Fitzwilliam Darcy, Rock Star

by Heather Lynn Rigaud

  Their only chance for some privacy was the night before, and Elizabeth admitted that then she had been the one unavailable. After the show, she discovered Charlotte crying, something she had never in all their years of friendship seen before. Elizabeth didn’t need to ask what had happened; she knew it must have been something to do with Richard. Charlotte needed her that night, and Elizabeth even begged off swimming to be with her friend.

  Darcy looked at her then, his dark eyes unreadable, but she thought she sensed disappointment in them. In the bright light of the morning, she wondered if that was just the imaginings of a bruised ego.

  Now she found herself uncertain again. Why was this so hard? She was not normally this stupid about relationships. She envied Jane and her certainty in Charles’s affection and wished she had a similar certainty in Darcy. It would have helped her face her fears about the day. Elizabeth was careful not to show it, but privately, she was terrified of making a fool of herself at the video shoot. She knew she wasn’t alone, and she took comfort in the presence of her sister and friend, but, and she hated admitting this, she wished she had Darcy’s support. He had a unique ability to say the right thing when she was nervous or worried, and today she missed it.

  Of course, this thought made her feel all the more vulnerable. That wouldn’t do. No, she was glad he wasn’t here, she decided, because she was going to do this shoot, and she was going to do it on her own. She didn’t need him, and she was going to prove it, even if it was only to herself.

  ***

  While the sisters talked, Charlotte sat silently in the seat in front them. Her own thoughts were in bleak contrast to Jane’s blossoming. Richard had left her. She was certain of it now. For all his kindness and sympathy on that day when he found her with Collins, it was clear he wanted nothing more to do with her.

  Oh, he had never been cruel. He always spoke to her kindly, but it wasn’t the same. The easiness of their relationship was gone. He grew silent around her. Gone were the jokes and put-downs that she enjoyed so much. He no longer even joined her for cigarette breaks.

  And then there were the flavors. Her heart contracted away from that painful thought. He had changed there as well. She watched him going through a catalog of women. There were so many, she had stopped counting. He didn’t even bother with a hotel room now, doing them backstage instead. He was out of control. She realized his addiction was back in full force; only this time it was sex rather than drinking. Her eyes pricked with tears, for she knew that she was the one who had pushed him over the edge. He was okay before she screwed everything up with Collins.

  Her mind replayed the scene from yesterday, reliving the pain, like a bruise she couldn’t keep from touching. She went to him during rehearsal, early in the day. Since the incident, he had not so much as touched her, and a part of her knew it was over, but she had to try.

  He had been standing apart from the others, just watching the scene around him. She noticed with a jolt that just like her, he had stopped his unconscious constant drumming. The rhythm they both lived with had disappeared.

  “Richard?” She tried so hard to sound casual; she didn’t know why she even bothered. It wasn’t as if they could hide anything from each other. “I was wondering if you,” she stopped and licked her lips nervously. “I was wondering if we could be together tonight.”

  Richard looked down uncomfortably and right then Charlotte knew she was in trouble. “I don’t think so, Char,” he had mumbled.

  “’Kay,” she had responded, trying to hold in the hurt and keep an appearance of cool indifference.

  “Char,” he said, his voice rising slightly. “I’m sorry.” His eyes looked at hers with a sadness that she didn’t understand.

  Charlotte shrugged. “No big deal,” she lied. “I was just looking for a fuck.” She turned away and walked out for a cigarette.

  She had four cigarettes before she was ready to return. When she did, she saw Richard already talking up a girl. Her rejection was complete. He had discarded her. Nicely, as gently and humanely as he could, but in the end, it was all the same. He had dumped her, and somewhere, somehow, he had come to mean more to her then she had ever realized.

  And the horrible thing was, despite the pain she felt, despite the fact that she knew it was over, despite the fact she could see he was sick and damaged, she still loved him. She wished she didn’t. It would have made it so much simpler. He was giving her every chance to walk away, making it as easy for her as he could, and she couldn’t. She loved him, and with that love, she knew she was damned.

