Bolt-hole

by A. J. Oates

  Bolt-hole

  Many thanks to Joy my mum, friends Rob and Dawn, and most importantly Archana, my wife, for the patience and willingness to read through the numerous drafts.

  For the A-team.

  Copyright © 2013, A.J. Oates

  Chapter 1

  “... and that was the news headlines on BBC Radio 4 with the time approaching 9:21 p.m.”

  I flick the switch on my tiny portable radio and zip it into the top pocket of the rucksack propped against the decrepit armchair. For the final time, I look around the single room of the bedsit, my home of the last six weeks. Far from salubrious, the carpet is filthy and threadbare, 70’s flock paper is peeling in huge sheets from the walls, and the damp patch in the far corner is supporting the growth of a seemingly unnatural, almost fluorescent green species of mould.

  The shabby appearance of the flat on the inside only mirrors the state of the neighbourhood on the outside. Rawlton, a former council estate a few miles from Sheffield city centre, is some years past its prime – that’s if it ever had one. The numerous boarded-up properties have become havens for junkies and glue sniffers, and even the flats still legitimately inhabited possess an assortment of rusty washing machines and broken furniture dumped in the overgrown front yards. Just a year ago the idea of driving through such an area, let alone living here, would have been unthinkable. But now, of course, everything has changed, and despite the decor, the first floor bedsit has served its purpose and provided the perfect vantage point to track the movements of Musgrove living across the road in his similarly run-down flat.

  I move over to the window and cautiously peer through the gap at the edge of the drawn curtains. In the street outside water continues to gush from the ground as workmen dig up huge chunks of tarmac under the hum and brilliance of portable spotlights, but the inside of Musgrove’s flat is shrouded in darkness and there’s no sign of him at home.

  With my constant obsession with time and keeping to my schedule, I again check my watch: 9:25 p.m. Time to go, I whisper to myself, although suspect I should come up with something more profound, given the significance of the moment. I confirm the precious contents of my small rucksack, place it on my back and head over to the doorway taking slow deep breaths as I shake my hands at the wrists to release my pent-up anxiety. Come on Julian … come on … you CAN do it, I urge through gritted teeth as I desperately try to instil some kind of internal resolve.

  I turn off the light from the single bare ceiling bulb and, in the near-total darkness, I carefully descend the steep staircase. My shoes stick to the filthy linoleum in the small entranceway at the bottom of the stairs as I neurotically check that the rucksack is still on my back. Reassured, I unlock the front door and cautiously step into the darkness of the driveway sheltered from the road by the massively overgrown privet hedge. I glance behind me as I leave the drive and then hurriedly turn right down Stanley Road. Other than the workmen, the street is deserted and, seemingly intent on digging through to the earth’s core, they appear oblivious to my presence as I pass quickly by.

  A shiver courses down my spine as the wind cuts deep, and I pull up the thick collar of my jacket and adjust my woollen scarf. After the Indian summer of the last few weeks, the evening of October 8th, the day of my 37th birthday, is distinctly autumnal, with fallen leaves accumulating on the ground and my breath condensing in the crisp air. Normally it’s my favourite time of year, reminding me of birthdays as a child followed by bonfire night and then the excitement of the long run-up to Christmas with parties and pantomimes, but tonight such innocent contentment seems light years away.

  I continue down the road, negotiating the dog shit and discarded chip paper wrappers that litter the pavement, and nervously adjusting the straps of the rucksack on my back. The woman from a few doors down, the only neighbour I’ve spoken to in the last six weeks, is in her front garden and swearing under her breath as she picks up beer cans dumped by a group of passing kids. I quickly cross the street to avoid eye contact and unwanted conversation and then cut through the forecourt of the petrol station to reach the main road.

  Without slowing my pace, I again glance at my watch under the yellow sodium street lighting. Still only 9:30 p.m. – I’ve plenty of time to reach the bus stop, which is now just a couple of minutes away. For the umpteenth time I mentally rehearse my plan and the numerous contingencies should anything go wrong. I attempt to argue away my anxieties and convince myself that in a few hours time I’ll be safely on the train to the airport hotel in readiness for my flight in the morning and the start of a new life.

  A few minutes ahead of schedule, the number 49 single-decker is pulling into the lay-by as I reach the bus stop. A handful of people are already waiting but no one gives me a second glance as I join the back of the loosely formed queue. The floor of the vandalised bus shelter is covered in tiny fragments of glass and it grates underfoot as we all shuffle forward in expectation of the doors opening. But the bus driver sits aloofly behind his Perspex shield, checks his watch in an exaggerated fashion, and the doors remain shut. Impatiently I watch as he lights a cigarette and, in between drags, holds it out of the side window while reading the Metro paper propped against the massive steering wheel.

  With the engine left running, dark noxious clouds belch from the exhaust and quickly begin to accumulate in the shelter. The harsh smell only adds to my anxiety-driven nausea and I focus all my attention on not being sick.

