“It’s true, you have changed, but it’s inside you that has changed, your heart has changed,” he says, “and I don’t think that can be avoided either, not really, not when you read and obey the Book and God,” he adds. She nods, admitting that she doesn’t mind as such, but that she is worried for the consequences.
“Not just for me, I’m prepared to accept them. I have always known that the outcome will probably be beyond the hills, or something like that. I accept that, not that I want to, but it’s part of the price I have to pay to know God and belong to Him. It’s my family that I worry about. My parents and especially my younger sister. She’s sweet, and my mother is so soft-spoken, she’ll have a terrible time if things go wrong.” She sounds upset and Gax gives her hand a squeeze, leaving his fingers tingling, as if an electric current was flowing through her. He swallows, his heart beating wildly, all ideas of leaving Elabi tumbling off into the darkness.
“I know I should be courageous and trust God. I read that in the portion I had the other day,” she says, her voice suddenly sounding a little lighter, as if talking about the little wads of paper she has been reading helps her to rise above the circumstances and fears. “It was the account of Joshua, I think,” she smiles, looking into the night, “and how God told him not to be afraid.”
She shudders a bit, “Fancy having to lead those people, with their grumbling and complaining and so much unknown territory ahead. But he was told to be courageous. I know my situation is nothing like that. It’s just…” She stops, Gax sees the tears climb over the brim and go clambering down her cheeks, which glow pale in the moonlight. After a while Caecilia continues, “It’s just knowing that it’s going to go wrong sooner or later, questions will be asked, then the whole chain of events will start rolling and continue to do so, without me being able to do anything about it.”
Gax dips his head, “It’s hard, I know what you mean. It caused me to…to blend in for a while,” he reminds her, shame warming his cheeks faster than a good bonfire could. “I…feel for you and I’m sorry if it happens after I have gone,” he ends in a very quiet whisper, the reality of those words weighing on him. He doesn’t dare to tell her that he has spent most nights twisting and turning, trying to think of a way to come back, to stay, to…to do anything apart from saying goodbye to her forever. Nothing has come of it so far, apart from Yulra making a comment about him being still awake and did he want his favourite music on for a while? He can’t tell Caecilia though, not until he has some sort of brainwave and a brilliant plan to share with her. He doesn’t want to give her any false hopes.
Covering the cloth in linseed oil is messy and not as easy as it sounds, the cloth needing to dry in between. Having to do the cover in semi-darkness is more awkward than Gax was expecting. Caecilia holds his torch for him, exclaiming over the brightness and weight of the torch. Gax hates the oily, sticky feeling on his hands, but he has to make sure the entire cloth is waterproof. After a while he skims off the excess oil, leaving the cloth to dry a bit. He will do another layer tomorrow night, then the tricky job of stretching it over the entire coracle will need to be done. After that, the craft is ready. “What if there is snow?” Caecilia asks. Gax explains that he will make two runners underneath the coracle to push it through snow.
“I will also make some snow shoes, just in case,” he says, looking worried. In the last few days the air has had a wintery feel to it, and this morning as well as yesterday morning there was frost on the grass when he got up. He is glad about his new leather boots, held on by long thin straps. They’re quite a job to get on, but once they’re on they’re comfortable, keeping his feet dry and warm. “Packing my bag is going to be hard,” he says, “as I can’t do it in the daytime, not with the watcher staring at me through the camera. You’d think they’d given up by now!” Caecilia shrugs and explains that once on their list it’s not easy to get off.
“Usually they will watch you for a few moons, but they must have seen you were different, or maybe they still get reports on you. You haven’t changed and that’s maybe why they carry on watching.” Gax nods, groans. “Never mind,” Caecilia smiles, “You’ll find a way round them. Can you pack in your bathroom?” Gax agrees that the bathroom is the best place for packing his bag.
“I have already started collecting a few smaller items in the bathroom, ready to be packed when it’s time. I’m always worried that they’ll search the house again though, like they did at the beginning.” Caecilia doubts they will do so, as they’re watching him.
