“I want that life,” Caecilia says, then hesitates. “No, I don’t actually, it scares me, I really don’t. But I need it, I need it more than anything. I kept thinking about it, then when I saw you becoming one of us I told myself that it was an empty promise. I told my heart that there was no such thing as rest, or life inside your own life. Then I saw you change back, with more energy than ever, your eyes on fire with this life. And I want it. I know the cost and I don’t know the cost. I know the cost the city places on this life, how it can end my life and that of my family. On the other hand, I saw my grandparents, giving their all, every day. Then they go Downstream and their life is over and forgotten. I want that vibrant life. I want everyday to be a very good day, even when it isn’t a good day at all.” She is crying now and Gax feels awkward as well as bursting with happiness, his mind running through various scenarios.
He feels his own eyes sting in sympathy, wondering what to do. In the end he just lets her cry, digging a pack of tissues from his pocket. He hands her a tissue. She dries her eyes and wipes her nose with it, then sits back in shock, staring at the tissue. She looks at him, her eyes large and still wet. “This material, it’s…it’s amazing. What is it?”
Gax swallows, “Um…it’s paper? Paper tissues.” Caecilia stares at him, narrows her eyes and studies the tissue a bit better.
“Paper, as in writing paper?” He nods, doing all he can to keep his face straight. Caecilia takes a deep, shuddering breath, “Amazing, it’s so soft and thin, yet strong!” He shrugs, feeling itchy inside. How did they go from talking about Living Water to investigating tissues and properties of paper? Then she smiles at him, as if guessing his thoughts and impatience. “It’s like life,” she says, her eyes twinkling suddenly. “Like life in Elabi is normal paper. Hard, dull, useful, but only for logical and utilitarian purposes, used and reused many times. The life you are talking about is soft, caring and helpful, it’s new. It’s strong, yet shapes around you. You use it, but it has a much higher purpose…” Gax smiles back at her, slightly rocked by her poetic words. Caecilia looks out the door opening, and sighs. “We will need to go, it will be four o’clock soon and the watchers will be back at the monitors. Tomorrow night again? And will you tell me more, tell me more promises? Tell me about this strange life and living water?”
Gax floats back to his house, hardly noticing the amount of times he stubs his toes. His thoughts are spinning round and round and by the time he gets in, he has one thought: “I need to get my Book.” He creeps around the house, not sure what time it is at all. In the end, he manages to get back into his pyjamas, putting his clothes back exactly where he had them the night before, just in case the watchers have sharp eyes, or compare footage. He slides into bed and with a sleepy voice says, “What’s the time, Yulra?” The automated voice tells him it’s 3.10 or ten past three in the morning and that he has several hours left before it is time to get up. “Thanks,” Gax says and as quietly as possible slips out of bed again. Staying low he crawls to the large screen, having retrieved the tiny screwdriver that he had put ready behind the screen earlier that day by pretending to dust the large gleaming screen. Just as he crawls into bed, book under his pyjamas, the screen flickers on and a stern looking lady glares at him.
Chapter 30
Gax stares at the screen, frozen in shock. Did the watchers come back early? Did they see him taking his Book from the screen? Did they hear him? “We realise you are still awake,” the woman starts off, making it sound like an offense to wake up in the night. Gax almost wants to apologise, but she continues, “Losing sleep can cause loss of concentration in the day. It makes people less productive. It is therefore important that you get enough sleep.”
She drones on for a while about the benefits of a good night sleep, the consequences and a possible lowering of Status for people if those consequences are noticeable, recommending that he does something calm before bedtime, listen to calming music or see a counsellor. Gax rolls his eyes, then realises that the watcher is no doubt back, so he just rolls over stuffing the Book carefully under his pillow, along with the kitchen timer. Smuggling it out of the room is going to be interesting in the morning, he groans.
Gax thought he would not be able to sleep after all the excitement, but before he knows it, Yulra tells him it’s time to get up. Gax yawns, he definitely feels the tiredness after that night. If only the screen woman knew, he grins suddenly, she would be horrified about his lack of sleep no doubt. He gets ready to go to work, putting his sandals on whilst sitting on his bed near his pillow.
