“All right. Maybe I am being ridiculous, and yes, I do think that life is unfair. What a colossal joke. I fall in love with an amazing, wonderful man who is too stubborn to see just how incredible he is, who disappears from my life. Then I spend seven years not knowing if he’s dead or alive. Finally, by some miracle, I find him again, and he’s too damn stubborn to admit that he still loves me! So I’m forced into playing childish, ridiculous games just so I can spend another five minutes in his company.”
She looked down at the small cake she’d crumbled in her hands, defeat dragging at her heart. “Maybe you are right. Maybe it would be best if I just went home, left you in peace. Maybe it would have been better if I’d just gone on assuming you were dead.”
“Lucy,” Finn said, his wide eyes staring into hers. “I’m truly sorry if you are hurt. If I could take your pain away, I would.”
Lucy clenched her hands into fists, the urge to beat some sense into him so strong she trembled with it. “You could take it away! You just refuse to do so. Why can’t you just admit you love me? And don’t give me your nonsense about not being good enough. I am perfectly capable of deciding who is worthy of me.”
“Lucy…” Finn spread his hands wide, as though he were trying to calm a spooked horse. But he didn’t make any attempt to answer her.
“Damn it, Finn! Maybe you don’t even know how to love, because you sure as hell make it impossible for anyone to love you.”
The second the words were out of Lucy’s mouth, she wished she could yank them back. For a moment, Finn sat stunned, hurt flashing through his eyes. She’d never said anything so hateful, so mean, in her whole life. And she’d never meant anything less.
“Finn, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. My God, I love you so much I can barely breathe when we are apart. I’ve scarcely existed these last seven years and then I found you and it’s as if I’ve woken from a nightmare. I just…the thought of going back to that hellish half-life has me crazed.”
No matter the pain he’d caused her, it was no excuse for saying something so cruel to him. How often had her heart broken over the thought of the man she loved being alone in the world? It was one of the reasons she’d been so determined to find him. And yet there she sat, throwing his sorrows back in his face.
Maybe she didn’t deserve him after all.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She stood to go.
“I’ve loved two women in my life,” he said, so faintly Lucy almost didn’t hear him.
“What?”
Finn gazed off into the distance, in the direction of Philip, though Lucy didn’t think he saw him.
“The first was a very long time ago. It…didn’t end well.” Finn turned to look at Lucy. “Then there was you. And that didn’t end well, either,” he said with a sad smile.
Lucy sat back down. “It doesn’t have to end.”
Finn stared into her eyes, his mouth slightly open as though he’d refute that, but he didn’t say anything. His gaze dropped to her lips for a moment before meeting her eyes again. Lucy’s breath quickened and she leaned ever so slightly closer. She wanted to encourage him without spooking him. Even in her own mind that sounded ridiculous. She felt like she was out to seduce some unwilling virgin. The thought almost made her smile. Then Finn bit his bottom lip and leaned in.
Lucy’s head swam and she closed her eyes, waiting for the touch of Finn’s lips. His breath brushed across her cheek.
Philip’s braying laugh rang out across the courtyard and Lucy’s eyes flew open. Finn was looking at her with a mixture of disappointment and alarm.
Philip began walking back toward them and Finn stood, his face going blank as he stepped back into his guard persona.
“Finn.”
He shook his head with a stubborn frown, his attention fixed on the approaching Philip. “We’ll talk later. This isn’t a game. You don’t understand the danger you’re in.”
“Wha—”
Philip stopped before her, looking between them with a cocked brow, effectively cutting off any further conversation. “Sorry to abandon you so long, my dear. Shall we go back inside?”
Lucy forced a smile to her lips. “Yes, of course.”
She looped her hand through Philip’s offered arm and let him lead her back to the ballroom. She glanced over her shoulder and was startled to meet Finn’s burning gaze. There was a renewed determination in his eyes and Lucy knew her fight to make him see reason had just intensified.
But he’d been about to kiss her. Lucy was sure of it.
