“Surely a friend would still try to say something kind? I’m not saying for a friend to say things that aren’t true, but just something genuine and kind.” Inritia pulls her lips apart, showing her teeth like a wild cat and shakes her head, as if in despair with his lack of understanding. Gax has a quiet lunch time, mulling over things. There are plans to be made. He will need to think about Hexaday, what he will say and how.
After all, it might be his one and only chance to reach those young people. If he makes it till Hexaday that is. He is amazed when Inritia tells him to man the till during her break.
“Try not to be too weird,” she huffs, her eyes looking warmer than they usually do, surprising Gax. He dips his head, not wanting to make any promises, knowing that the weird threshold is easily crossed. Then he prays. It isn’t busy and the few customers Gax helps hardly notice him, not returning his greetings, quietly paying for their goods. Towards the end of his till duties an old man with dull eyes and round shoulders shuffles to the counter. He doesn’t even look up at Gax. “I hope you found what you were looking for?” Gax says politely, trying to sound like a proper, professional shop assistant. That makes the man look up alright.
His eyes are still dull, but there is the tiniest spark of life in them for a moment, then the spark dies off. The man nods his head once, his wrinkled hand resting on the counter. Gax notices the tremor in the man’s hand. He checks the bookmark and luxury pens, then adds, “Is there anything else you would like today? I mean, apart from cooler weather or a cold drink?” He smiles, feeling a little bit silly. It is the man’s dullness that triggers it, Gax thinks. He can’t believe it, he’s actually being a little cheeky with a customer, in order to see that tiny sparkle back in the man’s eyes. Then Gax realises that maybe, very much maybe, this is his chance, his opportunity. “I can offer you water, normal water, but I can also share with you about Living water, eternal thirst-quenching water,” he says, his voice suddenly a little hoarse, overwhelmed by the message all over again.
That brings the colour back to the man’s face. He looks at Gax’s face, his eyes no longer dull, but filled with tears. His hand shakes worse than ever when he takes his purchases and he whispers fiercely, “What would you know about life? Or the lack of life? What do you know about living?” He glares back at Gax over his shoulder, then staggers from the shop, his steps unsteady. Gax stares after him and he sees the man brush his eyes. He has made a customer cry! He is still staring after the old man when Inritia returns from her lunch break. She looks at him and he tries to smile at her, but he is too surprised by the last customer.
He hurries back to the cleaning cloth, his head spinning with questions and concerns. What if the man reports him? What if he sees the man again? What will he say? The rest of the day passes in a blur, although Gax looks up anxiously every time someone enters the shop. Grabus is back, seemingly happier. Until he sees Gax, that is, then his scowl is back in place. Gax sighs. On his way home he catches himself looking round, checking people. He is looking for the old man. To apologise? Or explain? Or tell the man that, actually, he knows a lot about life and living? There is no sign of him anywhere. Gax is disappointed. Maybe Caecilia knows where old people hang out?
Gax keeps his gym session lighter tonight as he’s so tired! He was tempted to have a nap in the afternoon, but fought against it, as he doesn’t want the watchers to notice a new pattern, a difference in routine. He takes his time in the cooling down room, as there is no rush to get home. Caecilia is stretching on a mat as well, but avoids looking at him, as usual. Never mind, he will see her in a few hours. Gax feels more awake at that thought, also tense. “Lord, I don’t want to fail her, I really want her to come to you,” he whispers softly, making the guy on the mat next to him narrow his eyes at Gax. He raises his chin at the man, then leisurely walks out, his heart beating fast.
Caecilia is waiting for him again, of course. Both yawn after their initial greeting and she giggles. “It’s hard to miss out on sleep,” she says with a smile. “I won’t be able to do it tomorrow night, I have an important test in the morning.” Gax nods, torn between disappointment at not seeing her, and relief that he gets to sleep all through the night. “I have spoken to some different friends and people I know,” she continues, her eyes looking very animated suddenly, “and they’re all keen to go to the beach on Hexaday. Like I said, we have an important test tomorrow, so going to the beach soon after will be wonderful!” Gax is thrilled, though his stomach churns around. From excitement, he tells himself. “Macia wants to come,” Caecilia says, her voice more quiet this time. “She might be fine, but she can be very moody. Just be…” She hesitates, “Just be careful around her. She has strong convictions about Elabi and laws and community spirit. You might not want to mention um…what we talked about, you know, don’t mention it too much at the beach.”
