Elsker

by ST Bende

  “O-kay.” That was a weird reaction. Either something was up or he really did have an early morning. I shifted my tea to my other hand. “So how long did you say you’ve known Gunnar?”

  “About eight hundred years.”

  “Excuse me?” I paused mid sip.

  “You know,” Ull tugged at his sweater. “I mean it feels like eight hundred years. Because we live together, and we get on each other’s nerves and all.”

  What was going on? “Are you feeling all right?”

  “Yes. Feeling fine. Just tired -- you kept me out late.” Ull treated me to a rakish grin and I forgot all about this strange conversation. The only thing I could think about was the way his lips curved up in a smile. And what I wanted those lips to be doing right now.

  “I think you could use a cup of coffee. My treat,” I offered.

  “Thank you Kristia, but I have to meet a professor in five minutes.” Ull checked his watch. “May I call you this evening?”

  “Any time.” I hoped I didn’t sound too desperate.

  “Excellent.” He bent to kiss my cheek. My knees buckled and he caught me. “We can make plans for this weekend.”

  “I can’t wait.” I watched his denim-clad backside make its way across the quad and I hugged myself. The weekend couldn’t come fast enough.

  Chapter Six

  Heartbreak

  THE EVENING CAME AND went and I didn’t hear from Ull. He didn’t show up to Mythology on Tuesday either. At first I was worried. I tried calling him, but his voicemail was turned off -- and I didn’t have his home number. I didn’t know where he lived, so I couldn’t stop by to make sure he was okay. Not that I would have; he didn’t need to know how obsessed I’d become.

  But a few days passed and I started to think Ull might not be sick at all -- what if he was avoiding me? He knew how to reach me if he wanted to see me again. And my phone was silent. Ugh, I was so naïve. Ull told me what I wanted to hear to get what he wanted. I mean, he’d been a jerk for a whole week, and when he’d needed to borrow my notes, he suddenly got all nice. Then he made out with me in a couple of castles and just disappeared. How did I not see this coming?

  The unavoidable truth hit me in full force on Thursday morning. Ull got to know me and he just wasn’t that into me. I might not have known a whole lot about dating, but I did know he’d have called by now if he wanted to. There was no way around it. I’d opened myself up to a guy I barely knew and he didn’t like me back. Humiliation washed over me in waves.

  The problem was that Ull wasn’t the kind of guy you could just stop thinking about. Spending time with Nice Ull had been pretty fantastic. And now that I knew how great he could be, how was I going to go back to just ignoring him around campus?

  I was going to have to cancel my pity party if I didn’t want to flunk out of Cardiff. My first class of the day was Mythology, and it started in less than an hour. “Of course,” I moaned, indulging in one last moment of misery.

  Mythology. He would be there. I briefly contemplated staying in bed, but the semester was long and I couldn’t avoid him forever. It’s not like I’d fallen in love or anything. Besides, Mormor hadn’t raised me to get all wrapped up in a guy. With a groan, I rolled out of bed and took extra care getting ready.

  I used almost all of the products in my new Clinique bag, from tinted moisturizer to lash curling mascara. I even got out the big and the small barreled curling irons and teased my hair into the style from the back cover of Victoria’s fashion magazine. There was no point in looking as pathetic as I felt.

  I tried not to drag my feet as I walked to class, and I slunk into the lecture hall and hid behind my perfectly curled hair. I permitted myself a glance towards his usual seat, but it was empty again. I headed to my row, where Henry was waiting.

  “Kristia.,” Hhe nodded.

  “Henry.,” I nodded back, not having the energy to fake a good mood. Thankfully, he was an easy seatmate.

  “You look nice today. Going somewhere after class?”

  “Nope. Unless you want to get a cup of tea.” I booted up my laptop.

  “Rough morning?” Henry typed the date.

  “You have no idea.”

  “Well then, tea’s on me.” He patted my forearm, a brotherly gesture.

  “Thanks, Henry.”

  “Don’t mention it. Hey, do you think you could e-mail me your notes from Tuesday? I accidentally deleted part of the lecture on Jotunheim.”

