By Your Side

by Brenda Ford

  “Come on, help me out here.” I extend my arms to Ben. “Please. I really am ready.”

  He looks fearful, the poor man can sense that I’m about to lose my shit, so he does exactly as I want. Once I’m out the car, I smile thinly at my father and take his arm for him to lead me inside once Ben has gone.

  “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asks me quietly. “You look a little like you are in pain.”

  “I’m good,” I interrupt through gritted teeth. “Come on, I want to be Mrs. Wilson already.”

  Finally, we make our way inside the church and all eyes spin around to meet mine. Thank God it’s just family, thank goodness Lance isn’t the sort of celebrity who wants a big wedding with a magazine deal. Then there would be too many people watching me, too many eyes up on me, I probably would freak out right now.

  But I’m good. There aren’t many people, which means that I can focus on Lance’s eyes only. He looks heart stoppingly handsome there at the other end of the aisle in his local church in his home town. Like a God, or maybe like the movie star he really is. He is utterly incredible, and he is mine. All mine.

  “I love you,” I mouth as I move just about in time with the music down the aisle towards him. “So much.”

  My father keeps a better pace than me. He stops me from rushing down the aisle to greet my man because of the pain in my stomach. I want to run as he tells me that he loves me too, but I can’t. I have to keep my cool.

  Dad kisses me on the cheek as soon as I get to the end of the aisle and he lets me go, happily in to the man of my dreams’ arms. He definitely wouldn’t have been so willing to set me free to a man like Dante who he hated, which only confirms what I already know. That Lance Wilson is the one forever.

  “Are you okay?” Lance asks me as my hands fall in to his. “You look like…”

  “I’m fine.” I’m starting to get annoyed with people asking me that question now. “I’m okay…”

  “So, you aren’t in pain because of our baby? You aren’t struggling? You don’t need…”

  “I’m fine.” I nod emphatically. “I just want to be your wife, that’s all.”

  Lance doesn’t look convinced. He gives me the same look that Ben did before but that’s okay. I know my own body; I know what’s going on. I can do this wedding; it’s going to be just fine.

  I nod at the priest who begins the ceremony, thankfully listening to me when no one else will. At least he gets me and can see that all will be fine. As long as we get started so I can be distracted. I need those words, the binding traditional wedding vows to focus on, I need to think about the part where me and Lance get to be together forever, because these twinges are starting to get to me now. It’s getting a bit much…

  Breathe… I tell myself as the romance of the wedding ceremony washes over me. Breathe through the pain.

  It isn’t the easiest thing to keep my cries of pain inside, but I just about manage it. I’m so utterly determined not to let anything ruin this that I won’t scream, I won’t worry everyone, even when it’s hard. I’m actually a little proud of myself to be honest. This is some determination, isn’t it?

  I even manage to repeat the traditional vows without losing my shit. To have and to hold… until death do us part… for richer, for poorer… all of it. Although I fear that there might be some strain in my voice because I cause some unrest without meaning to. I don’t think I can do it for much longer…

  Hold it together., Millie. Don’t fall apart now. Not much longer…

  But it does feel long. Much longer than expected. The priest seems to be abandoning me now, slowing his words down at the worst possible moment, right when I need him the most. I want to glare at him, but I don’t even have the strength for that right now. All I can concentrate on is breathing.

  “You may now kiss the bride.”

  Those words unleash something inside of me. I’m freer, I’ve made it, I finally did it. As Lance wraps his arms around me and he presses his lips to mine, kissing me softly, a surprising wetness pops between my legs. Finally, I let out the squeal which I have been trying to keep inside for the entire ceremony, and I admit the truth. I can’t keep it in anymore. I don’t stand a chance. It’s getting too much for me now.

  “Ah, shit, I need to get to the hospital,” I cry out loudly. “This baby… it’s coming now…”

  I bend double and Lance holds tight on to me, clinging to me as I set about ruining this big dress which I was so determined to keep nice. He drags me to my feet and takes me towards the exit of the church with our family surrounding us, helping me in any way that I can. My father, Lance’s brothers, their direct families as well…

  Me and Lance are going to have this baby today, right now, right when I didn’t want to. Yet somehow, because we have everyone around us, everyone with us, it feels strangely perfect. Imperfectly perfect just like our whole relationship. My wedding might be not what I expected, but then none of my life is, and that’s what makes it wonderful.