  ***

  Winnie met the women and Alex at the airport. She smiled at them, leading them to a waiting limo. “So, how was your flight?” she asked brightly.

  “It was fine,” Jane smiled back.

  “Great!” she replied. “When we get to the set, I’ll introduce you to George and then we’ll get you into makeup and wardrobe.”

  “George is the director?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Yes, George Wickham,” Winnie explained. “He’s going to be directing this video, and the next one. He’s very good. I think you will really like him.”

  “Great,” Elizabeth said with an embarrassed laugh. “I’m a little nervous, I was worried he would be hard to work with.”

  Winnie smiled reassuringly. “Oh, no, Lizzy. George is very easy to work with. He’s very patient. And he understands that you’re a musician, not an actress. In fact, he used to sing himself.”

  “Really?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Yes, didn’t you know? He used to be in Slurry.”

  “No,” Elizabeth looked at Jane and Charlotte to find similar expressions of surprise on their faces. “I had no idea.”

  Winnie grinned at their reaction. “I don’t know all the details, but it’s true. He left the band about three years ago and started directing music videos instead,” she said with some indifference. “But the point is that he understands singers and you shouldn’t worry.”

  Elizabeth smiled and looked forward with curiosity to meeting this man from Slurry’s past.

  ***

  Darcy knocked on the door to Caroline’s room for their morning meeting. The tour personnel were given two days’ furlough to relax, but he was still working. He heard a soft giggle as the door opened.

  Caroline stood there, looking content. She turned her head and Darcy saw with whom she was laughing; Faust was farther back in the room, clearly preparing to leave.

  “Good morning, Darcy,” Caroline said brightly. “You’re right on time.” She closed the door and walked over to Faust.

  “Good morning,” Darcy replied quietly. He was surprised, and more than a little uncomfortable, by what he saw. He realized with bitter irony that everyone on the tour was getting more action than he was. He tried to maintain a look of indifference.

  Caroline laughed happily. “We were just saying I have to get back to the ‘grind.’”

  Faust touched her shoulder and said, “I’ll see you later.” He passed Darcy with a nod and left the room.

  Darcy looked at Caroline with frank curiosity. “Do you want to tell me something?”

  Caroline refused to let Darcy ruin her good mood. “Nope,” she replied as she sat down at the table. “Shall we begin?”

  Darcy’s hard stare didn’t change as he moved closer to the table.

  Caroline grew annoyed. “Let’s make a deal; I’ll tell you everything about Faust and me, just as soon as you tell me why it is any of your business.”

  Darcy’s expression broke and he looked away. “I’m sorry, Caro. I was out of line. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

  Caroline smiled and accepted his apology. “It’s all right. I really didn’t mean to rub it in your face like that. We’re all a little fried from the tour. Luckily, we have a couple of days off, then two more weeks of tour, then a nice long break. I think that will do us all some good.”

  Darcy nodded; he was looking forward to the break. Looking forward to Georgie’s
graduation and getting to spend some time with her. To getting to forget about being Fitzwilliam Darcy, rock star, for four weeks and just be himself.

  “So, what are you going to do today?” Caroline asked him pleasantly.

  Darcy frowned. “I have a teleconference scheduled with Misty at two, but that’s all. Maybe I’ll do some composing.”

  “Charles told me he is going Jet Skiing on the lake. You might want to join him.” She tilted her head. “It’s been awhile since you two did anything together.”

  Darcy had to agree with that. Between Charles’s whirlwind relationship with Jane, Darcy’s concerns over Georgie, Richard’s behavior, and the tour, he had barely even seen his best friend outside of their performances. He found that he missed spending time with Charles. “I’ve never been Jet Skiing,” he said quietly.

  “Oh, Charles can teach you,” Caroline replied with a smile. “It’s not that hard.” She watched as he considered it. She might not be carrying a torch for Darcy anymore, but she still cared about him, as both a friend and an employer, and she knew he needed to stop brooding and get out and do something fun.