  “Sure.,” I tried not to think about the last guy I’d shared my notes with. Look where that had landed me.

  “Good morning, class,” Professor Carnicke took the podium, her sandy hair swinging behind her. “Let’s begin. On Tuesday we talked about Jotunheim. Asgard had enemies in almost every realm. These enemies worked together to defeat the gods at Ragnarok, but each realm also launched regular attacks on Asgard.

  “The gods were divine -- giants, dwarves, and dark elves wanted to see them fall. So Odin developed an intricate series of defenses to preserve his world. Today we’re going to discuss the Warriors of Asgard and how they relate to Odin’s bloodline. As heirs to the realm, Thor, Sif and their descendaents played a vital role in Norse myths.”

  “Try to pay attention today, Henry,” I whispered. “I don’t want to have to tell Emma you mooched notes off me all semester.”

  “Hardee har har.”

  “Okay. Odin established several lines to defend against Ragnarok. The Valkyries of Valhalla trained the front line. This all-female army rode winged horses to collect fallen, human soldiers from the battlefield. They brought them back to Asgard and taught them to fight for Odin.

  “But Odin knew the Valkyries were not enough. While they trained soldiers for Ragnarok, someone had to handle the day-to-day attacks on the realm. The Warriors of Asgard were Odin’s preemptive line. They traveled throughout the realms, eliminating threats as they arose. When Odin got word of a Fire Giant uprising, he dispatched his Warriors to Muspelheim. When the Dark Elves found a way to breach Asgard, the Warriors were sent to Svartalfheim to dispose of the conspirators. Odin was unsympathetic and unforgiving -- any threat to Asgard was a capital offense, and the Warriors had orders to kill anyone involved.”

  “Sounds kind of harsh,” I whispered to Henry.

  “Not really.,” Hhe shrugged. “If your death was prophesied, wouldn’t you kill first ask questions later?”

  Maybe.

  “Odin’s son, Thor, had a special connection to the Warriors. The God of Thunder used his hammer, Mjölnir, and his belt, Megingjörd, to literally crush his enemies. And he worked closely with the Warriors to train them for battle. That’s how he came to meet a warrior named Sif, who also happened to be the Goddess of Beauty. He married her and adopted her son, Ullr.” She wrote the name on the board.

  Ullr. Just one letter off from Ull. Even when I wasn’t thinking about him he managed to creep into my day. Jerk.

  “You okay?” Henry shot me a look.

  “Sure. Why?”

  “You’re typing really loud. You’re going to break your keyboard.”

  Oops.

  “Little is known about Ullr, though based on the number of sites throughout Scandinavia bearing his name, he must have played a vital role in early Norse cultures. It is believed his father was a warrior who died in battle. And on becoming Thor’s stepson, Ullr became a titled god -- God of Winter.”

  What had she just said? I scanned my notes, reading back Professor Carnicke’s words. Thor’s stepson, Ullr… God of Winter. A deity with a stepdad named Thor going by the name of Ullr… or Ull.

  It couldn’t be possible. Could it?

  ****

  I wasn’t going to get an answer any time soon. Ull never did show up to class, and I didn’t see him around campus the rest of the day, either. Usually, I caught a glimpse of him getting tea between classes, or heading through the east door of the library in the early afternoon. I didn’t know his schedule or anything, but he stood out; it was hard not to notic
e him.

  I did a good job of going through the motions the rest of the week without thinking too much about whether I’d kissed a real life god. I went to classes, smiled at Emma’s jokes, even went out for ice cream with my flatmates. By Friday afternoon, I still hadn’t seen Ull around campus, and my curiosity got the best of me.

  Since pride goeth before the fall of the world’s most useless psychic, I decided to swallow what little I had left and call him. The least he could do was tell me that he wasn’t into me. I braced myself as I dialed his mobile. One ring, two. I could hang up now and spare myself any more embarrassment. Three rings, four. Oh, right. Stupid caller ID would out me even if I hung up now. Five rings. Then a click, as the call was forwarded to Ull’s voicemail.

  So he’d turned it on. My palms got all sweaty at the velvety sound of his voice. The outgoing message said he’d gone out of town for a while, and would check his messages periodically. Was the idea of a third date so awful that he’d run away?