Gax dips his head, the tension in his stomach has suddenly grown. He understands that if he is too different, Caecilia could be affected. He asks her, “Will you be in trouble if they think I’m different?” Caecilia shrugs, and gives him a quick smile.
“They will check you out, probably, but when they realise you’re being watched they’ll likely drop it, knowing you’re being checked out already. I think I will be alright, although they might check me out too, just to see how much contact I have had with you. Which is why I don’t look at you in the gymnasium, or talk to you. That way, nobody will have noticed anything and the camera from the Cooling down room won’t have picked anything up either.” Gax gasps, there is a camera in that room? He looks at Caecilia in shock, his mind rushing through the last moons of being in the cooling down room, trying to remember if he has ever done something the camera might have picked up on. “Of course,” she looks at him, surprised, then smiles a little, “I see. Yes, every large public room will have cameras just to keep people safe. You know, someone doing or saying something they shouldn’t. People in the past used to steal, things like that. Even now, you never know when someone is in a room trying to do something by stealth.” Gax starts to nod, then stops.
“To watch people all the time, that’s…weird,” he says, a little frown appearing. He can’t stand the feeling of being watched all the time, knowing people are staring at him when he is asleep in his bed. It’s no longer about safety, but all about control, he feels. “Anyway,” he tries a quick smile, “I will do my best to keep the weird factor down on Hexaday.” She giggles.
“Weird factor? Where do you get these words from?” Then she is serious again. She looks out over towards the sea, the lights from her father’s lighthouse just about visible. “I would like to hear more words from your Book,” she whispers those words so quietly, Gax isn’t even sure that he hears her correctly, the change in topic and mood abrupt. She looks at him then, her eyes glistening, “Those words, those promises, they were from a book, right? Your Book?” Gax nods, his heart doing overtime, thrilled and scared at the same time. What if he reads irrelevant bits out to her? What if she can’t see the importance? “Can you read that bit that you mentioned yesterday, the bit about giving an account of stuff we do?” Gax dips his head, suddenly glad the Book is still in his pocket. He puts his hand in, his strong fingers closing easily round the little book. For a second he hesitates, remembering the old lady from the Garden, telling him that followers of the Book go beyond the hills for life, as they never change. What if it is a trap? What if Caecilia just wants to make sure? Then he pulls the Book out, opens it with his thumb, flicking to just past the middle of the Book, using his little torch.
He gets to the right place easily, the pages seeming to remember his visit to them this morning. And with a low, hoarse voice Gax reads, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose..” He ends with the words about God requiring an account. After that it stays very quiet. Gax has to remind himself to breathe, forcing his shoulders down and back, head up straight. He has closed his Book, his hand feeling sweaty, but he doesn’t want to put it back
in his pocket. He wants to make sure he doesn’t come across as rushed, or ashamed, hiding his book in his pocket. Caecilia gives a tiny sniff, then smiles at him, her lips not very cooperative.
“Thank you. I…I won’t see you tomorrow night, but I will see you the night after, and we’ll work out the details for Hexaday’s beach thingy,” she says, her voice shaking as much as the hand she uses to push a black strand of hair back in place. She lifts her chin quicker than anyone Gax has ever seen and dashes away into the dark with a soft sob, leaving Gax to stare after her. It’s the staring into the dark that makes his eyes water, of course and tiredness is making his throat ache. Slowly Gax slides his Book back into his pocket, his hand suddenly feeling empty, but his heart is full.
“At least I get a full night’s sleep tomorrow,” is the last thing he manages to think before fading out.
