Elsker

by ST Bende

  “Inga, my immortal boyfriend is threatening to give up his godliness to live a human life with me, ending any chance he could have of defending himself at Ragnarok. If you know of another way, you have to tell me.”

  “Oh…. shoot. Okay. But you cannot tell Ull I’m the one who told you.”

  I held up my hand. “Girl Scout’s Honor.”

  Inga took a deep breath before blurting out, “Ull doesn’t have to become a human for you to be together. You can become a god.”

  A piece of cupcake lodged in my throat and I coughed trying to free it. I’d pictured as much in my most recent Ragnarok nightmare, but I thought it was just a dream. “That’s not possible. Odin would never let a human become a god. Ull said he already asked your dad.”

  Inga shook her head vehemently. “Ull didn’t tell you the whole story. Dad also told him a god once defected to be with a mortal, so Dad and Odin put together a test for a human to become a god. There was no way Odin was going to lose another warrior before Ragnarok, even if it meant letting a human into Asgard.”

  I held my breath as she continued. “The test is simple. First, a god must choose a human for his wife. Second, Balder must judge the human worthy of the title Protector of Asgard. Third, the human must relinquish her mortality. The formula’s been in place for centuries, but nobody knows about it. I figure Dad only told me because he knew your boyfriend would be too stubborn to invite you.” She shook her head at my expression. “Oh come on, do you really think Odin would let Ull go so easily? He’d much rather let you in than lose his best warrior. You watch -- before this plays out you’ll be one of us.” My head spun as she finished. “Kristia Tostenson,. Yyou are, plainly, the only human in the history of mankind who has a shot at becoming a god!”

  ****

  I wish I could say I handled the news in stride. I spent the better part of that night staring at my ceiling, actively seeking its imperfections to avoid thinking about what I’d learned. When I’d discovered every crack and dimple, I moved on to scouring the walls, then counted the leaves of the tree outside my window. By the time I’d reached three hundred, seventy-four, I was no closer to sleep and had to accept the futility of my exercise. I gave my mind over to the obsession it had avoided all day and waited for the panic attack to come.

  My stomach churned like a blade at a cheese factory while I replayed Inga’s words in my head. A shot at becoming a god. How was that even possible? I slowly worked through the ramifications. Superhuman abilities, Ull’s equal in every way. That sounded pretty nice. A life marked for death, unimaginable responsibilities. Not so good.

  I’d never really thought about my death, what with my being twenty and healthy. And I wasn’t so keen on the idea of dying at the hands of some bloodthirsty monster or being hauled off by a giant like Inga. Divine status, the power to control the elements. My limited imagination had barely let me play dress-up with Ardis when we were kids; I’d certainly never seen myself becoming immortal. Prejudiced Asgardians, knowing I would always be inferior. That was a hard one.

  I already had something of a complex -- I wasn’t the prettiest, the smartest, or the most coordinated among humans. How would I fare as a god? Ageless beauty, strength and grace. Well, that would certainly help with the inferiority complex. Leaving my family behind, losing my mortality. My throat swelled. Was I really willing to give up my parents and Ardis? And my mortality… was I really ready to end my life at twenty?

  True, it hadn’t been much of a life before Ull came into it. But I didn’t know the first thing about being an immortal., Hhow could I possibly commit to it for an eternity? An eternity with Ull. My mind stopped. An eternity with Ull. That was all I wanted. Unending time with the man I loved. Whatever the costs, whatever the losses, would any of it matter as long as we were together?

  My decision was made before I realized I had committed. I doubt it had ever been in question. Whatever the fallout, if he asked me to spend my life with him, I would be at Ull’s side. As a god.

  ****

  Once I’d made up my mind, it was surprisingly easy to avoid thinking about giving up my mortality. I kept my decision to myself, and thankfully Inga didn’t bring it up. As the semester drew to a close, I looked forward to my two uninterrupted weeks with Ull. Though we’d been virtually inseparable at Cardiff, I never felt like I could have enough time with him. Classes kept us apart for chunks of the day and he’d leave my flat much too early at night, presumably to give me the chance to finish studying. Emma and Victoria loved to tease me about his constant presence in our apartment whenever I wasn’t at his, and I knew there would be plenty of heckling as I said goodbye to the girls for the holiday.

