Cold Cold Sea

by Linda Huber

  The first thing was to see what Jennifer would tell him. There were so many answers he’d need to wheedle out of her. Then he should set two priorities - one, get this Hailey-child back to wherever she belonged, and two, get help for Jennifer. And the more low-key he could keep the entire Hailey situation the better. He did not want to endanger his new family, and yes, Jennifer had acted very strangely but that might just be down to hormones or stopping her medication or simply being pregnant.

  He still hoped he could contact Hailey’s real parents before getting the authorities involved, but that might not be realistic. He would go to Dr Rosen - or Jennifer’s psychiatrist in Torquay might be better. He at least would know her history. The police could come in after that.

  Home again, Phillip made coffee and stood sipping. The clinic didn’t open for visitors until ten o’clock, so he would go on the internet to research about a missing girl. But a quick house-search revealed that the computer had been placed in the cupboard under the stairs. Phillip stared blankly at the mess of cables. He didn’t have time to get this sorted out before going to the clinic. What on earth had Jennifer been thinking? It was so annoying his own laptop was dead.

  He lifted his phone, still charging, and accessed the search engine. All he had to do was google two words, and see if the child came up. His fingers twitched, and then he thrust the phone back on the shelf. He’d do it later on the computer. For now he’d have a quick look amongst their papers and then he’d be off.

  He strode into the dining room and opened the Spanish cabinet under the window. There were the folders - tax, insurance and so on. He pulled out the ‘family’ folder, his heart sinking when he saw that was different now. Hailey’s birth certificate was there in its plastic pocket, but her death certificate was gone. Phillip stared, struggling to understand exactly what Jennifer was trying to do. Frantically, he searched around for the manila envelope that contained the paperwork on his daughter’s funeral, but it too was gone.

  Phillip slumped into an elegant dining chair and buried his face in his hands. For a few seconds he allowed despair to engulf him, then he shook it off determinedly and faced the memory of the worst funeral he’d ever attended.

  It had been a horrific day, second only to the day of Hailey’s death. Except the day of the funeral had seemed longer.

  He had battled with the Turkish authorities before they were able to bring their daughter home. At least it had seemed like a battle. He’d felt as if he was stuck in the middle of a nightmare - which he was.

  Jennifer had shivered almost non-stop. The doctor had given her medication and she was always either asleep, or blank-eyed and shivering. He couldn’t reach her to help her, and of course he’d needed help too, help that no-one had given him.

  He had chosen the coffin, plain white wood, and given the Turkish undertaker some clothes to dress Hailey in. A blue summer dress and white socks and sandals. Jennifer hadn’t helped with that or any of the preparation for the journey home.

  And then the day of the funeral itself. Brilliant sunshine had mocked them from dusk to dawn. The vicar had meant well, but he hadn’t said anything that had touched Phillip. And Jennifer... It was the day before her retreat into herself. Her parents had come, tried to help, been viciously snubbed by Jennifer, and then gone home again, hurt and offended. Gran had come over as soon as they’d arrived home from Turkey, but she’d left again the day after the funeral, having arranged with Phillip to bring Jennifer to California the following week. Of course that hadn’t happened. He’d seen Gran off at the airport and come home to find Jennifer in the corner of the sofa. Friends and neighbours had rung the bell, thrust food into his hands, assured him that if he ever needed anything... and then they’d all gone home again.

  He had never felt so alone in all his life.

  Phillip gave himself a shake and closed the cabinet. He must persuade Jennifer to talk to him. He had to find out what had happened.

  And he really should call Jennifer’s mother, and people like Thea, but then what would they tell him? To go to the police, to get it sorted. Exactly what he didn’t want to hear. No, he would ‘find’ the child first, by himself.

  Half an hour later he was back at the Rosen Clinic, with an enormous bunch of pink and white roses and a box of Jennifer’s favourite Swiss pralines.

