Remember Love

by Ginny Sterling

  Remember Love

  Healing Hearts

  Ginny Sterling

  Contents

  Introduction

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Epilogue

  Afterword

  Remember Joy

  Lawfully Gifted

  Perfectly Matched

  About the Author

  Introduction

  Ava Richardson is a new mother with a child she never expected. When a nightmare event rips her from a fairytale life, she’s devastated and frightened to move on. What she never expected was to find solace in a pen pal, pouring out her feelings to a stranger halfway across the world.

  Colin Wilkes is a weary, reckless soldier in Afghanistan. Saddled with guilt at causing his best friend to lose his leg, he awaits whatever fate he has coming. Unexpectedly receiving an email from a strange woman looking for anything to make her get through the day- he can’t help but feel intrigued and sympathetic to her pleas.

  When Colin finds himself suddenly back in the States and face to face with his mysterious pen pal, can a friendship that began over the internet solidify into something more? Can one shattered soul help mend another? Can they be saved by remembering just how to love someone?

  This one is for my lovely readers…

  Ladies, thank you for sharing a few laughs!

  Linda Hillman

  Rose Kukuk-Johnston

  Nancy Schrieb

  Chapter 1

  Was this nightmare ever going to end?

  Every time Ava turned around, there was a reminder of how much her life had changed. She couldn’t say it was for the better just yet- it had simply just morphed into something she didn’t recognize but was utterly responsible for. Today it was the heartbreaking screaming and horrific diaper rash that brought on another round of shrieks every time the little girl soiled her diaper.

  Aurora.

  The doctors called it postpartum depression.

  Ava called it ‘round four of life’.

  ‘Round one’ had been getting past the emotions that surged forward when she thought of that night. She’d done nothing, absolutely nothing, to encourage the advances of that stranger. There was no getting around it- it was a savage attack that left her with her life intact – yet so very different.

  There had been swabs, samples, and pamphlets galore – but no one ever asked her if she was okay. She wasn’t. Part of her wanted to scream at her unknown assailant that had ruined her life, and another part wanted to thank him for stripping away the naiveite in her. She now realized just how freaking low people could sink if allowed. She’d thought the world was a safe place and he’d taught her otherwise. The mental and emotional pendulum swung from anger to fear, back and forth, every second of the day.

  She was terrified to walk out to her car alone at night and angry each time she thought of how she was now saddled with a responsibility she didn’t ask for – and one she couldn’t give up. No matter how mad, or upset she got- the one thing that never changed was that Aurora was innocent of everything that had happened. She needed attention, care, and love.

  Ava had named her Aurora because Sleeping Beauty had once been her favorite fairytale, but she’d woken up – just like the character. Life wasn’t fairytales and fantasy. There was no Prince Charming. The evil dragon in the story wore another face in her nightmares.

  ‘Round two’ began when Ava had missed her period three weeks after the attack. Denial was swift and mind-numbing. All the signs were there though. Sore breasts, horrific nausea, lack of menses, and the cravings. Oh my gosh, were the cravings intense! She found herself standing at the refrigerator at three in the morning eating watermelon and crying for absolutely no reason. As her body grew and changed, her circle of friends and family shrank exponentially.

  Ava ended up moving out of her parents’ home into a small studio apartment of her own. To her, it felt like they were always looking at her strangely, and the relationship was strained between them. It was past time for her to move out anyhow. She was twenty-six and used that as the excuse to move out, hoping to prevent any hurt feelings.

  ‘Round three’ was described with one single word: labor. She’d poured over every booklet she could find and every magazine trying to read about everything happening to her out-of-control body. Labor would start as cramps or a discomfort, the books said.

  They lied.

  Lied. Lied. Lied.

  Ava was walking out to work one morning when a rush of fluid went down her legs. For the briefest second she thought she might have peed on herself, but that was when it hit her – a true contraction.

  Clutching her stomach, Ava hit the floor on her knees and bit back a cry of pain. She was absolutely certain that the muscle on the right side of her back had ripped itself from her spine and was ready to snap around her like a broken rubber band. She was one of the unlucky women that had what they called ‘back labor’. Nineteen hours later and a copious amount of drugs at the hospital, she was a mother.

  After all that pain, the nurses handed her a tiny purplish child with fuzzy blonde hair that matched her own. Ava had absolutely no idea what to do with the swaddled baby nor how to take care of it. People had told her that she would be a natural mother, but that was obviously a fib too.

  The baby cried and screamed all the time. The nurses pushed and chastised her for giving the baby a bottle instead of breast feeding. They told her the baby wasn’t eating enough. Ava didn’t burp the baby enough. The diaper was full again and she needed to get up and walk to prevent blood clots. It was all enough to drive her batty! The baby…The baby…The baby had a name and she called her Aurora.