Perhaps all was not lost after all.
Chapter Seven
Lucy glanced at Finn from the corner of her eye as he escorted her to her room in the hotel. They had shared a carriage with another couple who had come into Charlotte just for Philip’s ball. So Lucy had no chance to question Finn on his dire warnings. Honestly, his attitude was beginning to wear on her nerves. Since the close call in the courtyard, Finn had gone out of his way to not touch her. Not even when doing so was expected. He’d held the carriage door open for her, but had made no move to help her inside, leaving her to clamber in unassisted. He’d sat beside her in the carriage but had kept his gaze fixed on the window, never once turning in her direction and holding himself so stiffly he didn’t even brush against her skirts. Quite a feat considering the size of them.
Upon arriving at the hotel, the other couple descended, gave them a polite nod, and went on their way. Lucy hopped down after them, leaving Finn in the carriage. She had no wish for a repeat performance and didn’t want to wait in the carriage to see if he’d offer her his hand. Part of her was afraid that if he did and she took it, she’d never let it go. The other part of her was afraid he wouldn’t offer it at all. Best to beat him to the draw and just get out of the blasted carriage herself.
She hiked her skirts and took the steps of the hotel two at a time. Finn was right on her heels, but she ignored him. She was suddenly very weary. All the near misses, the what-ifs and guesswork, were wearing on her nerves and her patience. Lucy was certain he still wanted her. Whether or not he still loved her…that was more difficult to ascertain, though Lucy was willing to bet he did. His continued denial of that fact was getting on her last nerve. And the push and pull of her emotions with every almost kiss or significant eye contact was shredding what was left of her sanity. And dignity.
For the first time in her life, she might have to give up the fight. Enough was enough. Life was too short to waste it on such nonsense.
Lucy had always done what needed doing and didn’t give much thought to those who might not approve. She saw no point in hemming and hawing over anything. It had saved her a lot of indecision and guilt in her life. Things were usually fairly cut and dry for her. Lucy hadn’t liked herself or her behavior in recent weeks.
But Finn had always been the exception to her rules. He was patently unsuitable for her in every way most thought important…and yet she’d never met anyone more suited for her. He was a walking conflict. A complicated conflict at that. One who insisted he didn’t want her. And had he been anyone else, Lucy wouldn’t have bothered with him.
But he was Finn. Her Finn.
And not bothering hadn’t been an option. Perhaps that was changing.
They’d reached her door. She turned to face him. “Come inside.”
Finn started, his eyes glancing up and down the hallway. A few people wandered about, going in or out of their rooms. “I don’t think that would be wise.”
“You said we needed to talk, and you aren’t willing to do it anywhere we might be overheard. If my room is unacceptable, then perhaps you’d be more comfortable if we went to yours.”
“As we would still be in the hotel, I don’t see how that would be any more suitable.”
Lucy frowned. “Well, since you don’t have any other place we can go, I don’t see any other options. Why are you living in a hotel, anyway? Wouldn’t you prefer to have a place of your own?”
Finn shrugged. “It’s m
ore convenient. Halford often travels. Living here allows me to come and go as I need without having to worry about a home to care for. My needs are taken care of without having to hire staff.”
“And it means you have nothing to tie you to this place if you decided to leave in a hurry.”
Finn didn’t acknowledge that comment directly, but did answer, “As I said, it’s convenient.”
“Well, fine then. It’s late. I’m tired. Unless you want to speak your peace out here in the open, I don’t see that we have another choice. If you don’t want to come to my room, then I’ll just come to yours.”
An older couple passing by glanced at them, the woman’s mouth puckered disapprovingly. Lucy just widened her eyes and gave the woman her most innocent smile. As soon as they’d passed she muttered, “Nosy old biddy.”
“Nosy or not, she’s the perfect example of why you can’t come to my room,” Finn said. “If you were seen entering or leaving it, your reputation would be in ruins.”
