by Mary Larkin
When Jim arrived Donald offered to drive them to the Floral Hall, insisting that it was Jim’s turn to have a few beers. Outside the white, round-shaped building, Susan stopped and waited for Donald’s reaction.
‘Well? What do you think of it?’
He seemed to come to with a start. ‘Well, it certainly looks wonderful from here.’
Taken aback by his lack of interest, she entered the building with the two men and excused herself to go and deposit her wrap in the cloakroom, while they went to the men’s room.
They had agreed to meet Graham and Alison inside. The ballroom was packed and the men were delighted to discover that Graham had already secured a table by the windows overlooking the duck pond. As she approached them, Susan noted how well Donald and Jim looked in dark lounge suits with crisp, white shirts and black bow ties, but she had never seen Graham look so handsome. Usually he dressed in pale colours, greys and blues, but she thought with his fair colouring and fine physique he carried off his dark suit and white shirt with such panache!
Alison had bought a new dress whilst in Cork. Of pale blue silky material, it fitted her like a glove, made her eyes glow like sapphires and she exuded sensuality. The dress had narrow shoulder-straps and the men’s eyes were drawn like a magnet to her tanned cleavage.
Susan now regretted not wearing the ruby dress; she felt quite frumpy in a white sheath, little knowing that it complemented her dark looks and showed off her long, slim legs. Graham caught her appraising glance and winked, with a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Embarrassed, she instinctively moved closer to Donald.
This move upset Jim and when Victor Sylvester announced the first dance of the evening, with a slight bow in her direction he said, ‘Would you like to dance, Susan?’
Reluctantly she left Donald’s side and followed him on to the dance floor.
As if under compulsion, Donald immediately turned to Graham. ‘Is it all right if I ask Alison for this dance?’
Taken aback, Graham stretched out a hand, palm upward. ‘If Alison doesn’t mind?’ He glanced at her. She did mind! The affect Donald was having on her frightened her. But what could she say? A slight nod of the head gave her consent. Graham shrugged. ‘Be my guest, Donald.’
He watched them take to the floor, a bewildered look on his face. What was Donald playing at? He had noticed Susan’s movement towards Donald and Jim’s quick intervention. Was that why he had rushed on to the floor with Alison? Did he want to keep a close eye on Susan? With a shake of the head Graham dismissed the idea and turned his thoughts to his own problems. Now that he had seen William again he was regretting his promise to Susan. If only he could talk it over with someone? But who? No matter to whom he confided his doubts, the cat would be out of the bag and Susan would never forgive him. Besides, he had no real proof that William was his. No proof at all! Just a gut feeling! Only Susan knew the truth. The old adage that sprang to mind was really true. You could always be sure of the mother, but the father could be open to speculation.
Embarrassed at his impulsive gesture, Donald was stiff and awkward as he led Alison around the dance floor. Mortified, he glanced down at her only to discover that she was eyeing him covertly from under long, golden lashes, a slight smile on her face at his discomfort. He apologised. ‘I’m sorry. I’m not usually so impetuous, but I might not get another chance to dance with you tonight.’
She wanted to ask him if it mattered, but was afraid of what his answer might be. Before they left the house Susan had confided in her that she had made up her mind not to marry Jim after all. Seeing Alison’s reaction had only reinforced her own feelings, that it would be wrong to leave William for such a long time. Did that mean Susan was going to accept Donald’s proposal?
He grimaced in apology as he trod on her toes. ‘Believe it or not, I’m no country yokel, you know. I can dance as well as the next one.’
‘Perhaps if you just relaxed a little and led me around, instead of pushing me away from you, we’d manage better,’ she teased.
A chuckle started deep within him and erupted. She joined him in laughter and, before she knew it, he was sweeping her in and out of the dancers, their steps in perfect harmony.
She was light as a feather in his arms and he gave himself up to the exultation of holding her close. He had never experienced emotions like this in his life before. And he had actually thought he loved Margaret McGivern? He shook his head at the very idea. How could he have been so stupid?
