Was she? “Fuck.” Moving away from the window, she grabbed the open bottle of cabernet, filling her glass as she thought about everything she and Luke had been talking about over the last weeks. There was something so powerful about his presence and the way he had almost instantly realized she was interested in something more than just a traditional relationship. Stopping short, she honestly couldn’t remember the first time they’d discussed the concept. Hmm… no, she remembered. The event had been a turning point. What she knew about his every day life she was more than impressed with. The other was simply icing.
Luke was a Senior Vice President for a financial advising firm and was well respected as a public speaker. He had children from a previous marriage and one where his ex never knew about his particular desires and needs. Smiling, she thought about the first time they’d kissed after their third date and suddenly everything seemed to change. They’d both grown very hungry. She was completely drawn to his brawn, his intellectual ways and his quiet demeanor.
Pacing the kitchen, Jessie continued to ask herself when and why she wanted to commit to him so fully, completely. In truth Luke was insistent she think about her reasons and try to clearly identify to him what and why. For some reason she was having difficulty figuring out how to put a coherent paragraph together. Only recently he’d asked her to keep a journal of her thoughts, her questions and after two weeks she continued to find the process almost too telling but she knew absolutely necessary. This was her journey but then again one for them both and they needed to be certain.
Biting her lip, she took another gulp of wine and swayed back and forth to the music. Luke had told her very limited information about his discovery he was a Dom, from the first thoughts to learning about the lifestyle including aspects of Head of Household. Jessie continued to ask him questions and while he would answer her, the comments were vague. Luke told her flatly he didn’t want to cloud her decisions in any way. Of course his words made sense but she was the kind of girl who needed to know everything. Having him in charge of every aspect of her life was certainly daunting, there was no doubt about it but the truth was, the understanding of what she, what they were considering together was extremely appealing to her. Jessie had to laugh as she thought about the nights she’d spent on the computer searching for every scrap of information about becoming a good sub.
There were many sites she’d gone to for research and realized just how many Dom’s there seemed to be. Luke called them Dom wannabe’s and had cautioned her about garnering certain information, making certain she understood there were true sadists out there who craved inflicting pain, almost torture. No matter what caveats he’d placed on her knew found knowledge, Jessie believed more and more everyday she longed to be a good sub.
Was there really such a thing? Pressing the back of her hand over her mouth, her mind raced with such thoughts. Luke continued to call her willful and in truth she knew she was. A top-level marketing executive, she was and always had been a balls to the walls kind of woman. From the provocative way she dressed to the car she drove, Jessie was formidable and it wasn’t simply because of her height and prowess. No, Jessie took no prisoners and garnered respect wherever she went. Well spoken and educated, she took everything in her life seriously and the majority of her peers thought of her as extremely powerful and therefore happy with every aspect of her life. Too bad she’d had one failed relationship after another and knew the truth. She hated being in charge and men feared her.
Twirling in a complete circle, she closed her eyes and allowed the incredible and very sensual guitar licks to remind her this was something she wanted, to be owned by one man. Right? Exhaling slowly, Jessie had tried so hard to do what Luke asked, to give a realistic presentation of why she wanted to do this but every time she picked up her pen she was almost frozen by the fear of telling. Perhaps this was admitting all of her flaws, or so others would think. Anxiety had stymied her for years in her desires. She’d pushed them aside moving from one relationship to the next thinking the “right” man would be the perfect knight in shining armor. In truth there were no such creatures for her.
Almost sloshing the wine over the rim of her glass, she couldn’t help but think about the first time Luke had showed her his level of complete authority and one she realized she would learn never to challenge. They’d talked for hours on end about her cravings, the basics of the lifestyle and their shared interests. And the first night he’d spend at her house she made him angry. Chuckling, she took a sip of wine remembering the look on his face. From disappointment to frustration, he’d walked away and sat down in her leather chair, refusing to look at her. And God the entire moment had killed her. Never in her life had she been so incensed at her own behavior.
They were going to be intimate for the first time in her bed and she fucked up the moment with something stupid. Luke had never even explained fully about what, if anything, he would do with regards to punishment for any infractions before the night. He hadn’t pushed her in the least, choosing to allow her to ask questions about everything and anything. But that night he was furious and simply walked away from her. The night had been more than cathartic between them. Of her own choosing she asked him to discipline her. Specifically she’d asked him to turn her over his knee and spank her. To Luke’s credit he did. Then after the moment she couldn’t help but think he hadn’t been harsh enough with her. Only later had he smiled and agreed and then he began to tell her certain differences about his levels of discipline. Whew. There was no doubt she didn’t want to anger him too often.
