by Sienna Parks
“Fuck, no! I’m staying right here.”
“I’m not asking, I’m telling you. Unless you want your nuts fried, get out.”
“It’s my fault she’s in here. I’m not leaving. I don’t care if my entire body becomes radioactive.”
I hear a commotion in the hallway—my receptionist yelling, “You can’t go in there! Wait!”
The door slams open, jolting Rae from her medically induced doze. “Daddy, Daddy. It hurts. Kiss it better.”
“What the fuck happened to my baby girl?”
Jax is up and out of the chair in a flash. “I’m so sorry. She tripped and… I couldn’t catch her in time. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Get out of my way, Jax.”
I stand, dumbstruck. This is her daddy? He’s her father?
“Daddy’s here. You’re going to be okay. I’m here now.” He crouches beside her small frame, stroking an errant curl from her face. “You’re the bravest girl I know. Coming here with Uncle Jax and lying so still for the doctor to take a picture.”
He turns to me, anger and worry marring his perfect features. “What’s wrong with her? Is she okay?”
“Maddox…” I can’t breathe. My fingers are beginning to tingle, a numbing sensation spreading throughout my limbs. He has a daughter… he has a child… we were going to have a family together. I never thought that he would…
I run to the trashcan in the corner of the room, the contents of my stomach vacating my body. My head begins to spin and my muscles contract, over and over again, forcing me to wretch until I’m dry heaving. My ears are ringing as Jax speaks softly at my side. “You okay, A.B.? Do you want me to get the nurse?”
I hear the door open as Maddox bellows down the hall. “Somebody call Dr. Barnes. I need someone who knows what the hell they’re doing to treat Rae.”
I grab a paper towel and wipe my face. “I’m fine. I’ve performed open-heart surgery. I think I can manage a cast for an arm fracture.”
“Doesn’t look that way. This is my daughter we’re talking about. I need the best for her, and you’re clearly not it.” The vitriol in his eyes obliterates me, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let him see any further weakness.
“Step out of the room, please. This isn’t helping Rae. She needs to stay calm and still so I can take the x-ray and set her arm if I need to.”
“I’m not leaving her with you.”
“I am the doctor in this town, whether you like it or not. Are you really going to prolong her pain just to prove how much you hate me?” He’s speechless, and I jump on the opportunity to usher him out of the room.
“Jax, take him to the waiting room. I’ll call you in when I’m done. Let me do my job.”
“You sure you’re up to it?”
“Yes. Just some bad sushi at lunch. I got this. Go.”
I shake off the effects of Maddox Hale—Rae deserves my undivided attention. I pull my chair beside her, taking her hand in mine. Explaining what I’m going to do, she smiles up at me with unwavering trust in her eyes. I don’t look back as Jax tries to convince Maddox to wait outside, but there is a physical relief when I feel them leave, the door closing gently behind them.
“Okay, Rae. I’m going to cover you with this special blanket so we can get a pretty picture of just this arm. I’m going to put the camera in position and stand in the corner over there for just a few seconds. Do you think you can lie still for me?”
“You won’t leave me in the dark, will you?” The tremor in her voice breaks my heart.
“Of course not. I’m going to be right here, talking to you the entire time.” Something in her eyes is mesmerizing—a flashback to my younger self—staring into the same eyes… his eyes. “So, Rae, what is your favorite color?”
“Brown.”
“Brown? I’ve never heard that before. Why brown?”
“Because my horsey is brown. She’s called Brownie. Daddy let me name her.”
“Wow. Your daddy must love you lots to let you name a horsey.”
“Yes! Daddy says I am his one two love and a pwincess.” Her voice is cuter than a basket of bunnies in a room full of puppies.
“All done. I’m going to have to put something called a cast on your arm. You can pick what color you want if you’d like?”
“Brown!”
“Mmm… I don’t think I have brown. Why don’t I bring Daddy and Uncle Jax back in to sit with you while I see what colors I have for you?”
“Okay.” I flick the light switch and help her sit up without hurting her arm too much. “Docor?”
“You can call me, A.B. That’s what my friends call me.”
