By Your Side

by Brenda Ford

  “Lance, what’s it like being in a movie?” one of them asks me. “What’s it like being famous?”

  “Erm,, it’s…” I should try and be witty, but I don’t know if I can muster that up right now, never mind charming. I’m always grateful to the fans because they will be the ones to keep my career going, but my head is all over the place and it’s challenging to give the best side of myself to anyone. “It’s hard work. Not as glamorous as you might think.” I can see from their expressions that this isn’t the answer they wanted. “But it’s great in a lot of ways too. The parties are just… well incredible. Like a movie themselves.”

  This causes squeals of excitement and a lot of jumping around and clapping. I want to keep on inspiring this kind of thrill, but I need to get out of here. I have a mission to complete and nothing will change that. Millie is on my mind the entire time, and I need to get to her before I end up falling apart. I can already feel my insides shaking with anticipation, my pulse pounding because of the irritation…

  Millie was like those teenage girls once, I imagine. Young and living here, making her fun doing whatever she could. I can’t really picture it, this doesn’t seem right, it doesn’t suit the Millie that I know. But perhaps that’s why she fell for the guy who wasn’t right for her, the guy who wrecked her life, because she needed something other than this place could offer her. This only makes me doubt that she might have come back. Perhaps she’s in Thailand or something, hiding away in the sun shine somewhere exotic. Anywhere away from here.

  “You looking for the red head you kissed?” one of them asks me curiously. “The one from here?”

  “Oh my God, is this some kind of romantic reunion?” another one screams. “That’s so exciting. Here of all places. And we’re going to here to see it. We will be the first ones to post it.”

  “Please, don’t post anything…” I have to try, even though it’s hopeless. “I’m not here for that…”

  “Well, my sister was in high school with Millie. She lives at the top of that hill.” I follow were she’s pointing. “Number eighteen. You can’t miss it. If that’s where she is now, of course.”

  I should be cool about this, I should play it right and act like that isn’t exactly where I need to go, but I can’t. I’m beyond that now, I just need to get to Millie, and I need to do it instantly. So, I blurt out a rapid thank you before bursting out in to a run. I race towards the hill, breaking out in to a sweat which might be as much to do with the nerves as it does the exercise, but that doesn’t stop me going. The need to see Millie over shadows everything else completely. Every step I take brings me ever closer to her. My eyes will be on her soon enough…

  Then, I might be able to make things right again. Somehow, in some way. I would love to do it before those girls get anything posted online but I don’t suppose there’s much chance of that. Images have probably been posted, shared, retweeted, commented on… it’ll be everywhere. Urgh, no wonder Millie freaked…

  Before long, I’m outside of number eighteen, the house that belongs to Millie’s family, if the information from those girls is accurate, of course. I can imagine they must know in a small town like this, so I suppose it depends if I trust them to tell the truth or not. I’m going to have to put my faith in to them though because I don’t have any other information. The news articles only brought me to the town, but they didn’t give me an address.

  “Okay.” I run my eyes over the building as I try to gear myself up. “Let’s do this. Let’s see Millie at last.”

  I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m nervous, there are a million and one emotions flooding me all at once. I want to get my head in order before I face Millie, but the longer I leave it, the more I give myself the opportunity to talk myself out of it. That’s the last thing I need since I’ve gotten this far. So, I force my limbs to move. I make them go no matter how challenging it is, and I curl my fist around to bang on the front door. Every knock feels that little bit too loud, but I don’t wince. I keep my chin jutted up high to try and feign some confidence.

  “Who are you?” The door swings open and I find a beady inquisitive pair of eyes looking back at me. I can only assume that this is Millie’s father which means I need to be on top form. I have to impress him.

  “I’m Lance Wilson. A friend of your daughters. Erm, I’m actually here looking for her. Is she here?”

  The man steps outside the door and runs his eyes up and down me. He looks a lot like Millie actually, I can see her expressions mirrored in his right now. And he certainly doesn’t look too impressed.

  “You’re Lance Wilson? The actor? The one who has been dating my daughter?”

  Oh God, he’s saying this like I’m a criminal or something, which I suppose makes sense considering the last man she dated actually was a bad person and they didn’t find out until it was too late. Although seeing his perceptive eyes right now, I can only imagine that he suspected a long time before Millie, but she wouldn’t listen to him. I really don’t want him to get the same bad impression of me.

  “Erm, yes, you could say that.” I smile, trying to make myself look as friendly as I can. “We have been spending a lot of time together, and… well, I’m sure that you have seen the media coverage…”

  “That’s right. I’ve seen it all again. Dragged up to torture my daughter once more. And the victims of the family as well. No one needs this all to be spoken about now. It’s too much. But that’s the press, isn’t it? They are absolute vultures. Not a care in the world about who they affect along the way.”

  “Right, yes.” I don’t know if he’s mad at me or the media which makes it hard to answer. “I know.”