Lucy shrugged. “You are the one with all the dire secrets and an infuriating need for privacy. Keep them to yourself, if you prefer. I’m going to bed. Philip has asked me to accompany him to the theater tomorrow evening and I need to get some rest.”
Lucy turned her back on Finn and entered her room. “Good night,” she said with a smile. Then she closed the door on his glowering face.
…
Finn walked past Lucy’s door. Stopped. Turned around. Walked past it again. Finally, he came to a stop in front of it, his hand raised to turn the knob. It was very late. Or early. They hadn’t returned from the ball until well after midnight and he’d been tossing and turning for an hour at least before finally deciding he couldn’t wait any longer to warn Lucy. She was being extraordinarily stubborn, even for a Richardson, and that was saying something.
He’d thought, hoped, that she’d have given up on him long before now. But the stubborn little minx wasn’t backing down. The problem was, she was right. About everything. He did still love her. So much that the mere sight of her made his chest burn with a bittersweet longing that he’d give almost anything to quench. Almost anything. But not her safety. He didn’t know if he could protect her against Halford and he’d willingly sacrifice anything to keep her safe, including his own heart. He would not fail the woman he loved again.
He turned the doorknob and slipped inside. Looks like Lucy had been expecting him. Either that or she was being unforgivably careless. Lucy sat up the moment he entered. No feigning to be asleep, no pretense of surprise when she looked at him. No. His Lucy never wasted her time with such nonsense. She just gave him a slow smile of welcome.
“Come to join me?” Lucy said, allowing the sleeve of her nightdress to slip off her shoulder as she leaned forward.
Finn froze. Her hair hung loose about her face, trailing down her back. The expanse of pale skin that her gown exposed stretched from her long, elegant neck to just below the jointure of her arm and shoulder. The top of one breast swelled dangerously near the neckline. He took a step toward the bed, his body moving toward her of its own volition.
Lucy’s smile widened and she shifted just a bit, letting the material slip farther down her arm. Finn closed his eyes and grit his teeth. This isn’t what he came here for. He pictured Philip’s face, the leer in his eyes that he was careful to conceal from Lucy but that Finn saw every time the man looked at her. Finn needed to focus on why he’d risked coming to Lucy tonight.
He stalked to the end of her bed and Lucy’s quick intake of breath nearly made him forget everything. He could still feel her lips against his, could still taste her on his tongue. His heart thumped erratically. For half a second, he warred with himself. But then Finn grasped the robe that was lying across the bottom of her bed and tossed it to her.
“I came to talk. I’ll wait until you put that on.”
“I’m not cold.”
Finn glared at her and Lucy bit her lip, though her smile still peeked through. The nightdress covered her from neck to ankle and down to her wrists. Other than the bit of shoulder that was showing she was fairly well hidden under the mass of fabric. But the material was so thin he could see the hint of her skin beneath it. The knowledge that there was nothing else beneath the gown stirred parts of him that were better left alone.
“Lucy,” he said, his voice strained.
“Very well. I’ll admit I’m curious as to what you deem so important that you’d risk being seen in my room.”
She slipped out of bed and shrugged into the robe. “Better?”
Finn gave her a curt nod, but he didn’t relax. With the robe pulled tight across her body and tied at the waist, it merely served to accentuate each delicious curve of her. And it didn’t erase the knowledge that there was very little beneath it. Finn’s hands itched to touch each and every inch of her, and by the smile on her face, Lucy was well aware of that fact.
She smiled and sauntered over to an armchair by the fireplace. He followed, sitting opposite her.
“So?” she prompted. “You said I didn’t understand the danger I was in. Explain it to me.”
Finn leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “You know that when I was in Boston, I was involved with a ring of smugglers.”
“Yes. But your boss was killed when we got Coraline back. You were free of them.”
“No. I’m not free. The organization has a sort of hierarchy. The man your sister killed was merely a manager of sorts.”
Lucy paled. “So who is the leader of this organization?”
“Philip Halford.”
