The Devine Babysitter

by Ramagos, Tonya

  They had crossed the line, that apparently very thin line between employer and employee, and there was no going back. That much, she knew. However, if they could somehow learn to coexist without last night constantly interfering, everything would be all right.

  When the phone rang, she rubbed her eyes, which were red and puffy from crying. Diverted from her desolate thoughts, she answered it, but the break in her sadness proved to be only momentary.

  "Dominique." It was her father, his voice instantly on guard. "What’s the matter. You sound like you’ve been crying."

  "No, everything is fine, Dad," she said a bit too quickly. "I was uh…peeling onions, that’s all."

  It was a lie, but it was the only thing she could think of, and she doubted he would remember her disgust for the vegetable anyway. In the past, he’d never remembered what she ate and didn’t eat. Why would he start now? She hadn’t spoken to her father in nearly two years, other than the occasional times when she called and he answered only long enough to hand the phone to her mother.

  Oh, why did he have to pick today of all days to start talking to me again?

  "Your mother and I are thinking about renting out the trailer you used to live in," her father said in a husky tone, obviously getting to the point of his call. "I don’t suppose you’ve decided to forget about whatever it is you’re trying to prove and move back home?"

  Dominique heaved in a deep sigh. So much for apology calls, she thought despondently. "No, Dad. Things are going well for me here. If you and mom want to rent out the trailer, it’s fine by me. I’m sure the extra money will come in handy."

  "I’m not kicking out tenants when you decide you’re ready to come home, Dominique," her father informed her coldly. "This is your one and only chance. Once we rent out the trailer, you won’t have a home to come back to, unless you move back in with your mother and me."

  "I don’t plan on coming back, Dad," Dominique said for what must have been the one hundredth time since she had moved away nearly two years ago. It was times like these she needed a tape recorder. "I’m happy here. Kalvin is happy here. And I hope that someday you’ll find it in yourself to understand that."

  "I understand that you’re being selfish and pig-headed, and one day you’re going to regret all the things you’re saying now," her father countered.

  Sensing the same, never-ending argument approaching, Dominique ignored her father’s sarcasm. The last thing she needed today was another argument. First Joshua, and now her father. Why did the men she love insist on being so difficult? And on a day when every bone in her body felt like it had been run over by a Mac truck!

  The massage Joshua had given her last night had helped, but after the stress of the morning and the promise of harder hours to come, her muscles ached for more. Worse, she ached for Joshua, and dealing with her father and his glum nature was something she just could not find in her heart to do at that moment.

  "I have to go now, Dad. I love you." Hanging up the phone, she again burst into tears.

  ~ * ~

  "Are you talking to him yet?" Leanne asked, propping her elbows on the bar. It was Monday night. Business had tapered off, and now the customers in the bar were few and far between. After giving Dominique a ride to work, she had stuck around to tackle some much needed paperwork.

  "Of course we’re talking," Dominique said, busying herself by rearranging the glasses under the bar. "He’s Kalvin’s babysitter. We have to talk."

  Although I don’t have to be so cold and short with him when we do talk, she added silently with a distressing sigh.

  "You know what I mean," Leanne said dryly, angling her head toward Dominique. "It’s been over two weeks since the two of you consummated your relationship. You can’t keep pretending it never happened."

  "I think I’ve done a pretty good job so far." Dominique lifted a shoulder, still not meeting her boss’s gaze. "And we didn’t consummate anything. We had sex. That’s all."

  "You made love," Leanne corrected, holding a finger in the air for emphasis. "From what you described to me, the most serious, passionate kind of love there is. I’ve seen the way he looks at you Dom--the way he stands in the doorway each afternoon watching until we’re out of sight. He loves you. And you love him. Yet you won’t talk to him. Hell, you won’t even borrow his truck to come to work anymore! Not that I mind giving you a ride, but you’re being ridiculous!"

  "I’m saving every dime I make to get my car fixed," Dominique said, bowing her head.