  “I’m sure you do. You must be on the receiving end of it a lot. Your industry is a hard one…”

  I nod slowly, wishing I could work out which way this is going to go. I’m not even sure when the man walks inside, and he indicates for me to follow him. This doesn’t feel like an indication that he doesn’t hate my guts yet. But that doesn’t stop my eyes from darting all around the house as we go inside, particularly at the pictures hanging on the wall. There are a lot of Millie growing up, she is absolutely everywhere, giving me a snap shot glimpse in to how her life was growing up. I have to admit that seeing it for myself allows me to really see Millie here. She does fit in, much more than I could have imagined. She looks good here in the small-town life…

  I even pause when I see a baby in who must be Millie’s mother’s arms. Wow, I thought that she looked like her father but now I can see that she looks so much like her mom as well. A real mix.

  “Would you like a coffee?” I’m interrupted from my thoughts. “While I interrogate you?”

  “You’re going to interrogate me?” I ask as I follow in to the kitchen. “Over coffee?”

  “Well, I don’t see any reason for it to be awkward and uncomfortable, do you?” I shake my head, trying my hardest to hide my surprise. “Good, me neither. So, how do you like it? Milk and sugars?”

  “Milk, no sugar, thank you.” I take a seat where he points with my spine stiffened. “So, what do you want to know about me? I’m sure you must have a million questions and I’m an open book.”

  I am willing to tell this man anything, I don’t blame him for needing to know what’s going on with my life, especially if he’s going to allow me to date his daughter, but that doesn’t make me any less anxious. I wipe my sweaty palms down my leg and suck in a couple of breaths to stop the painful trembling.

  And since I don’t know where Millie is at the moment, I don’t have anywhere better to be but here. He hasn’t told me that Millie isn’t here so I’m hoping that she’ll come home at any given moment.

  “I do know a lot about you already, actually,” he admits. “When I heard about you and Millie, I did my research. I don’t know how much I can trust about what I’ve read because as I’ve seen, the media doesn’t always tell the truth.” He lets out a little chuckle and I find myself joining in, even if I am wondering what th
e hell he could possibly have read about me. I dread to think what’s posted about me on the depths of the web. I don’t often look myself up for very good reason. “But I just want to get a feel of you, get to see you myself. I have always been a very good judge of character, so I’m hoping that a talk will be enough to really understand you and what you’re about. Not the man in the movies, not what other people write about you, but the real Lance Wilson. The man who has managed to capture my precious daughter’s heart.”

  “Okay.” I smile for real this time because I like the sound of that. He just wants to get to know me which is a real miracle. I am happy to show who I am and I’m sure all will be fine. I don’t think there is any reason he will hate me. Fingers crossed at any rate. “That sounds good. We can talk about whatever you want.”

  The coffee comes my way and we settle in to a nice easy-going conversation. I find myself drawn to this man; I like him a lot already. I think that if things go the way that I want them too then we will be good friends. As long as I treat his daughter well, of course, which I always intend to do. If she always me to.

  Chapter 16 – Millie

  I feel silly as I cower at the top of the stairs, listening in to the conversation between my father and Lance, like a child hearing parents arguing and wondering if they’re going to get divorced. It’s crazy, and my dad maybe shouldn’t have agreed to lie for me… or maybe not lie, but not let him know directly that I’m here either… yet he’ll do anything for me. Since it’s always been me and him, for as long as I can remember, he’s very protective of me. Even more so considering everything that I’ve been through in my adult life.

  But now as my fingers curl the banister planks, it’s hard for me to stay still. It’s a challenge to keep away from Lance but if I don’t do this then I will never be able to hear what he’s got to say when I’m not around. My father won’t be able to get a true impression of him either, and since he spotted the red flags with Dante a long time ago, I need his real judgement. I need to know if I’m making the right move. Especially with so much at stake.

  “So, you always knew that you wanted to act?” my dad asks jovially. “That’s good. Nice to hear. Someone with direct ambitions. I never had that myself. I never knew exactly what I wanted to do. Then I just sort of fell in to being a plumber. I mean, it did me fine, don’t get me wrong, especially when I had to work my hours around raising Millie alone, but I never decided entirely want I wanted to be.”

  “I always knew that was what I wanted to do.” Lance’s tone is chocolaty smooth. I nearly melt where I am. “I always loved it and it just felt like a calling for me. I’m lucky really. With five brothers, not all of whom knew what they wanted to immediately do either, I’ve seen how hard it can be to find a path.”

  “That’s what worries me about Millie.” As Dad muses this, I wonder if he’s forgotten that I’m actually here listening to this right now. He might be so in his role that he doesn’t remember I’m listening in. “She was always like me, drifting a little bit. Good at everything but she never showed any specific desire. I thought it would come through. I always assumed it would until Dante came along and took her off track.”

  My fingers become weak, their grip loosening a little on the banister. I didn’t know that my father felt that way about me. About my lack of ambition. It’s just something that I haven’t ever had time to think about…

  Well, that’s not exactly true. I always wanted to do something creative and life changing, I just wasn’t sure what specifically. I didn’t think it mattered either. Not enough to be worrying. But now that Dad says it, he’s right, isn’t he? I did get sucked up in Dante, I just did whatever I could to get by, I haven’t ever thought in more detail about my future. Then the job at The Scarlet Longue was just a place to hide away. I didn’t think further than that. But perhaps now I can. I can plan for a future somehow, in some way, to make me really happy.

