Elsker

by ST Bende

I wasn’t sure which of us I was trying to convince.

  ****

  I thought the matter was settled, but as we were cleaning up after dinner, Ull brought it up one final time.

  “Kristia, are you absolutely certain you want to tie your fate with mine? I cannot escape Ragnarok, but you may still be able to live a happy life with someone else if we somehow save your realm.” The words had to hurt him.

  “Oh, quit trying to get rid of me.,” I dried my hands on a dishtowel. “I’m not living in any world that you’re not a part of, so stop trying to save me from a fate I don’t want to be saved from. Whatever happens, we fight together. And if it comes to it, we die together. But you,” I growled, “are not facing anything without me. Ever.”

  Ull’s eyes broke my heart, but he pulled me to him, breathing deeply into my hair. I inhaled the invigorating scent of pine that followed him wherever he went and felt the knotted muscles of his back beneath my palms. “I don’t know how to convince you, Ull, but I know, deep down, that Ragnarok will not be the end of your family. You have to trust me.” He looked at me questioningly, then kissed my forehead and poured two cups of tea.

  “Kristia Tostenson, you are something else.” I remembered a conversation we’d had in the fall.

  “Remember when you told me about Elsker? How she told you where to find me?”

  “Yes?”

  “Well, why did you? Come find me, I mean? According to Inga, you’ve been following the rules your whole life. Why stop now?”

  “Ah.” Ull raised his eyebrows. We wandered to the garden with steaming mugs. “That is a good question. I am not entirely sure I know the answer myself. I think I had gotten so lonely that I could not take it anymore. I have always done what Asgard asks of me. A warrior lives a terribly isolating existence. I think I finally got greedy. I started to feel like I deserved my own happiness.” He shrugged. “Things are different for Asgardians than they are for humans. Our lives are laid out for us on the day we are born. The Norns foretell our futures and, with very few exceptions, things play out exactly as they say, all in accordance with the law. I was born to be a warrior first, titled god second, to serve my realm over myself. Duty above all -- it is our way.”

  “That sounds stifling.” I couldn’t imagine having my life mapped out for me.

  “It is. And like I said, I was terribly lonely. When Elsker told me there was someone out there for me, she threw me a lifeline. It was my chance to have what I had always wanted, to not be alone anymore -- even if it did openly defy the law. It took me a while to warm to the idea, but eventually I did. It saved me.”

  “I’m glad you came around.”

  “I am too.

  “Ull?” Knowing this was shaky ground, I trod lightly. “Do you really believe someone else controls your destiny?”

  “The Three Sisters -- yes. Why?”

  “Do you ever get sick of that? Of not feeling in charge of your own life?”

  “You have no idea.” His voice was dark. “But that is how things are. We each have our posts -- some of us are warriors, some control the elements, and some lay out the future. It is our way.” He kept saying that. The Asgardian way. “You know, that is part of why I seemed so angry when we first met. I was jealous.”

  “Jealous?” The God of Winter was jealous of me?

  “Yes. Your life is yours to live -- you picked up and moved from Oregon to Wales just because you wanted to.”

  “You moved from Asgard to Bibury.”

  “But it is not the same. I must do what is asked of me for the rest of my existence. Even here I am at Odin’s beck and call. And you,” he stroked my cheek softly,. “yYour destiny is totally in your hands. Of course I was jealous.”

  An idea was mulling around in my head, an inkling of why Elsker had sent Ull to me instead of to another Asgardian. Maybe she was sick of these Fate ladies controlling everything and she wanted me to show Ull he had the power to make his own destiny. Being human, I had a totally different perspective than any Asgardian. And I think Elsker wanted me to do what no Asgardian girl could do -- show Ull he could buck the system and take charge of his own life.

  “Jeg elsker det, Kristia,” Ull said, taking hold of my hand.

  “I love you too.” I lowered my head to his chest, thinking of all he had shouldered. I wished more than anything that I could put his mind at ease. I knew everything was going to work out -- I just had no idea how.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Judgment

  THE NEXT DAY, ULL was in a considerably lighter mood. “Sweetheart,” he kissed my head over breakfast, . “We will put up a good fight come Ragnarok. But I do not want to think about it anymore. I just want to enjoy our time in the country while we have it.”