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  Blurb

  Traveling the country has always been a dream of mine. Just me and the open road, complete freedom to do what I want, when I want. It might not be the lifestyle that most people choose, but it sure as hell feels right for me. I don’t think anything can derail it…

  At least, not until I see her.

  I can’t ignore Kayla and her smoking car on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, even if I do have places that I want to go. What sort of gentleman would that make me? But an offer to fix her car soon becomes an offer to give her a ride… and that ride leads to experiences that I never thought I would find on this road trip.

  Could the damsel in distress really be my match?

  Extract

  Chapter 1 – Tim

  “So, how are things going then?” my youngest brother, Lance, asks me. I always think of him as Little Lance, the youngest of the Wilson clan, but these days I must try and see him differently because he’s on his way to becoming one of the biggest Hollywood stars of our time. I’m proud of him, but it’s super weird. “Where even are you at the moment? I never quite know where you’re existing these days. Anywhere near LA?”

  “Not at the moment,” I admit. “But I promise that I will come and see you soon. I know that it’s been too long. But things are good thank you. I’ve been in one place for just over a month though so it’s time for me to start moving again. You know me, I can never stay in one place for a very long time. It’s impossible.”

  “I don’t get it,” Lance replies honestly. “I mean, when you were just out of high school, sure, you were traveling then. But you are twenty five years old now and you still don’t have a solid plan, an address, or anything to keep you in one place. You have gone all the way from a traveler to a drifter.”

  I let out a little laugh while nodding to myself. “Look, we are all different, everyone. It shows with us brothers. Doesn’t it? Ryan and Daniel are both business men, but in completely different fields. Ben is happy remaining in our home town and working with horses just like always. Artie has his motorcycles and his rough looking friends, you have acting and your dedication to your craft, but that isn’t me at all. I don’t need to work at one place and earn millions of dollars. I don’t want to be in the rat race, worried about the next promotion. I work just to give me enough money to go out traveling again because I want to see the whole country. The world as well. My priorities are jus different to the rest of you, that’s all. It doesn’t make me wrong or anything.”

  “No, I know.” Lance sighs loudly, showing me how he just doesn’t get it. He tries to but he can’t, not really. “I just worry about you, that’s all. I think I would feel better if I knew that you were settled. I mean, what about romance? You haven’t ever had a serious girlfriend, have you? How could you with your ways?”

  “Coming from the king of romance,” I laugh. “I don’t need a long term romance. That’s just like jobs, isn’t it? Why would I want to stic
k with just one when I can travel and meet them all? That’s better for me.”

  “One day you are bound to meet a woman who will change your mind,” he replies with a huff. “One day all of this won’t work for you anymore and you will struggle to change your ways.”

  “Or maybe I will meet a woman who wants to live my life style with me. You never know.”

  That shocks Lance in to silence. I don’t know if he is about to change his mind and believe me here, but I have given him something to think about which is something. I don’t really think that I will meet that woman who’s about to join me on my life journey, but I’m also not concerned about meeting someone and settling down any time soon. Lance and my other brothers might not get it, but I really am happy with the way that things are.

  “Anyway, I have to get back on to set,” Lance eventually says. “But I will speak to you soon. Please, wherever you are, at least try and keep your cell phone charged at all times. When you really went off the grid for four days I genuinely panicked. I thought that something bad had happened to you.”

  “To be fair, you were staring in that horror movie at the time, so you were probably all twisted up in knots, but yes I will do my best. I know that you and the rest of the Wilson clan worry when you can’t get hold of me.”

  I roll my eyes and chuckle to myself as I hang up the phone. Honestly, they make out that I can’t look after myself sometimes when I’m really fine thank you very much. Although it is nice to know that I’m cared about, I suppose. It would be so much worse if I had no one out in the world looking out for me.

  I suck in a deep breath and soak in the burning hot air, knowing that soon enough I will be somewhere else entirely. I don’t know where I am headed exactly, I never truly map out a plan before I leave anywhere because I love to be spontaneous and just go with the flow. I have always found that the best adventures come when they aren’t planned. I meet the most interesting people and see the quirkiest things. That’s what I live my life for. I respect my brothers for their lives and pint of view, but I don’t want to waste my life away in an office. I feel like I am here as an explorer, like I was a pirate or something in a past life. I just want to experience everything.

  “You okay there?” my current boss, Rick, asks me while lifting up his safety helmet. “You look pensive.”

  “I am a little,” I admit. “Rick, I’m thinking about getting back out on the road again. I’m pretty sure that it’s time, you know? I hope that it’s okay for me to leave the construction site now?”