  She hated depending on her boss for a ride. Most other employers would have fired her by now for not having a ride of her own. But she had no other choice. She just couldn’t use Joshua’s truck, even though he offered every day. The less she took from him now, the easier it made everything.

  "With any luck, I should be able to get it back on the road in the next couple of weeks."

  "That’s not the point, and you know it. I’m not worried about your car. I’m worried about you, and I don’t understand the problem with Joshua."

  Dominique covered her face with her hands. Her voice muffled and pleading, she said, "You know the problem."

  "What, that you’re a bartender? Come on Dominique! Do you know how silly that sounds?" Leanne pounded a frustrated fist on the bar. "So what if he’s had some bad experiences with bartenders. Losing the woman he intended to marry in a barroom brawl along with his first unborn child. All of that happened years ago."

  "Time doesn’t erase all pain," Dominique said dryly, moving to the edge of the bar near Leanne.

  "No, it doesn’t. But it heals wounds and allows people to put things behind them and carry on," Leanne said, reaching out to lay a caring hand on Dominique’s shoulder. "I don’t want to lose you. You’re one of my best employees. But if it’s really this job that’s standing between you and the man you love, then, speaking as both your boss and a friend, my advice is to quit. Jobs are a dime a dozen, Dominique. True love, the love like you and Joshua share, that kind of love comes around once in a lifetime."

  "It’s not just my job," Dominique argued stubbornly. "Although even if it was, I still wouldn’t quit. I will never allow myself to become dependant on a man again. I tried that with my ex-husband and I got screwed, remember?

  "Joshua is nothing like your ex-husband."

  "Oh, believe me, I know that, but Joshua and I are from two different worlds. He’s practically royalty and I’m a peasant. We’re too different. That alone would destroy us before we even started."

  "You’re making excuses." Leanne shook her head in desperation. "Why, I don’t know. But I’m telling you now, Dominique. You will never find another man like Joshua Divine. You let that man slip through your fingers, and you will regret it for the rest of your life."

  ~ * ~

  Leanne’s friendly words of warning weighed heavily on Dominique’s mind. Yet when she returned home that evening, she was no closer to attempting to smooth things over with Joshua than she had been before the talk with her boss. She loved him. She loved him more than she ever thought possible. That wonderful night, he had made her feel things, things no one else ever had. Her heart was breaking. Each time he showed up at the apartment to babysit Kalvin, each night when she came home from work, her heart shattered more. They barely spoke. He performed his job as he always had, then gathered his belongings at the end of the evening and left.

  Her mind whirled to the first night after they’d made love. She had returned home to find an elaborate dinner waiting for her on the table. Soft romantic music played in the background. The flickering glow of candles had been the only light in the place. Joshua had stood beside the table, his face full of hope.

  She had almost given in to him that night. Her need for him, to have his hands on her again, to taste his kisses, to feel him inside her--the desires were almost too much to bear. Almost.

  Instead, in the cold, hard fashion she had developed since that lustful night, she had blown off Joshua and the dinner, claiming she wasn’t hungr
y and ordering him to turn off the music before he left. The anguish that had risen to darken his features had brought tears to her eyes. Determined not to let her feelings show, she had made a bee-line for her bedroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Once she heard the front door slam, she had known it was safe to come out.

  Tonight, however, there was no dinner waiting for her on the table, no soft romantic music playing. She found Joshua stretched out on the sofa, a textbook open across his chest, sleeping. He looked so peaceful, so serene. With a day’s growth of beard on his face, he looked more rugged, more blatantly sexy than usual.

  Her body craved to be with him again. She wanted to kneel beside him, wake him with passionate kisses beginning with his tanned forehead and spanning to wherever she decided to stop. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. She might be falling apart on the inside, but on the outside, she had to remain strong. No matter how deeply she loved him, even if he felt the same for her, which she was still unsure of, a relationship would never work. Leanne had said she was making excuses. Maybe she was, but it was only because she knew the truth deep within. The pain she felt now was bad, but the heartbreak that was sure to result from a terrible definite end to a serious relationship with Joshua would be far tougher to swallow.