  “Really? Just like that? Aren’t you still upset?” I certainly wouldn’t have been able to shut off my worry switch.

  “I am fine, darling. Let us not talk about it again.”

  “Fair enough. What do you want to talk about?”

  Ull raised an eyebrow. “How about our wedding?”

  “Right. Um, who exactly is coming from your side?”

  “Probably just my parents and grandfather. Odin does not like to have too many of us away from Asgard at once.”

  Now it was my turn to worry. First, I was beyond nervous about meeting Ull’s parents. Ull’s mom had golden hair -- not hair the color of gold, but hair actually made of gold. And Thor was, well, a big deal. The most influential person I’d ever spent time with was the Mayor of Nehalem, and he had to be nice to me because he was Ardis’ uncle. The rulers of the celestial realm didn’t have that obligation.

  “Do you think they’ll like me? I can’t be what they imagined for a daughter-in-law.”

  “Of course they will like you. Why would you ask?”

  “Just wondering.” Wondering if they’ll like me enough to make me a god. Wondering if I’ll be any good at being divine. Wondering what it’ll feel like to be changed. That’s all.

  “Darling, you have nothing to worry about on that front.” Yeah, right.

  I put my worries aside on Christmas morning. I woke up early and threw my gray ballet sweater on top of the blue pajama pants and tank top I’d worn to bed. The ballet sweater was as close as I would ever get to the graceful dance. I padded in blue, fuzzy slippers toward the smell of apple pastries.

  Ull was taking Olaug’s tarts out of the oven. I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He turned with a huge smile and bent to kiss me, his lips hot on mine. I forgot to breathe and my fingers curled into fists against the muscles of his back. He lifted me, drawing me even closer. My need for air won out and I pulled back gasping.

  “Am I ever going to get used to this?”

  “I hope not.,” Hhe smiled. “Happy Christmas, darling.”

  “Mmm…” I snuggled closer, still in his arms. “It is happy.” I breathed in his deliciously woodsy scent and tilted my head up. Ull’s chiseled jaw was calling to me, and I stretched on my tiptoes to kiss it.

  “I have a gift for you.,” Hhe untangled himself and reached for a small wrapped box on the counter.

  “You mean the diamond engagement ring wasn’t my Christmas present?”

  Ull laughed, the jovial laugh I loved best. “No, love.” He handed me a cup of tea and pointed to the living room. Overnight, he’d transformed it into a pacific-northwestern paradise. Real evergreen garlands hung across the mantel and above the French doors. A six-foot tree stood in the corner, decorated with white lights and red, felt ornaments. Each side of the French doors hosted an evergreen wreath and a fire burned in the fireplace, filling the small space with its warmth.

  “Do you like it?” Ull squeezed my hand.

  “It’s perfect. It smells like home.” It did. The evergreens took me thousands of miles back to the forests of Oregon, and the aroma coming from the oven reminded me of the apple pies Mormor used to bake with our Christmas supper.

  “That was my goal. Happy Christmas, my
love.” He held the wrapped box out for me.

  “Oh! Wait, I have something for you too.” I ran to my room and rummaged through my drawer until I came up with my gift. I’d agonized over what to buy Ull, and I was really excited to give it to him. Racing back to the living room, I skidded to a stop in my slippered feet. “Here.” I thrust my present into Ull’s hands. He laughed at my enthusiasm. He pulled me down so we both sat on the soft rug in front of the fireplace.

  “You first,.” I said. I couldn’t wait. He smiled as I bounced on my knees.

  “Hmm.,” Hhe tugged at the bow with excruciating slowness. “It seems to be stuck.” He was teasing me and I couldn’t take it.

  “Oh just open it already!” I lunged for the present intending to rip the wrapping right off, but Ull was too quick. He pulled it out of my reach, and I nearly fell right into his lap. “Hey,” I mumbled as I righted myself. “That’s not fair.” I’d better be more graceful when I was a goddess.

  “Sorry, darling, I’ll try not to tease you anymore.”

  “Oh, yeah. Like that’ll happen anytime soon.”