  “Uh, hi Ull,” the short beep caught me off guard. “I just wanted to say, um… hi, since you know, I haven’t heard from you… about getting together this weekend.” Oh, good heavens. Of course he knew that. “I mean, I’m sure you’re busy, and I understand if you, uh, don’t want to call.” Stop. Talking. NOW. “But you weren’t in class, and, well, I, uh, just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I mean, I’m sure you’re okay. You probably just, um… yeah. Talk to you later.” I banged my head against the wall. Thankfully, I’d stopped babbling before I could tell him I really wanted to make out again. I had some dignity.

  That night my Ragnarok nightmare came back.

  As I stood in a field of English lavender, Ull suddenly appeared at my side. He didn’t acknowledge me. His eyes were focused on the horizon, waiting for attack. I was so surprised to see him that I forgot all about the snake and the wolf, who were bent on killing us.

  “What, now you decide to show up? Where have you been for the last week? You couldn’t pick up the phone to let me know you were okay?”

  Ull’s eyes flickered towards mine without a hint of remorse. “I was protecting you.”

  “From what?” I glared at him while the snake wove a path through the purple field.

  “From this. All of this,” Ull gestured around the field, his eyes coming to rest on the enormous wolf circling us. “You have no idea what you are getting into.”

  That was all he had to say. Everything turned red. I was so full of anger -- anger at Ull for dumping me, anger at myself for caring. Anger that I was letting some guy take my focus off my amazing European adventure.

  “Well thanks a lot Viking, but you know what? I’ve got this covered.” My rage boiled over and I grabbed a sharp stick that was sitting on the ground, clenching it in my fists and looking for something to kill. The snake came first, standing on its tail and bearing its fangs as it prepared to strike. But I was faster, slamming the stick into its body and impaling the creature that’d killed me hundreds of times before. It froze mid-strike, shock on its reptilian features before it fell limp at my feet. Ull took a step back, obviously caught off guard.

  “Not so helpless after all, am I, Mr. Perfect?” My hand twitched as the wolf circled slowly, intent on avenging its friend. It was no match for my pent up anger. The rage built again and I charged for the animal, staking its eye and making it cry out. It ran into the darkness, yelping all the way. For the first time ever, I had won. And I’d done it on my own.

  When I woke, I felt better -- stronger. I still wished things had worked out differently with Ull, but I was done hoping for a call that wasn’t going to come from a guy I barely even knew, who may or may not even be human. I’d come all this way for an adventure. Was I really going to waste my time mooning over some tacky guy who couldn’t be bothered to pick up the phone? I didn’t think so.

  ****

  The next week came and went and Ull never came back to class. Well, fine. Who needed a tortured Viking anyway? Without Ull around, I was able to relax, smiling through conversations with my new friends and even going for tea again with Henry after Mythology. He only asked me about Emma three times. I made a note to put in a good word for him.

  When Friday rolled around, Victoria and Emma came home bubbling with big disco plans. A group of their friends was getting together at a local club and the girls were determined to drag me along.

  “Oh, I don’t know,” I demurred. “I really wanted to watch that marathon of Sports Wives tonight.” I gestured to the pizza box in front of me, flanked by two packs of those caramel-chocolate McVities “biscuits” Emma had gotten me hooked on.

  “No can do, missy. We know you were down about Ull, though you’ve been doing a fab job of keeping calm and carrying on, as we say.” Victoria winked at me.

  “I’m not upset about Ull. Seriously,” I added when Victoria frowned. “That’s last week’s news. I really, really want to watch Sports Wives and eat these ridiculously good cookies.”

  “Sorry, K. Emma promised James that you’ll come out with us tonight and he is determined to make a go of it with you.”

  “Who?”

  “James. From across the courtyard. Kristia, we talked about him.” Emma tapped her foot.

  “Oh, right. Where did you say you’re going?” I eyed my biscuits with longing.

  “Dancing.”

  “Uh, no.” I shook my head. “Not the best activity for me.” I lifted my fuzzy slippers. “Two left feet. See?”

