terian said.

  Then something in the other male’s light shifted, slamming Revik with enough emotion that it overpowered the shield the Adhipan held over his light. Terian’s aleimi swam into his, blinding him with pain, not all of it his.

  Terian’s voice grew hoarse.

  “I miss my friend, Revi’,” he said. “I miss my friend. My friend who left without a word, who fucking betrayed me without ever giving me a chance to make things right between us. Is that really so hard to understand? Is it? All I’m asking is for a little token of his esteem before he leaves me again. Is it really so much to ask, Revi’?”

  Revik felt his pain worsen.

  He fought to extract himself from the other male’s light, from the pain that lived there. In desperation, he looked for Balidor, trying to find his light, but Terian jerked the knife forward once more, cutting him again, deeper that time... deep enough to increase the blood flow... a lot maybe, enough to scare Revik for real. He let out a panicked sound, jerking his head reflexively back from the knife, but again, Terian’s fingers and feet followed him, until the front of Terian’s body pressed up against his.

  “Don’t look at him!” Terian said angrily, staring up at Revik’s face. “Don’t look at your new master for guidance, Revi’. Look at me... only at me.”

  Revik turned his head, gazing deliberately down at the other male.

  Once he had, Terian smiled.

  “That’s better,” Terry said, exhaling with a kind of satisfaction. “We can be reasonable about this, after all. Come now, Revi’... just do as I ask. I’m sure none of these fine new friends of yours would mind. Hell, maybe they’d appreciate seeing your talents showc
ased. Maybe they’ll want a turn on you themselves when you’re done...”

  Terian motioned to the Adhipan seers standing behind him with his free hand, without taking his eyes off Revik’s face.

  “...Are you really willing to risk bloodshed over such a small thing? Would you deny me even that, brother, after all of these years?”

  There was a silence while Revik fought to think past the other’s light.

  The Adhipan seemed to have the shield under control once more, but Revik could still feel Terian’s aleimi. With him so close, pressed against his body and in his light, he couldn’t keep him out, not entirely. Nor could the Adhipan.

  For a long moment, Revik fought with what to do.

  He wondered at Balidor’s silence, then wondered if Terian was keeping him out, if he’d found some way to cut off his link to the Adhipan leader by now, too.

  Before Revik found words, he felt Terian’s hand on his belt.

  Revik felt the other seer unhook the clasp, without decreasing the pressure of the knife. He could only stand there, his whole body reacting, yet also going into a form of paralysis.

  This wasn’t fucking happening.

  The Adhipan weren’t going to just stand there and let him...

  Then Terian had his hand on Revik’s cock, and Revik closed his eyes, enough pain rising in his light that it briefly blanked his mind. Disgust warred with that pain, revulsion even, a desire to wrap his hands around the throat of the other seer, but somehow, he still hadn’t moved. Fear wound somewhere into all of that, the sudden certainty that even allowing this wouldn’t keep him from getting his throat cut as he came.

  The thought forced words to his lips, even as he remembered Dalejem was watching this.

  All of them were.

  They were just standing there, watching him do this. They were going to let it happen.

  “Terry, jesus. Stop––”

  “Come on, Revi’. One blow job. What could it hurt?”

  “You really are fucking crazy. You’ve finally cracked––”

  “I want you on your knees, brother Revik. Now. Right now, in fact.”

  “Fuck you!”

  “Revi’. Just do it. I can feel how hungry you are...”

  “Gods...” Anger warred with the pain again, confusing him. He fought to think, to decide how he could get out of this, but his mind was nearly blank. He tried to slide back a step, but Terian gripped him tighter, pressing the knife deeper again, forcing another gasp from him. The two types of pain mixed, confusing him more, even as the separation pain began to win, to pull at him, wanting him to let this happen.

  Gods. He was desperate enough to nearly want this.

  He closed his eyes as Terian continued to massage him. One of his hands gripped Terian’s arm now, but he couldn’t remember doing that, either.

  “Stop it,” he gasped. “Please, Terry. Please... don’t do this.”

  He let out a low groan when the other male’s hand tightened on him.

  Terian clicked at him, giving one of his batshit crazy laughs.

  “Stop?” he said, mimicking Revik’s pleading. “Who are you kidding, Revi’? You’re so hungry right now, your light is practically fucking mine already. I’ll have you begging me here in a minute... in fact, I could probably get you to do it now...”

  “No. I don’t want this. Terry...”

  He heard the lie in his own voice, and the truth in it, too.

  He knew what Terry would hear.

  “Come on, Revi’,” Terian said, his voice cajoling again. “Come on, brother. Let go. Just let it happen...”

  “No, goddamn it...”

  Revik’s voice cut out, though, when Terian used more of his light, pulling on him, and not only with the light in his hands. Revik let out another gasp, and then he nearly was begging him. Pain blinded him, taking over so much of his light he didn’t care about anything anymore. He closed his eyes, trying to shove it away, but he couldn’t do that, either.

  They were going to let Terian fuck him.

  They were going to let it happen, right in front of all of them.

  Memories slid out of the dark recesses of Revik’s mind, a familiarity to this. It came with a self-loathing so intense that it nearly blacked out his mind altogether.

