Being Not Good: as opposed to being bad

by Elizabeth Stevens

  She’d walked off halfway through my blither, so I was really just left talking to you.

  I sat back in my seat and had to at least admire her tenacity.

  I was admiring it less at the end of Lunch when she found me again.

  She just appeared next to me like some sort of personal demon intent on tormenting me with something hideous like fun for eternity. I jumped when I saw her, my heart racing and my hand steadying myself on my locker.

  “Don’t do that!” I hissed at her.

  “Do what?” she asked, hands clasped behind her back and that perma-smile firmly on her face.

  “Fuck. You’re just a little ray of sunshine, aren’t you?” I commented dryly.

  “Thank you.”

  I barked my equivalent of a laugh. “Oh, that wasn’t a compliment.” I looked her over quickly when she didn’t leave. “Did you want something?”

  “One date.”

  “Oh my God, woman!” I sighed. “How many times do you need to hear ‘no’?”

  “Until it’s ‘yes’.”

  “Fucking Jesus.” I took another look at her and I was starting to think she wasn’t as saccharine sweet as she acted. That, or… No. The counter option did not bear thinking about, but I had to cover it anyway. “You do know that ‘no’ never means ‘yes’, right?” If this was another Muppet Miles lesson, I was considering risking social interaction to teach that arsehole a lesson.

  “It’s one date. You can’t be too cool for one date.”

  “Yes. That is the problem. You’ve got me. I’m too cool to date.” I sighed deadpan. “Get a load of this one,” I tell you.

  “What?”

  I waved a hand at her to dismiss her questions. “No date.”

  She actually batted her eyelashes at me as she bit her lip again. “Please? I’ll wear my most colourful outfit if that will make you feel better?”

  “Nothing about this could make me feel better. I’m actually nauseated.”

  “You say that, but you keep talking to me.”

  I did. I did do that. And I didn’t know why I kept prolonging my suffering. “Under extreme protest, yes.”

  She giggled and I didn’t care for it. “Still a no then, Davin?”

  “Forever a no then, Avery,” I replied just as sweetly though with infinite more sarcasm.

  Again with the smiling. “Talk to you later, Davin,” she said as she walked away.

  “No. I’m actually all good on that. Thanks, though!” I yelled after her, giving zero fucks about what I looked like to the general populace as long as she stopped talking to me.

  But no dice.

  There was something almost to be admired about those eternal optimists. I mean, it made them stubborn as fuck. And Avery was proving no exception to the rule.

  “Davin!” she called at the end of the day and I felt like I’d just eaten a whole block of Cadbury in less than five minutes. I could actually feel the sugar-high buzzing in my veins. “Davin!”

  With a sigh, I spun to face her as unenthusiastically as possible. “What now?” I sighed dramatically.

  She beamed at me like I’d just greeted her with the most romantic sonnet. “How are you?”

  “I’d be better if you stopped dousing me in this annoying buoyancy.” A touch of confusion crossed her face and I sighed, “Fine. How are you?”

  “Great!” Of course she was. “What are you doing on Friday night?”

  “The same thing I do every Friday night.”

  Her delight burst a little. “Oh. What’s that?”

  “I’m not getting out of this anytime soon, am I? Engage placate-mode.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” You know. “I’m going to be at home, I’m going to have dinner with my dad, then I’ll probably read or watch a movie not from this century,” an important addition so she didn’t think there was any chance we’d have anything in common, “or maybe game. If I feel particularly sociable, I’ll give a mate a call and we’ll probably get drunk and argue about something stupid unless we meet up with some girls.”

  “Oh,” she said brightly, “what will you do then?”

  “Really?” Was she slow? “Sex, Avery. Sex will usually happen at that point.”

  “Oh.” There went that little ‘o’ shape her mouth did.

  “And Miles let that go…” Maybe he was the slow one – there were a few things I envisioned one could do with that mouth.

  Oh! And a second frown. That had to be some kind of record.