Alison’s heart was racing so fast she thought he must surely hear it. What on earth was the matter with her? Donald was only a man, after all. All too soon the dance was over. She thanked him and, withdrawing from his arms, headed back to the table. She felt as if there were gentle electric currents pulsating through her.
He danced the next dance with Susan. It was a slow foxtrot and as they swayed to the rhythm of the music she confided in him. ‘I’ve decided that it would be wrong to marry Jim and leave William behind.’
His heart sank. ‘Have you told him yet?’
‘No, I can’t find the right words to let him down as lightly as possible.’
‘Don’t be too hasty. Be sure it’s what you want, Susan.’
A bewildered frown puckered her brow. ‘I thought you’d be pleased.’
‘I want what’s best for you and the child, Susan.’
‘Don’t you want me any more?’
‘Of course I do. I promise I won’t let you down.’
She moved closer, her face almost against his chest, hiding her expression. What did he mean, he wouldn’t let her down? It sounded as if he was making some kind of sacrifice for her sake.
They finished the dance in silence and over her shoulder Donald’s eyes found and followed Alison. As if under some hypnotic charm, her eyes were drawn to his. They gazed at each other and she had difficulty tearing her glance away. His mother had always told him that some day he would meet a girl and he would know right away that she was the one for him. He had laughed at the very idea of it, but she had said, ‘You mark my words, son!’ Now it had come about, but too late for him. He was practically engaged to her sister.
Later on in the evening Jim waltzed Susan out into the grounds of the dance hall. Leading her away from the building to one of the benches strategically placed for viewing Belfast Lough, he waited until she was seated, then sat close beside her. They gazed down over the lough for some moments in silence.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ she whispered.
‘It is. We’ll miss Belfast when we go away. America will be a completely different kettle of fish for us.’
She squirmed restlessly. Now, she must tell him, now. Before she could form the words to break it gently, he spoke again.
‘What’s wrong, Susan? You’ve been like a cat on a hot griddle all evening.’ He put his arm around her and tilted her face towards his. His kiss was hungry, and to her dismay she found herself reciprocating. It would be wonderful to marry him. If only they could take William with them. If only he would accept the child. When his hands started to explore her body, with a strangled groan she found the strength to push him away.
He recoiled, gazing at her in hurt bewilderment. Reaching for his hand, she clasped it between her own. ‘Forgive me, Jim, and please try to understand. I’ve something to tell you,’ she whispered in a shaky voice.
‘From your expression I assume it’s bad news?’
‘I can’t come to America with you. Please understand. I can’t leave William for a whole year. It wouldn’t be fair on the child, especially at such a young age. He needs me now!’
‘Your parents would look after him well. You know that. There’s no sweat there, and he’s young enough not to miss you.’
‘That’s not what I’m worried about.’
‘What then?’
Deciding to be truthful, she said, ‘I’m afraid if I decide to go, his father will make himself known. Not deliberately, but it could happen and I’m not wil
ling to risk it.’
‘I wish I could understand why you’re so loyal to this guy,’ he snarled. ‘You must love him, Susan, to shield him like this.’
‘Don’t be silly! It’s not him I’m shielding.’
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him the truth. After all, once he knew it was Graham, he would see her for the slut she was and want nothing more to do with her. He would go away quietly. Who was she kidding? He would go straight back in and give Graham the length of his tongue. He’d make all kinds of accusations. That’s what he’d do! There would be no stopping him! And it would snowball out of all proportion. Then what would her sister and her parents think of her and Graham? They’d be scandalised! The shame of it, the humiliation! She couldn’t bear ever to let that happen.
Jim was eyeing her intently. ‘Whether you believe it or not, Susan, I think you’re in love with this guy and you don’t even realise it.’
Tears shone in her eyes as she tried to convince him. ‘I’m not! I tell you, I’m not.’