“I like you, Docor A.B. You have pretty hairs.”
Her sweet little personality is magnetic. I can see why Jax is so taken with her. “You have pretty hair, too. I’m going to go get your daddy.” I take a moment to study her face. There is so much of Maddox in her, with a noticeable mingling of DNA—a resemblance to her mother I assume.
I step outside, taking a moment to breathe. The stark reality that Maddox has a daughter, and a life without me, crushes my chest—a physical constriction on my lungs. I never expected him to wait for me, or that he wouldn’t move on with his life, but knowing it and seeing it manifested in a living, breathing, perfect little person—hits me harder than I ever could have imagined.
The waiting room is overflowing as usual, but the second I set foot in there, I can feel him. They’re on me in seconds. “Is she okay? What’s wrong? Is it broken?”
“She’s waiting for you both. She did great. There’s a hairline fracture of the radius. I’m going to put her in a cast. She’ll need to keep it on for around six weeks, but I’ll need to see her back in a week for a second x-ray. Kids are different than adults… they grow so quickly we need to make sure there is no bone movement early on in the healing process.”
“Six weeks. Fuck. You sure she’s going to be okay?”
I reach out my hand to reassure him, a reflex from being drilled on how to break bad news and comfort families in medical school. “She’s going to be just fine.” He flinches at my touch—an innocent brush of his arm, an unwelcome discomfort. “You can go and wait with her. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Jax’s knowing eyes burn into my back as I scurry down the hallway into a supply closet. I just need a few moments to gather my thoughts. Rae deserves a doctor who is focused on giving her the best care possible—not dissecting every word, glance, and touch of her father. Her father… that one word makes me dry heave one last time before I pull myself together and grab what I need.
Inhaling a deep breath, I enter the exam room—suddenly claustrophobic. Jax and Maddox make for an imposing presence in any room, but I do my best to concentrate on Rae. She seems in better spirits now that her daddy has her cradled in his lap, and Jax is pulling funny faces to make her smile. “Okay, little lady. I have pink, red, green, blue, or yellow. What would you like?”
“Yellow, because I’m a Rae of sunshiny-shine, right Daddy?”
“You sure are, sweet pea. Good choice.”
Once everything is in place, I have Maddox position and support her arm so I can apply the cast. I daren’t sneak so much as a glance in his direction. He’s so close, I can feel the heat radiating from him in waves. My fingertips accidently brush his hand as I wrap Rae’s little arm, and it’s like a defibrillator to the heart. I try to ignore it, but the sound of his breath catching the moment we touch, sends me into a tailspin. Our eyes meet—an involuntary reaction to the intense shudder coursing through my body. I’d forgotten just how dazzling his eyes are—like they were cut from emerald—flawless.
“You about done?” Jax interjects.
I quickly finish up, and put some distance between Maddox and me. “All done. You were such a brave girl, Rae. Thank you for being such a great patient. I’m going to give… Daddy… some medicine to keep the pain away, and you come back and see me in a week, okay?”
“Yes, Docor A.B.” I watc
h as she rubs her eyes—the same emerald green as her father’s. She’s fighting not to give in to the drowsiness of the meds, and the exhaustion that comes with such a painful injury.
“Thanks, Dr. Clark.” Maddox’s tone is cold as he pulls his little girl close to his chest, and stands to leave.
“Jax, you can get whatever meds she needs, right? I’m going to get her home to bed.”
“Sure. I’ll drop them by in a little while.”
Maddox doesn’t even look at me as he gestures to Jax to open the door. He strides past him, gently kissing his daughter on her forehead. “Come on, sunshine. Time to get you home.”
“Can I sleep in your big bed, Daddy?”
“Sure thing. I ain’t letting you out of my sight.”
I slump into my chair as he disappears through the heavy wooden doors. I feel sick to my stomach at how much Maddox hates me. It’s evident in every word he says, or doesn’t say.
“You gonna write that script for me, or sit there like a lovesick puppy?” There’s an edge to Jax’s voice.
“Sorry… yes. Make sure she takes this at regular intervals to ensure it doesn’t get too painful.”