Lucy sat back, her hand to her chest. Her breath quickened a little, though while she looked upset, she didn’t seem particularly surprised.
“How does he manage to run a criminal organization of that size and be such a public figure? Everyone here knows who he is. How does he keep his involvement hidden? More importantly, how in the world did you get mixed up with someone like him?”
Finn sat back. “That’s a very long story.”
Lucy crossed her legs and folded her arms across her chest. “I’ve got nothing but time.”
She gently bounced the foot of her crossed leg, her lips pursed. Every bounce shifted the robe farther so that her leg was exposed to her calf. Finn swallowed and looked away. The woman was going to be the death of him, she really was.
Talking was his only salvation.
“Before I came to work for your sister, I worked in England.”
Lucy nodded. “For that earl or prince or some muckety-muck.”
A ghost of a smile crossed Finn’s lips. “A duke, yes.”
Lucy shook her head. “I find it impossible to envision you in full uniform, serving some titled old bag.”
“I served as a butler in your sister’s household.”
“And you didn’t fit in there either. You aren’t a man that was born to serve others, Finn.”
Finn’s jaw clenched and he looked away, not wanting to admit how close to home she’d struck. Jake had found him the job with the duke, who had been living in San Francisco at the time. Finn hadn’t been in the position to turn down a well-paying legal job and the duke was more than happy to add Finn to the collection of oddities he collected. A butler with tribal tattoos on his face wouldn’t be something that anyone else in the duke’s circles could claim. Finn had found he was good at the job. He hadn’t enjoyed it, per se. As Lucy accurately stated, he wasn’t a man made to serve others and taking orders from the crazy old bird had been trying. Still, he’d been sad when the old man passed away.
“Anyhow, when the duke died I quite suddenly found myself without employment. His heirs didn’t find a tattooed butler ‘appropriate’ for their household.”
Finn said it without bitterness. He’d grown so used to being ostracized for his facial markings, it didn’t bother him anymore. In fact, he felt more uncomfortable hiding them, as he was doing now, then letting them show. But he didn’t have a choice on the matter at the moment. Halford wanted Finn
with him and that meant the tattoos had to be covered.
“So they dismissed you,” Lucy said, frowning.
“Yes. I’d expected it, of course. However, they refused to pay me the wages owed me. And that left me in a bit of a bind. I had some money saved, enough to buy passage back to America. But I wanted to save that if I could. So I found a ship’s captain who was willing to give me passage in exchange for working onboard the ship during the journey. Their cook had unexpectedly died and I had a decent hand in the kitchen so the arrangement suited me well.”
Lucy smiled in surprise. “You cook?”
“Those pastries you loved in Boston? That was me.”
Lucy’s grin widened. “That would explain why the one time Brynne requested it after you left, it turned out inedible. That was the last time she asked Mrs. Krause to make them. It never occurred to us that you’d made it.”
“I’m glad it made an impression,” Finn said, returning her smile.
“So,” Lucy said, her smile fading as she brought his attention back to his story, “you became a ship’s cook. Was Philip on the ship? Was that how you met?”
“I’m getting to that part. Hush.”
Lucy grimaced at him but settled back into her chair and waved at him to continue.
“There was a couple aboard, heading to America to proselytize to the wicked heathens they’d heard roamed the country. They spent most of the voyage annoying anyone they could pin down with their dire predictions for anyone they considered ‘ungodly.’ I made a point to avoid them. The captain and crew had no issue with my tattoos. I was relatively sure the same couldn’t be said for this couple and the last thing I wanted to do was cause problems.
“But it is a long voyage and the ship is only so large. I bumped into the woman one night, knocked her right on her backside. She took one look at my face and set to shrieking like I was the devil himself. Her husband came running, along with several members of their group. They beat me to a pulp before the captain could step in to intervene.”
Lucy’s eyes narrowed. “I would have thought they’d have been pleased to find you there. Would have given them some preaching practice.”
Blood Blade Sisters Series (Entangled Scandalous) Page 47