  It suddenly became my life’s purpose to make her frown as often as possible.

  “Again, great talk,” I told her. “But I think you’ve just about used up my socialisation credits for the day.”

  “What happens when you run out?” she asked and I couldn’t tell if she was genuinely interested or the previous display of sarcasm hadn’t actually been a fluke.

  “Well I either explode, or…”

  She leant towards me eagerly. “Or what?”

  “Or I might have to kiss you.” Why the fuck did I say that?

  She flushed pink and pulled back. “Oh.”

  I cleared my throat. “So… You were asking about Friday?”

  Her smile was one that I wasn’t sure if it affected me or not. “You interested?”

  No. Pfft. I was not interested at all.

  “I’m interested in there being less interaction between us. If that means one date, then I’ll do it.”

  “Really?”

  Oh God. It was like being doused in glitter and puppies.

  Wait…

  Oh!

  I saw what was happening here. This was like the start of one of those gag-worthy romance stories wasn’t it? Well, no thank you. I would go on one date if it meant she stopped talking to me and that was the end of it. No opposites attract. No good girl for the bad boy. No enemies to lovers. Whatever trope this was, I was having no part of it.

  One date. Nothing more.

  I nodded. “Really.”

  “Super. Friday?”

  I nodded again, the level of my enthusiasm so low it didn’t even make a blip on the scale of hers. “Friday.”

  She actually touched my arm. Physical interaction occurred. “Great,” she trilled and bounced off again.

  I was regretting it already.

  Three: Avery

  It didn’t take long for word to spread around the school that I was going on a date with Davin Ambrose. Probably because Blair and I ensured it didn’t take long. I just had to get him to agree on what the date was going to involve.

  While Miles and Cindy were busy being loved-up on Wednesday, and cards and flowers and chocolates spread like bushfire, Blair and I were in planning-mode as we tried to come up with something Davin might agree to doing.

  “It doesn’t bother you?” Blair checked again at Recess.

  I looked over the Year 12 Common Room to see Miles and Cindy hugging while people watched them like some celebrity couple. I felt a small twinge in my chest. I guess I was a little bit jealous. Not because it was Miles, but because I used to be looked at the way he was looking at her.

  “I still don’t want him back, if that’s what you’re really asking,” I told her.

  “Maybe.”

  As we walked to class I kept an eye out for Davin, but he managed to avoid me like the plague. Ebony found me though.

  “What’s this I hear about you going out with someone not Miles on Friday?” she asked me as we passed in the hallway.

  Ebony was in Year 9 and, like me, she was the shortest in her year. Unlike me, she was the fiercest in her year. No one was going to be calling her too good. Grandma always called Ebs my mini-me; her eyes were the same as mine – the piercing blue we got from our parents – but her hair was a little darker than mine. We had the same nose, chin, and cheekbones. But appearance was about where the similarities stopped.

  “Miles and I broke up,” I told her.<
br />
  “He dumped her for Cindy Porter,” Blair added and I rolled my eyes at my BFF.

  “He dumped me for Cindy Porter,” I repeated, acknowledging the truth of it.

  Ebony looked Blair and I over with a calculating gaze far beyond her years. “Uh huh. We’ll talk about this later. I’m frankly disgusted I found out from the rumour mill.” She pointed at me like a villain in a movie as she started walking away.

  “Your sister scares me,” Blair whispered and I nodded.

  Sometimes she scared me, too.

  I got through Valentine’s Day with my usual pep and vigour. I had a date to look forward to and my image to ruin, so the fact I’d been dumped only the day before paled in comparison to the excitement I lost myself in.

  I finally cornered Davin before school on Thursday by his locker – which I’d managed to find thanks to the lovely Mrs Hines, the principal’s PA, who gave me its location.

  “Do you bowl?” I asked.

  “Do I what?” he replied in a gravelly voice, flicking his hair out of his face as he pulled books out of his locker.