He looks me up and down, his expression softening ever so slightly. “You feeling okay? I know that couldn’t have been easy.”
“Why didn’t you tell me he has a kid?”
“I figured you already knew. It’s not exactly a secret, A.B. I’m happy you’re back, but… Maddox is family.”
“Enough said. I don’t want to put you in the middle. I thought maybe he and I could be friends, but I see I was kidding myself.”
“It took him years to get over you, but he had to move on. You made that choice for him the day you left.”
I hand him the script. “I know.”
With a reticent smile, he heads toward the door. “I hope the food poisoning passes soon. Thanks for your help today. Rae means the world to me.”
“Anytime. Make sure you set up an appointment for her before you leave.”
“Will do, Doc.”
I close the door behind him and sink to the floor. I knew it was going to be hard moving back here, but I could never have anticipated what it would feel like to see the evidence that Maddox truly got over what we had. He has a daughter. A sweet little girl who idolizes him, and who he is clearly besotted with. I always knew he would make a wonderful father—I just always thought I would be the one to give him children.
I realize in this moment, a small part of me, one I’d buried deep, still hoped we’d find each other again one day—that the love we shared was timeless. I know now, I never really got over Maddox Hale. And my penance for breaking his heart will be to witness the life and family he built in my absence. Jax is right—I made that choice for Mad the day I left. I only have myself to blame.
In fourteen years, no one has even come close to what I felt for Maddox Hale—what I feel. I lived with a college boyfriend for a few years, but in the end, he wanted more than I could offer. I don’t blame him for leaving—it takes a special person to support a doctor in training. Time is limited, and a social life is non-existent. He deserved to be my top priority, but I was married to my residency. That’s what I told myself. I didn’t want to face the facts—no man would ever hold my heart the way Maddox did. I compared every man I ever dated to him, and not one of them measured up.
Once you’ve felt what it is to be truly loved for who you are—a pale imitation will never be enough. I can fix broken bones, I can transplant a human heart—I’ve saved countless lives in my career, and yet, I can’t repair the damage I’ve done to my own heart. Maddox Hale has left a scar on my soul, and I will regret breaking his heart, until the day I die.
I traipse through the remainder of my day, immersing myself in the little things—over-treating every patient in an effort to atone for my somber demeanor. The most exciting ailment to enter my office, was a case of poison ivy. Maybe I made a mistake coming back here, but after what happened in New York, I couldn’t stay.
MADDOX
The appointment reminder pinned beneath Rae’s favorite watermelon fridge magnet, silently taunts me as I reach for the milk carton. It’s been a week since she fractured her arm. I think Jax and I have been worse off than her. After the first few days of discomfort, she was back to her usual self, laughing and joking—asking everyone she sees to sign her cast. Jax has been over every day, trying to assuage his guilt—not that I blame him. Accidents happen, and Rae is faster than a whippet. She’s family to Jax, and no matter what I say, I know he’s going to be beating himself up about this until it’s a distant memory to Rae.
A tiny whirlwind of enthusiasm—she comes barreling into the kitchen. “Mornin’, Daddy! Today is picture day. Am I pwetty?” She jumps into my arms, rubbing my scruff with her little hands.
“Well, hello, sunshine! Did Pops let you dress yourself?” I give him a knowing glance.
“Yes, sir.” She’s wearing pink jeans, with a red tutu over the top, and an orange t-shirt. I don’t have the heart to make her change, so I guess this is how we’re going to the doctor’s office.
I tried to make an appointment with the doc in the next town over, but Jax convinced me I need to get used to seeing Annabeth, and find a way to be civil. He’s right, I know he is… I can’t be travelling 20 miles in an emergency, just to avoid her. I’m a grown man for God’s sake and I would never put my needs before Rae’s. I might be stubborn as a mule at times, but when it comes to my baby girl, there’s nothing I won’t do for her. So, I’m sucking it up and taking her to see Annabeth.
“Get your shoes. We gotta leave in five minutes.” She scurries off, kissing my dad on the cheek as she goes. He looks a little off color this morning.
“You okay, old man?”
