Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star

by Heather Lynn Rigaud

  Richard’s eyes flared. “No! Charlotte! You of all people should know that!” He grabbed her hand and held it tightly. “You know as well as anyone that I can get sex anywhere, but I came here because I want to be with you.”

  “But what am I to you?” she asked, her eyes demanding the truth. “Tell me, what am I? Where do I stand?”

  He took the question with a seriousness that was atypical for him. “You are my friend, Charlotte. You are someone I enjoy being with. You laugh at my jokes, you tolerate my constant drumming, and you are someone I enjoy having sex with.” He paused, thinking. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Charlotte, and I see that I have. If I misunderstood or misled you, I’m sorry.”

  “No,” she said quickly. “No, you have always been,” she took a deep breath, “very direct. It’s me.”

  “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” he asked cautiously.

  Charlotte looked down again. “No, it’s nothing, I was just trying to make more of something than it is.”

  “Charlotte,” he said, his voice unguarded, “don’t put our relationship down. You are very special to me. You are one of the closest friends I have, and I really love being with you.”

  Charlotte looked at him carefully, studying his open face, fully admitting all his strengths and limitations.

  “I hurt you, didn’t I?” he asked softly.

  Charlotte wasn’t able to keep eye contact. “No, I hurt myself.”

  “I’m sorry, really I am. But I can’t be what I’m not. It would be worse for both of us if I tried.”

  She grinned sadly and nodded. “I know.”

  Richard looked uncomfortable and started to move. “I better go then.”

  “Wait,” she said in a firm, quiet voice. “Wait a moment. You don’t have to leave.”

  He frowned. “Are you sure?”

  She frowned thoughtfully. “I’m sure. Look, Richard, I know I can’t have you for myself. Hell,” she shrugged, “I’m not sure I would want you all to myself.” She looked at him and smiled briefly. “But I do know that I like it when I’m with you. I like the way I feel when I’m with you, and I would rather have some time with you than not at all.”

  Richard looked at her silently for a long time, assessing what she had said, his face expressionless as he tried to cope with feelings that were both surprising and disturbing. He didn’t understand why he felt so needy or threatened.

  After a minute Charlotte smiled gently at him. “Would you still like some company for the night?”

  Richard nodded slowly. “Yes, very much so,” he said in a low whisper. He realized that perversely he was seeking comfort in the place that was troubling him the most, and he was amused at the irony of it.

  “Come on,” said Charlotte, rising, “I think we should go to your suite. I don’t think Lizzy would like hearing us in the middle of the night.”

  Richard grinned wickedly, his good spirits returning. “Oh, I have a way of keeping you quiet.”

  Charlotte grinned back, recognizing the sexy tone of his voice. “And what might that be?” she asked provocatively.

  “Why, by putting something in your mouth, of course.”

  “Oh,” Charlotte sighed, her voice deep and breathy, “I think I like that idea.”

  ***

  Long Borne Suffering and Alex left early the next morning, long before the regular morning meeting. They were flying to NYC, where they would do Top 20, and then they would return that evening. Charles and Caroline had been the only ones to see them off; everyone else on the tour was still in bed.

  Charles turned from waving at the departing limo and faced Caroline. “No point in going back to bed. Would you like to get some coffee?”

  Caroline smiled. Time alone with Charles was always a rare commodity on tour and lately it had become nonexistent, due to all the time he was spending with Jane. Together they walked to the empty dining room, filled their cups, and sat down.

  “It will be weird having the morning meeting without them. I’m amazed at how quickly they’ve become part of the group,” Caroline said easily.

  “Yeah,” Charles smiled his Jane smile. “They’re pretty special.”

  Caroline looked at him, understanding everything he said and didn’t say. “You seem happy.”

  “I am,” he answered thoughtfully. “Happier than I’ve ever been before.” He smiled at his sister. “And I have you to thank for finding her.”

  Caroline smiled, but it never reached her eyes. “Oh, I wanted to tell you before I forgot. I heard from Dad’s lawyer. They have set a date for his hearing.”

