Lovesessed

by Pamela Diane King

  “I got you a belated birthday present. I didn’t see you today because you were rehearsing your play during lunch, and we didn’t get to talk during class, so I was going to give it to you on Monday.”

  His eyes lit up. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I wanted to.” I opened my bag, and gave him the little gold gift bag.

  He slowly took out the miniature Oscar statue that I had bought at a souvenir store. It was made of plastic, but looked like a real gold-plated Academy Award. I had it personalized with the words “Best Actor,” and his full name, “Benjamin Walker.”

  “You’ll have to replace it with a real Oscar one day. I’m sure you will be fabulous in your play. I wish that I could be there.” It was true, I wanted to be there so badly, but I had been dreaming about seeing Chase in person for years, so nothing was going to keep me away from the concert.

  He was quiet for a few seconds while he looked at it, and ran his fingers over it. Then, his eyes met mine, and he smiled the sweetest smile that I have ever seen. It made my heart smile.

  “Thank you, it means so much to me.”

  “You’re welcome Benji.” I smiled back. We just sat there grinning at each other like idiots, until a waitress came over to our table. Ben ordered a lime milkshake for himself, and a strawberry one for me.

  “You remembered,” I said, touched by his thoughtfulness.

  “Of course, I remember everything about you.” He suddenly looked serious. “You’re very important to me.” He held my hand on the table. The interaction between us suddenly felt different than ever before.

  His intense gaze made me feel like butterflies were fluttering in my stomach, so I looked out the window, and detached my hand and patted his. “That’s just because you’ve known me since birth,” I joked.

  “We do know each other really well.”

  “We’re pretty much family, like brother and sister.”

  “That’s not what I meant. Phoebe, there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but I didn’t know how you would react…” he stopped when the waitress approached our table. We drank our milkshakes in silence for about a minute.

  There was an unusual tension between us, but I didn’t know why.

  “This is delicious, and look there’s even a strawberry.” I picked up the strawberry that was stuck to the top of the glass, and ate it.

  “Phoebe, can I ask you a question?” he looked serious again.

  “You can ask me anything.”

  He stirred the remaining milk shake around with his straw. “I’m just going to come out with it…Why are you so hung up on this Chase guy?”

  I stopped drinking. I wasn’t expecting him to ask me a question like that. “I wouldn’t use those words, but you know how I feel about Chase,” I said defensively.

  “But why?” he suddenly seemed annoyed. “You don’t even know the guy, and there is zero chance of anything happening between you two.”

  I could feel my ears burning, and I knew that they were turning red. The blood always rushed to my ears when I was nervous…or livid. “Benjamin Walker, you have no right to say any of this to me.” I stood up.

  “I’m sorry, please don’t go.” His eyes were vulnerable.

  “It’s getting late, I should be going anyway.” I said picking up my book bag and getting to my feet.

  He stood up quickly and came around to me. He enveloped me in his arms and hugged me tightly. He seemed much bigger and stronger than I had ever remembered. I breathed in his cinnamon and mint cologne. He definitely didn’t fall into the category of the other unwashed guys at our school. A chill ran up my spine because I wasn’t used to being so close to him. We hugged often, but it was always a friendly, casual hug. This time it felt different.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and his breath was warm against my neck. “I think that you deserve better.”

  I peeled myself away from him. “I know that you’re just looking out for me. But Chase is my first love, and this Saturday is my chance to make my dreams come true.”

  I walked towards the door, and when I paused to wave goodbye, he was looking at me like I had slapped him.

  *****

  4. Concert

  The day that I had been waiting, wishing, and hoping for had finally arrived. I had been a nervous wreck the whole day. I couldn’t even sit still to watch my favorite show, American Idol. I knew that I was going to see a real American Idol that night. After Idol, I switched to MTV like usual, and Carson’s video “Summer of Love” was on. I quickly changed the channel because seeing Chase made me even more nervous.

  What happened with Ben the day before was still bothering me. I didn’t know what to think about it. He had been acting different lately, especially at the restaurant. I concluded that he just didn’t want to lose our friendship. But, he was my best friend, and always would be. I wished that the concert and his play weren’t on the same night, because I would have loved to have seen him act. Ben was more the artistic type, than the sporty type. I obviously gravitated more to arty guys. My best friend and the guy that I was in love with were both artistic, except that Ben was an actor and Chase was a singer.

  As I was getting ready for the concert, I had a sick feeling in my stomach, and I couldn’t stop shaking. I felt like I was the one about to perform at the concert. It was the same nervous feeling I got when I had to give a speech in class.

  A few months ago in History, I had to give a speech on World War II, and I got so nervous. When I was standing in front of the class, it seemed like the walls were closing in on me, I couldn’t catch my breath, and I felt dizzy like my head was about to fall off my shoulders. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor. Poor Ben, his was the first face I saw. He helped me sit up, and got me some water. For the rest of the day, he kept quizzing me about how I felt.

  I silently prayed that I wouldn’t faint when I saw Chase. That would be unbelievably embarrassing, humiliating, and mortifying. In addition, it would totally ruin my plan. Unless, he jumped off the stage and gave me mouth to mouth resuscitation … hmm that could work.

