Will

by Maria Boyd

  I stopped mid-pummel. Hey, Freak, does your dad know you’re here? Don’t you need to ring him?

  No, he rang and said he couldn’t pick me up for another hour. I told him that I would be fine because I’d hang out with you guys.

  Yeah, but I didn’t even know I was getting a lift home, so how did you?

  Because I heard Mark and Elizabeth talking about going to get a pizza and I asked if we could come.

  You asked if we could come?

  Yeah. Well, I thought you’d want to too.

  The headlock changed into a kind of bear hug. I loved this kid! There was no denying he was a Freak, but he was a great Freak! Not one trace of embarrassment.

  Hey, Will, if you’d prefer to go home I can drop you off?

  Mark was looking at me really innocently. He truly was a master of the subtle piss-take.

  No way, buddy, I’m not missing out on pizza, even if it means I have to be seen out with you rejects.

  The car erupted with all three of them telling me to get stuffed. Elizabeth was whacking me with her script, the Freak was attempting to king-hit me from my left and Mark tossed an empty water bottle at my head.

  All right, all right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Now let’s get out of this dump!

  The love-in

  The local pizza place is where all the kids stuck in the can’t legally go to the pub or a club but are sick of Macca’s or the car park of the local servo hang out. It was also a pretty usual spot to find St. Andrew’s boys and Lakeside girls. I nodded to a table near the door where a mixture of Year 11s and 12s sat with their girlfriends. Normally these guys would see me with Chris and the boys or the soccer boys. The last person they would expect to see with the new guy, the Year 7 dork and the assistant head of Lakeside’s Green House was Will Armstrong. As we walked past them they leaned in and started talking in a way that could only mean hot gossip.

  Mark took control.

  What does everyone want?

  Let’s get one with everything on it and super big!

  The Freak obviously liked pizza.

  Right then, Zach, how about you and I go and place the order?

  The Freak consented happily and bounced his way to the counter with Mark. It was clear that the kid was as happy as the proverbial pig in shit. It also meant that Elizabeth and I were left alone at the table. I looked up to find her smiling at me.

  Is it true you’re only involved in the musical because you were forced to be?

  I thought about saying I would have joined up anyway but she didn’t look like she’d fall for it.

  Yeah.

  Was it because of the mooning?

  Yeah.

  That’s a pretty weird punishment, don’t you think?

  Yeah.

  OK, that was three yeahs in a row. I was beginning to sound like an idiot.

  It was Andrews’s idea.

  Elizabeth looked at me, wanting more of the story.

  I don’t know, the last six months he’s been on my case the whole time. He reckons getting me onto the musical was going easy on me. But the amount of time I’ve had to give up would be equivalent to five years’ worth of detentions. The musical, well … it wasn’t exactly my thing …

  I wanted to say that now, right at this moment, it didn’t feel anything like detention, but … I didn’t. What about you?

  I wanted to do the musical. It is my thing.

  I didn’t mean …

  Great! I might as well have called her a loser to her face.

  No, it’s all right, Will. I don’t care. It’s different at Lakeside anyway. It’s a big deal. It’s like what Mr. Andrews was saying today, it depends on all of us to make something like this work and it doesn’t matter if you play in the band or have a solo or are in the chorus, everyone has to do their job or it doesn’t work. I like being involved in something like that. And I really enjoy singing.

  You’re good at it.

  She looked down at her drink. Thanks.

  Mark and Zach came back after what must have been the fastest order in history. The Freak did not stop talking until the pizza arrived.

  Hey, Freak, try and give it a rest for a little while.

  Mark more diplomatically suggested he actually take the time to eat some of the pizza he so desperately wanted.

  Yeah, it’s funny, my dad says that to me all the time. He says that if he didn’t remind me to eat, I would just keep talking until everything on the table was eaten and then I’d wonder why I was left out.

  At this point I shoved a slice of pizza in his mouth. He got the idea after that, and plowed through another three pieces, leaving the table oddly quiet.

  What are you two going to do with all the free time you have after this is over?

  I couldn’t think of anything better to say. Anyway, I was genuinely interested. In Elizabeth anyway. Mark volunteered first, however.

  Well, that’s easy for me, the HSC and rugby.

  Is that all?

  You wait till you get to Year Twelve and see how much time you’ve got!

  Elizabeth shook her head and grinned at Mark.

  Stop being such an old man! You’ve got to make time to have some fun!

  She changed direction from Mark to me. What about you, Will?

  Pretty much the same old stuff … you know, hanging out with the boys, playing my guitar …

  You play soccer, don’t you? The boys reckon you’re pretty good.

  Not this season. Mostly I just kick the footy around with the boys down the park.

  We should all try and meet up after the musical’s over, like on a regular basis.

  The Freak had evidently finished his pizza and wanted to exercise his vocal cords.

  Yeah, that’d be good. Elizabeth was looking at me again. I could feel the telltale blush begin its ascent.

  Sure, a new kid in town who’s gay needs all the friends he can get, Mark threw in.

  I caught the Freak out of the corner of my eye. He was looking at Mark with renewed interest. He was going to let loose with one of his father’s philosophies, I knew it.