  His tie was still undone, the ends hanging loose over his shirt. The top two buttons were undone and his blazer collar was sticking up on one side. I resisted the urge to fix it, helped by the hostility spreading off him in waves.

  “Bowl. You know. Funny shoes, heavy balls, slippery… What?” I asked as he looked at me weirdly.

  “Did she really just…?” he asked like he was talking to someone who wasn’t there. “Let’s keep talk about balls to a minimum, yeah?”

  “Fine. No bowling.” The last bell rang. “We’ll continue this conversation later.”

  “We really don’t have to.”

  “A first date should be something both parties agree on,” I told him.

  “Exactly. So remind me why we’re having one…?”

  I smiled at him as I started backing away and he got one of those weird expressions on his face. “Because you agreed.”

  “Under protest and against my better judgement!” he yelled after me as I turned and met Blair to go to class.

  “What’s he protesting now?” she asked, throwing him a look over her shoulder.

  I followed her gaze to find him looking utterly fed up and muttering to himself. I smiled and told her, “First dates.”

  She nodded. “Ah. But he did say yes.”

  I grinned. “He did.”

  “Step one accomplished. What’s step two?”

  “Step two is deciding on a date activity.”

  Blair nodded in agreement. “Step three?”

  “Step three is convince him to be my boyfriend.”

  Blair squealed in excitement. “Step four?”

  “Step four. Shed stupid goody-two-shoes image with Davin’s help.”

  “Yay!” She paused in her excitement for a moment. “Any idea about the date activity?”

  I shrugged. “I’ll come up with something.”

  And I would. Not that Davin was very helpful. He was either hesitant or downright opposed to everything I suggested whenever I saw him for the rest of the day.

  Movies? Eh.

  Tunza Fun? No. Should have guessed that one really.

  The Lake. No. Also pretty obvious; people having way too much fun there.

  Even my semi-sarcastic suggestion of just taking his car up to Make Out Point was met with a serious lack of anything.

  “How about dinner?” I asked, hoping my last idea was going to be met with a little more than nothing.

  “Dinner?” He looked me over with his usual level of boredom.

  “I assume you eat.”

  He looked mildly surprised. “I’ve been known to.”

  “Do you do restaurants? Or is that level of human interaction going to cause you to explode?”

  He stopped avoiding looking at me and I couldn’t get a read on his expression. “I’m not dating you in public.”

  I huffed. “Fine. How do you feel about the beach?”

  “Horrified such a thing be allowed to exist.” I looked at him expectantly and he sighed. “Still public. But what would the beach involve?” he asked.

  “Just hanging out, maybe grabbing some chips. I’ll even give your bad mood a pass.”

  His eyebrow disappeared under his hair as those green eyes looked me over. “The beach?” he asked and I nodded. “Chips and…talking?” I nodded again and he sighed again. “Fine.”

  “Really?”

  He took a deep breath as he went back to shuffling books. “Really.”

  I tried to contain the feeling of victory that was threatening to make me do a happy dance. I knew how Davin would feel about that, but it apparently wouldn’t be contained and I still wriggled a little. And I know he noticed.

  “See? Incessantly happy,” he said in that same way as though he was talking to someone who wasn’t there.

  “What?” I looked around in case there was someone there.

  He shook his head. “Nothing. Okay. The beach it is.” He sighed heavily like something truly unpleasant was coming, then asked, “Did you expect me to pick you up?”

  I nodded. “Sure. That’d be great. Thanks.”

  “Of course.” He paused and, if I thought he looked horrified before, he looked thoroughly terrified now. He held his hand out. “Give me your phone.”

  I pulled it out of my skirt pocket, confused. “Why?”

  He took it and did something with it. When he passed it back, I saw he’d given me his number, although I was pretty sure he wasn’t pleased about it. “Text me your address. I’ll pick you up at – what? – six-thirty? Seven? What time do these things usually start?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at him.