  “Forget it, Kristia. You’re going.” Emma was firm. Victoria squared her shoulders.

  “Oh, fine. But only if I can wear something of yours.”

  Victoria’s eyes lit up. “I was hoping you’d say that!” She ran off, her eyes glossy as she dove straight into her armoire.

  ****

  I regretted my words as we walked the short distance from the parking garage to the club. Victoria had outfitted me in a teensy dress and stiletto boots. What was she thinking putting me in three-inch heels to dance? Even so, it was nice to be out with the girls.

  They were making me laugh with racy stories about their early years at Cardiff, and I was actually excited to meet the guy they were so insistent on setting me up with. But when we walked up to the very same nightclub I’d been to with Ull, my stomach dropped. I may have been done pining, but it didn’t mean the rejection didn’t still sting.

  I told myself I only had to smile for a few hours and then I could crawl into bed. Those biscuits would even still be waiting for me. Head held high and mindful of my step, I followed my giggling girlfriends into the club.

  Chapter Seven

  The Nightclub

  BEFORE I TOOK TWO wobbly steps into the nightclub, I knew I’d made a mistake. Coming here with Ull had been amazing -- dancing in his arms, breathing in that smell that seemed too good to be real. The only things I smelled now were stale beer and sweaty frat-boys.

  “Come on, love.” An over-eager James was waiting inside the club. He wasn’t bad looking, if you were into the whole Clark Kent thing. He was tall and dark, with retro glasses that were either extremely dorky or hipster cool -- Victoria could have said for sure.

  He tugged at me the minute I’d taken off my coat. “Let’s dance!”

  I tried; honestly I did. But my mind was on my last dance partner, the way he’d easily led me around the floor as if from another era. Dancing with James wasn’t nearly so nice. The caramel McVities waiting for me at home were the only company I wanted.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled as I backed away. “My shoes, um… hurt.” That wasn’t exactly a lie. At the bar I ordered a tonic water and slumped on the stool. I had a headache from the flashing lights and runny eyes from a nearby cigarette. My flatmates were at the far end of the room, dancing their hearts out. They wouldn’t miss me if I slipped out for a while. I put my drink down and turned to leave.

  I hadn’t made it far when a belligerent frat-boy type moved into my path. He sloshed his drink, narrowly avoiding my boots. I tried to step ar
ound him, but he slid an unwanted arm around my waist. His grip was too tight -- he was stronger than he looked.

  “Hey baby. Wanna dance?” It was a command and the group behind him shouted their encouragement. I immediately regretted not checking in with my friends. If I had, maybe someone would have offered to walk me home.

  “No thanks.” I tried to twist out of the guy’s hold, but he grabbed my arm.

  “You’re not going anywhere.” The group closed in around me, pushing me towards the back exit. I looked frantically for Emma and Victoria. Why didn’t anybody notice this was happening? Of course, with the flashing lights, we probably looked like a group of friends dancing. I thought about kicking the one holding me -- drunk as he was, I could confuse him, at best. But even if I knocked him down, I’d never get through the whole gang. It didn’t matter; I had to do something. I squared my hips, preparing to fight.

  “Leave me alone,” I yelled, hoping that someone would hear me over the din. The boys laughed harder. As I psyched myself up to kick the one leeched on my arm, a tall figure stepped from the shadows. His brow was furrowed and his eyes burned with fury. He towered over the crowd as he squared his shoulders. A lock of blonde hair fell over one livid eye, and the growl that came from his throat sent a wave of alarm through the circle. I felt immediate relief. Nobody was going to mess with Ull.

  “Is there a problem?” The words were a threat, and some of the fringe members stepped back involuntarily, blending into the crowd.

  “Yes!” I cried, just as the boy holding my arm slurred, “Naw, man. We were just going outside.” He slung a drunken arm over my shoulder, defying me to disagree.

  My towering savior shook his head. “I heard the lady tell you to leave her alone.” He took one menacing step into the center of the group, sending all but my attacker scattering. The boy was drunk, but not drunk enough to pick a fight with my enraged hero, and he backed away waving his hands in surrender.