Elsker

by ST Bende

  “Midgard?”

  “Our name for your realm. Earth. I traveled a lot, and finally I settled in Wales.” Ull touched my cheek. “It would seem I was drawn to this realm to be with you.”

  I blushed.

  “You are not afraid of what I am?”

  I should have told him I wasn’t exactly normal either, with my mental tic and all. But I was too chicken. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I want you to know what you will be getting into, if you choose to date me. I have been around for a very long time. But I never felt at home, until I met you. I realize that I have more baggage than almost any other man you could choose, and I promise to tell you about all of it so you can decide whether this is the life you want. Still… selfish as it is, I want to share my world with you. And I hope that, in time, you will come to feel the same way.”

  This could not be happening. There was no way that this god-like creature -- correction, this god -- was declaring himself to me. I couldn’t begin to process what it would mean to be with him.

  “This is a lot to take in.”

  “I know.,” he still gripped my hands.

  “You really could have told me this over dinner in Cardiff. You didn’t have to bring me all this way just to tell me you’re a…” I stumbled over the word.

  “A god.”

  “Right. That.”

  “And risk you running screaming from a restaurant?”

  “Fair point.” I held his gaze. “Well for what it’s worth, I’m kind of into you too. Your Holiness.”

  “You have no idea how happy that makes me.” His eyes crinkled and he released his hold on my hands. In one swift motion, he wrapped an arm around my lower back and lifted me off the ground so my face was even with his. His other arm hung at his side.

  With cool breath, he exhaled slowly, the sweet smell making me lean in. His eyes smoldered and his lips brushed against mine as he whispered, “Thank you for not running away.” He closed the small gap between us and kissed me with a force that knocked what air I had left from my chest.

  I was completely unconcerned with my inability to breathe. I curled my fingers through Ull’s thick hair, pulling him even closer. His arm tightened around my back, crushing my chest to his. The sensations were overwhelming.

  My need for air caught up with me and I pulled back, gasping. Ull didn’t release his one-armed hold so I stayed inches from his face, feet dangling off the ground. My eyes were wide as he looked at me through thick lashes.

  “So how does this work, you being a god and me being, well, me?” I asked once I’d caught my breath.

  Ull set me gently on my feet. My knees buckled and he helped me to the stone bench. He sat next to me, seemingly at a loss.

  Ull’s eyes cleared as he gave what seemed to be the best answer he could. “It means my life is a little more complicated than most. And in all likelihood my future will have a dark ending. But no matter what happens, I want to experience it with you. I have developed a deep fondness for you, Kristia Tostenson. What I am does not change that.”

  My cheeks were warm. “How long will you stay here? On Earth, I mean.”

  “As long as I can. My two closest friends are here too, Gunnar and Inga. They were unhappy with Asgard’s politics when I made my decision to leave. So we came to Midgard together and have been traveling between the realms ever since, for as long as our posts will allow. We live as students so we can study at your universities. You have no idea how valuable the Environmental Studies programs have been for someone whose primary responsibility is to ensure adequate rainfall. Global warming is wreaking havoc on my job security.”

  “Right.,” I wondered if Ull knew what a poor job he was doing at blending in. “But now you’re studying Classics?”

  “We try to get different degrees every time we enroll,” Ull explained. “Keeps things interesting.” I wondered how many degrees a god could wrack up. It wasn’t like they had to worry about how long it would take to graduate. Or to pay off student loans.

  “How does Olaug fit into the picture? Does she know about you?”

  Ull laughed, his mood lighter now that the weight of his identity was lifted. “Do you think I would be able to live as a human without someone keeping tabs on me for The Firm? Olaug is of Asgard as well. For all intents and purposes, she is my grandmother, but she also keeps me informed of the goings on back home. She lets me know when I must personally attend to my duties there. I could not have enjoyed all of these years in your realm without her.”

  I could have listened to Ull talk forever, but I was exhausted. I stifled a yawn as Ull gave a knowing glance. “I am sorry Kristia, I forget myself. You must sleep.”