  For the concert, I chose the jeans and green tank top outfit because green is Chase’s favorite color. That would guarantee that I stood out in the crowd, and thus become one of those fans who met her husband at his concert.

  It was a little chilly, but I knew that it would definitely be hot and sweaty in the concert because of all the people in a closed space.

  I brushed my light brown hair and it fell just below my shoulders. My hair was blonde when I was younger, but it went darker until it was light brown. I had added a few blonde highlights the last time I went to the hairdresser. They looked natural, like I’d been to the beach a lot and the sun had highlighted my hair. Highlights are important if you live in California. Everywhere you look there are blonde, beautiful girls. I straightened my wavy hair with my hot iron. My mom always said that I should leave it wavy, but I liked to straighten it, because then it looked longer.

  I put on a lot more make up than I usually wore. When I got ready for school in the mornings, I just put on mascara, a bit of blusher and lip gloss. But I went all out for the concert – smoky eyes, and a pinky/red lipstick. It took me ages to get the liquid eyeliner straight. After the first attempt, I looked like a raccoon so I had to wash my wash my face.

  My older 16-year-old sister, Rachel always gave me her beauty magazines after she was done with them, so that’s where I got my make-up and fashion tips from. I liked how the smoky make-up enhanced my dark green eyes, just like the magazine said it would. I borrowed Rachel’s hoop earrings to complete the outfit.

  Our mom named us after the characters in her favorite sitcom of all time, Friends. It started in 1994, the year Rachel was born. My dad even bought her the box set with all 10 seasons. I loved watching the program Charmed because one of the characters was named Phoebe.

  “Looking good,” Rachel said when she popped her head through my half open door. “I like your h
air, it looks really pretty,” she said running her fingers through my hair.

  “Thanks, but I wish that I had your long silky hair,” I said, admiring her long blonde hair that looked like honey pouring down her back. “It’s so straight and soft, unlike my wavy hair that requires daily hot ironing.”

  “Do you remember when you were eight, you begged Mom to buy you a long blonde wig?” she said, smiling at the memory.

  “Yes, because I desperately wanted hair like yours. I think that she felt bad for me because she actually bought it, and I wore it for about two weeks straight. Eventually, she took it away because I refused to take it off and wash my hair.”

  “It really did stink, and it was full of dust and lint. I think that you had a family of ants living in it. It was a health hazard.”

  We both laughed and couldn’t stop, like when something that isn’t really that funny seems hilarious.

  “My stomach hurts,” I said.

  “My eyes are watering,” she said, wiping her eyes with a tissue.

  “Rach, it’s ironic about our names. I look more like the character Rachel from Friends because we both have medium length light brown hair, and we’re average height. While you look more like the character Phoebe, because you both have long blonde hair and you’re tall and slim.”

  “It is funny how that happened,” she said looking through my jewelry box.

  I’d always been jealous of Rachel because she was so gorgeous, and looked amazing in everything she wore. She could seriously wear a potato sack and look like a model. She was also really sweet, as well as beautiful. If she wasn’t my sister, I’d hate her.

  “Rach, do you think I could ever be popular like you?”

  She squeezed my hand. “You have great friends, and you are a great person. It doesn’t matter what people at school think.”

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’re gorgeous and popular. People at school didn’t even know that we were sisters until they saw that we had the same last name. They even asked if we had different fathers. How rude,” I pouted, folding my arms across my chest.

  “Lots of sisters look different. We just got different genes.”

  “You got the good genes,” I moaned. “But they do have a point, I’ve always wondered if I was adopted because I’m so different to every member of the family.”

  “Phoebes, there’s something that I have to tell you. Now that you have already figured it out…” she said apprehensively.

  “What is it?” I caught my breath.

  “You were adopted.” Her face was deadly serious.

  I gasped and clapped my hand to my mouth.

  She burst out laughing. “You’re so gullible.”

  I pushed her, and she fell off the bed. We both collapsed in fits of giggles.

  If I had a famous boyfriend, then I would also be popular like Rachel. Everyone at school would want to be friends with me. I had Liz and Ben, but we’re like middle of the road, not popular, not unpopular. At least Liz was really smart. I just had my winning personality.

  #

  The wait for Liz’s parents to pick me up was torture. I didn’t know what to do with myself. When I’m nervous, it’s like I have ants in my pants because I can’t sit still. I paced around my room for a while, and even organized my underwear drawer by color, just to keep busy. I felt like Chase was watching me from all of my pictures on the wall, like he knew that we had a date with destiny.

  I put on a denim jacket for the drive there. I had planned to leave it in Liz’s parent’s car because I didn’t want to hide my green top, and I was sure to get boiling hot inside the venue.

  When Liz saw me she raised her eyebrows and said, “Hey, you look different.”

  “I was going for fantastic, great, or stunning, not different,” I joked.

  “Sorry, you do look great. I’m just not used to seeing you so … dressed up.”

  I felt a bit overdressed compared to her bootleg jeans and white button-up top. She always dressed conservatively, so I hadn’t expected her to go all Rock Chick for the concert. Her shoulder length dead straight brown hair was in her usual tight bun, and she had her staple lip gloss on.

