by M. V. Kasi
“Varun, please talk to me. You know I’d understand.”
Varun didn’t acknowledge her. She tried helping him as much as she could by making him channel his pain into something less destructive.
He stared at one of the dark blank walls. “He was on television this morning. At a children’s hospital. He had picked up a little boy who didn’t seem to be more than five years old. And…and he called him his ‘favorite little boy’.”
Varun used to be called that by him. He was on a smaller side when he was a child. And now at nearly twenty three, he was a strong, tall man. But he still felt weak and helpless.
She recalled one of Varun’s confessions that still got to her. It made her even more determined to exact vengeance on the monster who must have claimed souls of many other innocent children.
“You know what’s worse than having no one to ask for help?” Varun asked.
“What?” she asked softly.
“It’s having people who supposedly love you, not believing a word you say,” he replied.
He laughed bitterly. “My own mother wouldn’t believe me when I told her that the monster was abusing me. I didn’t know the word ‘rape’ at that time. I was only eight. I just kept telling her he hurt me, and touched me in ways I didn’t want him to.”
Sia listened to Varun even as guilt tore her up. Varun’s abuse began a year after her supposed fake death.
The monster must have needed a fresh new victim.
Varun looked at her with the similar torment she saw in the mirror on her own face, each day.
“I wanted to kill myself,” he stated. “I crashed my bike several times by riding into ongoing traffic. I jumped from the roof of the house. I even drank poison for heaven’s sake. But my parents kept brushing it off as childhood ‘accidents’ and ‘adventures’, and wouldn’t believe me. Soon I stopped telling them. What was the bloody use?”
She recalled her own experiences where most of her ‘accidental’ drug overdoses weren’t really accidents.
He smiled, although it was a tormented one. “The funny part was—that my parents were angry with me. For fighting in the school and getting into trouble. They couldn’t deal with my mood swings from being anxious and clingy. I was always in a rage and then self-destructive. It was a cry for help from their only child! I waited to be rescued, but no one ever came. No one!”
She had felt the same way.
She felt that if no one believed her, or protected her at that time, then maybe she wasn’t worth being protected. So she began to turn to abusing her own life instead.
Binge drinking, drugs, unprotected sex. Anything to blot out the trauma, and keep it within her nightmares.
“I’m not able to deal with what’s inside me, Sia. I need an outlet. Maybe it’s not a good idea for you to be around me today,” Varun murmured.
“I’m not leaving you alone, Varun. I told you several times that I understand you more than anyone else. I feel the same way as you.”
He laughed bitterly. “You? Miss Cool and Controlled?”
“That’s how we need to be at this time, Varun. It would bring us closer to achieving—”
“I know. You have told me before. I know you have it in you to succeed in our mission. But I don’t know if I can last that long. Or even want to last that long,” he said.
He picked a small pen knife and raised it over his wrist. “I feel so damn suffocated. I need to let this pressure out.”
When he raised the knife really high, like he would slash it with enough force to cause permanent harm, Sia ran closer to him, “Varun. Don’t!” she cried and held his wrist to stop him.
He froze. Completely. And then, he began to shudder. His entire body was going into a lockdown with his veins popping out of his muscles on his arms.
“Don’t touch me!” he shouted in agony.
She immediately raised her arms, and moved away, a few steps from him.
She began to plead with him.”I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But please, put down that knife. You promise me last time that you won’t hurt yourself until we see this through. Just give us some more time and we’ll be free.”
Varun was still trembling. He didn’t allow anyone to touch him. Ever. Not even his parents.
“One wrong touch, even if it’s for a brief time can destroy a child’s life forever,” Dr. Patel had said.
Varun was still panting from her touch. And then after several minutes, when he finally calmed down, he sat back on the bed with a sad hopeless look on his face.
“Free?” he asked. “Do you really think we can ever be free from all this Sia?”
She knew he was right. There was no way they can be magically free from their demons. But for his sake, she confidently stated, “Yes, Varun. There would be, and should be an end to this. Just promise me again you won’t do anything to yourself meantime. Promise me.”
Varun didn’t reply for a while, worrying her. But ultimately, he shook his head, looking resigned. “Okay, I promise.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, she sat down opposite to him, careful to maintain a distance.
“So you were able to slip in the tracker successfully?” he asked.
“Yes. Both as a pen and also into the lining of her emergency kit bag,” she replied.
And then, she began to tell him about the next steps in their action plan. She knew until the baby was born, there wasn’t going to be any sort of contact initiated with the Naidu family, but now with a GPS tracker, there were several other things she needed to put in place before everything blew over.
CHAPTER TWENTY
IT HAD BEEN four days since Ajay had been gone and the house seemed even lonelier. Even though they hadn’t interacted much, she was used to seeing him about. In the downstairs living room, or in the kitchen or in the garden.