  Plastering that grim, stony statement she had now mastered to her face, she shook Joshua awake. "I’m home," she said simply, silently ordering herself not to look into those gorgeous green eyes.

  "Hi," he said, his voice groggy as he lifted himself to a seated position on the sofa. He ran his fingers through his hair, yawning. "Sorry I dozed off. Studying can get pretty boring. Sometimes I think I’m too old for this college stuff."

  "Won’t you be finished soon?" Dominique asked, wandering to the kitchen for her usual late night sandwich and chips.

  "Finals are next month," Joshua said. Standing from the sofa, he stretched, then joined Dominique in the kitchen. "Trust me, it’s not soon enough. Although I’m nervous about flunking out now that I’ve come this far."

  Dominique slapped the makings of a turkey sandwich together and snatched a can of soda from the fridge. She plopped down at the table and bit into the sandwich.

  "I’m sure you’ll do fine," she said around a mouthful. "Oh, if you’ll hand me my purse over there, I’ll give you your money for last week."

  "It’s nice to have you talking to me again," Joshua said, hopefulness pouring from his voice. Instead of grabbing her purse, he sat down across from her at the table.

  "Don’t read too much into it," Dominique warned dryly. She had taken a step from her melancholy tone for only a moment and had unintentionally landed back on the fast track to complication.

  "Your aunt called this evening," Joshua said, ignoring her sarcasm. He placed his arms on the table, lacing his fingers together in front of him. "She had a friend of hers look at your car."

  "Did she say who?" Dominique wrinkled her brows.

  It was often kind of scary when her aunt tried to help her. While Dominique knew she had only the best of intentions, it was the people with whom she associated that bothered her. Most were great people, but some were complete screw-ups.

  Joshua scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Umm…Louis Smol--Smol--"

  "Smolisch," Dominique said, her lips curving in a smile at his struggle. "I forgot about him. He’s a great mechanic, and pretty good with body work, too. Did my aunt say if he could fix the car or what he will charge?"

  "She said he couldn’t give her a definite price because there may be more damage that won’t be obvious until he begins working on it." Joshua leaned back in the chair. "But he did give a ball park figure of fifteen hundred to two thousand dollars."

  Dominique sighed, reaching up to free her hair from the binding pony tail holder. "At least it’s a bit less than I was expecting. I’ll get in touch with him next week."

  "There’s no need to."

  Dominique narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean there’s no need to?"

  "I told your aunt to have him fix it. As long as he doesn’t run into any problems, it will be ready by the weekend."

  She felt the heat rising to her face. Stay calm, her inner voice coached. "Joshua, I don’t have the money to get if fixed right now!"

  Oh yeah, that was calm.

  "I have most of it, but it will be another week or so before I have that much. He may allow me to pay him some now and the rest later, but I wish you had talked to me about it first. If a decision had to be made tonight, you could have called me at work."

  "Don’t worry about it. I told your aunt I would drop off a check in the morning before my classes."

  "I can’t give you a check to drop off when I don’t have the money, or an account for that matter," she said through gritted teeth. Her control on her temper was slipping by the second. "I was on my way to open a checking account when that son-of-a-bitch plowed into me."

  "I have a checking account," Joshua said calmly. "Look, I know you really can’t afford that kind of extra expense right now. I’ll pay for the repairs, and you can pay me back when you can."

  That was all he had to say. Control flew out the window. Dominique lost it. "You are not paying for my car," she spat, her glare fixed and full of anger.

  "It’s no problem," Joshua assured her, squirming in the chair.

  "Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear. You--are--not--paying--for--my--car," she repeated, speaking each word slowly and forcefully as if she were speaking to a disobedient two year old.