“Who you callin’ old? You’re the one who looks fit to puke. Why are you still letting this girl get to you after all these years?”
“I’m not.” I know I sound like a petulant child, but he can’t let anything lie. “It’s just a pain in the ass having to go into town, wait at least an hour for Rae to get her new cast, putting me behind with what I gotta get done today. Need to re-shoe all the horses.”
“Tell yourself whatever you need to, son.”
His snide tone riles me, like a fox in the chicken coup. “Just because you’re bitter and alone, doesn’t mean I’m going to be. I’ve moved on from Samantha, and Annabeth. I’m choosing to focus on my kid right now. Something you would never understand.” I leave him and go in search of Rae.
The waiting room is small and inviting, with toys to keep the kids amused, and magazines for the adults to blankly stare at. I stick to the social norm and grab a copy of Time, but old Mrs. Grayson ignores my blatant signal. “She’s such a cutie pie. Looks like her momma.” I nod with a tight smile—the recognition of Sam, an unwelcome surprise. “Does Sally Rae visit with her often?”
“You already know the answer, Mrs. Grayson.”
“That girl needs a momma in her life.”
Her comment irritates me. Usually I would let it roll off me, but not today. “We’re doing just fine.” My words are clipped, unable to contain my distaste. “Rae is perfectly happy.”
“Maybe, now that A.B. is back?” She lets her assumption linger in the air.
My rage twists and curls around it like a snake being charmed. “Now why would I want to find a replacement for Sam? Especially not a person who has demonstrated they can’t be trusted to stick around! There are no second chances!”
Her face pales as a small voice echoes through the waiting room. “Come on back, Rae. Let’s take a look at that arm of yours.” My eyes are drawn to the sight of her—eyes to the floor—her demeanor apprehensive. I don’t know how much she heard, but she knows I was talking about her—it’s written in the way she moves.
This is going to be about as comfortable as a rectal exam.
Rae’s hand slips into mine, clutching tight as we follow behind A.B. I can’t help but notice the sway
of her hips as she walks. “Daddy, don’t squeeze my hand.” I didn’t even realize my grip had tightened, my other hand balled into a fist, fighting for control over my reactions.
“Sorry, sunshine.” I swoop her up and carry her the rest of the way, distracting myself with silly jokes to make her laugh. She’s a little teary as A.B. removes the cast, ready for x-ray. A.B. and I haven’t said two words to each other. I haven’t even made eye contact. Everything is about my baby girl, and I don’t need to explain what she heard in the waiting room.
“Can I see the picture, docor?”
“Sure!” She presses a button, lighting a board on the far wall of her office. Securing the film in place, she beckons for Rae. “Come on over and I’ll show you.” I watch as my daughter bounds into her arms, careless of her injury. She cries out in pain, my natural instinct is to pull her to me, but I’m stopped in my tracks, dumbfounded as I watch… in terror. “Oh, sweetheart, are you okay? We’ve got to be careful with your arm until I get your new cast on.” A.B. rocks my daughter in her arms, brushing her hair from her face, before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “What color do you want today, Miss Hale?”
Through broken sobs, Rae replies. “Rain…bow.”
I hold my arms out to her. “Come to daddy, sunshine.”
She curls in close to A.B. “I wike docor cuddles. She smells wike flowers.”
I stumble back into my chair, overwhelmed by memories of her scent… the way she tasted when I…
“Daddy, Daddy! Look! That’s me.” She points to the x-ray, a clear fracture marring her little bone.
“It’s the prettiest x-ray I’ve ever seen.”
A.B. smiles, telling Rae what all the different bones are called, and showing her why it needs to heal. It breaks my heart to watch the two of them interact with such ease. I always imagined her and I would settle down and have a family together, and she would cradle our child in her arms. There’s a lump building in my throat, blocking the air to my lungs. I hate that I still look back with fondness, and regret I didn’t go after her when she left. I knew where she was. I could’ve followed her and maybe stood a chance at the life I always wanted. But, she made up her mind, and I wasn’t going to beg. “Rae, come to Daddy. Doc has to go and get the colors for your cast. We got business to attend to on the ranch. This ain’t a social call.”
