by Mary Larkin
‘I don’t think any of us has very much to smile about at the moment,’ Jim agreed and nodded to a glass of Coke on the table. ‘That’s your Coke, but I’m sure it’s flat by now.’
Belatedly she remembered him going to the bar. It seemed so long ago. By the look of the Coke it was a long time ago. ‘I’m sorry, Jim. While you were at the bar Graham asked me to dance, and then I was talking to Alison in the cloakroom. She seems upset about something and I didn’t want to leave her alone,’ she lied. She looked over at Donald and was surprised to see him wince and squirm in his chair.
‘Did she say what had upset her?’ he asked.
‘No, she just implied that all men were useless, except her Graham of course.’
They lapsed into silence for a while, then Jim rose to his feet. ‘Susan, there’s no point me hanging around here any longer. I’ll get a taxi home. Can I have another dance before I go?’
‘Sure.’ With a quick glance at Donald, Susan excused herself and followed Jim. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to come back to the house for a while? You could have a few drinks and stay overnight.’
He smiled wryly. ‘If you had said you were coming away with me and I was celebrating, I’d be only too glad to go back with you. As it is, at the moment I feel a bit depressed. Mind you, I haven’t given up all hope yet. You might still change your mind. Meanwhile, I’ll stay out of the way and see how Donald fares. Okay?’
‘If that’s what you want.’
‘It’s better this way. I’m not comfortable when he’s around.’
‘Does that mean I won’t see you at all next week?’
‘There’d be no point, Susan. Not while he’s here.’
‘But I will see you before you go?’
He smiled wryly. ‘Mm. I’m still hoping you’ll change your mind and come with me.’
‘Don’t count on it, Jim.’
‘Fair enough. Now, let me hold you close one last time, for old times’ sake . . . just in case.’
It was about an hour after Jim had bid them all good night that the National Anthem was played. As Susan stood to attention she glanced around her at all the happy, smiling faces. Even Alison looked happy as, arm through his, she pressed close to Graham, who looked his usual sombre self. Donald looked withdrawn and grim. She herself felt down in the dumps.
Both men were sober, having arrived in their own cars. They said good night at the entrance to the car park and headed in the direction of their vehicles. Graham’s was parked at one end and Donald’s at the other.
Once home, Susan quickly left the car. She was in a quandary. The journey had been travelled in silence. Too short a journey for there to be an atmosphere, but still, surely Donald could have said something? Anything!
‘Tea? Coffee?’
‘I’ll have a beer, if there is any, thank you.’
‘There’s some in the fridge. Help yourself and would you pour me a brandy, please? I want to get into something more comfortable.’ Realising how this might sound, she felt annoyed at herself. Well, she would soon put a stop to it if he tried anything on. He’d been anything but good company all evening.
Donald was sitting on the settee, a glass of beer in his hand. Her brandy was sitting on a small occasional table between the settee and an armchair. Her dressing gown covered her from head to toe and, resisting the urge to sit beside him on the settee, she lifted the brandy and sat down on the chair.
She had looked in on William and the sight of this precious baby of hers convinced her that she had done the right thing in sending Jim away. Whilst changing into her nightwear she had relived the evening in her mind and came to the conclusion that it was all her fault it had been such a big flop. After all, she needn’t have told Jim of her decision tonight; Tuesday would have been soon enough. Donald was here on holiday! It was up to her to see that he enjoyed himself. Hadn’t he looked after her over in Darlington?
‘Donald, I’m sorry.’
He seemed in a stupor and it was some moments before her words penetrated his mind. If she hadn’t known this was his first drink, she would have thought him intoxicated.
‘I’m sorry. What did you say?’
Concerned, she moved over and joined him on the settee. ‘I said I’m sorry I spoilt the night out for us. I could have told Jim some other time.’
He reached for her hand and squeezed it. ‘It’s not your fault, Susan. I should have been more understanding. ’ Inwardly he ranted, ‘Instead of making a fool of myself over your sister.’ How would he be able to face Alison again? He couldn’t! He’d have to make some excuse and go home early.