“They won’t want to admit that something has gotten past them, so whoever has been watching you will insist there is no need to search the house as they know exactly what is going on. They’ll be too proud to allow somebody to think they might have missed something. It also is a lot of effort, as well as a risk. You see,” she explains when he looks at her questioningly, “You see, if one person insists on a search, and the watchers protest, well, that person would have to be very sure that they’ll find something, otherwise they will be in trouble for wasting resources as well as manpower and time.”
Gax smiles at her, “How would I have coped here without you.”
The following night the linseed oil coating is completed and a few nights later the coracle is done. He manages to make the runners in such a way that it won’t take him very long to attach them to the little boat. They both sigh, Gax with pleasure and pride, Caecilia with grief that Gax is ready to leave any day now. He shakes his head when she tells him, “I won’t just go. I certainly don’t want to go without telling you or saying goodbye!” The words stick in his throat a little, for however hard he has puzzled over it in the last week, he still has no solution. He dreads having to say goodbye, but he has no choice. There is no way that he can return to Elabi once he has left and staying on is not an option either. He can’t possibly ask her to leave her family and her people behind, so it will have to be goodbye. Caecilia nods, unaware of his struggle, but looking very sad when it’s time for them to go home. Gax feels heavy walking back to the house. It is only when he gets to the door that he notices the tiny white flecks drifting down quietly, hardly leaving any trace on the ground.
Chapter 43
The snow didn’t settle and the next few days are cold, but dry. Gax sighs with relief when he gets up to see another sunny morning. It’s still autumn, even though winter is just round the corner, but he is determined to stay in Elabi as long as he can. After all, three people depend on him, and he is still hoping that more will show an interest. Walking home that Fifday afternoon he is amazed by the amount of people milling about. There is no chatter, of course, but there is an undercurrent, like a very low mumbling sound. The streets of Elabi are filled with people, mainly men. Gax is able to recognise most of them as Mansits, judging by their clothes and appearances. Many of them have yellow skin, and sunken cheeks, looking ill and emaciated. None of them look at him as they shuffle past. Gax notices that there are guards walking along the streets as well, which makes him feel uneasy. Most Fifday afternoons it has been busy, but this is much busier. Then he remembers that Reicii explained that the Mansits from beyond the hills will move into the city for the duration of the winter. Most Mansits, anyway.
Gax looks around, wondering if he will spot Reicii, as he might need a hand settling in. Most Mansits seem to carry a large cloth bag, although quite a few seem to travel light, their large cloth bags only partially filled. Gax feels excitement growing. Will these Mansits be more open to his message? Are they the reason he is still here, still at large and so reluctant to go? He finds himself studying each person that he passes, looking for some sort of sign that they are open to chatting with him. None of them make eye contact; the one or two who do, quickly divert their eyes when he raises his chin at them, their faces going hard. One looks back after just a second, then averts his eyes which have gone wide with fear. Gax sighs, feeling their hostility and fear. He can’t really blame them, with the guards walking around. Suddenly he spots the guar
d that he talked to many moons ago in the park. The guard who had mentioned people of the Book, but had not shown any interest himself. Gax looks at him, his heart beating excitedly at seeing a familiar face. The guard’s eyes drift across the many pedestrians, then latch onto Gax’s face. Gax sees the recognition sparkle in the man’s eyes, and the guard lifts his chin a tiny bit in greeting, his facial expression never changing. Gax has hardly had time to return the greeting before the guard has looked away. It is as if nothing happened. Gax feels the downward pull in his shoulders, but reminds himself that the guard has to protect himself and his own reputation, and it must be stressful having to watch such a crowd.