  A nurse took the flowers and told him that Jennifer was in the nursery. Phillip ran up the stairs two at a time, then stood motionless in the doorway. Jennifer was holding both babies, happiness radiating from her like heat from the sun, and Phillip only just managed to stop himself sobbing out loud. This was his family. All three of them. This was all he’d ever really wanted - a loving wife and a couple of kids. It wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

  He tiptoed up and kissed the top of Jennifer’s head.

  ‘You look gorgeous,’ he said. ‘How are you this morning, darling?’

  ‘Tired, but so happy,’ said Jennifer, looking up from the babies.

  He saw that her eyes were still shining, and they were glassy, distant now. Her voice had changed too, it was harder, flatter somehow, although the words themselves seemed quite normal. His heart sank even further.

  ‘Would you like to hold them? I’m getting stiff, sitting like this.’

  Phillip gowned up and changed places with Jennifer. And now he was holding his own two children. Yesterday at this time he hadn’t known of their existence. He gazed at them, spellbound. Both had fair, downy fuzz on their heads, and both little faces were relaxed in sleep. Phillip looked over at Jennifer, who was leaning on an incubator massaging her back with one hand. For a brief moment he allowed himself to enjoy just being a father again.

  ‘We need a girl’s name,’ he said. ‘I thought maybe Miriam. Or Lara.’

  ‘Lara would be perfect,’ said Jennifer, beaming at him. ‘Lara Mary. No, Lara Grace. Lara Grace Marshall.’

  ‘Brilliant,’ said Phillip. If only everything else could be settled so easily. ‘Hi, baby Lara. Oh darling, we’ll have fun with them, won’t we?’

  They would, he thought. He would protect his little family. Whatever Jennifer had done, he would fix things, put their lives back together. They couldn’t fall apart now, he had to prevent that from happening, at all costs.

  ‘Let’s go along to your room and have a chat,’ he suggested, when Lara and Daniel were back in the incubators. ‘A lie down will do you good.’

  Jennifer allowed him to escort her back to her room. She lay back on the bed, her face pale, and he noticed uneasily how exhausted she was. If he upset her, he’d get no information at all this morning. He would have to be subtle with his questions.

  ‘Hailey was a big surprise too,’ he remarked easily. ‘Tell me about that, darling.’

  Jennifer smiled again, but she didn’t meet his eyes. ‘Oh, she’s a lucky, lucky girl,’ she said, and he saw in dismay that her eyelids were drooping now. ‘She was lost, once, do you remember? But I found her again, didn’t I, Phillip?’

  Phillip stroked her hair back from her face. After all they’d been through, how could she possibly believe that she’d found Hailey?

  ‘Where was she, darling, when you found her?’

  ‘On the beach,’ said Jennifer, and Phillip caught his breath painfully. On the beach.

  Jennifer gave a strange little laugh, her eyes closed. ‘A poor lost Hailey. But I found her, Phillip, she’s back.’

  Phillip swallowed painfully. So it was abduction. But she was denying it, she had convinced herself that the new Hailey was their daughter.

  ‘Do you know who Hailey’s parents are, Jennifer?’ said Phillip, abandoning subtlety.

  She laughed at him, tired eyes still shining. ‘Silly! We are, of course!’

  She ended with a yawn, and Phillip knew he would have to wait with his questions. She wasn’t going to lose it completely; this was different to last time, she was talking and moving about. He would see what he could find out about the child himself first, and then try again.
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br />   Leaving Jennifer asleep, Phillip drove back to Polpayne. There was a little convenience shop in the harbour area that seemed to sell everything, and he bought a steak and some salad bits, and a couple of pizzas for later. He would go home, eat, and start planning.

  He ate hungrily, allowing himself a small glass of wine, then sat in Jennifer’s elegant sitting room to think.

  So as far as he could gather, Jennifer had found the child wandering round some beach, and taken her for their own Hailey. Even he could see the similarities. Both little girls had the same delicate features, both were slightly built, and their own girl’s hair had been almost the same colour. He knew what losing Hailey had done to Jennifer. But to take a child like that. And then frighten her into being ‘Hailey Marshall’, cut off her hair, send her to school...