  “I don’t think you need to worry about Millie,” Lance does his best to reassure my father. “She is head strong. She might have been knocked off track by this man, but there is plenty of time for her to work things out.”

  “You talk about her like you know her inside and out, Lance. Like you know her better than I do…”

  “Oh no, I would never say that,” he shoots back immediately. “I have just been close with her for the last eighteen months. Although not close enough for her to share this secret with.” My father mumbles something incoherently. “But I’ve observed her, and I’ve seen that she has a deep inner strength. She has a power inside of her that’s unlike I’ve ever seen from another person. She’s a truly wonderful woman.”

  His words make my pulse race at the speed of light. Or perhaps it isn’t his words exactly but the softness to his tone of voice. The way that he talks about me like I’m precious to him, like he adores me. I clutch my hand to my chest and find myself smiling wildly, my feelings for him over shadowing everything else.

  “You love her,” my father declares, as if this is completely obvious to him. “Millie, I mean. You love her, don’t you? This isn’t just some fling to you. This is real, isn’t it? That’s why you’re here.”

  “Of course, I love her.” The certainty in Lance’s answer shocks me somewhat. “I’ve loved her for a very long time. I just didn’t have the courage to tell her before. I wish I had done now. I wish I’d told her how I felt about her before all of this because I don’t want it to seem like it’s a reaction to this, you know?”

  I can’t breathe, the butterflies in the pit of my stomach are the size of birds, my heart hurts because it’s so strong. Everything that he’s saying… well it would be crazy if it wasn’t overwhelming. But in a good way, in a really good way. All of this hasn’t changed his opinion of me, which is a freaking miracle.

  “I bet she made you fight for her though, didn’t she?” Dad laughs. “I bet she didn’t make it easy which is why I’m hardly surprised you haven’t said anything yet. Those three little words take a lot of courage.”

  “I wouldn’t need any courage to say it to her now, not a scrap. I just want her to know…”

  I find myself rising to my feet and my body slowly making its way down the stairs before I’m really ready for it. I guess my body is making the decision for me that I can’t hide any longer because I need to hear those words coming directly from his mouth. I also need Lance to know that I love him as well. He has to know…

  “Ah, Millie.” My father spots me first and his eyes light up with glee. I guess he knows that this is a good sign because I’m finally ready to talk to Lance, to hear what he has to say. It’s taken me a while because even after the revelation that I had in the jail, I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing… but now I’m certain.

  “Millie?” Lance’s head snaps around rapidly. “You’re here? I didn’t realize that you were here…”

  “I’m here,” I reply, somehow managing to sound much calmer than I really feel. “I’m here to talk…”

  “Did you hear what I said?” He scrapes the chair back as he stands up to greet me. “I’m sorry. I feel bad for talking about you now. I didn’t realize… I didn’t know…” He gasps a couple of times. “I’m sorry.”

  “My dad didn’t leave you any choice, did he? I know exactly what he’s like.”

  I smile at my father and he nods curtly at me, giving me exactly what I want from him, confirmation that this is a good idea. If I really allow this to happen with Lance, then I will be dating with my father’s approval. Not something that’s ever happened before. I like the idea of it actually, it sounds great.

  “Well, if you heard what I said then you will already know that I’m in love with you.” He nods determinedly as he says this. “But I understand that it’s hard for you to be with me because of the press interest. I do get if you have to reject me because of that. But I couldn’t let it go without letting you know truth.”

  “I love you too,” I reply easily, surprised at how simple it is to
say those words now. “And it is going to be difficult. But at the same time, the worst has already happened, hasn’t it? The secret that I didn’t want out there already is, so why not continue?” All of a sudden, I realize how that sounds. “Not that I’m going to begin seeking the media or anything like that, I don’t want to be in the public eye, but I also don’t want to turn my back on the best relationship I’ve ever had. I know we didn’t have a long time, but it was great, wasn’t it?”

  The next moment he has his hands in mine and I feel the all too familiar electrical chemistry buzzing between us. God, I’ve missed Lance. I really don’t think that I could go a long time without him. Certainly not my whole life. Imagine if I walked away, if he really did leave when I told him to, my life would be hell.

  “It was amazing, Millie. But I always knew that me and you would be awesome given half the chance.”

  I’m so glad that I did give him a chance now and I agreed to the date. Not only because me and him have such an awesome connection but because I no longer have any secrets weighing me down. As awful as it is to have everything out there in the world, it’s worse to having it weighing down on my shoulders. I carried it around with me for far too long and it made me retreat in on myself, it made me quieter and shyer, I didn’t even think of my dreams. But now I can put all of that to one side, now I have the chance to focus on making things better for me.

  “So, where do we go from here?” Lance asks me with a shrug of one of his shoulders. “If you’re considering dating me, but trying to avoid the public eye, then how do you suggest going about that?”

  “There isn’t any media here,” my father pipes up, I suppose trying to be helpful. “Why not have a date here?”

  “I can’t guarantee that there won’t be anyone watching us,” Lance pipes up. “Some girls insisted on taking their picture with me earlier on today and I’m sure they are online already.”