At the city gates are extra guards, and a huge queue of Mansits trying to enter the city. Gax squeezes through the small gap to get out of the city and looking towards the hills he can spot the white sheen across the hilltops. He walks home slowly. Does the arrival of the Mansits from beyond the hills signal winter in Elabi? He doesn’t want to leave just yet, as a whole new mission field has arrived in the city. When he gets to his house he decides to give it some time. Sleym looked very frail yesterday, Reicii has obviously just moved into the city and might be willing and able to meet up more. Also, Reicii might know fellow Mansits who are open to the message. This thought makes Gax feel better. He envisions little underground clandestine meetings happening all over the city, his pockets empty as all portions will be in use, a complex system of swapping them set up to ensure all the new interested followers get to read new pages each time.
Caecilia agrees with him when he mentions it that night. “Some of them might be more open,” she says, “especially the ones that are ill, as surely they must be wondering about what happens next?” Gax nods, determined to ask Reicii that Seconday when they’ll meet up again. Caecilia has now almost finished all the little bundles and they struggle together to find ones that she hasn’t read yet. Gax tells her about the guard whom he recognised. “I hope he’ll still be friendly towards you,” she says softly, “you will need to be careful though, as he might want to make some kind of promotion this winter. Maybe he needs extra points to stay on the right level, so it might be better to avoid him.” Gax explains that the guard had looked away rather quickly this afternoon. Caecilia nods, “Yes, that was wise of him, after all, the Mansits and other guards are all settling in, and everyone is looking for suspicious connections or troublemakers. Linking up with people that they wouldn’t normally be associated with would be seen as odd and it would be flagged up. Maybe you’ll be alright then, he obviously doesn’t want to see harm come to you.” She smiles, relief clearly visible in her face. Gax nods, his own heartbeat settling down, then picking up again when he finds himself watching her face, the smooth cheeks, just the right colour, her dark hair in a long braid down her back, her dark eyes reflecting the moonlight. Gax has to look away and brush at his trousers, flicking imaginary bits of dust from his woollen trouser leg.
Sleym looks more frail than ever, Gax notices. The old man doesn’t return Gax’s greeting, instead he holds out a letter, his hand shaking. Gax looks at the letter, then gasps. It’s the Downstream summons. Sleym Effugatis has been informed that his time in Elabi has come to an end and has been given a date to be ready to leave the city for good. Gax looks at Sleym, who shrugs and says, “There we are. I knew it was going to come, come soon in fact. It was the way my son and his wife Clariso kept glancing at me, then at each other. I just knew they’d either mentioned it themselves, or been asked by a council member. I just knew it,” he ends, his voice trembling more than his hands. Gax dips his head, feeling a shudder deep inside his heart. Fancy knowing that your own son had told the council it was time for his father to move on. “You see, Clariso is expecting again. They didn’t want to have any more children while Palam was so loud and they feared something would happen to him. Now that he is alright, they are ready to have more children, they told me.” He swallows, whispers, “After all the time and prayers I spent on Palam, I love the little boy and to leave him is so hard.” Then he continues after a bit, “So now they’re expecting they will need more space in the house I suppose. It’s only a small house, you see.” Gax nods, trying to look sympathetic, his mind screaming that surely there should be space still for Sleym; space should never be a reason to send the father Downstream. Sleym looks away. “I have been feeling rather unwell, especially the last week or so. Breathless, tired and my tasks have become a struggle, but still…”
Gax is sad the rest of that day, although maybe Sleym going is another confirmation that his time in Elabi is up as well. He feels for the old man, who is so alone and scared, not knowing what to expect and new in the faith. Gax wonders what he should share with him on Quarday, as that will be the last time they’ll be able to meet in Elabi. Gax swallows, the thought of the coming farewell making him feel tight in his chest. Then he thinks about the next morning, his meeting with Reicii and he realises that he will have to set up some form of communication between Reicii and Caecilia without them knowing each other, in order to reduce the risk to them both. Caecilia will have the portions of his Book, so she will have to keep a system going where Reicii can swap his bundles for new ones. Gax sighs, maybe next week, or possibly the week after he should leave Elabi. That will give him another two or even three meetings with Reicii and quite a few more meetings with Caecilia. He doesn’t want to count or guestimate those, as it makes his mind drift from his purpose and calling. He needs to stay focussed now, as he hasn’t much time left and needs to make sure everything is well organised when he is gone.