  “You, uh, mustn’t sleep?” I asked, echoing the formality of his words. I should have guessed that he was more than mortal. His language gave him away -- nobody in their twenties in this century was so proper.

  “Well, yes I must sleep sometimes. I just need far less than you do to function. Immortal bodies are more efficient.” He didn’t say anything else on the subject, just walked me to my room and took my face in his hands. “God natt, Kristia Tostenson,” he murmured. I eyed him warily, both hopeful and anxious to repeat that kiss -- the one that had nearly been the end of me. But he bent to kiss me chastely with the softest lips imaginable.

  My disappointment must have been clear because he chuckled. “Soon enough, darling.” He touched my cheek before he leaned to whisper into my ear. I caught a hint of the faintly woodsy smell that was so delicious I leaned in involuntarily. “I hope you have beautiful dreams,” he murmured. With that, he walked down the hall, filling the frame of his bedroom door. With one more glance over his broad shoulder, he was gone and I was left standing with the embarrassing realization that my mouth was a little bit open. Beautiful dreams… I was pretty sure I was in one.

  ****

  While I lay in bed that night, the rosy mist started to clear from my mind. The realities of my day settled in, much more heavily than I expected. Ull was amazing; I’d already known that. But he was also celestial -- an actual god. And while that kind of made him even more incredible, and definitely more exciting than the boys I’d known in Nehalem, it brought serious complications.

  My brain, slowly lazing through its blissful fog, was beginning to grasp that this man was not meant for me. I couldn’t think of any myth in which a human and a god had a successful go at a relationship. And I wasn’t naïve enough to think I’d be the human to change the game.

  It wasn’t an ideal situation. I was falling for a man -- correction, a god -- who was totally and completely perfect, at the same time I was totally and completely human. That pairing was more than unnatural -- it was a ticking bomb. When -- and it was a matter of when, not if -- when Ull realized how wrong we were for each other, he would dump me faster than he could skip to the next coed or goddess or fairy princess or whoever else was lined up to date him. And then what would I do?

  A worry shared is a worry halved, and there was only one person I knew with the relationship-savvy to handle this. I did the mental math. It was early evening in New York. Ardis would definitely pick up. I dialed my mobile with shaking fingers.

  “Hey, Girl!” Ardis answered on the first ring. “What are you doing calling me? I know, I know, you don’t have FaceTime. You have got to set up your Skype. This is going to cost you a fortune!” I didn’t care. Just hearing her voice made me feel better.

  “Ardis,” I said quietly. I didn’t want Ull to hear me. “I’m so glad you answered.”

  “Did you get my e-mail about those shoes? Can you believe I got a pair of Louboutins at Odds & Ends?” The discount retailer had been one of our favorite haunts on our rare trips to Portland, and Ardis was still a frequent shopper of the chain in New York. “I mean, seriously -- I was so destined to have those shoes.”

  It was refreshing to think about something as trivial as shoes, so I asked about Ardis’ shopping trip just to give my mind a break. But I kne
w I’d have to bite the bullet eventually, or my phone bill would be sky high.

  “Ardis,” I began tentatively. “I have guy problems.”

  “Already? You go girl! In Wales less than a month and already you’re rockin’ it. Wait.” Her tone turned accusing. “You haven’t mentioned any guys in your letters. Spill. What’s his name?”

  “I just started seeing this guy. His name is Ull--”

  “Ull? Wow, Kristia. I have to say; you know how to pick ‘em. Seriously, his name is Ull?”

  “It’s not exactly like I’ve met a whole lot of Ardises,” I pointed out. “But yeah, I thought the same thing.”

  “Fair enough,” she conceded. “So what’s going on?”

  “Well, we just started dating. But I’m sort of at his country house for the weekend, and--”

  Ardis’ laughter rang clear across the miles. “You brazen hussy! You’re spending the weekend? Who are you over there?”