  St. Lucia’s Day dawned clear and crisp, and I helped Victoria and Emma pack their suitcases for their trips home.

  “Happy Christmas!” Emma sang out, jubilant at the freedom vacation brought.

  “Yes, Happy Christmas,” Victoria echoed slyly. “Have a wonderful time with your man. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…”

  “So pretty much do anything you want!” Emma ribbed. Victoria threw a pillow at her. “What? You know it’s true.”

  Shrugging, Victoria conceded. “It’s true. Enjoy your holiday.”

  “It’s really not like that. I swear.” But my protest fell on deaf ears.

  “Yes, I’m sure you’ve been spending months with that spectacular specimen and all you’re doing is studying.,” Victoria snickered. Emma chuckled, amused by my blush.

  I wished they were right. Despite my saucy dream and my pitiful advances, some archaic code of chivalry prevented Ull from doing anything he considered ‘inappropriate’. I was really hoping that two weeks together would weaken his resolve. Did that make me easy? I giggled, knowing I was probably the last person that term could ever apply to. Ardis always said that I was pure as the driven snow -- a label I hated. But who could look at any of the boys from Nehalem without remembering them pulling wings off flies and eating worms? I’d had dates to prom and homecoming of course, but it went without saying, my romantic history was pretty limited.

  “Trust me, if anything exciting happens, you’ll be the first to know. Now go home. Have a great holiday.” The girls hooted and hollered all the way to Victoria’s car.

  With my friends safely off to see their families, I was left at loose ends. I triple checked the contents of my suitcase against my packing list and was going back a fourth time when Ull appeared at the door. I rushed to it, eagerly bringing my bag with me. He pulled me close, then leaned back to give me a look that made me flush.

  “Is this outfit appropriate to watch my Norse-god boyfriend’s Norse-goddess friend play Saint Lucia at the Norse church?” I twirled, to Ull’s amused smile.

  “You look beautiful, Kristia.” He leaned in to smell my hair. “Just like always.” I blushed again and Ull escorted me to his car.

  At the church, we saw twinkling, white lights strung around the roses in the garden and garlands hanging over each entrance. We walked through the courtyard, pausing at the stone bench where Ull had first opened up to me. So much had happened since then, it was hard to remember the time when I’d thought Ull was gone from my life forever. I grimaced -- hard, but not impossible. I pushed the memory away and focused on the man standing in front of me. As always, looking at Ull took my breath away. He pulled me to his chest, holding me tightly before gently guiding me into the warm building.

  Inside, the atmosphere was festive. Our tiny church was absolutely filled with St. Lucia’s day revelers, and we hurried to fill the last two seats in the pew where Gunnar was waiting.

  “That’s my girl,” came Gunnar’s proud whisper. A hush fell over the group as Inga led a procession of young girls up the aisle. They were dressed in simple white robes with garlands on top of their heads, and they held lit candles in their hands. Inga’s robe was tied with a crimson sash and her evergreen crown held a wreath of candles, actual lit candles. I would have set the church on fire in ten seconds flat if I wo
re a flaming headdress, but Inga walked so gracefully I wanted to cry. She was so beautiful, her pale hair shining in the candlelight. I snuck a look at Gunnar, who was beaming with pride. Inga winked sweetly at her husband, gliding up the aisle trailed by little angels. At the front, the girls sang a song in Norwegian as Inga smiled seraphically throughout. The pastor gave a blessing, a handful of women in their bunads gave readings, and Inga glided back up the aisle, trailed by her choir of cherubs.