‘Donald, let’s go away for a couple of days next week, eh? We could go to Donegal. It’s beautiful up there at this time of year.’ Susan was getting carried away and continued excitedly, ‘A friend of Dad’s has a cottage there. He rents it out now and again to friends. If it’s free this coming week, how about us going there? Now that Alison is home and able to lend a hand with William, I could ask Mam to take over for a few days and we could go on our own. What do you think?’
It was like a lifeline being thrown to him. To get away from this house and not have to face Alison? His prayers had been answered. Putting an arm around her shoulders, he agreed with her plans. ‘That sounds a great idea, Susan. I’d like that! I’ve heard a lot about Donegal.’
His hopes of a clear escape were dashed at her next words. ‘Alison and Graham are coming to dinner tomorrow, so I’ll ask Alison then if she’ll help out with William and, if she agrees, I’ll phone Dad’s friend. Okay?’
He nodded despondently. So he wasn’t off the hook after all. How could he sit through dinner, making inane conversation, while Alison was there? He just couldn’t do it! Perhaps he could think up some excuse and take off after Mass tomorrow. He turned to her in desperation. ‘I was thinking of taking off after Mass in the morning, Susan. I’m not used to sitting around in someone’s house and being tended to hand and foot. I need some time to myself. Just for the day. Would you be offended if I did?’
Grey eyes full of hurt met his. ‘Why? Have I done something awful, Donald?’
‘No! No, of course you haven’t . . .’
‘Then why are you acting like this?’ She paused, struck by a thought. ‘You know, just because I’ve turned down Jim’s offer, don’t think I’m about to trap you into marriage. As Alison was quick to point out tonight, two broken hearts are no basis for a happy marriage, so we would have to take our time and see how things go. One step at a time, no strings attached.’
‘Why would Alison say that?’ he asked, completely bewildered.
‘Oh, we were just talking earlier on, and she didn’t think it would be fair of me to marry you if I loved Jim. I explained to her that it was your idea and that you were also getting over a broken heart, so you knew just how I felt. And I do think we could make a go of it, Donald, I really do.’
‘I suppose you told her all about Margaret, and how Jack had run off with her?’
At his tone of voice, her eyes narrowed and, drawing back from him, she slowly withdrew her hand from his clasp. ‘Did I do wrong? After all, Alison is family. She won’t be telling anyone else.’
Dear God, what must Alison be thinking of him? He rose quickly to his feet. ‘I’m tired, Susan. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go on up to bed. Good night.’
Open-mouthed, she stared after him. What on earth had got into him? She smiled wryly as she looked down at her dressing gown and a bitter laugh escaped her lips. Had she really thought that she might have to beat him off? Good God, he had practically run away from her. The smell of the brandy was suddenly nauseating. Entering the kitchen, she poured it down the sink and turned on the tap to wash it away. It was as well her father was unaware of such waste or there’d be wigs on the green, she thought, as she made her way to bed.
The journey home to Graham’s house had also been conducted in silence. Alison did not find this unusual. She was used to Graham’s long silences. Sometimes she
thought Graham was more like an older brother than a sweetheart, but this suited her fine. She didn’t want an intense affair, if it was going to cause such an upheaval. And it did! Tonight she had experienced that for herself. For one wild moment she had wanted to give herself up to Donald Murphy and let him devour her.
She turned to Graham in the hall. ‘Do you mind if I go on up to bed? I’ve a bit of a headache.’
Concerned, he moved towards her. ‘Is it very bad? Shall I get you a couple of aspirin?’
‘I have some up in my room. I’ll be all right after a good night’s sleep.’
Silently she willed him to sweep her into his arms and ravish her. Make her aware that he could also invoke those feelings that Donald had aroused. He kissed her chastely on the brow. ‘Happy dreams, love.’