He looks at the large screen and asks Yulra about the weather, knowing it will switch the screen on, and the Automated Servant will tell him in a calm voice that it will be hot… Gax hopes he can slide his Book into his large pocket, keeping his eyes on the screen, tricking the watcher. Nothing happens, so Gax is sure he managed to pull it off. He leaves the timer, as he will need it again this evening.
Gax decides that tonight he will have to hide the Book somewhere outside in his garden, where the cameras won’t pick him up. The Book will stay in his pocket for now, feeling strangely heavy, like a constant reminder of weightier matters. In the end Gax manages to find a bush just off the road thick enough to hide him from prying eyes. He slips underneath it, then pulls out his Book, feeling suddenly excited, his hands unsteady. His fingers fumble with the thin paper pages, as Gax is trying to make up his mind where to start reading. He automatically turns to the words about the fountain of the water of life. Then to the words promising rest, the ones that Caecilia had remembered, the invitation bringing peace to Gax as well.
Gax puts the Book back in his pocket, thankful for his loose, soft trousers, and walks to the city. He feels tense going past the guards, knowing the secret in his pocket. Inritia greets him with a hint of warmth, her eyes taking him in, turning thoughtful. Grabus hardly answers his greeting, barely raising his chin at Gax, making him wonder if Grabus feels that he is now replaceable and therefore can be reported. Gax can feel the tension in his stomach, his mind quickly scanning for reasons to blend in more. He stops his busy mind though, knowing he has to do what is right and rule his mind. In the staffroom he asks Inritia, “When will you…um…hear about, you know, the list?” He isn’t sure that she wants to talk about it, but Gax feels sad for her. She looks up, as if she is surprised that he wants to know.
“It will be a few weeks, probably, although it could be sooner if there is someone who really likes my profile,” her voice holds the slightest of tremors and Gax winces inwardly. “Otherwise, I will probably get to look at a few profiles the week after. A decision will have to be made within two moons, usually.” Her eyes look damp suddenly and Gax dips his head, deciding that a change of subjects might be better for now.
“It’s still hot at the moment, and I was hoping to go to a beach or something on Hexaday before the season turns,” he says, in as normal a voice as possible. “Would you recommend a particular one?” Inritia taps her lips with her well looked after finger nails.
“It depends on what you want,” she says in the end, “They are both near the bridges, you know, the double bridges. One is more open to the tide though. The first one is really sheltered and can get busy, as it’s easier to get to. The second one is across the bridge, then across the little island. It’s not as busy, but there you’d have to leave well before sunset.” Gax nods. The quiet beach sounds lovely. But wait, did she say leave early? Why? “Oh, it’s because they don’t want people staying out too late, especially young people. Being on the beach like that, when it’s dusk, well, it leads to issues,” Inritia explains. Gax sighs, but smothers it into a little cough. Seriously? He asks how large the beach is and if there will be plenty of space.
“It will be busy, as it’s Hexaday,” Inritia says doubtfully, “but then, you’re not allowed more than seven people anyway, so it should be fine.” Gax dips his head, storing that little bit of information away. Not more than seven, like, on the beach, or anytime, anywhe
re? Somehow he isn’t surprised, but Gax is determined to ask Caecilia to see what can be done. “You’re still weird then,” Inritia asks him, with only a hint of her old snippiness in place. Gax grins and shrugs, what can he say?
Inritia swallows, then tightens her lips. “Well, long may it last for you, but I prefer normal and a quiet life thanks,” and walks out of the room with steps almost as loud as Grabus’ footfall.
That night he is glad when the timer wakes him, feeling rested enough, although his eyes sting a little. He gets dressed in the dark, as quietly as possible, Book in his pocket. He slips downstairs, hesitating at the door. What if Grabus has reported him today? They might watch him a bit more carefully tonight. Caecilia hadn’t made any eye contact at the gymnasium, so Gax assumes she hasn’t heard anything. Grabus had made some odd comments today, clearly unhappy with Gax’s change back to weirdo. Inritia had looked worried, making Gax wonder if Grabus would go that far.