Gax gets to the large bush before Reicii. He hesitates, has he got the day right? Then he remembers that Reicii is now living in the city, rather than just staying in the city for a few days each week. That might have made him late. He feels a tiny speck of tension throbbing away in the corner or his mind though. He tries to peek out of the bush, to spot Reicii coming. When Reicii finally arrives Gax gasps. His face has gone yellow, his eyes look bloodshot, eye sunken in their sockets. Reicii raises his chin in greeting, then looks away, his eyes no longer bright and sparkling, but dull, his lips pressed together, mouth turned down. “It’s the Hillixer,” he says, his voice sounding hoarse and raspy. “Some people are affected straight away, others seem to be able to live on it for years without any damage or bad effects. I’m obviously not one of the lucky ones.” Gax dips his head, even though he has no idea what Reicii is on about. He guesses that it’s some kind of drink, something home brewed probably. He is shocked by the effect on Reicii and not just the look of his skin. Gax swallows, struggles not to stare at Reicii’s face, normally so bright and animated. To see such a horrific change in just a few days leaves him stunned.
Gax decides to simply discuss things like they usually do, so he forces his voice to sound as normal as possible and asks Reicii if he would like a new portion of the Book. “I can’t find mine,” Reicii croaks, making Gax’s eyes pop out, “I lost it the other day, soon after moving in. It’s shared quarters of course, so it’s a mess. There’s stuff everywhere, but most of it has been sorted out already, so it’s bound to turn up,” he adds with a casual shrug. Gax swallows, wondering what will happen if the wrong person finds the papers, any person really. “The others are alright, I suppose,” Reicii says when Gax carefully wonders out loud about the risk levels. “They’re just normal guys. One of them shared his Hillixer with me and the others, so he’s obviously a generous person. Some have been beyond the hills for ages and I get annoyed how people judge them.” He sounds defensive, as if suspecting Gax of being one of those judgmental Consuetes.
Gax dips his head, empathises with Reicii and the others, saying how hard it must be to move back into the city after a long time away. Reicii nods vigorously, “Yes, it’s really hard. At first, arriving beyond the hills feels like arriving beyond life. Then you get used to it, and actually, life is very different there, there is no pretence or people being all la-di-da either. So you get used to it, used to the…the circumstances
and all that. Then you come back to the city and it’s a shock, it really is and well, some cope better than others.” He looks away, shrugs, his shaking hands restless, readjusting his clothing, tugging at his leather boots. He still hasn’t really looked at Gax, and when Gax tries to bring the conversation round to spiritual matters Reicii peers out through the bush. “I will need to go,” he says, “I need more food and I have to get to work in time as well. I will see you Quarday,” and before Gax has fully recovered he is in the large bush by himself. He turns round and leans his head on his arm against a sturdy branch, feeling hollow and oddly alarmed.
His thoughts circle at top speed through the short meeting, weighing up Reicii’s words and attitude. What about the missing pages? Gax feels his anxiety levels rising, just thinking about all the ways that this could go wrong. He takes a very deep breath, and another until his racing heart drums away at a more normal rate. There is nothing he can do but trust God with the outcome. Maybe he should warn Caecilia though and he will need to think extremely carefully about the way Caecilia will leave portions of the Book for Reicii. On Quarday he will need to have a word with Reicii about precautions and stress the risk levels again. He stares into the distance, feeling a little confused. Normally Reicii is so cautious, making sure that he avoids all suspicion, staying safe from being noticed. Today he was so casual and Gax wonders if the Hillixer is to blame or something else. He walks to the bookshop slowly, navigating the larger crowds thronging the streets of Elabi.
Walled City (The Elabi Chronicles Book 1) Page 26