  After a long few minutes, the driver flicks the butt of his cigarette into the street and the doors finally open. With my head bowed and face obscured by the collar of my jacket and scarf, I climb aboard and hand over the exact fare of £1.70 before taking the ticket without saying a word. My short-lived fame in the local media has long since come to an end and no one shows any interest as I take a seat at the back. Within a few minutes the bus departs for the town centre and I begin to feel the slightest hint of relief that at least the first step of my plan has gone to schedule.

  Full of barely controlled nervous energy, I sit above the noisy vibrating engine with my foot tapping on the back of the seat in front. The occupant, a middle-aged woman stinking of stale cigarette smoke and booze, turns part-way to face me, her irritation clearly evident as she glares down at my foot and then back at me. I get the message and cease my tapping.

  As an attempt to refocus my thinking, I take out my wallet from my inside jacket pocket and remove the crumpled, much-thumbed photograph tucked in the slot next to the credit cards. It had been taken a couple of years earlier, during a family holiday on the beach in St Ives; in the foreground is Helen, my wife, along with our two young sons, William and Oliver, and me standing at the back with a ridiculous grin plastered across my face. It had been a great day, a day I’ll never forget; we’d bought a dinghy and spent hours in the rough Atlantic surf playing pirates. Even now, when I close my eyes, I can still hear the waves pounding the beach and the excited laughter of the boys. I can picture their beautiful faces so vividly it’s almost as if I can reach out and touch them. So many times, God, so many times in the last few months, how achingly I’ve wished I could go back to that day.

  For a few moments I’m lost in my memories before my current plight dawns again and I reluctantly put the photograph back in its slot. About to close the wallet, I catch a glimpse of my old university staff ID card and remove it from the transparent sleeve:

  Dr Julian Scott

  Senior Lecturer/Principal Scientist

  Department of Biochemistry

  School of Biological Sciences

  University of Sheffield

  I study the small ID photograph and barely recognise it as me. Now six months since my existence was ripped apart, so much of my life and so much of me has changed. At first I’d struggled to come to terms
with what had happened, and it was only with the inception of my plan that my life developed a focus and I had a reason for going on. Now, with the preparation over and the moment of truth just an hour away, I can’t help but question whether I can achieve my ultimate goal or if I’ll succumb to either conscience or cowardice.

  The traffic flows freely and although we stop often to pick up rowdy boozers heading to town for the late bars and clubs, the four-mile journey takes only twenty minutes. When the bus reaches my stop, I hold the rucksack protectively in front of me and push my way through the numerous standing passengers before venturing back out into the cold darkness. My next destination is the Earl of Arundel Pub at the far side of Linton Green, an area covering two or three square miles of cheap housing with a large student and Pakistani immigrant population. The houses are mainly back-to-backs, closely packed together and many now converted to flats and a disproportionate number of salmonella take-aways to serve the student populace. I’ve walked the area many times in the last few weeks and it feels reassuringly like home turf: I know every escape route through the maze of backstreets and alleys.

  After a brisk fifteen-minute walk I pass the derelict engineering works and then take the walkway under the dual carriageway to reach Station Road, a row of terraced houses on the corner of which is the Earl of Arundel Public House. Despite the grand title, the pub is a single-roomed affair formerly frequented by the engineering workers from up the road, but since the demise of the factory it had developed a reputation as a hangout for drug dealers and their clientele. On my one, much regretted, visit to the pub six months earlier, I’d got the distinct impression that strangers were undercover police until proven otherwise.

  As raised voices emanate from inside the pub I jog past the entrance and hurry across the road. On the far side is a builders’ merchant’s – Musgrove’s former employers – with a painted wooden sign hanging above the doorway: “William’s Building Supplies”. Next to it is a narrow, poorly lit alley, and it is here that I take up my waiting position, the darkness providing a discreet vantage point free from the view of passers-by and prying CCTV cameras.

  I know that if Musgrove is true to his routine he’ll be sitting alone at the bar drinking his pint. During my weeks of surveillance I found him a mass of contradictions: until recently, he’d been able to hold down a regular job, albeit with little responsibility, but then had drug-fuelled episodes of erratic and unpredictable behaviour. But, for whatever reason, his Thursday night ritual of drinking in the Arundel proved to be a permanent fixture in his life and provided one of the few opportunities to instigate my plan. If the last three Thursdays were the norm, he’ll have arrived at the pub by early evening, will enjoy a skin-full, and then a few minutes before last orders he’ll leave, always alone, to catch the late bus home. I check my watch for the thousandth time: 10:32 p.m.; he’ll be leaving within fifteen minutes.

  In the darkness of the alley I crouch behind an overflowing and foul-smelling dumpster. My nausea persists and I breathe with my hand over my nose and mouth. Bar the occasional mangy cat, the street is deserted and the chippy next to the pub is empty of customers as I watch the plump serving girl constantly picking at the chips in the hot trays.