  Are you really gay? he asked.

  Zach, I cautioned.

  It’s all right, Will, let him ask. Yes, mate, I am indeed one hundred percent gay.

  Wow, you’re the first real gay person I’ve ever met. So have you really kissed a boy? What’s it like?

  Zach! This time I kicked him under the table.

  Zach looked at me, wounded.

  What? He said it was all right to ask him questions. I’d ask you what it was like to kiss Elizabeth, when you finally get around to it.

  At this point I put my head in my hands and seriously thought about dragging the little jerk off his seat and giving him a good bashing. I felt Elizabeth watching me across the table. She was laughing hard. Needless to say Mark was carrying on like it was the joke of the millennium.

  Eventually everyone died down a bit and Zach burst out, Wait until I tell Dad about you, Mark! He won’t mind, you know. He believes everyone should live their life the way they want to, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.

  He sounds like a smart guy, Zach. You’re lucky to have a dad like that. Mine’s only just coming around to the idea.

  The Freak nearly caused an electricity surge he was so stoked that Mark had complimented his dad. I was more interested in Mark’s father.

  Is your dad still strange with it?

  Mark picked up his glass of water and turned it in his hand.

  Yeah, it’s taken him a while to get his head around it. He’s older, you know, so when he hears the word gay, he only thinks of men who put on women’s clothes, wear bad makeup and mime to really bad songs. And hey, if that’s what makes them happy … Mark put down the glass and picked up the coaster. He didn’t say much when he first found out. I think he figured I was going through a stage because no one who was really gay could possibly be such a good footballer. I still reckon he secretly hopes I’ll grow out of it.

 
; I wondered about what Dad would have done if I’d gone home and told him I was gay. With all he went on about blokes giving each other such a hard time on the site, you’d reckon he’d be all right with it, but you never know. And I’d never get to ask him now.

  So what do you reckon your dad would do, Will?

  An innocent question—they always are—but it hit me in the belly like a concrete pylon.

  Ahh … I felt the ancient eyes of the Freak pierce through my skin. I don’t know … hard to say really …

  I could sense the Freak was gearing up to ask me one of his killer questions. Self-preservation dictated I get in before him.

  Hey, Freak, it might be better if you kept that bit of news around this table. Don’t you think, Mark?

  Well, I’m OK with it, but he might cop it a bit, and if things are already tough, saying you’re mates with a gay guy isn’t going to do you any favors.

  I don’t care what they say to me. They say plenty now and I can handle it. But if you think it’s going to be better for you this way, Mark, then I won’t say anything.

  Thanks, mate. I think you’re smart enough to figure that one out.

  The kid grew five centimeters in five seconds.

  We got off the gay topic, and spoke about Elizabeth’s dream of being an actor.

  They’re waiting for me to grow out of wanting to act and sing too—she inclined her head in Mark’s direction—and I keep telling them that it’s not going to happen. Mum wants me to go to Sydney Uni, like she did, and do Economics-Law. Which is why she adores Mark, because that is exactly what he wants to do.

  ANU, not Sydney.

  Whatever, she still loves you.

  He held his hands in the air. What can I do, mothers love me!

  She threw a piece of pepperoni at him.

  How come your parents are making such a big deal of it? I asked.

  I don’t know. Mum goes on and on about how Nonna and Nonno worked so hard to make sure she had a good education. They sent her to a private girls’ school. Mum wanted me to go to one too but all of my friends were going to Lakeside so I said no. It was the first major fight we’d ever had. Up until then I was Miss Goody-Goody.

  Right, Miss Assistant Head of Green.

  Shut up, Mark!

  Anyway, thank God Lakeside was getting written up in the paper as one of the best state schools so she let me win that one. My brother wasn’t as lucky, though.

  I put on my most sympathetic face. That’s harsh.

  What?

  Sending your brother to a private girls’ school.

  She nearly choked on the drink she was sipping, she laughed so loud. Mark and Zach joined in.

  Sorry, go on. I wasn’t at all sorry.

  She shook her head. It’s not over yet, anyway. I want to learn how to do something that I already love and Mum wants me to do something I know I already hate. Subject selections next term should be fun.

  Yeah, if your mother is as fiery as you, I want tickets.

  She ignored Mark.

  What about your parents, Will?

  Silence. I made myself answer.

  They’re different. They only ever said that I should do the things I’m interested in. They were cool with the subject selections. I mean, I think Mum would have loved it if I’d chosen physics and chemistry and extension two maths like Chris and this nerd—Mark gave me the finger—but they knew that was never going to happen, so they accepted that. I guess I’m pretty lucky.

  Pause.

  It’s not as if I’m dumb or anything, though. I couldn’t quite believe that had come out of my mouth. Andrews and Danielli must have been rubbing off on me.

  Elizabeth thankfully ignored this last comment.

  You’re so lucky.

  I guess I was lucky. I grew up in a house where both my parents had their heads in books, where music was always on—bad music but music nevertheless—and where Dad stuck his guitar in my hands when I was three.

  So do you want to play music when you leave school?

  I’d never thought about it.

  I don’t know. Yeah, maybe.