Laughing softly, Jessie sipped her wine and swayed back and forth. The look on his face had been priceless. When he’d realized she was serious, he’d done just what she asked, spanking her ass until she was in tears, but they were tears of letting go and not from the effects of his hand. And then they made love. Sweet Jesus they’d made love and to date their shared intimacy that night was without a doubt the most intense session of sex she’d ever experienced. Brushing the back of her hand over her mouth, she tried to remind herself the incredible moment wasn’t because of the discipline, but the heady experience of her finally letting go, of her body and soul. The moment for her was about acknowledging for the first time she wanted and what she had to have. No, what was required for her to be happy.
The only other time she had seen him so angry was after a night clubbing. Sadly, Jessie only remembered part of her bad behavior, including drinking too much, coming on to one hot blond male and nearly fucking the stranger in the bathroom, and subsequently upchucking until the wee hours of the morning. Luke had said little, wiped up her puke and put her to bed. And in the morning she’d awakened with a terrible hangover and a sense of knowing how horrible she’d been.
When he hadn’t been able to look at her she’d been mortified. Finally after shedding tears and pleading, he’d taken a belt to her. But only after explaining why he wouldn’t tolerate such deplorable behavior in a calm and very patient demeanor. What an awful breakdown for her but in the end the ugly blip had drawn them closer together – albeit in a difficult manner. There was no doubt that was never going to happen again. Hearing her ringing phone dragged her out of her moment of sheer misery.
As Jessie reached for the phone she smiled. “Luke.”
“How’s my kitty kat?” His voice barely a whisper, he exhaled slowly and growled.
“Missing you.” The man’s voice alone was almost enough to drop her to her knees.
“Good. That’s what you’re supposed to be doing.”
Inhaling deeply, she leaned against the counter and fanned her face, envisioning his carved body and long legs and… “How’s the trip?”
“Going very well. Hey, have you been writing in your journal?”
“Um, some.” The words sounded like a lie even to her. Wrinkling her nose, she could hear his long and rather exasperated sigh. “Just getting ready to sit down.”
“Jezebel, this is one thing I’ve asked you to do for me while I’
m gone. You continue to tell me you’re ready to fully commit. Unfortunately, I’m not certain of your level of commitment.”
Luke could see right through her and always had been able to. The man had an electrified connection straight into her brain. “Yes, sir. You’re right. I’m just not sure what to say.”
“Anything and everything. I simply want to know your thoughts, your concerns. And if you want to add in something about how you feel about me, even better.”
“Tease.”
“You bet. I’ll be home on Saturday and I expect to hear your final answer. If I think you’re wavering at all, I’m going to know. And I won’t go any further.”
Jessie shook her head. She knew exactly what he was saying. “You’re right. Of course. I’ll be ready. I miss you.”
“I miss you.”
“I love you.” The words blurted out, every part of her body froze as chills raced through her system. Dear God, she hadn’t anticipated saying the words. They’d skirted around them for a full month, but to blurt them out now and…would he go crazy? Would he race away? Would he… Cringing, she closed her eyes.
“Kitty kat, I love you too.”
Releasing an audible sigh, she clenched her fist and grinned. “Safe trip back.”
“Don’t worry. I have a special lady to come back to.”
As she hung up the phone she exhaled slowly. “Wow.” Jessie shook her head and eyed the journal on her coffee table. Why was Luke always right? Then again, what the hell was she supposed to write? She’d toyed around with the idea of penning some poems, not only for Luke but also for herself. While she was no artist or poet, so many thoughts raced through her mind she had to do something to release them. Without a doubt she wanted to please him. She wanted to have him smile because of her accomplishments. She longed to have him in her arms in a manner she hadn’t been able to enjoy with other men. Swallowing hard, she brushed her hand through her hair and nodded over and over again.
Nights spent dreaming. Days spent longing. They were going to have some additional “serious discussions”, as he called them, and he wanted her to tell him why and how and when and… Could she do it? Glancing at her watch she smiled before heading to the couch. Today was Wednesday and he was coming over on Saturday night after returning. This trip had been far too long in her opinion and she half suspected he had gone away to give her space and time to think. And prepare. The talk was going to be the most frank they’d had in their time together and maybe sign their respective contracts, entering into something more formal. The concept of a binding contract was interesting and she was prepared. Wasn’t she? “Hell.”
The thought daunting, she sat down and fingered the journal. The title page she’d started almost two weeks before and the page was blank. On Becoming His. The title was perfect for him, her journey and the situation. Sadly, she hadn’t written a damn thing in the entire time other than the title, in blazing red ink no less. Jessie rubbed her eyes and smiled as she remembered their heated dance and the way he looked at her the very first time he’d met her that night at the bar.