  Unseen, I take the rucksack off my back, unzip the front pocket and, without removing it from the bag, inspect the heavy object wrapped in an old checked tea towel. I fish in my pockets for the leather driving gloves and pull them on before removing the cloth and its contents from the rucksack. As the tea towel falls away, the blade of a foot-long machete glints in the moonlight. Though I’ve seen it and felt its weight in my hand many times, I’m still shocked by its promised violence. I grip the wooden handle and, checking that I’m still alone and unwatched, raise it above my head. I picture Musgrove standing in front of me, and with the anger and frustration simmering I take a practice swing. As the blade cuts through the air with a reassuring sound, almost in an instant, as if flicking a switch, my anxiety dissipates.

  I am ready.

  Chapter 2

  For so long, the events planned for this October evening have been my sole preoccupation. But despite my familiarity with the plan and commitment to the ultimate goal, standing in the darkness of the alley with the brutal weapon in my hand seems far from real. I’m certainly not proud of what I’m about to do and it’s not simply revenge that drives me on – more the realisation that any chance of a future life is inextricably linked with its successful conclusion.

  As I wait for Musgrove to leave the pub my thoughts return to six months earlier and the precipitating events that have brought me to this place. The day of my Dad’s 65th birthday, we’d celebrated with a family meal at a local restaurant. The evening had been a happy occasion; my Mum and Dad were delighted at the prospect of their impending retirement and excitedly discussed the school holiday trips they were planning with William and Oliver. I was also feeling more relaxed than I had in a long time and looking forward to starting a new job. I’d videoed much of the meal, but even after all these weeks I’ve not been able to bring myself to watch it. May be I never will.

  As I would later explain ad infinitum to the police, we left the restaurant at about 7:40 p.m. Although approaching dusk, it was mild for the time of year and the pink-orange hue of the setting sun was breaking through the clouds. Given the beautiful evening, my Dad suggested walking the short distance home, which followed a picturesque route through the grounds of the local church. The boys jumped at the chance to delay bed-time and we decided that I should drive the car back while the others walked. I beeped the car horn several times as I drove past them: William on my Dad’s shoulders and Oliver riding piggy-back on Helen. I watched through the rear-view mirror as they waved and smiled back at me, an image that will no doubt stay with me a lifetime.

  Back at home I checked my watch for the first time at around 8:45 p.m. The kids had school the next day and I was starting to get irritated that they were taking so long. Even given the children’s predilection to dawdle, the journey on foot should have taken no longer than twenty minutes. What were they doing?

  At 9:00 p.m., and by way of a distraction, I switched on the TV to catch the news headlines. Obama was visiting Moscow and there was more strife in the Middle East but I struggled to concentrate on the specifics. I couldn’t understand what was taking so long; it was over an hour since I’d driven past them. I was beginning to feel uneasy, but then dismissing my stupidity and obsessive tendency to worry. I phoned Helen’s mobile and immediately heard it ringing on the kitchen table where she’d left it.

  Even with my best attempts at self-reassurance I couldn’t just sit and wait, and I grabbed my coat and headed out to meet them. I walked to the end of the street, all the time expecting to hear the excited chatter of the children, but there was still no sign of them. And then a little after 9:10, I heard the first of the sirens, gradually getting louder over the course of thirty seconds and then abruptly falling silent. I felt a knot forming in the pit of my stomach but again told myself not to be so pathetic as my over-active imagination started running wild.

  I began walking more quickly and then broke into a jog, and within minutes I reached the church. With the bats circling the 12th century steeple way above my head, I could now see the source of the sirens, as the churchyard was eerily lit by flashing blue light cascading off the gravestones.

  My anxiety level was escalating and my heart was pounding as I felt the nausea rising in the back of my throat. I began to run, drawn inescapably towards the lights. I crossed the churchyard and at the far side, over a low wall, I could just make out the form of an upturned pick-up truck in the middle of the road. Now sprinting full pelt, I reached the end of the churchyard and passed through a small gate leading to the road. Two more police cars were just arriving, followed by an ambulance a few seconds later. The scene ahead was of chaos – like that of the Middle East war zone I’d just seen on the TV news.

  Only the last vestiges of daylight remained, and agains
t a background smell of petrol and burnt tyre rubber I could make out the dark forms of several bodies lying in the road and the adjacent footpath. I ran over, and within five yards of reaching the first small body my worst fears were realized: William’s checked shirt, now heavily stained with dark crimson blood. My little boy’s body was in a contorted, unnatural position, and as I knelt and cradled him in my arms, I knew that his limp body was totally lifeless. A paramedic attempted to usher me away but I couldn’t let go. “He’s my son, he’s my son,” I screamed.

  I felt the eyes of the emergency workers turn to face me, and from behind me a young police woman quickly came over. “Sir, please let go, you need to let go, please, please.”

  I struggled to release my grip as she prised William from my arms and then led me to the back seat of the nearby police car. She momentarily disappeared, to return with a thick red blanket, which she wrapped around my shoulders, covering my shirt now stained with my son’s blood. She sat next to me in the car. “My name is WPC Shaw … Jill Shaw … Jill,” she said nervously. “I’m so sorry about what’s happened.”

  I stared back blankly, not really knowing what had happened. “Where’s the rest of my family?” I asked, struggling to control my emotions and hold back the tears. She didn’t respond; she didn’t need to. I could see the answer in her face.