She moved feverishly against him. ‘Kiss me properly, Graham.’ Again she urged him: make me want you. Bewildered, he took her in his arms and put a lot of feeling into the kiss, but although she pretended to reciprocate it, she felt nothing. Not even the slightest tingle in her toes. This hadn’t bothered her before, so why now? Because now she knew how different it could be. When they drew apart she gently brushed his face with her fingers. ‘Thank you. Good night, love.’
Disappointed, she climbed the stairs despondently. Why did Donald Murphy have to come into her life at this time, when everything was going so smoothly?
Donald left the house for early Mass in St Patrick’s and afterwards crossed over the Queen’s Bridge towards County Down. Let Susan make his excuses, he thought. He just couldn’t face Alison so soon after making such a fool of himself. What must she be thinking of him? Supposedly nursing a broken heart; willing to take Susan on as a wife, and trying to seduce Alison last night! Because that’s how it would look to her. She had practically said so, hadn’t she?
He passed through a town named Hollywood and couldn’t help smiling as he pictured John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara again. He reached Bangor and stopped for a coffee and a stroll along the promenade, looking at yachtsmen carrying out various tasks of maintenance on their boats. After a while he sat on the sea wall and browsed over Trevor’s road map before moving on round the coast.
He made short stops at places like Donaghadee, Portavogie and Ardglass, eventually arriving in Newcastle at the foot of the Mourne mountains in the late afternoon.
He mustn’t go home too early or all his manoeuvres would have been in vain. It was a wasted day really. He got no pleasure from all this lovely countryside; his mind was lamenting the loss of Alison. The loss? What was he thinking of? He had never had her in the first place, and now through his own stupidity he never would.
He spent some time at the beach and walking around the souvenir shops, examining the usual ware you’d expect to find in any holiday resort, yet buying nothing. He soon tired of this fruitless browsing and went looking for a café for a bite to eat.
A glance at his watch reminded him that it was time to be moving on, so he took the inland route through Ballynahinch on his way back to Belfast.
It was late evening when he returned. There was no sign of Graham’s car in the drive and he gave a sigh of relief. He had been reprieved. It was Trevor who answered his knock.
‘I don’t know what our Susan’s thinking of. She should have given you a key so that you could come and go as you please, not have to stand knocking on the door like a stranger.’
‘Or the tick man,’ joked Donald. ‘Anyway, she knew I wouldn’t be too late getting back.’ Donald made his excuses. ‘I hope you didn’t mind me taking off like that, Trevor.’
‘Not at all, son. We all need a bit of respite now and again, just to get our heads showered, especially when we are surrounded by strangers. I’ve done the same myself many a time, I can tell you. And not just with strangers.’
Rachel had quietly followed her husband into the hall and stood nearby. ‘I’m just about to make a pot of tea. Are you hungry, Donald?’
‘Until you mentioned grub, Rachel, I didn’t realise how hungry I was.’
‘I’ll make some sandwiches then. William is a bit restless. Susan’s up there with him, she shouldn’t be too long.’
‘If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just nip upstairs and freshen up.’
He paused at the second flight of stairs, wondering if he should go up to see William. Then, hearing a thin wail and Susan’s words of endearment as she soothed her son, he decided against it. After a quick wash he changed into a sports shirt and slacks and left his room.
Alison was just coming out of the spare room and he stopped in dismay. With an embarrassed nod he was about to pass her, but with a tentative gesture she stopped him. ‘I’ve been waiting for you. Can we talk?’
He nodded and with a motion of her head she invited him into the spare room. Inside the room, she closed the door and stood with her back to it, apparently at a loss for words.
He waited in bewildered silence and at last twigged what must be wrong. ‘You want your room back. Is that it? I’ll move my stuff over here now. It won’t take too long.’
He moved towards the door, but she remained with her back to it, barring his escape. Her big blue eyes swam with tears. ‘I want to apologise for my behaviour towards you. You must think me a right prude, getting on like that about a kiss.’
‘It’s all right,’ he said gently. ‘If you’re a prude, that’s how I’d want you to be.’ He stopped in confusion. She wouldn’t want to hear this kind of talk from him. ‘What’s up?’
