Gax dips his head, “That would be interesting,” he says, his heart rate speeding up thinking about that possibility. “I might put some gliders under the coracle,” he says, hoping fervently that it won’t be necessary, praying softly, “…that your flight might not be in the winter,” understanding that verse better all of a sudden. Walking all the way to the lighthouse with the coracle on his back will be hard enough as it is and his shoulders ache merely thinking about it. Having to pull the coracle through snow, plodding along through the wet white stuff, Gax can think of better ways to get out of Elabi. “It will take me a good few weeks,” he explains, “Not just getting the necessary branches, but building the thing itself as well. Let’s just pray that the snow will hold off for a lot of weeks, more than I need to build my tiny craft!” Caecilia nods, yes, as many weeks as possible, she prays, not just for the snow to stay away, but also for Gax to stay here.
Chapter 41
Gax is happy at how eager all three Elabi citizens are to learn from his Book. He has been thinking how to fulfil that hunger for the Book. “I’m thinking of getting a printer,” he shares with Caecilia one evening, “so I could type out some portions, then print them off.”
Caecilia smiles, “You can’t buy a personal printer!” Gax stares at her, wondering if she had misunderstood him.
“I don’t mean a huge thing, just a small personal one, like a little inkjet, or something like that. I just need a few sheets a week, that’s all.” It is clear that Caecilia has no idea what an inkjet may be, but she still shakes her head.
“You can’t buy personal printers,” she says, “If you need to print you have to go to the Bibliotheca and they will approve whatever you want to print. I don’t think they will approve printing words from the Book, though,” she giggles, imagining the manager at the Bibliotheca looking through Gax’s copy. Gax pulls a face, how annoying! “The other place where they have a printer is at the City Hall, upstairs, it’s just for members of the council. Of course, beyond the hills is where the printing press is for approved books, but yours won’t be on the list,” she smiles, although her smile looks rather sad. Caecilia has really come to love Gax’s Book, getting him to read more and more from it each time they meet up. “I really wished there was a way,” she says, with a sigh, her dark eyes looking dreamy, shaded by her long eyelashes. Gax looks down, forcing his head to stay on topic.
Back at the house Gax tries to find another way round the fact that he has only one Book and no way of reproducing it. He hesitates, then decides to do what he once heard another operator had done in a far away country where resources were limited. He swallows, casually goes into the bathroom, then, as fast as possible he pulls the tiny pocket knife out of his bag, and opens his Book. Very, very carefully he folds the Book back as far as possible, then starting at the top he uses the little knife to undo the binding of the Book. His hands are shaking a little, because he knows he hasn’t got very long. After he manages to get one portion free he pushes his book back into his pocket, knife back in the bag, flushes the toilet and washes his hands. He will need to wait a while, then he can go in again and do a bit more.
By the time it’s midnight again, Gax has a few portions loosened up already. He wonders which part to give to Caecilia. None of the portions are huge, it’s just a few chapters really. On the other hand, he sees her almost every night, so it’s easy for her to swap a portion over. Caecilia is thrilled when he shows her. “What a wonderful idea,” she gushes, her soft, clear voice higher than usual, her dark eyes sparkling. Her hands tremble a bit and she hugs the thin wad of papers. Gax smiles at her, feeling warm inside, his own face glowing along in sympathy. He looks at her trembling hands and he has to curl his fingers into fists in his roomy pockets to stop them from reaching out and touching hers. He swallows, thinking of the first few branches in the corner of the garden. Winter will be here soon, too soon.
Reicii is thrilled as well and assures Gax that his reading is good enough, even though his education hasn’t been that great. He flicks through the pages eagerly, reading a verse here and there to show Gax that he is able to read as well as comprehend the words. They have a wonderful time looking at some of the accounts, wondering along with the people in the reading, “Who is this Man?” Reicii is restless before the usual time. In the end he smiles at Gax apologetically. “I usually manage to go home for breakfast,” he says, “and this time I want to go home to read through these pages, quiet like, you know, just read through.” Gax dips his head, pleased with the Mansit’s eagerness. “I will see you again, then I will love to get new words,” Reicii continues, his eyes shining already, too excited almost to enjoy the present bundle of pages.