  The day she was being discharged from the hospital was the first time that squalling purple creature looked like the cherub she was today. She’d been swaddled in a pink receiving blanket and had a tiny stocking cap on her head.

  A real sleeping beauty- one that she resented having taken control over her life and future. This wasn’t like she was able to take the baby back or suddenly forget about her. Every aspect of her life now revolved around Aurora’s complete and total care. Eating, sleeping, showering – everything! She couldn’t go back to work for six weeks even though she felt fine – but that was because the daycare wouldn’t accept children under that age.… and the cost?

  Utterly staggering! The daycare charged extra for infants and once her daughter graduated out of diapers, the price would cut in half. That could be years before that happened!

  Ava tried to bond with the baby. She wanted to have those bittersweet Hallmark moments where the baby would look up at her and coo playfully. Instead, it was like she’d given birth to a hellion. A simple cry would crank up to a full-blown roar that could shatter glass. A teensy poop in the diaper was like trying to contain a rampant, smelly lava flow. A small belch ended up sending milk spewing everywhere, coming from her mouth and her nose. Oh yes, having a child was not for the meek or faint of heart.

  Nor was the overwhelming sadness that she felt when she was alone. That was part of the reason she reached out to Daisy Greenwell at Shamrock. Something was still off-kilter in her life and she needed companionship that could actually speak to her, a creature that could form words, and tempt her mind. The coos, shrieks, burps, and farts from her child were not cutting it for the newest little mama in town.

  This brought her to where she was today.

  Sitting i
n a room full of adults with different problems, different issues. It was almost comical to see Daisy Greenwell, the pretty counselor, try her best to avoid looking at one of the men at the back of the room. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that the two of them had a thing going, or at least she suspected so. A man named Murphy was speaking and obviously getting everyone upset. That was because he had a way of putting his foot directly into his mouth.

  “Ava would you like to say something?” Daisy asked her gently. This was only her fourth meeting. She’d sat through a few of them and found herself drawn to the idea of just getting out of the house. In fact, last week, she’d taken Aurora to the pond near the park simply to watch the ducks as they frolicked on the water.

  “Thank you,” Ava said quietly. “I don’t get to come to these meetings very often because I have to find a sitter. You see, I am dealing with something that hurts on the inside and trying to figure it out. My daughter is a product of that injury and I am trying to get past the paralyzing rage that I feel.”

  “So, I have to agree with that guy over there,” Ava said pointing directly at Ethan. He was the handsome amputee that Daisy Greenwell had her eye on when no one was looking.

  “I don’t think there is a reason for everything but the result of my trauma is something I never expected. I am dealing with both a resentment and a love I never expected all at the same time for a child I never anticipated. I’ve been robbed of my confidence, my innocence, my very life – but given another life to care for. Is there a reason or justice to it? I don’t know. I haven’t figured that out yet, but I would think that someday I will move past the pain and anger.”

  “How old is your daughter?” Daisy asked.

  “She’s six weeks old,” Ava answered numbly. It had been a rough six weeks and she was shocked at how fast time had passed for her. A small shaggy dog was busy licking the tip of her shoe and she stared at it fascinated. Crazy animal, she thought. There was nothing on her shoe for her to lick, yet the mixed breed was licking the leather like there was peanut butter smeared all over it. She nudged at the dog, yet the shaggy little creature just followed her foot.

  “Where is she now?”

  “My mother is watching her tonight for me.”

  “We are glad to have you here. We’ll all get through the hurt together.”

  Today was the first time Ava didn’t feel like she was ready to cry at the drop of a hat. She actually felt almost like a human being today. It’d been almost a week since she’d cried herself to sleep at night. It was like both she and Aurora were growing into each other instead of apart. She’d seriously been concerned that her child would hate her, but yesterday evening said differently. Aurora gave her the first genuine toothless grin for all of ten seconds before the buzzer on the microwave went off, startling them both and making Aurora start screaming again.

  Shaking her head, Ava tried to stay focused on the conversation. They were talking about hope and what motivated them. Truthfully, coffee and sleep kept her going right now, Ava thought to herself. Listening to Daisy, she realized that the woman was going around the room encouraging everyone to talk.

  “Murphy, let’s start with you.”

  “I’ve been having problems with my car and when it felt like that everything was crashing down around me- I was able to fix it easily and it’s been running like a dream ever since.”

  “Wonderful. Did you know you could do it or were you worried?”

  “I thought I could but it’s a relief to know it’s going to start every time now.”

  “I’m sure it is,” Daisy agreed easily and then looked directly at her.

  “Ava, what about you? Have you had anything recently that has made you feel good or hopeful?”

  “My daughter is sleeping about five or six hours at a time now. I know when I lay down that I won’t be so horrifically exhausted when she starts crying. It’s like we are falling into a routine and it’s not quite so bad as it was a few weeks ago.”