  But he had to start at the beginning. The new Hailey was on the beach... This beach couldn’t be terribly far away, because Jennifer wouldn’t have made any lengthy trips in her condition. So a lot of people right here in the village might know about a little girl who had gone missing, but no-one had connected it to Jennifer and Hailey Marshall moving to Polpayne. And if a kid disappeared from a beach it wouldn’t be unnatural if everyone’d reckoned she had drowned. That would explain the lack of media attention now. A dead child was old news, he knew that himself. The internet would provide him with the answer.

  He lifted his phone and tapped briskly.

  ‘Missi - ’

  It was impossible to continue. Phillip sat there, trying vainly to convince his fingers to finish the words.

  What if he did ‘find’ the child here, and contacted her parents? Their first reaction would of course be to call the police, and then he would lose control of the whole situation. There would be policemen and psychiatrists all swarming around investigating them all. And if Jennifer was found mentally ill, would she be allowed to keep the babies? It would wreck the whole new life that was opening up for them now.

  The more he thought about it, the better Phillip grasped the fact that if he wanted to keep his new little family, he mustn’t involve anyone else. He had lost his daughter, he had lost his grandmother, his parents... He had lost enough.

  So he would do this all himself. He looked at his phone, then put it away again. He would set the computer up tonight and find out in comfort who the child was. Then he would drive her home and leave her there. No-one would know that Jennifer had taken her.

  For a brief moment he relaxed, but then he remembered all the people here who knew Hailey as his and Jennifer’s child: Miss McLure, Dr Rosen, the nurses. What could he tell them? God, what a mess. What a ghastly mess.

  The wine had made him drowsy, and he knew that yesterday’s long journey had caught up with him. A nap before he went for Hailey would do him good. He set the alarm on his phone for an hour, and lay back on the sofa.

  The child was waiting at the side door when Phillip arrived back at Polpayne Castle Primary. A crowd of other kids was there too, saying goodbye to Miss McLure. Hailey was the smallest, he noticed miserably. And Miss McLure’s prompt invitation that morning when he’d asked how Hailey was doing seemed to indicate that the poor kid’s school life hadn’t started well. And no wonder.

  He strolled over and touched Hailey’s shoulder.

  ‘Hi there, toots,’ he said, and was rewarded by a smile from Hailey.

  Miss McLure turned from waving goodbye to the departing school buses, and walked over to the BMW beside him. Phillip felt his palms turn moist. Was there a problem? Had Hailey said something she shouldn’t?

  Apparently not, however. Miss McLure helped Hailey into the car, closed the door, and then spoke in a low voice.

  ‘Hailey’s been a different child today, Mr Marshall. Much happier, and a lot more talkative. She missed you so much when you were away. And of course she’s excited about the babies too.’

  Phillip felt a sudden lump in his throat. ‘Yes,’ he said, trying to sound casual. ‘We’re off to the hospital now.’

  ‘I won’t keep you, then. Give my regards to Mrs Marshall. We’re making a big congratulations card from the whole class, but I’ll let Hailey tell you all about that.’

  ‘Bye,’ managed Phillip, and escaped down the road with Hailey.

  ‘Good day?’ he asked, and she nodded.

  ‘I made a scary witch mask for Halloween. Are we going straight to see the babies?’

  ‘We are. We’ll stop off on the way and you can choose some flowers to take. Mummy’ll like that.’

  Hailey was quite agreeable to this, and walked into the Rosen Clinic carrying a bunch of yellow chrysanthemums. Jennifer received her graciously, and they all walked along to the nursery.

  ‘Daniel John and Lara Grace,’ said Hailey, standing on tiptoe to see into the incubators. ‘What’s my other name?’ she asked, turning to Phillip.

  ‘You’re Hailey Andrea,’ he said quietly, aware of Jennifer beaming proudly beside him.

  ‘Sit down, Hailey darling, and you can hold the babies,’ said Jennifer, and Hailey obeyed with an almost reverent expression on her face. Phillip watched her hold Lara first, then Daniel, a little smile pulling at her mouth all the while.