Mostly he was exercising or simply laughing out loud, and talking to people over the phone, gesturing with his hands.
Yes. She had been creepily spying on her own husband. Because she loved watching him and listening to his voice. Even though, sometimes she had wondered why the hell she ended up picking him. Especially when she knew he would be a huge distraction to her.
“I need a temporary husband who would father my child within a year. And it has to appear real in every possible way. The DNA tests, wedding certificates. Everything. I don’t want to take any chances.”
A day ago, Varun had gotten hold of some crucial documents related to the Naidu estate while snooping through his father’s office. Those documents were a game changer.
“Do you have any particular candidate in mind?” Varun asked her quietly.
Immediately Ajay’s smiling face flashed in her mind.
“No. I don’t have anyone in mind. I need your help with the vetting and the background checks of some guys that I will soon short list.”
She had deliberately left out Ajay’s name from that list. Because she knew that she couldn’t remain cold-blooded with him, and kick him out when the date of use had expired. For some reason, she lost all rational thought when it came to him.
But it was too bad that she ended up losing all her rational thought anyway, the night she had decided to get herself impregnated by him.
Sighing, she went into the media room, and selected a video to watch. It was a wedding video that had been uploaded on a public domain by some random excited couple.
As the video played on the huge screen, she sat back and watched the camera’s lens zooming in on a handsome man’s face. It was lit up, and he looked happy, and excited as his bride slowly approached him, and sat in front of him.
She felt the same rush and excitement as the bride on the video. Because no one had ever cherished her or made her feel wanted. Her past conquests definitely didn’t. Maybe if she wasn’t using them or trusted them a little, they could have.
But someone with her kind of past stood no chance whatsoever to trust someone enough to get close or connect to them in anyway. And even though she ha
d used and abused her own life, she had also yearned for someone to trust and love for so long that she began to experience in a weirdly vicarious way.
Watching the screen as the happy couple tied the knot while stealing glances at each other, her heart twisted in intense longing. Not the marriage, but what it was supposed to represent. A beautiful bond between two people who wanted to spend their life with each other.
A resemblance of some kind of normalcy. With a soul-mate.
It was pretty ironic that she was called a soulless person all her life by various people, while she had been secretly craving a soul-mate, who would look beyond the damaged person and love her for who she was. Someone whom she could trust implicitly and lose her heart to. Someone who could complete the void she felt as she simply existed.
She continued to watch the wedding video of people she didn’t know, soaking up their excitement and emotions like a sponge. She looked at the groom’s face as watched his now new wife adoringly as she looked back at him shyly.
She knew her own wedding was nowhere close to any of the videos she had watched over the years. And also that her groom didn’t have an enthralled look on his face as he gazed at her. Far from it. He looked like he wanted to kill and bury her where no one would find her.
But it hadn’t always been that way with Ajay.
She recalled their night together when she conceived their baby. The warmth of his body and his kisses. At one point during the night when they were exhausted and made slow love, she had even pretended that he was kissing her because he liked her, and wanted to spend his life with someone like her.
Shivering slightly at the memories, she slowly went towards his room.
It was unlocked.
Opening the door, she peered about curiously. The room was slightly messy. And so, she automatically began to straighten it due to her compulsions.
Order was dependable. She had always felt that the cleanliness on the outside covered up all the disgusting flaws that infiltrated the insides.
She went towards one of the chairs where there was a discarded shirt, and picked it up. She inhaled deeply as it still smelled slightly of the cologne Ajay had used. Her heart beat began to pick up in speed, and hot thoughts raced through her mind as she ran her fingers slowly along the length of the soft cotton shirt.
You shouldn’t.
What’s the harm?
You are so pathetic!
I know. But who would know and who really cares?
True…
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
AJAY ARRIVED HOME around midnight. He was pretty tired and wanted to go straight to bed. As he climbed up the stairs and went closer to his room, he began to hear some noises being emitted from there. Alert, he threaded softly and stood outside the door.
His bedroom door wasn’t closed all the way, and he pushed it open very slowly.
Looking at the sight in front of him, his body went from being tired to instantly and painfully aroused, all within a fraction of a second.
Sia was lying on his bed with her eyes closed.
But she was definitely awake. And she didn’t know that he was there. Probably because of the air-conditioning sound or maybe because she was too lost in her own world.
Her back was arched slightly, and she was wearing one of his unbuttoned shirts over lacy bra and panties. And one of her hands was inside her panties.
He had never seen anything as hot as his wife touching herself while she lay on his bed and wore his clothes, hopefully thinking about him.
Slowly, he went closer to her, in hopes of not disturbing her, or scaring her. He could make out from the noises that she was making, that she was having a tough time achieving what she wanted to do, all by herself.
He was pretty glad. Especially since he had spent equal number of frustrated nights during their two months of marriage.