  "Come on Dominique. I’m just--"

  "Geez! I sleep with you once and you think you own me." Dominique leaped from the table. Stomping to the sink, she tossed the empty plate with a loud thud. "Just like a damn man."

  "I don’t think I own you," he said, the hurt spilling from his voice. "I’m just trying to help you. Why won’t you let me?"

  She spun from the sink. Her blood boiling, she clinched her fingers into fists at her side, fighting the urge to hit something. "I don’t want your help and I sure as hell don’t need your help. I’m tired of you taking it upon yourself to do whatever you want without consulting with me first. You’re always bringing over food and new toys for Kalvin and anything else you feel like. You act like we can’t afford anything. Now you want to pay to have my car fixed!"

  "Dom…" he stood, taking a step toward her.

  "You were hired as a babysitter and nothing more," she continued to rant. "I make plenty of money to take care of my son and my responsibilities. We may not be as rich as you, but we are not a charity case, and I resent the fact that you insist on treating us like one."

  Joshua stiffened. Bewilderment consumed his statement. Everything she said had clearly thrown him for a loop. Regaining his composure, he bowed his head. "I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was doing anything wrong."

  "Well, you were and you are," she spat dryly.

  "Well, if you would take the time to talk to me sometimes instead of giving me the cold shoulder, maybe I would’ve known," he shouted. His temper was spilling over now. "Instead, you seem to prefer treating me like some block-head off the street. You’ve changed, Dominique, and I’ve got to tell you, I don’t like it."

  "Too bad," she snarled, stomping past him.

  "I know you’ve been concerned about the car, and I hate seeing you worry. I also can’t stand the way you’ve been treating me lately. One minute we’re making the most fantastic love of my life, and the next you’re telling me to forget all about it! You’re killing me, Dominique. I want to be with you so bad, but you won’t let me. I love you, dammit! Why can’t you see that?"

  "Probably because you never told me," she yelled, spinning to face him.

  Then her eyes locked with his for the first time that night. Stunned out of her wits, she realized what had just happened.

  He said he loves me! He loves me!

  Across the kitchen, Joshua braced himself against the counter for support. His statement mirroring her astonishment as if he couldn’t believe he had
said it either.

  "Well, it’s about time," Kalvin’s voice tore through the air. Both heads whipped around to find him standing in the living room, his hands planted on his hips. "Does that mean Joshua is going to be my new daddy now?"

  Fourteen

  Kalvin was fired up with excitement and getting him back to sleep proved to be a more difficult task than Dominique had expected. All the questions--Were she and Joshua getting married? Where would they live? Would they be having a baby sister or brother for him soon after the wedding?--complicated the task to no end.

  For the first time in her life, Dominique didn’t know how to answer her son’s difficult questions. The questions about his father had become common place. While they were always hard to answer, and while she knew she never really told him the truth, she always had an answer. But the questions he was asking now, how was she supposed to answer them? Joshua had said he loved her. She knew without a doubt she loved him. But all the realization had just complicated the situation more.

  At last, after many "I don’t knows" and "nos," Kalvin drifted off to sleep. Sighing with relief, Dominique eased off the bedside and quietly left the room. For some reason, she half expected Joshua to be gone. But when she strolled into the living room, she found him nervously pacing the floor. When he spotted her entering the room, he stopped. The anticipation of what she had said to Kalvin was obviously driving him insane.

  "I thought I would never get him back to sleep." Dominique laughed slightly, keeping her voice low. Her palms were sweating. Her pulse raced. There was no avoiding the talk that was about to begin--the talk she had tried so desperately to avoid. There was no dodging it this time. It was time to talk about the future--to talk about them. Oh boy!

  Joshua strolled toward her, chewing his bottom lip, stopping just inches from her. "What did you tell him?"

  Dominique hesitated, searching his eyes, trying her damnedest to read his thoughts. Amusement was the only thing she saw, but it couldn’t be. Could it? Was that a twinkle in those astounding green eyes?