  Darcy smiled briefly. “I’d like that.” His expression became more serious. “Now, what have you got for me?”

  Caroline nodded and slipped into work mode. She quickly updated him on their schedule and how the tour was doing. Then she took a deep breath. She knew that Darcy was aware of everything she was going to say, but it had to be said. “What are you going to do about Richard?”

  “What about him?”

  Caroline frowned, seeing he wasn’t going to make this easy. “He’s blown off rehearsal three times in the last week, and last night he held up the show by eight minutes.”

  “Eight minutes, Caro?” he said, lifting an eyebrow.

  Caroline fixed him with a hard look. “He’s losing control again.”

  Darcy looked away. “What’s going on with him and Charlotte?”

  Caroline pursed her lips. “As far as I know,” she qualified, “it’s over. They haven’t been together since Thursday.”

  “But we’ve been on buses most of that time. What about last night?”

  Caroline rubbed her forehead. “Richard hooked up with an old flame last night, someone named Ellen?” Darcy nodded in recognition of the name. “And besides, we all know full well that Richard and Charlotte have never needed a room.” Her voice took on a tone of resignation. “No, it’s over.”

  Darcy looked at her. “Maybe that’s just it? Maybe he just needs time to get over it?”

  “Darcy, stop doing this. He’s losing it. We all know it. It’s the same thing as last time, only now it’s girls instead of bottles.”

  “He’s not drinking again, is he?”

  Caroline shook her head sadly. “He hasn’t had the time, he’s been too busy banging groupies.”

  Darcy sat still for a long moment, his expression grave. Caroline could read him like a book, she thought. She knew that Darcy was torn. He didn’t want to accept the painful truth and how it would affect his tour. He was losing his carefully crafted control, and he was fighting it.

  “Let’s give him some time. We have the break coming up. If he is not better by then, I’ll do something.”

  “Darcy!”

  “No!” he snapped. “No, Caro, I cannot stop this tour again, not for him. If he has to go into treatment, that means three major tours we will not have finished! Our reputation will be completely shot! It will be the end of the band. I can’t do that!”

  “You don’t have to stop the tour!”

  “What are you suggesting? Get a replacement?”

  “Yes, I am!” Caroline answered with equal fervor. “Look, I know he is a part of this group, and he’s your family, but he is harming the band and the tour, as well as himself.” She looked down. “It’s not like it’s you or Charles; we could replace him and keep going. I don’t like this any more than you do, but we are not doing him any favors keeping him out here.”

  “I disagree! You think taking away his occupation, his identity, is going to help him? It’s the last thing he has. I can’t take that away from him and jeopardize the tour until I’m certain there is a problem.” He sucked in a deep lungful of air and blew it out. “No, Caroline, he stays with us, at least a little bit longer. This could all just be a phase caused by him being upset over Charlotte! It’s going to pass.”

  Caroline looked at him flatly. “When have you ever known Richard to be upset over a girl?”

  “Are we done?” Darcy asked impatiently.

  “Yes,” she said quietly, with a tone of bitter resignation.

  “Thank you,” he said coldly, as he exited the room.

  ***

  The limo pulled up and the occupants stepped out into the bright summer sunshine. In the months of touring, Elizabeth had lost track of the seasons. She was surprised as she realized that it was June. Summer was here.

  The set was a race car track. Winnie led them past miles of electric cord and cables. A small army of people was moving around, looking very busy. Elizabeth was taken aback by all the equipment and activity. It was hard to believe that this was all for them!

  Winnie finally stopped in the center of the hub and spoke into a man’s ear. He turned around and Elizabeth caught her breath. He was gorgeous. Tall, with light brown hair that had been streaked blond by the sun, he wore silver-rimmed glasses that did nothing to hide his bright blue-green eyes. Elizabeth followed his deep tan down his chiseled jaw to his crisp white shirt and well-fitted jeans and sandals. He looked like he had just stepped out of a Ralph Lauren photo shoot.