  Her face had lost the pinched look he’d seen on her yesterday. And Miss McLure had said she’d been a different child today. Was that just because he was looking after her now instead of Jennifer? Could he – a stranger – make that much difference to her? She must have been so afraid. But he was here now, he would help her for the time she’d still be with them. He would get her home, someday soon.

  He stayed for an hour or so, chatting to Jennifer while Hailey watched the nurse settle the babies back into the incubators. Try as he might, though, Phillip couldn’t prise any more information from her. She blocked his questions with a laugh and panic rose in his throat. She was ill and she wasn’t getting any treatment. He had no idea how much longer they could go on like this.

  Back home, he and Hailey ate pizza in front of the television, watching a wildlife programme about an animal reserve in Kenya. Hailey was enthralled by the elephants, giggling happily when they splashed water over each other. When the programme had finished Phillip switched the television off.

  ‘Let’s get you bathed, and then I’ll read you a story,’ he said.

  ‘Oh yes!’ She jumped up and ran to the door, then turned to look at him, her little face blank again. ‘When’s Mummy coming back?’

  ‘In a day or two. Mummy hasn’t been well recently. Sometimes it makes people ill and cross, having babies in their tummies and moving house. Hailey, everything will be alright soon. Don’t you worry.’

  Hailey allowed him to bath her, then ran to her room while Phillip cleared the bathroom. He blinked back tears, remembering the happy times they’d had with their own girl. Standing in Hailey’s bedroom doorway, he watched as she pored over the pictures in her Heidi book.

  Twenty minutes later he was looking down at a sleeping child. If only she was his Hailey. If only they hadn’t gone to the beach that awful day, then he might be standing right here looking at his own girl. Phillip realised that all he wanted now was the impossible, to somehow transform this child into his daughter.

  Abruptly, he turned and walked downstairs.

  He opened the cupboard under the stairs and crouched down to get to the computer. He would set it up in the dining room for the moment.

  Slowly, he stood up again and closed the cupboard door. He was tired, he really didn’t feel like messing around with cables and monitors tonight. And once you started trawling the internet it was difficult to stop. He would wait until his jet lag was quite gone.

  Tomorrow was another day.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Early November

  Maggie turned the page of the calendar and hung it up again, staring indifferently at the picture of Culzean Castle. The first of November. All Saints’ Day. And tomorrow was All Souls’.

  They had lived for two and a half months now without Olivia, and it
felt more like two and a half years. All those emotions, she’d been through more of them since the fifteenth of August than in the whole of her life beforehand. And life was going on now, relentlessly, remorselessly, without her little girl.

  So many things were different – her job, the house, the daily routine – quite suddenly it seemed that they had come to a place where Olivia had never been. Her life was no longer tied up with theirs. And however much Maggie agonised and remembered, and then tried to stop remembering because it was just too bloody painful, however much she tried to connect the past with the present - Olivia was gone.

  Maggie shivered. After the first agony had subsided, it was the living – simple, everyday things, even the thoughts in her head that made each day difficult. Maggie had never realised before how often her daughter had entered her mind as she went about her day. A nature programme on TV that she knew Livvy would like. Her favourite cereal in the supermarket. Jars of honey stocked up in the cupboard. The miniature knife and fork in the cutlery drawer. Just little things, but they meant so much. Had meant so much.

  It was the uncertainty that really got to her. They knew Olivia was gone, but what had happened in the last few minutes of her life? She must have been so afraid, she must have tried to scream for help, struggling against the cold Atlantic. Livvy had been drowning while Maggie was drinking coffee and Colin and Joe were poking about rock pools. And the biggest question of all was why. Maggie knew there would never be an answer.

  She poured herself more coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. It was almost time to go to work. She had just started at the Geriatric Unit, working three sessions a week. So far it had been alright; the old people on her ward weren’t compos mentis enough to ask personal questions. Maybe they’d put her in that ward on purpose. Maggie didn’t care. It was something to do, and it was fine for the moment.