  Ull squeezed my shoulders lightly as the last notes resonated through the room. I leaned into his tall frame and inhaled his delicious scent. The worshippers stood, chatting familiarly. Thousands of miles from home, I had found a community every bit as tightly-knit as Nehalem. I had found friends who accepted me, in spite of astronomical differences. I had a wonderful guy who, for some unfathomable reason, adored me beyond the bounds of logic. Sitting very still, I relished the peace emanating from my core, the deep happiness I’d only known since meeting Ull Myhr. Nestled under his arm, I’d found my happy place.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The Proposal

  IT WAS DARK WHEN we pulled up the tree-lined driveway of Ýdalir, crunching tires on gravel the only sound I heard. Ull stepped out of the Range Rover, yawning in an uncharacteristic display of exhaustion. He’d been more tired than usual over the past few weeks, probably from worrying about the end-of-the-cosmos battle he was loathe to talk about. I knew he didn’t want to scare me, but my fate was so tied to his that anxiety was unavoidable. I couldn’t imagine a world without him and I wished he would open up. If nothing else, I could be a shoulder to… well, talk on. The idea of Ull crying was ridiculous.

  Ull carried our suitcases into the house, depositing mine in the guest room. I’d been hoping for some impropriety, but I knew better than to expect anything of the sort. I should have been grateful. Compared to a goddess, I was sure to be a disappointment, so the less experienced he was the better I’d look. On the other hand, Ull, in all his physical perfection, had waited an eternity to be with anyone. I seriously doubted I’d prove worth waiting for.

  My thoughts were interrupted by his husky voice inviting me to join him on the terrace. I hurriedly ran a brush through my hair and raced through the living room. I didn’t want to waste another minute away from him. Outside, I skidded to a stop while my vision adjusted to the night. “Ull?”

  I found him standing beneath the yew dale. He smiled expectantly, holding out one hand in welcome. I locked my eyes on his before staring at the ground. It was so familiar. A circle of candles framed the grass where he waited. They marked a path along the cobblestone walkway, rounding the English roses, leading to where I stood. Thousands of twinkling lights hung from the trees and more candles stood in hurricane glasses along the stone wall.

  It was all so carefully arranged. The lights in the trees winked down at me like the stars overhead. Looking up, I remembered another night, dancing under the stars at myour high school’s homecoming dance. It had been freezing cold., Mmy date was one of the three Mikes in our class, and he’d been a little too handsy. I’d feigned a need for the powder room and found Ardis hiding in there too. We’d run away from our dud dates, sitting on the football field in our fancy dresses and complaining about how dismal our dating prospects were in such a tiny town. Would we ever meet anyone worthy of our wonderfulness?

  I looked to the row of flickering candles in glasses along the wall. My mind moved to another memory, a bonfire on the beach after exams my freshman year at UPN. My platonic lab partner with questionable breath sat next to me on a thick driftwood log, squirming anxiously until he turned to plant an unwanted kiss squarely on my lips. Thankfully I’d had a rare moment of grace, reaching to pick up a rock at just the right moment so the poor guy dove headfirst into the sand. Would my Prince Charming ever show up?

  My eyes scanned the garden again, taking in the twinkling lights, the candles framing the tree, and the man standing in the middle of it all, his hand stretched out waiting for me to join him. How had my life gone from pawsy, high school boys in a one-light town to this? I took a tentative step towards Ull and looked around again. The yard was well decorated, even for Ýdalir. Could this be what I thought it was?

  Everything clicked into slow motion as I realized what was happening. I made my way forward, carefully placing each foot in front of the other, sure I was going to trip over myself. I was hyper-aware of the cool, English night, the whoosh of a nearby owl taking flight, the sound of the small stones beneath my feet. I zeroed in on the glow from Ull’s brilliant eyes.

  I made my way to my future, pausing breathlessly before the standing form of my real-life Nordic hero. He reached out to take both of my hands in his, the brilliant white smile never leaving his face. He squeezed my fingers. I breathed in and out, trying to commit every detail of this moment to memory.

  “Kristia Tostenson,” Ull began in his velvety voice, making my knees weak. “You have changed my life beyond measure. In all my years, I never knew I could feel so peaceful, so at home. I have searched the realms for a place to belong, never seeing it was you I should have been searching for. I am home wherever you are. Where your heart is, mine is at peace. You are my everything.”

  He dropped to one knee and drew in an uneven breath. The corner of his mouth twitched in a nervous half-smile and he rubbed his palms together. My heart thudded and I stopped breathing when Ull reached behind his back to retrieve a small, dark box. His hand shook as he opened it, revealing a circle of diamonds exquisite in their simplicity. “Kristia.” His voice caught. “I pledge to love you for the rest of my existence. I will protect you and provide you with the happiest home you have ever known. Please do me the honor of becoming my wife. Will you have me as your husband?”