‘All right. If you say so. Don’t get yourself all upset. Now listen to me, Susan. Please don’t rush into anything with Donald until you’re absolutely certain. Sure you won’t? I’ll be here for a while yet, so if you change your mind just let me know. All right?’
She nodded and he kissed her briefly on the lips. ‘You’re getting cold! Let’s go back inside.’
Their table was empty. ‘Would you like a drink?’
‘Yes, please. I’d like a Coke.’
Jim had barely left when Graham appeared. ‘Dare I ask you for this dance, Susan?’
With a nod she rose to her feet and followed him on to the dance floor. ‘Where’s Alison?’
‘Dancing with Donald. She seems to have made a big impression on him. I haven’t seen much of you tonight - or her, for that matter.’
‘I was out in the grounds for a while with Jim. I’ve told him I can’t go to America after all.’
He successfully hid his relief. ‘And what did he have to say about that? Has he asked you to wait for him?’
She shook her head despondently. ‘No. He thinks I’ll change my mind.’
‘And what do you think, Susan?’
‘I don’t know what to think. I’m so confused.’
He saw the tears glistening on her lashes, threatening to fall. ‘Let’s get out of here.’
She found herself outside again, on a different bench and with a different man holding her. It had become quite cool and she shivered slightly. Removing his jacket, he placed it around her shoulders and gathered her tightly against him.
She tried to oppose him. ‘No, Graham. I can’t take your coat, you’ll be cold.’
He wanted to say ‘I’ve got my love to keep me warm’, but she might take umbrage and storm off, so he remained silent. She felt safe and warm in his arms and instinctively snuggled closer. He was so tender that she longed to experience again his sweet lovemaking; that feeling of oneness. If only . . . Aghast at her line of thought, she lifted her head and gazed at him.
Her expression puzzled him and he said, haltingly, ‘What is it?’
She shook her head, bewildered at the thoughts flitting across her confused mind. ‘Nothing. Just a passing thought.’
‘I must confess, Susan, I’m glad you’re not going to marry Jim Brady. I think you’d be doing the wrong thing.’
‘What difference does it make whom I marry?’
‘Because, while we’re both single, I can hope for a miracle.’
‘Oh, Graham, Graham.’ An urge to offer him her lips was so strong it almost overwhelmed her. She struggled from his embrace, leaving him holding the empty coat. ‘I’ll have to go inside and repair my make-up.’ She was off before he could say another word.
He watched her go with bleak eyes. Why did life have to be so complicated?
In the cloakroom Susan powdered her nose and the dark shadows around her eyes. She looked as awful as she felt. Thank goodness the dim lights in the ballroom would help to camouflage her unhappiness. She practised putting a bright smile on her pale face, then decided to go in search of Donald. She was disappointed in him. He had not lived up to her expectations as a comforter and mentor. She had hardly seen him all evening.
Earlier, Donald had casually asked Alison to show him the grounds around the Floral Hall. It was with trepidation that she allowed him to whisk her off the dance floor and through one of the open French windows. Putting an arm around her shoulders, he walked her to the edge of the lawn and stood gazing over the lough in amazement. ‘I can’t understand Susan not mentioning this view to me.’
‘She can’t remember everything, and besides she has a lot on her mind tonight and you’re not exactly looking after her, if you don’t mind my saying so.’
He did mind! He minded very much any criticism from those lovely, sensuous lips. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘Don’t you? She told me you had also proposed marriage?’
‘Yes, I did. I thought we were well suited,’ he admitted. ‘But that was before I met you.’
She twisted round to face him and he immediately put his other arm around her, circling her waist. ‘What on earth do you mean? What have I got to do with it?’
His heart sank as he gazed down on her lovely features. His emotions were so strong that he had been certain she must feel the same. Surely these intense feelings that gripped him could not all be one-sided? He gave in to temptation and kissed her. Shock coursed through her and then a wonderful feeling of release as she returned his kiss. Terrified at the wave of emotions that raged through her at his touch, she angrily pushed him away.