  “Are you nervous?” she asked.

  “Yes, I’ve never been more nervous. I couldn’t even eat dinner because I have that sick feeling in my stomach.”

  “It’ll pass as soon as the concert starts.”

  We arrived at the concert venue, and there were thousands of girls waiting. “Oh great, about half of the girls here are wearing green, so there goes my plan to stand out.”

  “Look at that girl over there with the word “CARSON” tattooed on her arm.” Liz pointed to a girl who was probably 18. She several tattoos and piercings, and on her arm was a Carson tattoo.

  “Some people are fanatical. I hope it was a stick on.”

  “Doubt it, judging by her obvious love of the tattoo parlor.”

  “What’s she going to do when she’s 30 and she doesn’t like Carson anymore?”

  “She can always get something inked over the ‘O’ and the ‘N’ and then it will say ‘CARS.’”

  “Good idea,” I giggled.

  Two of the girls in the row behind us had sleeping bags with them. We asked them why they had them, and they said that it was because they had camped out all night in front of the venue to get last minute tickets. Maybe there really were some girls out there with the same feelings about one of the band members as me.

  Everyone was talking and laughing really loudly, so Liz and I had to shout at each other to be heard.

  “This is so exciting,” Lisa said rubbing my arm.

  “Yes, but I feel like I might throw up.” My stomach was doing summersaults.

  “Well if you do, please aim away from,” she said laughing. I didn’t know how she could joke, when I was more nervous than I’d ever been in my life. It felt worse than any speech I’d ever given.

  All I could see was a sea of Carson banners and posters. “I should have made a banner, or brought one of my posters.”

  “No, that’s a bit desperate. You want to look cool, not fanatical.”

  “You’re right.”

  The atmosphere was electric. We were lucky because our tickets were for the fourth row from the front, so we were very close to the stage. Again, Liz had the best parents. The concert started. The lights dimmed and there were deafening screams.

  “Here we go,” Liz squealed. I hadn’t expected her to get so worked up, she was usually so calm. I guess teen idols make even serious girls go gaga.

  I couldn’t remember a time when I had ever been so excited, nervous, and happy at the same time. It felt like a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

  When the lights came back on, Carson was ready on stage standing by their instruments. The first song they played was “Say You’re Mine,” an up tempo pop/rock song. Chase was right at the front of the stage playing his keyboard and singing. He was so close that I could see his face clearly. He looked even better in real life. He smiled a lot and his teeth seemed to sparkle, like a cartoon character, but in a good way. He looked absolutely gorgeous.

  I couldn’t believe that he was really there in front of me, and that it wasn’t a dream. It’s funny how when dream or imagine how you will feel when you experience something, it’s never the same when you actually do experience it. I’d thought about how I would feel thousands of times, but I could never predict the way I actually felt. When I saw him in the flesh, it felt a million times better, more real, more exciting than how I had imagined it. But it also didn’t feel real, because I couldn’t believe that it was actually happening.

  Liz screamed like the other girls, but I was frozen, I actually couldn’t move for a few seconds.

  “Are you ok? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” she shouted.

  I just nodded, because I couldn’t speak. After the first song, the nervousness melted away and I started to relax and enjoy the concert, especially because the music sounded so good live.
I knew every word to every song, and I sang along like the rest of the girls. I’d listened to the songs so much that my mom even knows all the words. I looked over when I saw a girl faint, and others were crying. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one who was in love with one of the band members.

  After they had played all their hits, Nick (the drummer, and Liz’s favorite) announced that they were going to play their last song for the night. Then it happened.

  Chase started singing our song “Love Struck,” the one that was in my dream. It was like déjà, because it was just like in my dreams. Time seemed to stand still. Everything happened in slow motion, and I felt like a love interest in one of their music videos. The smoke from the smoke machine created a hazy atmosphere.

  Chase looked in my direction, and I literally stopped breathing. He looked right in my eyes and smiled at me. At least I thought that he smiled at me. I couldn’t be sure because when he looked away, I looked around me and about five other girls wearing green were blushing and giggling because they also thought that he had smiled at them. Unlike in my dream, he didn’t reach out to pull me up on stage and dedicate a song to me. Real life sucks.

  *****

  5. Chemistry

  I was in pain. It was the pain of wanting someone so unattainable. If Chase was not famous, but was just an ordinary guy at my school, sitting at the desk next to me in English, or in the cafeteria, we would be together right now. Well, at least we would have a chance. There was no-one more out of a “real” person’s league, than a celebrity. Translation – there was no-one more out of my league, than him.

  I looked at my timetable as I arrived at school Monday after the weekend of the concert, and saw that Chemistry was after lunch. I groaned knowing that I hadn’t done my homework. I couldn’t do it on Saturday because I was too nervous about the concert, and then on Sunday I couldn’t stop thinking about the concert so there was no way I could concentrate on Chemistry. I was hoping that Liz would help me do the answers quickly at lunch. She excelled at Chemistry, well at anything to do with using your brain.