  I didn’t know whether Mum would be that cool.

  Once again the little guy came to my rescue.

  I intend to be a trombone-playing physicist.

  None of us laughed. It wasn’t a joke.

  Do you like school, Zach? Elizabeth asked.

  He nodded his head.

  I do like school, it’s just that sometimes I don’t like what happens to me there.

  What happens?

  Her voice had softened and she looked at him encouragingly.

  Some of the kids always have to give me a hard time. It started right at the beginning of school when some of the boys from my primary school told everybody I get really angry. They say I click it. I don’t lose it so much anymore, but if someone is trying their hardest to get you to click it, it’s hard not to. So I clicked it a couple of times and ended up in Mr. Waverton’s office.

  You’ve been in Waddlehead’s office!

  Zach nodded at me admonishingly. And I don’t know why you don’t like him because he was very nice.

  I had a comeback ready but I figured it was the little guy’s moment, not mine.

  He told me he wanted to help me and find the boys who did it. So I told him. But it didn’t help much. Well, most of them stopped but two of them didn’t.

  He took a quick breath and carried on. Dad got really angry and came up to the office and yelled at Mr. Waverton and said he was going to take me out of the school. But I didn’t want to go. I like it here. Things are OK now. Mostly they leave me alone. Dad told me that the best way to deal with it is to ignore them so I do. And some of the other guys tell them to stop. Anyway, like I said, it’s different now.

  He reached for another slice of pizza and held it in his hand right close to his mouth. It waved in front of his face as he talked.

  Since Will and I became friends everyone has shut up. And because of you too, Mark. You know how you say hello to me at the tuckshop, well, they know you play football and you’re friends with Chris Holden and even though you can see they want to say something they won’t because they’re scared.

  Eventually the cheese started to drip down his hand.

  There’s a couple of kids in the band who are all right, but I like hanging out with you guys. He shoved the slice in his mouth.

  Well, you can hang out with us anytime you want, Zach.

  I hoped Elizabeth meant it, because I knew from experience that he would.

  Zach beamed back at her, chewing. Elizabeth looked at me and smiled a huge smile.

  Mark grinned over at me. I put my head down and groaned.

  Just as the evening was about to end as a huge love-in Elizabeth’s phone rang. It was the first time I’d ever heard her panicked. She looked over at Mark, who jingled his keys and nodded.

  Yeah, all right, Dad. Mark’s giving me a lift and I’ll be home soon.

  She put her phone away. It’s so typical! They said I could go out after rehearsals but they’re already stressing about tomorrow and schoolwork.

  Yeah, but if you go home now you’ll have more chance to go out tomorrow night, right?

  Mark gave her a push as she collected her bag and she eventually smiled.

  I thought about the drive to school this morning with Mum. Who would have thought the day was going to end up like this? This was exactly the type of girl information she would love.

  Except that conversation was never going to happen.

  In need of Bubble Wrap

  The next morning I actually looked forward to rehearsals! Even the thought of singing practice on Friday wasn’t freaking me out so much. So the boys would give me heaps, but that would be nothing in comparison to what I planned for my revenge. I’d pull off one of Will Armstrong’s finest schemes and order and balance would be restored. Yep, things were definitely looking up.

  I rode to school and was nearly as early as the Freak. He was
waiting out front as usual. This time it was me who felt like pogoing all over the place.

  Hey, Freak! I circled him on my bike. It had become a little bit of a game and it wound him right up. He didn’t know whether to laugh or to tell me to get lost. But he loved every second of it and it amused the crap out of me.

  Watch out for my trombone, Will.

  He was trying to be serious but every time I kept trapping him he’d giggle even louder.

  Trust me, Freak, have I hurt it yet? You know, you need to get another love in your life other than that bloody trombone.

  What, like you and Elizabeth?

  And he giggled so hard he nearly fell over.

  Right, that’s it! And I circled round, got up speed and went straight for him.

  He ran the fastest he ever had in his life. I called a truce.

  I’m not coming back until you get off your bike!

  All right, all right, I’ll get off.

  As he approached me, I went to get on it again. I did it every time and every time it completely threw him. It was just another one of those codes he hadn’t cracked yet.

  You promised! he screamed as he hid behind the Dumpster I first rescued him from.

  All right, mate, relax, it was just a joke.

  The little man did have a tendency to lose it. But he was slowly lightening up. He edged up beside me and we made our way to the hall.

  Hey, Will? Can I ask you a question?

  Yeah, sure, mate. As long as it’s not about Elizabeth.

  No, it’s not about her, I promise.

  OK then, go right ahead.

  Your dad’s dead, isn’t he?

  Where the hell did that come from?

  It’s just that we were talking about Mark’s dad last night and then Elizabeth asked you about yours and you didn’t say anything. I remember one of the older boys telling someone else that your dad had died in some sort of accident.

  The sound of my dropped bike echoed around the playground. The Freak looked at me, waiting for a reply. I willed myself to answer him.

  Yeah, he is.

  I had my back to him, bending down to pick up the bike. It was so like Zach to fire out this kind of question. He wasn’t doing anything but trying to understand. It was just that I didn’t want to understand.