Gax smiles on his way to work. It’s so encouraging to meet up with Reicii, his eyes bright and so full of questions. When he arrives, Inritia is in the staffroom, her face looking pale, even though she tries to hide it by vigorously rubbing her cheeks every now and again. Gax stares at her, “Are you alright?” He asks, then shrugs, “Sorry, wrong question,” as he notices her lips pulling back in her weird sneer. Inritia shakes her head, tears suddenly filling her dark eyes, turning the tip of her nose a brighter red. Gax notes that this doesn’t improve matters at all, but he steers his eyes away from her nose.
“I’m carrying,” she says, her voice shaking. Gax’s eyes light up, how sweet, he thinks and almost says, until he sees her eyes. He dips his head soberly and stammers something along the lines of it being somewhat soon, but Inritia shrugs. “I have to, at my age I can’t hang around. Also, with my…” She swallows, saying defect out loud sounds awful and is dangerous as well, even though she is speaking to Gax. “With my genetics, I might not be able to keep my child anyway,” she adds, her tears losing their grip on her lashes. They slide down her smooth, regular face, one ends up dangling off the tip of her red nose. Gax forces himself to look away from her nose again and nods. Suddenly Inritia says, “Do you read?” Gax feels the shock of her words tingling in his fingertips. Why is she asking that? Does she suspect? Did the watchers somehow look into the bathroom after all? Is his Book no longer safe? He tilts his head at her in a questioning gesture, hoping she will give him a clue as to why she asks the question in the first place.
“It’s just that I see how you put books back on the shelf, as if you like and value books,” she explains, her odd teeth appearing. Obviously, to like books is weird as well and Gax gives a tiny sigh, partly because he is so relieved. He nods, explains that his mother used to read to him a lot and that he just loves learning and developing his knowledge.
“I love to find out about…” he almost said ‘other countries and places’ but manages to keep the words in just in time. “..about all sorts of things,” he finishes lamely. Inritia nods, then admits in a very soft whisper that she wished there were books about carrying a baby inside you, rather than having to make do with the things the sanatorium tells you.
“I would love to just read it for myself, you know, like information, pictures, that sort of thing. I wished there were books about it,” she ends wistfully. Gax clamps his jaws together, the words almost blurting out by themselves that yes, there are books available on pregnancies. More than Inritia could possibly read in the next nine months! None of these are available in Elabi though, so he dips his head, but is it too late? Inritia looks at him a funny expression in her eyes, still damp after her earlier outburst. “You know something,” she hisses, “you know something about books that we don’t,” and her dark eyes never leave his face for a moment. Gax can feel his cheeks warming up, the familiar tingling starting just underneath his cheekbones, the glow spreading from there. “Please share a book,” she whispers suddenly, very softly, her words barely above a breath, “any book, just a book that isn’t from these shelves telling me to be logical and factual. A book that says that having emotions isn’t unforgivable and punishable, that doesn’t make me an enemy of the state. Please,” she ends on a barely audible sob.
Gax hesitates, what
should he do? The little bundles in his pockets suddenly feel heavy, and when he pushes his fists back into his pockets, his fingers close around some of the bundles. He swallows, knowing that giving a bundle to Inritia is asking for trouble. She has told him before that there is no such thing as personal loyalty, only loyalty to Elabi. Friendship doesn’t exist, so what is there to stop her from going straight to the authorities with whichever bundle he gives her? On the other hand, she seems genuinely upset and in turmoil. Should he trust her? Should he risk it all, in order to help her? Will it put the other three at risk if he gives her a part of his Book? Will the council search the city if they find out and go looking for the other parts? He just stands there, looking at her, his thoughts racing around with the voice of reason pointing out the danger and consequences, his heart pointing out that surely that is why he has come to Elabi? He came to share the Word, didn’t he? So why won’t he give a part of the Book to somebody who asks?