  “I am disappointed,” he tells me right away. “You are one of the best workers that I have ever had, but you let me know about your situation when you first took the job. You said that it wouldn’t be for a long period of time, so I understand that it’s time for you to move on.” He pats me on the back. “No hard feelings. You will be missed though, so if you can make it to the bar tonight, I’m sure that everyone would love to have a farewell drink with you. Not like a soppy goodbye or anything like that, just a cheers to everything that you have done.”

  “Why not,” I agree. I was planning to leave immediately, but why not say farewell to everyone? I have had a good time here, it’s been a lot of fun, and I have made some good friends. “Sounds good. Thanks, Rick.”

  He smiles and walks off once more, leaving me to finish up what I’m doing here, my last job at this place. I don’t feel sad or anything though, I am used to leaving things behind. Even when I enjoy myself, I never get attached to anything. That’s why I honestly don’t believe that there is a woman out there who will make me change my ways. Although I suppose I haven’t ever been in love, so maybe one day…

  “You going?” Emma asks as she sashays passed me with her hands tucked in to her pockets. Mmm, I have always loved watching her get sweaty on the building site with me. “I just heard from Rick.”

  I shoot her a slightly regretful look hoping that she doesn’t hate me. I have always been honest with her as well; she knew that we were only ever going to have a short term thing because I’m never in one place for too long. I am constantly truthful because I never want to leave bad vibes behind even if I won’t return to a place. It isn’t my jam. I like to take positivity wherever I go. I think it’s nice to be a ray of sunshine.

  “I am. There are many other places that I need to go, you know? Much more that I need to see.”

  She nods but I can see a little glimmer of sadness in her eyes as well. I don’t see any tears when it comes to me and Emma, but I’m sure there will be parts of one another that we will miss. “Shame, but I get it.”

  “I’m staying here for a few drinks tonight but then I will be on my way. On to… well, I don’t know where.”

  “Good. At least we have one last night.” She looks a little more satisfied now. “I wouldn’t want to say goodbye right here. I think we need one more night of fun, don’t you?” She wiggles her eyebrows seductively at me. “We have had such a good time that it wouldn’t feel right unless we did. You know what I mean.”

  I let out a little laugh and agree with her. “Sure, that does sound fun. As long as I won’t be breaking any hearts. You know that isn’t for me. I wouldn’t ever want to hurt you, Emma. You know that. I hope you know that.”

  She gives me a punch in the arm and laughs. “I don’t think that you could ever hurt anyone, Tim. You aren’t that sort of person. And one more rumble in the sheets isn’t going to change that. I have had a good time with you, and I will always remember you as that. We need one more night. Just to leave us with the best memories.”

  “Fair enough. One more night then. More of a goodbye than I would normally say to a place and the people within it. I love that. Should be good. Thank you, Emma, I have had a great time with you as well.”

  But there is a little part of my mind that has already left here, that is out on the road and exploring somewhere new. I can’t help but get thrilled by that because it’s what inspires me to keep on going, to keep on living. I need that to bring all of me to life. Much as I like it here, it would kill me to stay. I guess I’m a hippie at heart. Whether that comes under the label of ‘traveler’ or ‘drifter’ I don’t know really, but it also doesn’t matter.

  My lungs feel more open as I take my car out on the open road once more. Any traces of a hang over vanish in to nothingness as the prospect of a new adventure awaits. The excitement is building up in my chest by the moment and I can hardly contain it. Sure, last night was great, I really had the best time with all of my friends, and of course, Emma was awesome as to be expected, but this is better for me. This is the life I love.

  “Oh shit.” I get so distracted by the fun that I’m going to have that it isn’t until I have left the last town behind I realize that despite my promises to Lance I forgot to charge my cell phone and it already doesn’t have any battery. I’m going to have to find a coffee shop with a charging station along the way. Hopefully a few hours won’t be enough to have my brother losing his head over me. “Oh well, off the grid once more…”

  Maybe one day I will get rid of my cell phone completely and I will really go off the grid, not that I think my brothers will accept that with ease, but that would be really fun. I like the idea of vanishing in the digital respect and just doing whatever the hell I want without giving anyone the ability to check in on me at all. But that’s something I would probably have to do with someone else because I wouldn’t want to get lonely. I haven’t ever experienced that yet but maybe that’s because of my cell phone and that thin link to the rest of the world.

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