Chapter 32
Somehow the day feels longer, knowing there won’t be a midnight get together with Caecilia. Looking forward to Hexaday is compensation though. Gax tries to come up with ways of sharing his message with the beach group. He tells Inritia about his beach plans and she dips her head. “You better cut some of the weirdness down then,” she says, a smile that can almost be called soft around her lips. “There are quite a few people keeping an eye on the beach as well,” she says softly, glancing over her shoulder, as if giving away some knowledge like that would be frowned upon. Gax groans, more surveillance. Will he put Caecilia at risk by just going with her to the beach? He nods at Inritia, grateful for the warning.
Getting a full night’s sleep is wonderful, Gax thinks the following morning, when Yulra tells him it’s time to get up. He hurries as he does each morning, carving out time to read his Book before going to work. He is feeling upbeat, humming a song from home, his hands preparing breakfast in time with the song, his heart beating along with the words. Just as he takes a deep breath to belt out the chorus, he stops. His happy mood melts away a little, but he is determined not to let it affect him. Gax struggles to keep cheerful, the restrictions and controlling measures of Elabi affecting him more than he expected. “I need to live more by faith,” he mutters.
Yulra pipes up, “I did not get your question. Please repeat so I may assist you.” Gax starts pulling a face, nope, can’t do that either, the watchers. So he thanks Yulra and quickly leaves the house, thinking of the best route that will have a large bush for him to hide in. When he reaches the city it is busy, as it always is on a Fifday, with many older people coming and going. The shop is busy all day, Inritia looking tired and unhappy. Grabus hardly shows his face all day, hiding away in his private office. Near the end of the day Gax is working close to Inritia and he asks her in a whisper if she is alright.
“No, Yes, I mean,” she whispers back, her odd teeth biting her bottom lip to stop it from quivering. Gax hesitates, decides to stay quiet a moment longer. She suddenly looks up at him and he feels awkward to see the tears in her eyes. “I had a…a proposal,” she whispers, one of the tears slipping down, hanging on to the end of her nose. She swipes at it and sniffs. “He doesn’t sound too bad, not really. I wouldn’t have chosen him, but then…” Gax dips his head, feeling sorry for her, wishing she didn’t keep wiping her face with her short sleeve. “I will have until next week to decide, but then, what can I say? I don’t have a valid reason to reject him. He is on the list because he has a scar on his face where he got bitten by an animal.” Gax’s mouth drops, you get on the Hopeless Cases List for that?
“Really? But surely…” he looks stunned and Inritia shrugs. She explains that the fact he got bitten by a large animal means his parents were probably Mansits, or very likely beyond the hills, where most animals are. In a pet free society it’s hard to get bitten by one, after all. “Is he still a Mansit?” Inritia shakes her head. It turns out that his parents managed to work themselves up, or back up as the case might be, so he is a Consuete, just like her. Gax nods again, thoughtfully.
Inritia sighs, “So it looks like we’ll have to go through with it. At least he doesn’t seem to mind my teeth, which is kind, really.” She looks at Gax and sounds defensive, “It is. It really is, for it seems that he has been working hard to climb up from Mansit status, so to marry someone like me could set him back.” Gax dips his head, his shoulders struggling to stay up. He hesitates, then tries to question her about the futility of climbing the social ladder when you will just end up Downstream eventually, but Inritia stares and takes a small step back. “That’s more than being weird,” she hisses, suddenly looking over her shoulder in fear again. “Why would you think about what happens after you go Downstream? That is the whole reason people go Downstream, so as not to think about that; not to let it influence your day to day decisions, cloud your thinking whilst here.”
Gax feels low. How will he ever get through to people if their entire society is determined to not think about it? When even people like Inritia who have warmed a little towards him, still step back in horror when he hints at the afterlife? As he leaves, Gax raises his chin at Grabus, who reminds him that he will see Gax on Onesday, scowling, almost as if he hopes he won’t. Gax turns despondently but as he looks into the street his morose thoughts fly away, for in the distance, just going round a corner, is the old man that he wanted to see again.