“You look…like I asked you something terrible and maybe I did,” Inritia whispers, making Gax jump, breaking his thoughts from their runaway track. She looks over his shoulder, then adds even quieter, “I know what I asked, I know it’s dangerous, but I trust you. I know you’re different, so I risked asking you, hoping you won’t betray me. But please, I need something, anything to…” her bright coloured lips tremble and she stops, fighting back fresh tears, her nose turning red once more. Gax dips his head, then, after a very quick glance over his shoulder, which he realises is pointless as soon as he does it, he turns half away from her. He will give her a portion, but he doesn’t want her to be too aware that he has many more bundles in his pocket. He is relieved he divided them up over his two pockets this morning. He pulls a handful out, quickly glancing at the index words at the top of the pages. Then he hands her a little pack. Her eyes widen in shock and she just stares at his outstretched hand. Inritia gives a small gasp, looking up at him, all tears gone.
“You do realise the implications,” he says, keeping his voice low, trying to sound as casually as he can, as he doesn’t want her to realise that he is petrified. She nods several times still looking shocked. Then her fingers close round the little pack, her well polished nail in stark contrast to the thin papers. She looks at the words at the top, “ps…psalem, psalm,” she reads, her tongue struggling and her cat teeth appear. Inritia looks up at him. “Psalm, that’s it? A book that will help me?” He nods, trying to look convinced, then raises his chin and spins round to the cupboard as he hears Grabus’ voice not that far away from the door. Inritia turns very pale, and quickly hides the small pages, then rubs her face vigorously once more, before walking through the door into the shop.
Gax’s hands shake for most of the first shelf. It is only by the time he gets to the bottom shelf of his chosen section that he feels himself grow calmer. He prays and finds himself quietly muttering the words from the pages he has just given her, praying that he hasn’t just unleashed Elabi’s wrath over himself, “…lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
When he hands Sleym his bundle in the afternoon he tries to smile as the man looks at him with a worried frown. “Are you sure about this?” Sleym’s voice is soft, not because he fears they will be overheard, but because he seems more frail. Gax nods reassuringly, and Sleym looks down on the very thin paper. Then he looks up, blinking rapidly, and says, “I recognise it, of course, it looked like this many moons ago.” He smiles a little then, still trying to force tears to stay in by blinking furiously. “I scares me, it does, it really scares me, but on the other hand…It’s like fresh water, it’s like receiving a precious gift.” He nods a few times, as if daring Gax to disagree. Together they read a part from the pages that appear just before Sleym’s bundle, so he knows a bit more about the context. He listens and soon he forgets to blink, setting the tears at liberty, just like his heart.
With the sun set enough to make watching him impossible, Gax heads home, today’s events going around in his head, whilst his hands busily cut and test branches. He collects a good load of pliable long branches, carries them to the house, dropping them in the garden in a sheltered corner. He rolls his shoulders back into shape, breathing hard, his breath making little steam puffs in front of his face. He looks at the pile of branches, knowing that it won’t take many more trips until he has collected enough to build his coracle. He forces his breathing to slow down going into the house. Winter is nearly here and he has no way of telling when he will need to go. Knowing four portions of his Book are now out in Elabi, in other people’s possession, makes his hands itch and he can feel the urgency to get ready pushing at him from inside.
Chapter 42
Fifday morning feels colder than ever. Gax shivers as he leaves the house for the city, dressed in several layers. When he walks into the staff room Inritia is there, still looking pale, busy polishing her nails. She looks up when he enters and after a quick glance round hands him the small portion of his Book back. “Thanks, but it’s not my thing. I don’t know what I was thinking yesterday, must be because of my situation,” she says, trying to sound casual. “I did read most of it, it was…beautiful, I suppose, but nah, not my thing.” Gax dips his head, feeling disappointed and a little hurt. Inritia has returned to her nails and Gax wonders if it’s worth mentioning something to her.
“I’m glad you read it,” he smiles, hoping that she will say something about it, giving him some sort of opening, but she just shrugs. After a quick glance at the door she just repeats that she liked it well enough, but it wasn’t her type of reading.