  I was too overwhelmed to answer. This was a destiny I’d never have imagined in Nehalem. Ull had chosen me, simple Kristia Tostenson from a one-stoplight town. It was beyond belief. I knew what I was going to have to do if I wanted to be a part of his life -- become a god, leave my life behind. I was going to have to give up everything I’d ever known. But I’d made my mind up weeks ago,: when faced with the decision of whether to choose Ull or choose everything else, there was no contest. I would always choose Ull.

  When I finally found my voice it was strong. “Yes. I want to be by your side. Always.” He wrapped me in a tremendous embrace and swept me off my feet, spinning me until we fell.

  Ull propped himself up on an elbow and brushed a strand of hair from my face. He lowered his body so it hovered over mine and pressed his lips to my own. A hesitant kiss at first, as if he were seeking permission. A slow burn built and his kiss became less tentative, more urgent. His hand trailed down my ribs and I grabbed at his hair, pulling him closer. I was overwhelmed by the sensation of his touch, the heat of his lips, and the indescribable electricity flowing between us.

  I wrapped my leg around his hip, pulling him on top of me. He groaned -- it must have been too much. He broke our embrace by rolling onto his back. We lay side by side, staring up at the tree.

  “I hope you want a short engagement, my love. I need to make you my wife as soon as possible.”

  “That sounds good to me.,” I rolled to my side so I could look at him.

  “Shall we marry after graduation? Are your parents coming to Wales then?”

  I nodded. “And Ardis too.” It would be the perfect time -- and in just five months. I hated waiting for anything., Tthere was no way I had the patience to be engaged for longer than that.

  “Wait,” Ull stood and walked behind the tree. He came back with a silver ice bucket holding a bottle and two glasses. Uncorking the champagne, he filled the glasses and handed me one. I sniffed at it.

  “I can’t drink this. I’m underage.” I was not about to abandon a lifetime of following the rules just because I was engaged.

  “Kristia, we are in the UK. The drinking age here is eighteen. But it is up to you -- I have sparkling water in the house if you prefer.” My eyes lit up. I
hadn’t realized the law was different. In that case, I couldn’t think of a better excuse for champagne than my engagement to Ull. I eagerly raised my glass. “Skål.,” Ull smiled.

  “Cheers,” I said back, taking a sip. The bubbles tickled my throat.

  “You really want to marry me?” Ull seemed uncertain.

  “Oh, yes,” I breathed. “I do. You’re the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I had no idea life could be like… well, like this.,” I gestured to the beauty around us.

  “This is only the beginning.” Ull smiled happily. “Wait until you see where we spend our honeymoon.”

  “I thought the bride got to make that decision.”

  “No, darling. The groom makes that decision. The bride makes all the other decisions.” I had to laugh. “So tell me, Miss Tostenson, how have you pictured your wedding day?”

  “Truthfully? I never gave it much thought.”

  “Neither did I.,” Ull chuckled. “Guess that leaves us with a blank slate.”

  “Well, if I had to come up with something, I’d want it to be small. I’d wear my grandmother’s dress and carry ivory roses--”

  “Why ivory roses?” Ull interrupted.

  I felt my cheeks grow warm. “Because they’re in your garden.”

  He smiled. “I like that.”

  “And I’d want us to dance under the stars. I’ve never had a romantic dance under the stars before.” Just a couple of really uncomfortable ones.

  Ull took the glass from my hand and set it beside the dale. He wrapped an arm around my waist and led me in a slow dance. I tried to follow, but ended up smashing his foot.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled.

  “We can work up to steps.” Ull pulled me closer and I rested my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating against my cheek as we swayed back and forth in the moonlight. The cool air caressed my arms as Ull guided me around the candlelit ballroom he’d created. My goose bumps weren’t entirely due to the temperature. As the dance ended, he lifted my chin with one finger and kissed me on the lips. “Jeg elsker det, Kristia. Thank you for making me the happiest god alive.”