  Charles face became serious immediately as he nodded.

  “We’re lucky. It’s right after Georgie’s graduation, so we’ll be off that week. We can help him move back home and get settled in. I talked to Darcy and it’s all set.”

  “Do you think he’s going to get parole?”

  Caroline nodded confidently. “I spoke to his lawyer and he assured me he would. It’s pretty standard in cases like his.”

  Charles released a long sigh. “Good.”

  “Charles,” Caroline said, her tone uneasy, “don’t tell anyone.”

  He stared into her eyes, “You mean Jane?”

  Caroline looked down and nodded. “Darcy said it’s too soon, and I agree with him. We have worked too hard to keep this quiet and I don’t want this hitting the press right now, not when Dad’s about to be released.”

  Charles frowned and nodded. “You’re right,” he agreed unhappily. He studied his sister. “How are you doing?”

  Caroline smiled with false brightness. “I’m good. The tour is doing well, and I’m good.”

  Charles’s face told her he didn’t believe her at all. “It’s hard, isn’t it?”

  Caroline nodded her head, her lips pressed tightly together. She was slightly surprised that Charles had noticed. She thought nothing penetrated the Jane fog, but this was Charles, the person who knew her better than anyone else. “It’s hard,” she admitted. “I mean, I,” she paused, “I knew he didn’t care for me like that, that he never would, but at least I had the consolation of there being no one else.” She took a sip of coffee. “Now I have to watch him be completely obsessed with her, and it’s hard.”

  “You know he doesn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “I know. That makes it all the worse. He’s completely oblivious to it, to me.” She grinned mirthlessly. “And the sad thing is, I can’t even hate her. I tried, but she’s too nice. Stupid, but nice.”

  Charles shared her quick smile. “What do you think is holding them back?” he asked conversationally.

  “She is,” Caroline shrugged. “He is completely gonzo over her, but she doesn’t seem to be aware of it. Hell, half the time she seems downright hostile toward him.”

  “When she’s not staring at him.”

  “Right,” Caroline agreed with a grin.

  “Do you think it could be denial?”

  “Maybe,” Caroline replied tentatively. “I think a part of her is afraid to admit that she has feelings for him, because she doesn’t know where it might lead.”

  Charles mulled over this. “It’s scary to fall in love, sometimes. You have to give yourself over to someone, and that takes a lot of trust.”

  Caroline observed him, knowing he wasn’t talking strictly about Lizzy and Darcy.

  “But what about you?” he asked, bringing the conversation around. “Are you going to be okay?”

  Caroline reached out and touched his hand. “I’m fine,” she told him sincerely. “Who knows, maybe this is the best thing. Maybe now I’ll be able to get over this unrequited shit and find a man who actually knows I exist.”

  Charles put his arm around her and pulled her close. He knew she was exaggerating; Darcy knew she existed, and that made it all the more painful that he couldn’t love her.

  ***

  Elizabeth hadn’t seen Collins since his “proposition,” and she wondered how he would act when he saw her
again. She didn’t know exactly what happened when he left the tour the week before. She never asked Darcy for the details and he didn’t volunteer them. She worried that Collins would be hostile toward her, or worse, but she didn’t have a choice, so she just hoped for the best and went ahead.

  At the studio offices they were met by Nancy, the stylist who had designed their look for the tour. While Alex met with people from the marketing department, the women spent the next two hours trying on new clothes, hairstyles, and makeup.

  When they emerged shortly after noon, Alex announced that he had a surprise for them. He took them to the top floor of the building and into a beautiful dining room with a breathtaking view of the city. The room was elegantly furnished, with a certain overblown quality that made Elizabeth think of the phrase “gilding the lily.”

  There they saw an older woman sitting with Anne de Bourgh in a large, heavy chair at a huge, dark cherry table. Bill Collins stood nearby, as if waiting on the tiny woman, and was talking in an obsequious tone when he noticed them.

  “Oh, there they are!” he smiled patronizingly. He came behind the girls and escorted them to the old woman, who observed them with silent majesty.