‘I wasn’t truthful with you.’
He stood looking perplexed and she found that she couldn’t find the right words to explain what she meant. How do you tell a man that he got under your skin so much that you couldn’t stop thinking about him? She found she couldn’t. Reluctantly moving away from the door, and with a limp wag of her hand, she said, ‘Anyway, thanks for listening.’
Aware something was amiss, he hesitated. ‘Am I missing something here?’
She raised her head and their eyes locked. The look said it all. Warning himself not to take anything for granted, he slowly reached for her. She willingly entered his arms and they stood, savouring the feel of each other.
It was when he tried to claim her lips that she whispered, ‘What are we going to do about Susan and Graham?’
He gazed down in wonder at her. ‘I can’t take it in! Does this mean that you do care for me?’
‘Do you think I’d be here if I didn’t? I didn’t want this to happen! I was happy with my lot till you came along, but it wouldn’t be fair my marrying Graham feeling like this about you. And if you married Susan, I’d always be looking at you and wondering . . .’ she rambled on.
Joy was flooding through him, making him light-headed. ‘Don’t you worry about Graham and Susan. I’ll see to them,’ he promised and finally kissed her.
They clung together for a long time until at last he gently eased her away from him. Gazing down at her flushed, happy face, he asked, ‘Are you sure about this?’
She nodded and smiled sadly. ‘Very sure. The effect you have on me is indescribable. I’ve been up all night trying to talk myself out of it, but in vain. I believe in my heart we were fated to meet. I think I love you.’
‘Well, I don’t think I love you. I know I do. Mind you, I won’t be able to support you the way Graham can, but I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy, my love.’
‘I know you will. I’m a pretty good judge of character. ’ She gave him a slight push towards the door. ‘You had better go downstairs before they start wondering where you’ve got to. I’ll hang back here for a while and get my breath back.’ The smile she gave him was breathtaking in its happiness.
Rachel had laid out a variety of cold meats and salad, crusty bread and soft rolls, tea and coffee. They were all gathered around the dining table when at last Susan was free to leave William. When she joined them, her eyes met Donald’s and he gave her a huge grin. Surprised at the change in him, she gave him an abrupt nod and took
her place at the table.
During the course of the conversation Susan told him that her father had managed to get his friend’s cottage for three days. Adding, ‘Mam and Alison are more than willing to look after William, so we have three whole days free to enjoy ourselves.’
‘According to the forecast the weather is about to break,’ Trevor warned. ‘And Donegal can be very bleak when it rains, but no doubt you young ones will be able to find something to amuse yourselves,’ he muttered, not altogether happy at the idea of what they might get up to.
Alison sat with bowed head. Surely, after her declaration of love, Donald would refuse to go to Donegal for three whole days alone with her sister? It would be unbearable for her to stay behind, picturing them enjoying themselves.
He nodded in agreement. ‘Sounds great. I’ll see another bit of Ireland before I go home.’
She lifted her head, mouth open at his words. He caught her eye and gave a slight shake of the head, which she took to mean he wouldn’t go. Well then, he should tell them here and now and then they would all know where they stood. To her frustration he remained silent.
After the meal the women retired to the kitchen to tidy up and Donald came to a decision.
He and Trevor were in the lounge when he tentatively ventured, ‘Don’t think me nosy, but are you happy about your daughters’ choice of men?’
Unable to hide his surprise at Donald’s audacity, Trevor answered honestly enough, ‘Graham is a fine, upstanding gentleman and I think Alison will be happy with him. As for Susan? Well now, I can’t figure out just who she intends marrying. For a while there I thought you might even be in the picture.’ He smiled wryly. ‘It shows how much I’ve changed, when I don’t even object to a Catholic as a son-in-law.’
‘Then you wouldn’t object to me marrying one of your daughters?’
Eyebrows raised, Trevor asked, ‘Are you about to ask for Susan’s hand in marriage?’
Donald laughed aloud. ‘No. I’m just paving the way.’
‘I’d be happy if Susan married you.’
