by Bart King
1,570 feet
98 feet
660 feet
The Comet is famous for two things. First, this superhero could fly after he injected gas into his body. The second thing the Comet is famous for is...
leaving SBDs everywhere he streaked.
being the first superhero to die on the job.
(See answers below.[4])
The Science of Flying
Of all the flying superheroes, scientists agree there’s one whose flying technique would actually work. Which one?
Angel (of the X-Men) with his giant wings.
Superman’s ability to rocket off the ground.
Thor’s method of throwing his hammer, hanging onto it, and flying off into the distance.
The correct answer is c. Thor really could fly because of momentum—the force of a moving object. Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir, is really, really heavy. So when Thor spins Mjolnir around and then throws it, the hammer has crazy momentum.
The important thing is for the Thunder God to hang onto his flying hammer’s strap. As long as he does, this method works like a Norse charm! (But I always wondered—what would happen if Thor used a different tool, like a screwdriver?)
Fun with Norse: The translation of Mjolnir is “thing that smashes.” (And the Old Norse term for “badass” is vándr bacraut!)
Landing!
What goes up, must come down. So now it’s time to talk about landing.
Sure, you could gently drop from the air and then just walk off. But your fans expect more from you! So try this. As you come down, drop one leg and keep your arms outstretched. Then as your other leg comes down, you can crouch and look up dramatically. This turns an ordinary landing into something with pizzazz.
If you’re a nonflying superhero, you’ll still be jumping down from places—and you need to know how to land on a solid surface. For short jumps, hold your body like a coiled spring. Then as you land, stay relaxed, breathe out, and don’t lock your ankles or knees. Make sure to land on the balls of both of your feet.
For higher jumps, use the parachute landing fall (PLF). This is a special way to use your body like a shock absorber, so that you’re less likely to get hurt.
You can practice the PLF with a short drop (like, a foot high!) onto a soft surface. The basic idea is to hit and immediately roll.
Look straight ahead. Tense your legs and bend your knees, holding them tightly together. Tuck your elbows against your sides. Make two fists and hold them to the sides of your face. (Yes, this looks weird.)
Jump, but don’t scream. I know, parachutists yell “Geronimo!” as they jump. But that translates to “One who yawns,” and what you’re doing isn’t boring.
As you fall, keep your legs bent, and your knees and ankles together. Don’t point your toes down, unless you’re jumping into water.
As soon as you touch the ground, tuck your chin to your chest and bring your knees up. At the same time, twist your whole body to the side. Remember, your knees are still bending—the idea is not to let one part of your body take all of the impact. So you want to hit and roll!
As you twist to the side and fall, the outside of your calf will hit the ground, followed by your upper thigh. Keep rolling! The next thing to hit will be your butt, and as it hits, keep rolling. As your legs swing up into the air, the last thing to hit will be your side and back.
Congratulations! You just fell down.
Pop Quiz
Superhero Nutrition!
On Earth, Superman gets nutrition and energy from the rays of our sun. This means that he...
Goes through a lot of suntan oil.
Rarely goes to the bathroom.
Can eat, but doesn’t really need to.
Uses his cape for a solar panel.
(See answer below.[5])
Soup-erman!
Bravery
I think one word tells you more about being a superhero than any other.
No, not “crackers.” Bravery! Yep, being brave proves you’re superhero material. But in today’s supersafe world, when do we even get a chance to be brave?
All the time! If you pet a ferocious, kibble-eating puppy, you’re brave. If you resist peer pressure, you’re brave. And if you lick the top of a battery even though it feels weird, you’re super brave.
But one of the coolest (and silliest!) acts of courage you can do is...
Superpower Activity
Defy the Hailstorm!
Supplies: Hail, a big plastic bowl.
Nothing is more terrifying to nonheroes than hail. You can tell this by the way they flee indoors during hailstorms.
Sure, hail pellets can sting. But the odds are very low that they’ll actually injure you. And that gives you a chance to be brave!
When you see a hailstorm, quickly put on some rain gear.
Then grab a big plastic mixing bowl from the kitchen.
As you go outside, cover your head with the bowl, like a helmet.
Now listen! The sound of the “magical” ice hitting your helmet is awesome. And all the nonheroes in your neighborhood will be amazed at your bravery!
Note: If there’s any lightning, don’t defy the hailstorm. (Lightning is also the reason you use a plastic bowl and not a metal one!)
Of course, the best kind of bravery is the kind that helps others. And one way for you to develop this courage might be by playing video games.
I know, it seems crazy. But some scientists asked, “What if kids played superhero video games, and their characters rescued others from danger?” So they ran an experiment! And it turns out that playing video games like this made the players more helpful in real life. In other words, after pretending to be a good superhero, kids were more likely to act like a good superhero.
What does that mean for you? If you don’t feel brave, just pretend you are anyway. And after a while, you’ll believe it.