  “This is Lizzy, Jane, and Charlotte, and of course, Alex Lucas, their manager,” Collins said grandly. “Ladies, may I have the exquisite pleasure of introducing you to Lady Catherine de Bourgh.”

  Elizabeth’s face revealed none of the surprise she felt. This tiny, shriveled creature, with her carefully styled silver hair and conservative suit, this was the Gorgon that terrorized an entire industry?

  She nodded to them once, then said in a crisp tone, “Elizabeth, I’d like you to sit beside me.” Her voice was surprisingly strong and lightly accented. Elizabeth began to get a hint of the power she wielded.

  Elizabeth took the offered seat, which Collins had nearly fallen over himself to get to and pull out for her, and smiled politely to the woman. “It’s nice to meet you, Lady Catherine.”

  She was intrigued by the careful treatment she was receiving. Lady de Bourgh was always spoken of with awe and, sometimes, flat-out fear, and yet despite Catherine’s obviously expensive tastes and imposing manner, Elizabeth had seen nothing frightening about her. Jane and Charlotte sat farther down the table, maintaining a cowed silence.

  The men were seated and an elegant lunch was served. Although the tone of the conversation was deliberately kept light, Lady Catherine grilled the women about their backgrounds and their experiences on the tour, demanding to know the slightest details about their history. During this time, Collins maintained a running commentary, complimenting Lady Catherine on everything she said. His blatant sucking up disgusted Elizabeth, but Lady Catherine seemed to enjoy it, for all the marginal attention she paid to him.

  When lunch was finished, Lady Catherine affected a subtle change in manner that caught Elizabeth’s attention. “Elizabeth, would you please come with me.” She rose from the table and moved slowly yet smoothly to the other side of the room and stood in front of the large window.

  Elizabeth shared a look with Alex and joined her. “I have heard a great deal about you,” Catherine said directly. “You should know that I follow what is happening with the tour very closely. Not only is Slurry my most profitable act but I am also quite fond of the band.” Elizabeth was distracted for a moment with the impossible image of Richard hanging out with Lady Catherine behind the tour bus, sharing a cigarette.

  “I was deeply concerned when your sister was injured.” Catherine’s eyes flicked to Jane and then back to Elizabeth. “But I was highly impressed by the way you were able to step in and take control of the set. That shows a professionalism and competency that is all too rare in this business.” She stopped and waited imperially for Elizabeth’s reaction.

  “Thank you, Lady Catherine,” Elizabeth answered politely. She was pleased to be receiving this attention from the head of the studio, but she wasn’t going to fawn over the woman. “I believe there are many individuals who are merely in need of an opportunity to demonstrate their talents. I was happy for the chance to perform, but I have no doubt that Jane would have done just as well, had the situation been reversed.” She smiled politely to the old woman.

  “Indeed,” Catherine observed. This was clearly not the response she was expecting. “Nevertheless, you did a great service, as the ‘hero’ of the day. Perhaps you’ve given some thought to a solo career?”

  “You can’t expect me to say such a thing in front of my band mates,” Elizabeth replied, observing the similarities between Lady Catherine’s and Collins’s thoughts. “And in any case, I really don’t want a solo career. I enjoy playing with my band. They are my closest friends and my greatest source of support. Beyond that, I believe that cooperatively we are able to create more interesting and enjoyable music than I ever could by myself.”

  Catherine’s faded blue eyes stared at Elizabeth’s, measuring her. “You seem quite confident, Elizabeth. That is also very rare in a young woman such as yourself.”

  Elizabeth wasn’t at all certain that she had received a compliment; she looked pointedly at where Jane and Charlotte were talking to Anne and said, “Not in this room, Lady Catherine.”

  Lady Catherine walked back to her chair as she studied Elizabeth, ignoring the drone of praise that was coming from Collins. It seemed that she was resolving an issue in her head. Satisfied, she said, “Well, it’s been delightful to meet you all. I hope you have a pleasant afternoon and I’m certain we’ll have an opportunity to meet again.” And with that they were dismissed.