“I won’t tell anyone, so you don’t need to worry about that,” she says, baring her cat teeth, giving another shrug. “Just be careful who you give it to,” she adds, softly. Gax nods, still sad that she doesn’t want to discuss it. He’d had high hopes last night, even mentioned it to Caecilia, without naming any names. Now she has simply returned the Book and that’s that. Inritia gets up and goes into the shop, leaving Gax behind. He sighs and gets a clean cloth out. Maybe he should have given her a different portion? Maybe he should have said more about the Book before giving it to her? Whilst dusting the shelves he steadies his racing thoughts, “Thy will be done.”
Caecilia commiserates with him when he tells her that night. “How sad! How could she not be moved by those words? I don’t understand, but then, she would struggle I suppose. It’s so against everything we have ever learned about!” Gax nods, feeling better to have shared it with Caecilia. He tells her that tomorrow night he can start building his coracle, as by then he will have enough materials. He feels a sense of relief, but a huge part of him feels sad about leaving Elabi, especially a certain person. “It will be so awful without you here,” Caecilia whispers and her lips tremble. She presses them together for a moment then asks, “Will you leave your Book here, or do you need to take it with you?” Gax shakes his head, promising to give all the portions to her before he leaves. Caecilia exchanges her portion before going home, still looking sad. Gax admits to himself the pleasure it gives him to hear she will miss him so much. The only snag is, he will miss her as well.
The following night Gax manages to carry more branches to the old stone tower. He is sweating and hot by the time he gets there, his breath coming in white frosty puffs against the dark night sky. Caecilia helps him to arrange the branches inside the tower, pushing them in a corner as much as possible, “Just in case somebody happens to pass. Now they won’t spot the branches,” she explains. “Otherwise questions might be raised.” Gax nods, nudging a stray branch into the main bunch. They sit down on the stone bench and Gax starts off with the right branch, struggling with the pliable but tough wood. Caecilia watches him with interest. “It’s a little like basket weaving I suppose,” she says, watching him bending the branch. “How will you make the boat waterproof? Will you use wax? Will it still be hot enough out in the sun?”
Gax nods, “I might use wax, I know it’s easy to get. Another option is linseed oil, I won’t need heat in that case.” Caecil
ia nods and Gax says, “I asked Reicii from the shop whether they have it and he says they have, although the bottles aren’t very large.” The end of their time that night sees a small start to the coracle, just a few laths really, but Gax is pleased. He rubs his hands, as it’s cold and the wood isn’t easy to work with. Talking to Caecilia is a great distraction though. It’s only when walking back to the house that he realises how sore his fingers are! He slips into the bathroom and quietly puts some lotion on his hands after cleaning them. He is glad when he slides back under the covers, exhausted and grateful he has one more day off from work.
By the end of the following week the coracle is more or less done. It’s just the cloth cover that needs to be made. The coracle is larger than he planned, but he remembers the squashed conditions on his way into Elabi. So Gax determined that the journey home should be marginally more comfortable. He is worried about the weather as well. “The craft needs to be able to cope with a winter storm,” he explains, “as I don’t know exactly when I will leave. I will need to leave before winter, but when is that? I’m just aware that something could happen, making it necessary to get out in a hurry, in which case I need the coracle to be able to cope with whatever weather it is that day.” Caecilia nods; she has been feeling tense this last week, knowing the little boat is almost done. She is sure people around her are aware something is up.
“It’s just the way they look at me, my parents, well, my mother. And Macia. She is hard to trick as she is so determined, always snooping around. I’m terrified she will come across my bundle of the Book, so I keep it hidden on me all the time, just in case. It’s just those funny looks she gives me. It scares me. What if I have changed and people around me notice it?” she pulls at her bottom lip, staring off into the distance, her dark eyes wide, worry streaming from her whole being. Gax dips his head, and looks at her in the almost dark room, sitting on the stone bench in a long light blue dress. He smiles a little, as he thinks she has changed, but definitely for the better. She was always pretty, but now he calls it beautiful. She’s radiant and kind, so he tells her, making her blush furiously. “You’re not helping,” she says, and elbows him, blushing even more.
Walled City (The Elabi Chronicles Book 1) Page 25