  “Ladies, this is George,” Winnie announced. Elizabeth was at once delighted and intimidated. Then he smiled a smile of such friendliness, she immediately relaxed.

  “George, this is Lizzy Bennet, our star,” Winnie grinned.

  “Lizzy, I’m so happy to meet you.” George stepped forward and took Elizabeth’s hand, shaking it cordially. He took off his glasses and looked at her appraisingly. “Have you done any video work before?”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “No, this is my first time,” she smiled.

  “That’s fine, Lizzy, I promise I’ll be gentle,” he grinned. “I saw your pictures, but they really don’t do you justice. You have excellent features for video,” he said warmly.

  “Really?” Elizabeth asked.

  “Yes, you do,” he smiled sincerely at her.

  “These are Jane and Charlotte, her band mates,” Winnie continued.

  George shook the girls’ hands and then turned back to Elizabeth. Elizabeth was surprised that he barely made eye contact with Jane.

  “Okay,” George said professionally, “let’s get started. Winnie, can you take Joan and Charlotte to makeup and get them ready? Lizzy, I want to talk to you a little bit.”

  The girls shared a look and smile over his slip, and Jane gently corrected him.

  Winnie took Charlotte and Jane away and Elizabeth followed George to a small makeshift office. He pulled out a clipboard and reviewed it. “We are going to start with some concert shots, so you can get used to shooting, then I want to do some shots of you alone on the track. After dinner, we will do some night shots, and tomorrow, we will do the shots with the actual race cars. Will that be okay?” He looked at her for her approval.

  Elizabeth was delighted by his suggestions. She had never been the center of attention like this before, even when she was soloing the show. “That will be fine.”

  George looked at her and smiled. “Don’t worry, Lizzy. You’ll be okay.” His voice turned more personal. “I don’t mind telling you, I was listening to your song and I developed an idea of an image I want to project in the video, and you are exactly what I had in mind. That doesn’t happen too often in this business. Usually you have to fight to get the song and the singer and the video to all fit together. But I can see I’m not going to have that problem with you.” He stopped and looked down, laughing. “I know, I get a little enthusiastic. Just tell me t
o shut up if I get to be too much.”

  Elizabeth laughed. “No, it’s great. This is not at all what I expected.”

  He grinned dazzlingly at her confession. “We are going to have a great time doing this, trust me.” He put his hand on her arm. “Why don’t you go get ready, and then we’ll start filming? Okay?”

  Elizabeth smiled brightly. She felt so at ease with him, it was hard not to be affected by his excitement.

  ***

  By the time a dinner break was called at six o’clock, Elizabeth was exhausted yet happy. The video went better than she could have imagined. George was a dream, so supportive, and funny. Elizabeth almost died from laughing when he took a turn with her guitar dancing and lip-synching on the racetrack.

  She looked at him as they walked to the catering truck. He had worked harder than her and didn’t have a team of makeup people working on him, and he still looked great. She wondered how he managed to keep his shirt so crisp after shooting all day in the sun.

  He turned to her and smiled blindingly. “I’ll tell you, Lizzy, I wish everyone I had to work with was as nice as you.”

  “Thanks,” she replied, “I thought I was something of a pain. I mean, how many times did I miss my mark?”

  George waved an indifferent hand. “That’s nothing. I can work with missing a mark. It’s the way you don’t throw a tantrum and blame me for your screw-ups that makes you wonderful.”

  “Is that the way it usually goes?”

  “In this business? Oh yeah.” He handed her a plate and led her to a seat.

  “Oh, Winnie was telling me something this morning,” Elizabeth said, suddenly remembering. “Did you used to sing with Slurry?”

  “Yes, I did,” he replied, intrigued. “Why?”

  “We’re on tour with them now.”

  “Really?”

  “Yup.”

  “Hmm,” George said, with a thoughtful frown. “And how are they?”

  “Oh, good,” Elizabeth said vaguely, not really sure how to answer that question.