She didn’t register his presence until he stood next to the bed, to watch her from much closer. A few tensed seconds later, her eyes flew open, and she gasped out loud in surprise seeing him.
Her entire body froze, including the fingers that had disappeared inside her panties. There was just enough soft light coming from the night lamps in the room to observe that she was quite stunned being caught.
He didn’t care, and neither did he want to apologize. Dropping his bag on the floor with a gentle thud, he slowly lowered himself next to her on the bed.
She didn’t move, or scream, as he stretched out next to her, and settled with his head propped on his hand. He ran his eyes over her body, starting from her curled toes, to her slightly spread legs, lingering especially on her fingers that had disappeared inside.
His hungry eyes also took in her curves that were laid bare to him under his spread shirt, along with a barely there skimpy bra. With great difficulty, he dragged his eyes up to meet hers.
“Having fun without me?” he asked huskily.
She started at his words as though they broke her trance. And she jerked out her hand from her lacy panties.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered.
He smiled. “I live here. Did you forget about me so soon?” he asked, running a finger along her hip.
She shivered at the contact, making him go almost insane. He had to control himself with a great amount of restraint to not roll on top of her, rip those useless panties, and then be buried deep inside her, until they both found release to blow away their frustration.
“I meant, why are you home here this early? You weren’t supposed to be back for another two days,” she said with a slightly accusing tone.
He smiled, even though it must have looked like a pained grimace. “Something came up and I had to return earlier than planned. And I’m so glad I did that,” he said huskily as he trailed his finger over her stomach, and then along the underside of her breasts.
Her body shook with the contact. And when she didn’t object or say anything, his finger got even bolder. He moved it downwards, grazing the soft skin of her stomach, along her panty line, and then along the soft skin of her upper thighs, but deliberately avoiding and not touching where she actually wanted it.
She arched her back even higher, making frustrated noises, until his teasing finger finally moved up, and then disappeared into her panties. She gasped out loudly again. And her eyes fluttered close, and her breathing quickened as he slowly stroked her soft, wet flesh.
He began moving his finger deeper, making her hips arch greedily as she held his hand captive with hers. She didn’t really have to do that since his hand was more than happy to be where it was.
“Do you want me?” he asked her in a guttural voice, as he leaned towards her, and began to trail soft, biting kisses along her jaw, and then along her throat.
Her body told him that she wanted him. But he needed to hear those words from her mouth.
But she didn’t reply and continued to move her hips along with his finger.
“Answer me, Sia. Do you want me?” he asked and slowed his finger to a still.
Her eyes flew open, and immediately one of her hands that had grabbed his wrist, began to move it with her nails digging into his skin, while she watched him in desperation. But the effect wasn’t the same and she whimpered in frustration.
“Do you want me?” he asked her again.
She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling as she looked torn between wanting to admit that she wanted him or simply lie that she didn’t care.
The truth won.
“Yes. I want you,” she replied finally.
He smiled again. “Good,” he said, and resumed his exploration, adding another finger, making her gasp and moan out loud as her eyes rolled over. He moved on top of her, balancing his weight with his other free hand as he watched her from up close.
As usual, she looked breathtaking. And soon her gasps and moans took over the room, getting him overheated.
“Ajay…please, I need…” she moaned out as her eyes opened to lock on his with a pleading l
ook.
Based on the desperate look on her face, he knew that she was pretty close to her release. And so, holding her gaze, he pressed his thumb to her nub and rubbed gently. It was enough to push her off the edge. She clenched around his fingers tightly, her body arching so high, he almost thought she would buck him off.
The beautiful sight of his wife coming with just his fingers, felt like one of the most intense sexual experiences he ever had.
Even though he hadn’t come, feelings of possessiveness overwhelmed him as she shuddered under him and around his fingers. He wanted to be the only one to see her like this. And he wanted to be the only one who could make her feel like this. Just him and no one else. Ever.
But according to the marriage contract her lawyer had sent to him to sign, their marriage was only supposed to be a temporary one. And after their baby was born, they would divorce eventually, and she would probably find someone else to satisfy her needs.
She could not be his. And she didn’t even want to be his.
So before his foolish thoughts led him to a dangerous territory, he reluctantly withdrew his hands from her and rolled away from her to sit up on the bed.
She was lying still, with her eyes closed, as her breathing began to calm gradually. Then slowly, her eyes opened and met his.
He watched her calmly as she got up hurriedly from his bed. Then she removed his shirt and threw it away on a chair with some of his other clothes.
The sight of her near naked body almost drove him to the edge, and he was about to grab her and pull her back into the bed. But her next words stilled his hands and legs.
“This was a mistake. I want you to completely forget about what just happened tonight and never mention it or discuss this topic again,” she stated.
And then, not making any eye contact with him, she all but ran out of his room, shutting the door behind her.
He was both completely pissed and extremely horny.