  “No, it’s not like that. He’s in his room, I’m in mine.”

  “Too bad.” Ardis sounded disappointed. “So is that what’s wrong? Not enough hanky panky?”

  “Ardis!” But I hesitated. I couldn’t tell Ardis the whole story. I was fairly certain Ull’s… divinity -- I couldn’t even think the word without twitching -- that his divinity wasn’t something I should talk about. If I was vague, I could tell Ardis the most important parts and I knew she would have the words to reassure me. She always did. I dove in. “This whole relationship is happening really fast. And it’s all new to me -- you know I don’t have a lot of experience with this stuff.”

  “Tell me about it,” came Ardis’ dry reply.

  “But I really, really like him. And he likes me back. It’s crazy. He says he wants to be with me.” I whispered the last part in awe.

  “Then what’s the problem?” Ardis was confused. So was I. Saying the words out loud made it sound so simple.

  “The problem is… he’s too good for me. He’s smart, rich, and unbelievably gorgeous. He’s got this totally adorable grandmother that he just dotes on. His family is really powerful, and way more important than me, and they live really far away and would never think in a million years I could possibly be good enough for Ull. I mean we come from totally different worlds.” That was an understatement. Asgard and Earth were as different as could be. “In the end, he’s going to have to realize that there are girls out there who are better suited for him, his equal, prettier, smarter, maybe from where he’s from… I don’t even know where we would live if we were together, or how his family could possibly accept me, or how I could ask him to have such a boring life with me instead of the fantastic life he has by himself… but I just… really like him.” My voice trailed off.

  “Shhh,” Ardis soothed, all bravado gone. “Kristia, sweetie, it’s going to be okay. I promise. So, let me recap. You like Ull. And he likes you. And you think you want to be together. But you’re afraid you’re not good enough for him. Does that sum it up?”

  “Yes,” I said thickly into the phone.

  “Sweetheart. First of all, you have got to stop thinking so little of yourself. You are an awesome woman. This Ull guy is lucky to have you, not the other way around! Don’t you ever forget it.” That seemed unlikely, but Ardis pushed on like the good friend she was. “Second, there isn’t going to be a problem with his family. No decent parents alive would dare to disapprove of you. Not the least of which is because you are a fantastic, kind, warm-hearted girl, but also because their son has chosen you. It’s parental suicide to disapprove of the girlfriend, trust me.” It was true. Ardis and her womanly charms had come between more than a few sons and their mothers. “And third, none of that matters. If you guys are really that into each other, then the rest is just details. You, the biggest prude I’ve ever met, are spending the weekend at this guy’s house. He’s clearly gotten to you”

  “His country house.” Nobody wants to be misleading. “If we were on campus I’d go back to my flat.”

  “Exactly, Grandma. If you’re so comfortable with him that you’re already taking a trip together, he’s pretty special. Everything will work out. It will. I’m not saying it will be easy, but if you guys are really that committed to each other, it would take a lot more than the stuff you’re afraid of to keep you apart. So relax.”

  My world had righted itself once again. Ardis always knew what to say. “Thank you Ardis. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” My eyes felt dewy. “I miss you.”

  “Aw, I miss you too, girl! I can’t wait to see you after you graduate.” Since I’d taken extra courses each semester, plus done summer sessions, I would finish ahead of Ardis. She was coming to visit in May so we could spend part of our summer together. “I’ve never been to Europe!”

  “Well we are from Nehalem. We’re not exactly world travelers.”

  “Not yet!” Ever the optimist. “Oops. I have to go -- my date’s here. But e-mail me when you get back to school and tell me how the weekend went. Try to have some fun.,” Sshe emphasized the last word and I could imagine her wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. The knot in my chest felt considerably looser as we got off the phone. Ardis’ words always hit home. I liked Ull -- a lot. And he liked me. The rest was just stuff to be handled together. But exactly how much ‘stuff’ came along with dating a Norse god?