He pushes it out of his mind and leaves the house, the door closing behind him without a sound this time. “It’s amazing what a little bit of oil can do,” Gax smiles, having carefully cleaned that part of the house this afternoon. Whilst cleaning and scrubbing away he had also oiled the door and the lock, hoping that to the person watching him on camera it would just seem like he was cleaning.
Caecilia is waiting for him in the dark. Gax switches on his little torch. Quietly they talk, Caecilia asking question after question, Gax answering as well as he can. “Rest from what, though,” Caecilia insists, “for surely you don’t expect people to not work? You work hard, I know from what you have said that you get upset with people doing the bare minimum. Why?” Gax thinks about it, yes it does annoy him.
“You get a careless society that way,” he starts, “one where only the necessary stuff gets done. It makes people unhappy too, as there is no job satisfaction. You never feel pleased with a job well done.” Caecilia shrugs and explains that it really doesn’t matter, for who would notice anyway? Gax swallows, his mouth opens, letting the words out that he had kept in and avoided for so long. He had tried to stay vague, not commit to anything. He didn’t want anyone to be put off, he didn’t want to come up with the goods as it were. Now his mouth just opens, “God. God would notice.”
Caecilia looks at him, he can see her eyes, looking very blank in the light of his torch. “Who?” Gax groans inside, not even knowing where to start. He knew telling her straight would lead to awkward questions, disbelief and ridicule. That is why he had hoped she would first get to know a lot more about God’s attributes, His promises and His goodness.
He takes a deep breath and starts at the beginning, “Well, you see, in the beginning…” Caecilia listens, looking more and more confused, but giving a nod every now and then, dipping her head when Gax explains how everything went wrong, how death, sadness and suffering came into the world. Her eyes narrow when he tells her of Him who came, making that amazing invitation, promising rest to all those that followed Him. Her eyes widen when he explains to her about Him dying, standing up suddenly when he tells her how this Person came to life again.
She walks to the doorway, looking out over the pitch dark countryside. “That’s like someone coming back from Downstream,” she says, her voice bitter, yet full of longing. “Nobody ever comes back from there. Not ever.”
Gax swallows, then whispers, “I did. I came from there. Well, not Downstream, but outside Elabi anyway. My grandmother came from here and now I have returned.” She spins round, rolling her eyes at him.
“You’re not the same person, what I mean is someone very old, at the end of their life, going Downstream to save their family the heartache and embarrassment of them, well, not living anymore.” Gax is the one narrowing his eyes now, surely she knows it’s called dying? He shrugs a little, feeling the pull of the argument, his whole mind going down the track of convincing her, of proving things to her, of reasoning with Caecilia. He breathes in deeply, taking a walled city seems easier than ruling your own mind somehow.
“Well, you see, that wasn’t the end.” He tells of how this Man was seen by his friends and followers, how he returned to heaven, and how his followers then spread the word, accompanied by God’s power. Caecilia listens and Gax can feel her softening again. He takes another deep breath, this one because he is relieved that he didn’t get tempted into a lengthy argument.
“And He is the one offering Living water?” Caecilia asks when Gax stops, his voice trailing off in the dark, the lilt completely gone. “The One that gives rest? But what rest? You mean from fear of the end, from feeling hurt by people, from knowing you’ve hurt others? That sort of rest?” Gax dips his head, amazed at her insight, pleased with her honesty. Caecilia sits down, looking dreamy, staring off into the darkness. “So what difference will it make, apart from giving me that life like you have, causing more trouble?” Gax hesitates, part of him wonders that sometimes, wonders if it’s really worth it. He knows it is, of course he does, but how can he prove it? Why invite trouble, difficulty and even being sent beyond the hills? How does he convince someone of the profit to be gained by all that?
In the end he talks about a verse from his Book, “Everything is made beautiful in its own time. God has put time, or eternity, in the hearts of people and God sees everything. He does it, so we will fear and follow Him and everything He does lasts forever. Whatever we do, He will require an account from us.” Caecilia dips her head, then with a very shaky voice tells Gax that she’ll think about it.