  “What?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

  I shook my head. “You’re just not very good at this, are you?”

  He frowned. Although for him, that wasn’t really a change to his normal expression. “No. Strangely, I’m not trying to be.”

  I smiled. “All good. I’ll text you my address. Six-thirty is good.”

  He nodded resignedly. “Can’t wait,” he muttered sarcastically. When I didn’t leave straight away, he looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “Can I help you with anything else today, Avery?” I had to admit he was very good at the sarcastically simpering sweet tone.

  I clasped my hands behind my back and shook my head. “Nope. All good.”

  “Excellent.” He gave that weird rising of the corner of his lips that was in no way a smile and nodded to me. “I’m sure our date will be more successful the less interaction we have between then and now…”

  My mouth dropped open as I realised he wanted me to go away. Well duh, Avery. “Oh. Right. Sure. I’ll see you at six-thirty tomorrow.”

  He gave me a single nod and watched me leave like he was worried it wasn’t really happening.

  As I made my way out to find Blair, I ran into Trina. She ran a hand over her light brown hair as her brown eyes looked me over suspiciously.

  “You’re going on a date less than a week after Miles dumped you?” she asked me, looking me over in a way that told me exactly what she was thinking.

  But I wasn’t going to let her get me down. “I am.”

  “How could you do that?”

  I looked at her. “Really? It’s okay he was dating Cindy before he even broke up with me and I’m not allowed to go on one date after?”

  Blair had heard from Krista who’d heard from Molly that she’d overheard Cindy telling Miles that she couldn’t believe they didn’t have to be a secret anymore. I’d had a moment of sadness where I’d felt the betrayal like a white hot poker in my chest. But then I’d told myself it was just more proof that Miles and I hadn’t been right for each other.

  “Aren’t you like devastated he dumped you or whatever?”

  Not in the slightest. I knew I was worth more than the way he’d treated me. And I wasn’t just too go
od. I’d show them and I’d start now.

  I shrugged. “Miles was right. We had fun, but it’s over.” Plus if I was honest, since I’d found out he’d cheated with Cindy it hadn’t felt the same and a part of me was relieved it was over. “I really liked him, but I guess it just wasn’t love after all.”

  Did that make me callous? By the look on Trina’s face, yes. But come on! I was seventeen. What did I know about love and relationships? Well I wasn’t sure either; sometimes I thought it was lots and other times I thought it was nothing. But it was enough to know that Miles was not my happily ever after and what we’d had, in hindsight, wasn’t love.

  So yeah. I was going on a date with Davin Ambrose and I didn’t care what anyone thought about it. Trina, obviously, thought something.

  “But…Davin?” she whispered as though saying his name out loud was going to conjure him and he’d smite us or steal our innocence or something.

  “Yes, Trina. Davin. Is there something wrong with Davin?” I asked.

  She looked around the hallway like she wasn’t quite so sure anymore. “He’s just… Did you know he got detention for having sex in Mr Feeny’s office last year?”

  I’d heard the story and made a mental note to ask him if that was true. But to Trina, I decided now was the time to try out that being not good thing.

  “Maybe I’ll be next,” I said to her in a terrible attempt at playful.

  She stared at me, mouth opening and closing, obviously at a loss for words. “Oh,” was all she finally managed, then her cheeks went a little pink and she laughed. “Yeah, right. Like you’d do that. Don’t forget the photocopies for the meeting after school.” Then she walked away.

  And this was exactly why I wanted to go out with Davin. After hanging out with him for a while, I’d know exactly what to do and to say in this situation to make Trina and everyone else see that I wasn’t that goody-two-shoes. Okay, so the likelihood of me having sex at school, let alone in Mr Feeny’s office, was next to none. No, it was definitely none. But I didn’t want people to laugh at the idea because I was supposedly so sweet.

  Looking at Trina, I felt like I knew what to say. I just couldn’t remember it properly and I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. Miles had been right. I was too good. But Davin would fix that.