  “I bet that is such a relief and you feel like you can handle things better now. Exhaustion and coping with hormones are no joke. So, knowing that when you go to bed, you’ll be able to truly rest. I like that one because everyone can use a good night’s sleep,” Daisy cheered and turned to Ethan. “What about you, Ethan? What has made you feel hope lately?”

  “I went to a movie with a friend this week. I hadn’t been since the bomb took my leg. I’ve honestly been avoiding everything because there is such a difference having to use a crutch right now. I also started back up my physical therapy so I can keep getting stronger. So being able to do normal things again made me realize that I am progressing, and it’s keeping me motivated.”

  “So, for you, its feeling like you are regaining the person you felt like was missing? You are getting back to a normal routine.”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve read that making your bed first thing when you get up forces people into a routine and makes them realize they’ve accomplished one thing already today. What about you, Cora? What has given you hope this last week?”

  Daisy went on around the room, asking each person and commenting. It was obvious that the counselor wanted to encourage them all to speak. As they wrapped up, Daisy stopped suddenly and snapped her fingers.

  “Everyone – please set a reminder or mark your calendars. Two weeks from now on April 8th we are not having session. I have a wedding to attend and will not be available that evening for group. If you need to talk, please call or we can meet earlier in the day.”

  “Congratulations. Are you in the wedding?” Ava asked, feeling a little envious and bitter. She would probably never get married. What man would want a woman who’d been ruined and couldn’t stand to be touched? She was an emotional mess now and knew it.

  “No, it’s actually a girl I grew up with that is getting married. I’ve known Lily for years; in fact we used to get teased all the time about our names. Lily and Daisy. I even went to school with a girl named Marigold. Something about East Texas makes people think of flowers. You’d think there would be a lot more girls named Rose living here,” she quipped, winking at the pun since Tyler, Texas was famous for their Rose Festival.

  “I hope you have a wonderful time.”

  “Me too. It’s been a while since I have seen her and I was shocked to get the invitation in the mail the other day.”

  “So that was your hopeful event this week?” Ava teased, putting the woman on the spot. She saw Daisy do a doubletake and then smile at her.

  “Actually, I think the invitation was. It gives me a reason to get all dolled up and dress fancy. Who knows- maybe I will clean up nicely? Have a good weekend, Ava.”

  Chapter 2

  May 2016

  Ava was headed to the park. This had become her favorite routine on her days off. She would load up a snack, a bottle, and the stroller. It was like being in the sun was doing both her and Aurora some good. Usually when they finished at the park, both would lay down on the bed together and take a hearty nap.

  Seeing the massive yellow Labrador from class dart into the street, Ava slammed on the brakes of her car. The loud screech of her brakes and the small indicator on her dash flickered on wildly. Ava pushed the hazard button and waited for her heart to quit pounding. Did she hit the animal? Poor thing! She didn’t know what she would…

  A set of large black paws suddenly appeared on her driver side window, making her both gasp and sigh in relief. The dog was fine, but why was he out? She recognized Ozzy from class. While Moppet always came over to lick her shoes no matter what pair she wore, Ozzy seemed to never settle down – moving from person to person. Carefully, she maneuvered her car out of the lane and into the parking lot. Putting it into park, she got out and grabbed Aurora’s carrier. Ozzy jumped up again near her, acting oddly.

  “What is wrong with you?” Ava muttered. “You could have been clobbered, you silly mutt.” She grabbed his collar and managed to walk up to the door with both hands full, Aurora in one
hand and the dog in the other. Walking up the incline to the doorway, she knocked on the door and heard silence coming from inside the house. The dogs were out back and barking like crazy. Knocking again, she yelled at the door.

  “Daisy, its Ava. Open the door.”

  Several minutes passed and Ava wondered if she should call the police. Ozzy was trying to obviously rip her fingers off as he twisted and jumped at the door. The weight of Aurora’s carrier pulled heavily at her other arm. Could the woman be injured? It was a few more minutes before she heard a muffled voice from inside the dark house.

  “Ava, class is cancelled.”

  “I know. Are you alright?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “One of the dogs ran out into the street and I barely avoided hitting him. I’ve got him by the collar out here and he’s wanting to come inside,” Ava yelled and rolled her eyes. Why wouldn’t the woman answer the door? She normally left it unlocked and always seemed to be inviting people in to the building. Usually there was someone there, a few dogs to be played with, or a group session going on. There was absolutely nothing going on now and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

  This was all wrong.

  The door opened slightly and Ava tried not to gape at the total dishevelment of the woman opposite of her. Daisy was usually dressed very prim and chic, her hair was normally put up in a ponytail or brushed neatly. Her face seemed to always hold a smile, but the ghost of a woman in front of her resembled none of that. Her blond hair hung around her head in a stringy mess. Daisy winced at the bright sunshine that flooded the room. Ava shoved the door backwards to allow herself to come in.