‘Don’t you dare kiss me like that,’ she cried, angrily dabbing at her bruised lips with the back of her hand. ‘You’ve no right at all.’
‘I thought there were two of us sharing that kiss,’ he chided gently.
‘You were taking advantage of me! That’s what you were doing.’
‘Don’t you feel anything at all for me, Alison?’ he cried.
‘No. Why should I? I hardly know you.’ She was being far from honest. The affect Donald was having on her frightened the life out of her. She had never experienced anything like it in her life before, but she had no intention of admitting it. She didn’t want any disruptions in her life right now. She was happy with it as it was. Graham could give her everything she ever wanted.
‘I don’t believe you don’t have some feelings for me,’ he insisted gently and reached for her again.
Fright, and the need to get away from him, made her speech strong. ‘You’re one arrogant English bastard, so you are! Practically engaged to my sister and now trying it on with me. Are they all like that over there?’
If she had struck him with her clenched fist Donald couldn’t have looked more taken aback. ‘I’m sorry. You’re right of course.’ He stepped quickly away from her. ‘I had no right to assume you felt the same as me.’ With these words he turned on his heel and left her.
Tears blinding her, she sought solace in the cloakroom. She bumped into Susan on her way out. One look at Alison’s face and her sister followed her back in.
‘What on earth’s wrong with you?’
Blowing her nose, Alison replied, ‘Nothing! I was outside. The air is very cold. I think it’s a touch of hay fever. What would be wrong with me?’
Hay fever at this time of night? Not for one minute taken in by her lame excuses, Susan said bluntly, ‘You look awful, so you do.’
Alison was repairing her make-up and was refusing to meet her sister’s eyes in the mirror. She spared her a fleeting glance and retorted, ‘You don’t look so good yourself.’
‘I’ve a good excuse. I’ve just told Jim I can’t marry him.’
‘And what about Donald? Do you love him?’
‘I care deeply for him, but it’s not the same as love.’
‘But is it enough for marriage?’
‘Well, you see, Donald is also in love with someone else, so I suppose we
understand each other.’
Startled, Alison gaped at her in the mirror. Had Donald confessed his feelings for her, to her sister? Surely not. ‘Did he say who this someone else was?’
‘He didn’t have to. You see, I saw for myself. The girl he really loves married our cousin Jack.’
Rage rose in Alison’s breast. He really was an arrogant bastard! There now, he had reduced her to swearing again. Who would want to take on a man like that? He must make a pass at all the girls. Thank God she hadn’t succumbed to his advances. For a moment it had been touch and go, she admitted, because whether she liked it or not, Donald was capable of awakening unwanted feelings deep within her.
Controlling her temper, she said curtly, ‘Then you are well suited.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Both nursing broken hearts? That’s a great basis for marriage, so it is. Taking each other on the rebound.’ Returning her compact to her purse, she turned to face Susan. ‘Thank goodness I have Graham. He can be depended upon, so he can.’
‘Oh, can he indeed?’ Susan’s temper flared and she railed at her sister. ‘Let me tell you something, Alison Cummings . . .’ Horrified at her outburst, she took a deep breath and finished lamely, ‘No man can be relied on. They only think of themselves. “What’s in it for me” is their motto. You remember that! Even your wonderful Graham is no different.’ She turned aside, dismayed to think she had almost blurted out the truth.
‘No, not Graham,’ Alison stated with confidence and left the cloakroom with an exaggerated flounce.
Susan wanted to call her back and wipe the smug look off her face, but how could she without letting the cat out of the bag? After all the sacrifices she had made to keep her great secret, she had no intention of doing that.
Graham and Alison were taking to the floor when she arrived back at the table. The other two men were sitting with faces as long as wet weekends. Wearily Susan joined them. ‘What a miserable night this has turned out to be. Such a waste! Victor Sylvester! One of the best bands around and look at us sitting here, pictures of misery.’