  “Come on, Revi’,” Terian coaxed. “Come on. Come for me, brother. You know you want to. Just once, let me watch you. Then I’ll leave you alone. Promise...”

  “Crazy bastard.” Revik knew his words were meaningless, empty. He gripped Terian’s arm harder, groaning. “Jesus... Terry. Fuck you...”

  Terian laughed. “I’m trying to, brother. I’m trying. You need to imagine your precious cunt, while I jerk you off? Go ahead, Revi’. I don’t mind. Pretend it’s her stroking you...”

  Revik let his mind go there, for the briefest instant.

  He saw Kali there, saw those dark green eyes.

  His pain grew so intense he nearly cried out.

  “Ah, you like that,” Terian said, his voice a murmur again. “You like that a lot, don’t you, Revi’? Tell me again how you’re just friends, you and she. Tell me how grateful you are, about all the help she’s given you since you ran away from me and everyone else who gave a damn about you. Then tell me how you aren’t out here, hoping she might give you a pity fuck, while she’s separated from her mate...”

  Revik fought with the other’s words, trying to force them out of his mind.

  He couldn’t do that, either.

  His words came out hollow. Unconvincing, even to him.

  “You’ve lost your mind, Terry,” he said. “You really have––”

  But another voice cut him off.

  “Brother Terian. Let him go.”

  When Revik looked up, still more than half-blind with pain, he saw a gun pressed against Terian’s neck. It wasn’t Balidor who held it, though.

  It was the violet-eyed seer. The older one, with the iron gray hair.

  “...Let go of him,” the seer said, louder that time. “Now, brother.”

  Hearing those words, Revik realized it was over.

  Terian had stopped what he was doing. He still held onto Revik, almost possessively with the hand not holding the knife... but he had stopped. This seer’s words had stopped him, which meant, he was likely speaking for Galaith.

  This thing, whatever it was, was over.

  It was finally over.

  Galaith was going to let him go.

  Even as he thought it, the pain in Revik’s light twisted.

  Coiling around him, it lost its purchase on Terian himself... right before it turned inwards, until it felt like something closer to fury, maybe even hatred. Revik didn’t even know who he felt that hatred towards until he realized he could feel Balidor’s light once more, standing quietly next to his. Revik felt the rest of the Adhipan seers there again as well, and the thought again slid through his light that they’d just stood there, letting that happen.

  They’d just let it happen. They hadn’t spoken a single word to try and stop it.

  Logic tried to insert himself, to tell him they had little choice, that he didn’t know what they’d been doing behind the scenes... but he didn’t really care about logic, either.

  Whatever they’d said to him before, whatever Balidor might pretend about Revik being under his protection, he was on his own.

  He was really on his own out here.

  Feeling Balidor’s light react to his thoughts, Revik slammed the shield back over his own aleimi. Then he just stood there, closing his heart and light deliberately until he couldn’t feel any of them anymore. He didn’t even want to share his anger with them, much less any of the rest of it. He felt some of them react, Dalejem and Balidor especially, but he didn’t care about that, either. He didn’t fucking care anymore.

  He was done.

  He was really fucking done with this shit.

  10

  OFFERING

  NO ONE SAID much on the walk back.

  Well... no
t that Revik could hear.

  Then again, he didn’t try very hard to listen.

  All six of the other seers gave him a wide berth after they dragged him out from under Terian’s knife. Balidor approached him not long after they’d left the Org’s mobile construct, but Revik slammed out hard enough with his light that the other seer promptly backed down.

  After that, all of them left him alone.

  Not long after they left the Rooks’ clearing, Revik heard a shot echo through the trees from that clearing, too.

  He didn’t bother to try and figure out if that meant what he thought it meant. He knew it wouldn’t matter, even if he was right. Terian couldn’t be killed like that, not really killed, not anymore. It might shock Terian’s men, including his new fuck-buddy, Revik’s lookalike... as it would likely be calculated to do... but that was about it.

  Brushing Terry from his mind, too, Revik fought to erase his thoughts altogether.

  They walked the several miles back to the lower staging area, then Balidor informed the larger team headed by Garensche that they would be joining the rest of the Adhipan seers at a higher-level camp, one that stood a mile or so from where Kali herself was now being held. Apparently she had been moved at the same time Balidor left to find Revik, and now was staying with her husband and that mysterious group of infiltrators that had come to protect her and her child from Terian and whatever else.

  From what Balidor said, the Adhipan would be maintaining that second camp more as a look-out post––or maybe a back-up military force, in the event something happened and Galaith decided not to honor their agreement.

  They would not be joining the larger camp in those higher hills.

  Revik barely listened as Balidor explained all of this.

  He didn’t look at any of them, either, or let any of them touch him, not even to dress the wound on his neck, although Yumi, and then Ontari, who didn’t seem to know what was going on, at least not yet, both offered.

  Revik managed it himself.

  Well, more or less.

  He stopped the bleeding on the way back to Garensche and the others. Then, once they’d reached that same staging area, he opened up his pack long enough to find the shirt he’d been sleeping in for the past few days, and tied that around his neck to keep the wound closed. He knew he’d need help to stitch it up once they reached the upper base, but once they got there, he could at least ask one of Balidor’s other seers to do it, meaning one he didn’t know and didn’t give a fuck about... or at least one who wouldn’t ask him any questions.