  “True.” But he did open the present a little less slowly, shooting teasing glances at me all the while. When he finally got the wrapping paper off, he reached into the box. “A rugby ball. Thank you, darling.”

  “No, look at the ball.” He did, and recognition dawned.

  He grinned. “Is this--”

  “I got the whole National team to sign it!”

  “How did you get this?”

  “Inga and I waited outside the locker room after a game. She had to point out which guys were the players because I had no clue, and we just asked them all to sign.”

  “Kristia, this is really thoughtful. I love it.” He turned the ball over in his hands. “Wow. Thank you.” He reached over to give me a hug. “Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before.”

  “You deserve it,” I said simply. “You’re their number one fan.”

  Ull shook his head. “You are something else, Kristia Tostenson. Now you open yours.”

  I tugged at the white bow and it slipped off the box. I lifted the lid and inhaled sharply. “Ull,” I whispered. “This is too much.” Snowflake-shaped, diamond earrings rested on a velvety cushion. I lifted them gently; the light catching and shooting beams across the room. “They’re so beautiful.”

  “They were my mother’s.,” Hhe smiled. “My father gave them to her on their wedding day, and she gave them to me after he died. She told me to give them to the woman I wanted to marry.” He took them from my hands and undid their clasps. I put them in my ears very carefully, watching the walls where they cast their reflections from the fire.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, tears welling. “I can’t believe you would give these to me.”

  “Why, Kristia? You are my family now.”

  “But they mean so much to you.”

  “As do you.” I scooted over to him and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “You know,” he said with a twinkling eye,. “I think I could get used to spending Christmas in the country with you.”

  “Me too,” I murmured. This was shaping up to be the best holiday ever.

  ****

  The best holiday ever came to a screeching halt two days later. Ull and I were sitting in the garden watching the squirrels chase each other across the low stone fence when Olaug came walking up the back path. She was supposed to be enjoying the holidays with her family, so her presence could only mean one thing.

  “It is time,” came her cheery greeting. “Odin and Balder are ready to meet with you.”

  “Now?” I was mortified. I was wearing jeans and one of Ull’s sweaters, hardly the ensemble I’d imagined for meeting my future grandfather-in-law, the /ruler of Asgard. Why hadn’t I put on something nicer today?

  “Now.,” Olaug smiled. She ushered us inside. I shot Ull a panicky glance as he squeezed my hand.

  “You do not have to do this, Kristia.” It was a plea.

  “Yes. I do.” I took a deep breath, shook my hair loose from its bun and smoothed the front of my too-big sweater. It was now or never.

  Olaug headed to the library, where she pulled a book from the shelf. The wall folded out to reveal a staircase leading down, lit by wall sconces and carpeted in the softest of fabrics. These waters were too deep for me. I shot Ull an accusatory glare. “You didn’t tell me about this!”

  He shrugged. “It never came up.” He gestured, and Olaug led the way down the staircase, kicking off what I had no doubt would be a very stressful afternoon.

  We walked down to a secret chamber somewhere beneath Ýdalir. Bows, arrows, and a suit of armor filled a dark wooden case, kept safe behind glass doors. Another held a sword and shield,; each so massive they could only have been intended for Ull’s hands. And still another held skates, snowshoes, skis, and other cold-weather amusements. Dark leather couches were off to one side and a large table sat beneath a huge screen. A small network of scanners and laptops was in another corner, while a full kitchen nestled behind us.

  “So how does this work? How do I show I’m good enough to join you?” My choice was made, but I was completely unprepared. I had no idea how to sell Ull’s grandfather on letting me into Asgard. Especially considering, one, Odin didn’t like humans, and two, my very existence was threatening to take away one of his best fighters. Tactically, the latter gave me an advantage. Odin would rather take me than lose Ull. But what if Balder said I wasn’t good enough? Then what would we do?

  Olaug caught my desperate look. “Just be yourself. They are going to love you.” Before I knew what was happening, the big screen was filled with the enormous vision of Odin. Long white hair flowed seamlessly into golden robes and an eye patch covered a battle wound I could only guess at. The remaining eye, crystal blue, pierced through the screen to meet mine with authority. His weathered face was fixed in a gaze that was neither friendly nor openly hostile. My muscles were immobilized.