Superpower Activity
“Mission Accomplished”
Supplies: Bravery, traffic.
The time will come when you save someone. Maybe you’ll slap a bottle of poison out of a toddler’s hand. Or maybe you’ll slap a stick of lit dynamite from a miner’s glove. All I know is that there will be slapping!
Or not. For example, once I saved a person’s life. I was standing at a street corner and a bicyclist came up and started pedaling into the street.
“Look out!” I yelled. And the biker stopped just as a bus roared past us.
“I think you just saved my life!” the biker said gratefully.
Now here’s what I wish I’d done—I wish I’d taken out my cell phone and said, “Mission accomplished.”
Then I’d have quickly walked away, leaving the biker to wonder what kind of superhero I was.
So keep your eyes open and be alert. That way you’ll eventually be able to save someone’s life—and blow their mind at the same time!
Making Your Getaway
Say you just completed a good deed. Great! Now old ladies want to thank you and children are trying to give you high fives. But here’s some advice: get out of there!
Trust me, you should not stick around. I mean, imagine Batman just caught a criminal. He’s not going to give him a ride to the police station, chat with the cops, and then go to the court trial. Batman is mysterious. This is good for his secret identity, and it gives him more superhero cred, too. (Plus, it’s illegal for witnesses to wear masks in court!)
So as you wrap up a case, write down what happened, and include any photos or other evidence you’ve got. Then leave that stuff with the criminal, whom I’m sure you can trust to give it to the police when they arrive!
Did you know that the Chameleon was the first supervillain Spider-Man ever faced? This bad guy actually dressed up as Spider-Man to commit crimes.
After Spider-Man helped the police catch the Chameleon, something odd happened. As the supervillain was dragged off to jail, Spider-Man ran off, crying, “Nothing turns out right...” *sob*
That’s right, Sp
ider-Man bawled after his first big adventure. How shocking! That’s not how a superhero acts. Of course, superheroes have been known to behave in some pretty weird ways. Just look at—
The Seven Strangest-Acting Superheroes!
Antennae Lad. Double-Header. Porcupine Pete. Infectious Lass. These are just a few of the heroes whose odd abilities make us scratch our heads. And here are seven of the very strangest:
The Red Bee carries a “stinger gun” equipped with knockout darts. More amazingly, this superhero keeps a small hive of special bees in his utility belt. Then when trouble shows, the Red Bee releases the bees!
Hydroman can turn his body into water. Then he hides in streams, puddles, or water pipes. And when the watery superhero needs to stop a criminal, he just drowns him! (But not to death.)
One weird thing about Diaper Man is that he’s a toddler, not a man. Also, Diaper Man’s main weapon is a bottle. He can squirt his baby formula out of it like a fire hose, or just swing the bottle as a club!
Billy Moon combined his excellent roller-skating skills with martial arts to become Skateman. And his sidekick—a kid named Paco—is a champion skateboarder. (This is actually sort of cool, now that I think about it!)
There is one hero made from five people. See, when quintuplet brothers named Han, Chang, Lin, Sun, and Ho need to fight crime, they dog pile onto each other to combine into one superhero: Collective Man!
Squirrel Girl has squirrel power. (Surprise!) So she has really quick reflexes, small claws, and a tail. Also, Squirrel Girl can communicate with squirrels. And her sidekick is a squirrel. If that sounds like a wussy superpower, it shouldn’t—Squirrel Girl has defeated villains like Doctor Doom!
The Eye did not have a costume or a secret identity. The Eye did not have a job or even a body. The Eye was just a giant eye. It did have superpowers, though. These included the ability to shrink, fly, shoot power rays, and—even though it didn’t have a mouth—the power to yell.
When a crime was committed, the Eye floated into view and yelled, “I AM THE EYE! The Eye! To whom time and distance are nothing—who bares a man’s thoughts and pierces his conscience! The Eye’s powers are limitless—his vengeance is terrible!”
Scared? Don’t be. I’m pretty sure you could keep the Eye away by poking it with a sharp stick.
* * *
[4] Answers: 1. c; 2. b.
[5] Answer: b and c.
Becoming a Superhero!
Hey, you know what? Maybe superpowers are overrated. Just look at the Whizzer. His superpower is being able to pee for a long time. Big deal![6]
And then there’s Batman. He’s the most popular superhero ever. And do you know what Batman’s superpowers are?
He’s rich.
He’s smart.
He’s a really good athlete.
Not very impressive, is it? Heck, I’ve got those three superpowers.
Okay, maybe two out of three.
Fine, fine, just the one then. I’m a really good athlete. (You should see me play checkers!) Anyway, with or without superpowers, the life of a hero is pretty awesome. For one thing, being a good role model for children is great for your self-esteem!