Gax takes a running step, then slows down, impatience making his bare feet itch. He walks as quickly as he can, without looking as if he is trying to get out of the city before the shop just behind him is locked up for the day. He tells himself that the man will be walking pretty slowly and therefore Gax will easily catch up with him. He gets to the corner, then sighs with relief when he spots the man further along the street. Gax walks a bit more slowly now, as he can see the man, reducing the risk of him disappearing again. Soon he is only a few steps behind him. Gax comes level and looks at the man, raises his chin and tries to smile his warmest and politest smile. The man’s listless eyes sparkle to life for a second, then grow dull again, although there is a tiny hint of fear in the corner of his eyes when he looks at Gax.
“I wanted to apologise,” Gax starts, his voice soft, “I really didn’t mean to upset you.” The man’s eyes have come to life again and he looks round furtively, then hisses, “Not here, you young fool!” Gax swallows, glances over his shoulder as well, then back at the man. “Carry on, there is the city wall. Between two houses, tiny gap,” the man continues, without looking at Gax and shuffles on. Gax hesitates, he doesn’t know where the man means exactly, although it can’t be too hard to find. So Gax walks on, past the man, looking at a shop window he passes. The shop is closed, but seems to sell household goods. Gax can’t see any designs that would inspire his mum or his sister, though. He likes practical stripes, or checked patterns, something robust. His mum loves materials with pastel colours, patterns based on flowers or animals. His sister is into inspirational texts on all her textiles. Gax snorts, remembering some of the hand towels hanging in her bathroom. He looks at every single article in the window, whilst the old man shuffles past him. Gax slowly walks on, glad to find another shop, this one with a lot of music and films. Gax finds out that they rent out music as well as movies and documentaries recommended by the council. Of course, he snorts, feeling a little bitter. None of the songs here will be on the forbidden list.
At least there are a lot of discs to look at and for a while Gax forgets about meeting up with the old man, examining some film titles. They sound just like the books the shop sells and Brutus Durus obviously doesn’t just write books, he turns out to be an inspirational speaker as well. Gax struggles to keep his face straight, aware that he might be watched. In fact, he is quite sure he is still being watched. As he needs to meet up with the old man, he wants to make sure that whoever is staring at his every move will be satisfied. The music cds sound just as bland and awful, he decides, the pictures all looking the same. The fact that the window is this crammed makes for a long time filler though and Gax makes sure he literally looks at every dvd and cd he can
find. As time crawls by he worries that the shopkeeper will come out to question him, so Gax makes sure he plans what he will say. Nobody comes out, although he can see the young woman behind the counter glance at him every now and again. Her look is bland and vacant, making Gax’s shoulder sag a bit more. He thinks back to Inritia and realises that it’s the thing he hates the most, the indifference, the hopelessness of people.
Gax looks up and down the street every now and again. When he is sure that the old man has disappeared round the corner for some time, he slowly moves off, trying to look longingly at the last few film cases on display, stopping right at the end of the window as it were to study the last item in the corner. Then Gax walks off, his steps calm and measured, as if he has no specific goal. For a moment he wonders if that’s another taboo, to be aimless. That makes him walk a little firmer, more purposeful, but not any faster. Finally Gax reaches the last house, the city wall rising up ahead of him, the T-junction in front of it. He hesitates, left or right? He chooses right, as it’s further away from the main city gates and after all, he can always turn back and try the other way. Of course, the watcher would be more alert at that point, so Gax prays he has made the right decision. He has. After a couple of houses he spots the old man’s face peeking out for a split second. Gax walks calmly up to the gap between the two stone houses, his heart doing overtime, making him sound a bit out of breath.
“What did you think you were doing?” The old man glares at him, sounding as out of breath as Gax. “You could have gotten us both into trouble by talking to me like that on the streets. Don’t you know what the word discretion means? Don’t you know anything about life?” The man sounds angry and Gax can feel his defences rising with each hissed word.
Walled City (The Elabi Chronicles Book 1) Page 19