Oh yeah the man was hot and she’d been horny and he’d refused to go to bed with her. Chuckling, she had never been so brazen with a man until that night and for some reason she wanted him. Luke. Now she had him, or so she hoped. Old fears crept in as she leaned back against the couch and sipped her wine. You can do this. You can tell him exactly why you want him to own you. The pep talk did little good but as she set her glass down and dropped her head, a thought came to her.
Picking up the pen, she twirled the metal in her fingers as she grinned. Suddenly she knew exactly how the start her journey into becoming, into belonging to the man of her dreams.
AS IF I BELONGED TO YOU
I sense your presence, your hunger growing
You have willed me to this place
A dark haven on hallowed ground
As if I belonged to you
I imagine your thoughts, your desires keening
You will bind me to your soul
A longing to succumb without question
As if I belonged to you
I feel the heat of your breath, your patience waning
You will take me as you wish
A final acquiescence, my body given
As if I belonged to you
I understand the strength of your love, your control commanding
You will now own me, enrapture me, protect me…punish me
A quiet reverence, master of my domain, the trust complete
As I belong to you
BREATHLESS
Your breath sparks against my skin, sending a trickle of shivers dancing down my spine as your eyes gaze down the length of me and I feel nothing but need
Your fingers brush over my face, gathering the salty beads of tears as your tongue tastes the heat of my skin and I want everything that you can offer
Your legs push mine apart, forcing me further into the soft covers as your lips suckle my nipple and I can feel nothing but the passion racing through your body
My breath pulses against your face, forcing you to growl savagely, the slice of hunger raging within the man that forces me to succumb
My fingers feather down the carve of your chest, settling on the tip of your swollen cock as you lick your lips, the anticipation fueling the famished beast
My legs wrap around your thighs, drawing you into the heat of my body and you cup my chin, lifting it as you kiss my lips
Your heart thumps in ragged sputters against your chest as you pant, your actions becoming savage as you force my legs further apart
Your eyes blaze a long, sensuous trail down the length of my body as you nod, reminding me that I belong to you
Your hands force me wide open, telling me in no uncertain terms that I will take all of you, take the Master that I long to be with for the rest of my life
My heart pulses until I am left unable to focus, sparkles of vibrant light marring my vision as I arch my back, ready to accept
My eyes clench closed tightly as I wrap my fingers around your shaft, drawing you closer to my wet heat, begging for more
My hands thrust you just inside, my actions reminding you I am very much yours and that you leave me in a state that is utterly breathless
As you slip inside you lower your head and whisper…be mine forever
DELICIOUS
Delicious
Like a fresh dollop of sweet yet sultry honey butter
Rich and sinful
I crave as only the man can give
Breathless
From the gentle touch of his hand
Warm and inviting
Shivers trickle down my spine
Passionate
Our love becomes with each passing day
Enraptured and insatiable
He leaves me panting, wanting all of him
Quivering
Each time our mouths crush together, the dream so alive
Body and soul
I hunger for his lips trailing across my skin
Seducing
With each taste by the heat of the fire
Wicked and wild
The shameless dance of lust begins
Taking
From the power of the strength, the shimmer in his eyes
Beckoning and requiring
And in those lost moments I want nothing more
Acquiescence
To the man that wills me his, forever in time
Succumbing and needing
Desperate to fill me during long winter nights
Rapture
Like nothing else I have never known
Domination and deliverance
Of all of me, given to his very realm
Silence
From the moment we become lovers, soul mates
Whimpers and ecstasy
As he wraps his body around mine
Love
That spills from my heart and I am forever his
Spell
binding and stilling
Because of the man who has stolen my heart
And now I belong
HE
He walked in
I shivered from His presence alone
A mere look
A silent glance
And my heart raced with need
He inched forward
I bit my lip knowing what was to come
A slight sigh
A touch of His hand
And my body hungered from desire
He took my arm
I felt a slice of fear trickling inside
A brush of His lips
A whisper of what would be
And my blood sizzled with hunger
He kissed my lips
I realized what He was, what we were
A pinch of my nipple
A finger slipped inside
And my soul melded with His
He removed my gown
I waited with breathless anticipation
A slap across my ass
A rope in His hand
And my will became His alone
He tied me down
I winced from the rapture of pain
A whip that was wielded
A promise of trust
And my belief became real
He slid inside
I moaned from the blissful ecstasy
A moment of pleasure
A becoming of myself
And my trust was complete
On Becoming His Page 2