But how do you become a superhero? It’s not always fun. For instance, the Spectre was a policeman who died and returned to Earth in a green and white costume. The Spectre’s superpower? He was dead. (Yay.)
Then there’s Fred Parrish. He got struck by lightning. Then Fred was put on a plane to get expert medical help—and the plane got hit by lightning.
It crashed near a secret underground lab. There, a scientist found Fred in the plane’s wreckage. To save Fred’s life, the scientist dosed him with radiation. And this gave Fred superpowers. And that’s how he became the superhero called the Blue Bolt!
So you could follow Fred’s simple steps:
Get hit by lightning + Get hit by lightning + Plane crash + Radiation = Superhero
But there’s got to be an easier way. Sure, you could read this entire book. But who has that kind of time? So try one of the following methods...
Become an Orphan
Lots of big-shot superheroes—like Superman, Captain America, and Spider-Man—are orphans. So bummer for you if you’re already stuck with parents!
As for Batman, did you know that Bruce Wayne’s parents got murdered in a place called Crime Alley? (I’m thinking that this was probably not the safest spot for them to hang out.)
The more you know, the less you don’t! Going to a superhero party? Be sure never to ask anyone this question: “Hey, how are your parents doing?”
Read a Lot
After a shipwreck, a kid named Johnny Jones got marooned on an island. For years, his only companions were the hundreds of books that washed ashore with them. So Johnny read them all. And that made him a genius.
After his rescue, Johnny became a superhero known as Genius Jones. Outfitted with a cape and crash helmet, he used his mental powers to fight evil. Or as Genius put it, he “expunges and exterminates espionage and incarcerates intriguers.”
Handicap? Shm-andicap!
Professor X is confined to a wheelchair. Tony Stark has no heart. And one of my favorite superheroes, Daredevil, is blind! If a disability like that doesn’t slow him down, it raises the question: what is a handicap, anyway?
Superpower Activity
Use Your Four Senses!
Supplies: A really good blindfold, a sidekick.
Most people rely heavily on their eyesight. But what if that were taken away? Can you develop your smell, hearing, touch, and even taste to be more “super”?
Make a blindfold out of a bandanna, handkerchief, or T-shirt. Be sure to fold it so that you can’t see anything. After you are “blind,” try to accomplish some simple tasks. (Oh, and be sure to walk slowly and carefully!) Some possibilities:
Go to the bathroom and wash your hands.
Get something to eat. (But don’t try cooking!)
Draw a map of where you are.
Try to catch foam balls that your sidekick throws to you. (This is going to be really fun for your sidekick!)
Don’t give up on this too quickly! Use your other senses to help you get around. It can be done—and the better you are at using all of your senses, the better superhero you’ll be.
Take Your Vitamins
Steve Rogers was a skinny nobody. Then he got a dose of Vita-Rays and became Captain America. And the Blue Beetle got his superpowers by drinking something called Vitamin 2X (“Good for you but death to the forces of injustice!”).
Sadly, neither product is around today. So stick to chewable vitamins!
Pop Quiz
Performance Enhancers!
True or false: Batman was once addicted to steroids.
(See answer below.[7])
Have a Rotten Childhood
If you do have parents, hopefully they’re totally useless. After all, parental neglect is how Professor X and Blade got their starts!
Oh, but are your parents human? If not, you might be in luck. Superheroes like Wolverine and Hellboy didn’t have human parents. And look at how well they turned out!
Get Bombarded with Cosmic Rays
Dr. Reed Richards was an average genius rocket scientist. Then he flew into outer space with his girlfriend (Sue Storm), a fellow scientist (Ben Grimm), and Sue’s brother, Johnny. And the four of them got bombarded by cosmic rays from distant stars!
These rays changed Reed’s body. Now he could stretch or squish it any way he wanted. He became Mr. Fantastic, the leader of the Fantastic Four! The cosmic rays changed the other three members of the group too, turning them into the Invisible Girl, the Thing, and the Human Torch.
But if all four people were hit by the same rays, why didn’t they all get the same superpowers? Never mind!
Fantastic Fact: The further Mr. Fantastic stretches, the weaker his muscles get. So there’s a limit to how far Mr. Fantastic can stretch his body: five hundred yards.
Superpower Activity
Work on Your Balance!
Supplies: Slackline (30-100 feet), two sidekicks, two light dumbbells.
A slackline is a lot like a tightrope. But a slackline is actually sort of flat (not round) and isn’t pulled super tight.
Get your hands on a slackline and tie it between two decent-sized trees. Adjust it so that when you step in the middle of the slackline, it’s no more than twelve inches off the ground.
Hold a light dumbbell or other weight in each hand. These will help you balance.
Have your two sidekicks help you mount the slackline in its middle.
Put one foot in front of the other. Keep your weight on your back leg. Hold your arms out for balance. Don’t look down. Instead, look forward.