  Mr. Collins showed them to the elevator but did not get on with them; instead he returned to Lady Catherine’s side. As the doors closed, Elizabeth could see Catherine speaking into his ear, while they were both staring at her.

  ***

  Waiting in the Top 20 green room, Elizabeth was bored to tears. Jane was chatting politely with a production assistant, and Charlotte was flipping through a magazine. Elizabeth reflected that while she loved touring and the performing it brought, she had never done so much waiting in her life as she had in the last month. She thought about Slurry and how they had spent the better part of the last four years touring and wondered how they managed to stay sane.

  She was pleased when the door opened and Alex came in, but that pleasure was short lived as Bill Collins followed him. Relief flowed through her when Collins ignored her and sat next to Charlotte.

  “I have good news,” Alex told her as he took the empty seat beside her, his hazel eyes dancing.

  “What?”

  “Guess who is shooting a video next month?”

  Elizabeth’s eyes flared open. “Us?”

  Alex smiled and nodded. “Collins just told me.” He leaned closer and said in a low voice, “It’s for ‘Can’t Stop Me,’ Lizzy. Your song.”

  Elizabeth gasped in surprise. After her meeting with Catherine, she suspected she was out of favor with the studio. “Oh my God!” she cried. “I can’t believe it!”

  “Believe it, Lizzy,” Alex told her happily. “I’ve just signed the contract for a two-video deal. The tour has the three-day break next month and we’ll shoot the first one then.”

  Elizabeth smiled brilliantly and hugged Alex then excitedly discussed the details until it was time for them to go on.

  ***

  Saturday night found them in Chicago for the first of two dates. The bands had settled into an easy routine; Jane and Charles lived days of peaceful bliss, Richard and Charlotte continued their friendly banter and occasional sexual encounters, and Elizabeth and Darcy maintained a pleasant relationship by reminding themselves constantly that they had no hope with the other.

  Charlotte stood in her usual spot at the meet-and-greet. She had found to her pleasure that the only people who wanted to talk to her were other musicians, and due to this, she had enjoyed a number of interesting conversations.

  But tonight did not seem to hold out any hope for her. She had already scoped out all the guests and non
e of them were musicians. She had also noticed Richard talking up a pretty girl who looked to be of college age, and she knew he would be busy for the night. She had been tempted to card the girl to make sure she was over eighteen but figured that with a rack like that she had to be. She sighed, frankly bored, as she signed the occasional CD case that was passed to her.

  Eventually a pretty woman standing before her arrested her attention. “Charlotte?” the woman said nervously.

  Charlotte smiled and nodded. “That’s right.”

  The woman beamed. “It’s so incredible to meet you!” she gushed. “My name is Dawn.” She offered her hand.

  Charlotte shook Dawn’s hand and said, “It’s nice to meet you too, Dawn.”

  Dawn looked as though she would melt. “I’m such a fan of yours, Charlotte. I love to watch you play; you’re so strong.” She looked down and blushed. “I was kinda worried it was all an image, but I see now that you are real.”

  Charlotte laughed. “Oh, I’m real! Sometimes a little too real for people,” she shrugged, “but what can you do.”

  Dawn stared at her, then caught herself and smiled embarrassedly. “Charlotte, you are very pretty,” she said softly.

  Charlotte smiled knowingly, her suspicions confirmed. What the hell? “Can I kiss you, Dawn?” she asked softly.

  Dawn’s eyes got very huge and she nodded. Charlotte put her hand on the woman’s face and gently pulled her close, letting Dawn decide how deep to make the kiss.

  Darcy was signing a CD case when Richard hit him. “Wha?” he said looking up, but the word died in his throat. He hit Charles, who had a similar reaction. All three men stared across the room where Charlotte was intently kissing another woman.

  Elizabeth and Jane were also just noticing. Jane opened her mouth to say something when Elizabeth stopped her with a hand on her arm and pointed to the guys staring with wide eyes and slack jaws across the room.

  Jane instead looked at Elizabeth and struggled not to laugh.

  Charlotte let the kiss end and, smiling, said, “Thank you, Dawn.”