  “Kristia Tostenson,” Odin’s voice boomed -- the sound of thunder. “You wish to join the ranks of Asgard.” So there would be no small talk. No nice to meet you; I’m Ull’s grandpa. We were jumping right in. But I wasn’t moving -- Odin had a terrifying presence.

  Ull stepped to my side quickly, his hand firmly grasping my own. “This is my love, Grandfather, the woman I have chosen to marry.” He held up my hand to show Odin the symbol of his pledge, and Odin glanced at the ring. “You do not have to grant her admission to Asgard, Grandfather. In fact, I would prefer you did not. But if you decline, I will join her in Midgard. I mean no disrespect, and I do not wish to upset you. But I am to spend my life with Kristia, wherever that may be.” It was a statement, not a threat, and Odin’s displeasure was obvious. I cringed as he looked back at me.

  “You are a human, Miss Tostenson. It is unnatural for you to mix with us. Why would you think you are worthy to join Asgard?” Odin wasn’t trying to be mean -- he genuinely didn’t see how I could think so highly of myself. At the moment, neither could I.

  “Your highness -- your excellence -- uh. Sir,” I floundered. There was no rule of etiquette that covered this meeting. Even my grandmother would have been at a loss.

  Ull squeezed my hand and whispered, “Sir is fine. He is still just my grandfather.”

  Sir, then. I took a deep breath. The fresh air slowed my heart rate a little, so I took another. Four breaths later, I was composed enough to speak. “Sir, I love your grandson. More than I love my own life. I know what the next few months will hold and I don’t care. If Ull is meant to die at Ragnarok, then I’ll go down fighting at his side. I don’t want to take anything away from him. It would kill me if he left Asgard to live as a human. That’s why I want to join you. Fight with you. And if it comes to it, I want to die with you.”

  Odin’s gaze softened the slightest bit, and I hoped my words had made an impact. How could he argue with my willingness to die for his people? He had to see things my way. Odin opened his mouth, and a flicker o
f hope ran through my chest. But when his eyes fell to my throat I clutched my necklace.

  “Miss Tostenson, what is that at your neck?” Mjölnir. The misappropriated elfin-made treasure of Asgard. Oh God, no. No, no, no.

  “It’s not what you think.,” I tripped over my own words. “My grandmother gave it to me;, I had no idea it was yours. I swear. One of her relatives got it from a woman in their village, Ms. Norna, and I promise, none of us ever knew it was stolen. You can have it back. Here.,” I started to rip it off but Odin held up a hand to stop me.

  “Ms. Norna?” He paused, deep in thought. I could see him working something through in his mind. A smile tugged at his lips, but he changed courses again, keeping me on my toes. “You would die defending Asgard, Miss Tostenson?”

  “Yes, sir. I will do whatever it takes to stay with Ull.”

  Odin thought, processing my declaration while my nerves multiplied. A full minute ticked by. When his words finally came his voice was emotionless. “Miss Tostenson, it is time for Balder to render his judgment.”

  Another man came into the screen. Tall, thin, his face lined with laughter and eyes crinkled in a smile, Balder looked so kind I felt instantly at ease. I stood, feeling ridiculous, for what felt like hours. Finally, Balder opened his mouth to give his verdict. Ull squeezed my fingers.

  “Asgard should be lucky to welcome you, Kristia. Ull,” he winked,. “You have chosen wisely.” I released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, and Ull hugged me tightly.

  “Are you sure?” He whispered into my ear.

  “Yes,” I whispered back.

  “Do you, Kristia Tostenson, accept this invitation to Asgard? Do you willingly relinquish your human life and accept the responsibilities that come as protector and defender of our realm?”

  “I do.”

  “Then there is but one more approval that must be granted.” I looked at Ull, but he didn’t seem to understand what was happening any more than I did. The test had three prongs: A god must choose a human, Balder must judge her worthy, and she must accept the invitation. We’d done all that. What more was there? “Thor, will you grant your approval? After all, it is by Mjölnir that the magic shall be cast, raising this mortal to Asgard.”