  Chapter Ten

  Ull Myhr

  BY MORNING, MY OVERWORKED brain was moving like a herd of turtles. Ardis had helped me through my hysteria, but I was still coming up with every possible reason this relationship was doomed. I was too beat to indulge in a freak-out. Mormor always said there was no point in borrowing trouble. Besides, Ull kept me too busy to worry by showing me around Bibury.

  “I think I need new rainboots.,” I padded into the library in a fresh pair of socks. My first pair got soaked in the downpour that ended our walk.

  “You think?” Ull held up a blanket and patted the couch next to him. I settled into the spot.

  “Nice fire.” I was impressed. He’d set it up and made two cups of tea in the time it had taken me to change.

  “I am God of Winter. I should be good for something.”

  “Glad to know you’re not slacking just because you’re on vacation.”

  “Oh Kristia, I am never on vacation. Odin can summon me at any time.” He pulled my legs across his lap. “Though I do consider it my duty to protect you from the elements raging outside.”

  “Well protect away, Your Holiness.” My wisecrack was drowned by a clap of thunder. “Is that your family calling?”

  “Funny, Kristia.”

  “I thought so.” Laughing was easier than thinking about how absurd our situation actually was. The cutest guy on campus moonlighted as a fierce Asgardian warrior. Not exactly the hobby I’d imagined my first serious boyfriend would have.

  “Can I ask you more questions?” I rested my head on his shoulder and watched the rain pelt the window.

  “Ask away.”

  “How did you end up God of Winter?” It seemed like a softball question. But when Ull froze, I realized I’d touched on a nerve. I made myself very interested in my fingernails. “Sorry, that was personal. It’s none of my business.”

  “No, I want to tell you. I just want you to know the man I am now, not the killer I used to be.” It was my turn to freeze, but I pushed the feeling down, desperate to know everything.

  “I don’t understand.”

  Ull’s shoulders dropped. “I am not a particularly upstanding man, Kristia.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “You should. I have done heinous things -- things you could not imagine. I have killed thousands -- not that they did not deserve it. I tortured uncooperative hostiles in the name of interrogation. And pursuing you like this when I know what my fate holds… I have no right to be with you.”

  “Ull, believe me. I’m not perfect either.” In fact, I was all kinds of crazy, but this didn’t seem like the time to dive into my mental problem.

>   “You are kind to me.” Ull lifted a finger to my cheek.

  “So how did you come to be this terrible guy?” I raised a teasing eyebrow. “You seem more the puppy-dog type at the moment.” Ull blinked.

  “I was born to be a warrior. My mother is the most accomplished warrior goddess of all time. Not only does she hold the most kills of any female, but her accuracy is unmatched.” Well butter my flapjacks, my boyfriend’s mom was a trained killer. “My father died in battle before I reached school age. When my mother remarried, we moved in with Thor.”

  “Scary stepdad?” I turned my palms to lace my fingers through Ull’s.

  “At times. But he was also a tremendous resource. Before I became God of Winter, I was part of the Elite Team -- Asgard’s top assassins.”

  “How was that?”

  “It was… tolerable… until a target begged for his life. Said he had children waiting at home. That was the turning point. I set the target free and asked Odin for a new post.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He was displeased. But I became God of Winter and have served there since. I took a short break once.” His face darkened. “But I came back.”

  “And now you’re here.”

  Ull winked at me, and my insides felt very sloshy. “I like living in your realm.”

  “Why?” I’d take Asgard over Nehalem in a heartbeat.

  “Because I can be myself here. My pull to this realm has always been a mystery. Perhaps all along I was waiting for you to show up.” He touched my chin and brought my lips to his. I lifted my hand to his cheek. His stubble prickled my palm. I let my other hand rest on his arm, and trailed my fingers along his bicep. He pressed against me, deepening the kiss. My head spun and my face burned in the firelight. I pressed back, and climbed into his lap. Ull gently pushed me away and I opened my eyes.