She stands up and Gax jumps up as well, panicky, as he really needs to talk to her about Hexaday. “Listen, Caecilia, I have a plan, I mean, I don’t know anybody, except for you. Well, and Grabus and Inritia, of course, but…” He groans, way to go mate. He breathes in deeply, “Look, what I mean is, as it’s still hot, could we go to the beach with some other young people or something?”
He stares at her through the dark. Will she accept? Caecilia nods slowly, her eyes suddenly looking lighter, her soft smile back, even though not as bright as usually. “Yes, yes, that would be lovely. I will ask some people I know. Of course, we can’t be with more than seven and some people I know are already on the Nuptialem List, so they have to be more careful. We’ll be back early as well, especially if we go to the proper beach.” Gax dips his head, yep, he already knew all that. He is feeling pleased, almost as if he belongs, knowing the rules, the way things work.
“You’ll have to be careful though, talking about Him, God? That would be awkward to say the least.” She smiles at him, raises her chin and disappears into the dark. Gax lets go of his breath, not even realising he was holding it. He has a plan; a way to connect with people. Now he just needs a place for his Book.
Chapter 31
Waking up in the morning is getting harder, Gax notices, pushing on the throbbing vein in his temple. He left his Book in his trouser pocket, not sure where to put it. If he hides it outside, in his garden, as he was planning to, retrieving it will be hard in the daytime and cost him valuable time in the night. It will also be too dark to read. He needs to read every day, even if it’s just a small portion. So the Book is in his pocket. Gax yawns through his breakfast, trying to suppress each yawn, worried that the watchers will pick up on it and guess that he’s not sleeping well at night. He leaves for work early again, taking a different route, trying to find a different bush to hide in. Gax is close to the city by the time he finds one, making him feel tight in his stomach.
He finds the verses that he mentioned to Caecilia last night and the words brush away his tiredness. This is why he is here, because there will be an account demanded from each person in Elabi and he, Gax, is the one to tell them about it. He swallows, thinking of Grabus’ angry glares all day and people’s reactions each time he shows some kindness. Gax gets up, it is time to get to work, to face another day. It’s a busy morning and Gax watches people coming and going, the shop still eerily quiet. No chatter or banter in shops here, he thinks, his shoulders drooping suddenly. Grab
us stomps out of the shop just before Gax’s lunch break, glaring at Gax and even Inritia doesn’t get a proper acknowledgement. Gax looks at her, wondering what is going on.
“He had a meeting yesterday evening,” she hisses when she sees him looking. “I don’t think it went too well. After all, he has only just been made an Umbo, it takes time to move up another level and he has been a bit too impatient. They don’t like people looking too keen; they get too emotionally involved. Which is obviously true, ‘cause he’s sulking now, isn’t he? Now he’s gone to have lunch with one of his buddies, the buddy who didn’t support him or speak up for him in the meeting yesterday,” Inritia continues, her cat teeth showing.
Gax wrinkles his nose, “No wonder Grabus is unhappy today! Being let down by friends always hurts,” he says. Inritia stares at him for a second, then rolls her eyes and shrugs.
“Everyone knows that is how it works. Why would his friend speak up? It wasn’t going to make a difference anyway. It would just make the friend look out of touch with reality as well.” It is Gax’s turn to stare. Is she saying that..? “I mean, what is a friend? Doesn’t mean to say you have to make emotional statements, or lose all logical thinking. His friend was there, so it’s not as if he did anything wrong. It’s Grabus who let his heart run away from his head, who thought too highly of himself. That’s the problem, you see, he let the whole Umbo status go to his head and stopped thinking. He’s even changed as a manager, suddenly moans about the state of the shop on a Onesday morning. He knows the Mansits always leave it in a state. Now he almost seems to take it personally. Same as his friend. Why would he think his friend would speak up in some meeting? There was nothing to say, really.”
Walled City (The Elabi Chronicles Book 1) Page 18
