Tainted Lives

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘This true?’ Vine asked her.

  Sarah gazed at Harry for a long moment, then nodded. ‘Yeah. I just came home and found him here. I was taking him back to the home. That’s where we were going just now – to get the bus.’

  West and Vine exchanged a weary glance. It sounded feasible enough, and they knew that no one had been in her flat when they had called during the night.

  ‘All right,’ West said. ‘We’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But we still want to talk to you, Sarah, so don’t do a runner. It’s really important.’

  Sarah frowned at the stress he’d placed on his last words. She supposed that meant she was in trouble for working at Silva’s.

  ‘You’re letting her go, aren’t you?’ Harry asked, his face so pale that Sarah wanted to cry. Even West and Vine felt sorry for him.

  ‘Yes, we’re letting her go,’ West told him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. ‘But you’re coming with us, son. Say goodbye, but make it quick.’ He nodded to Vine to let Harry go.

  Running to Sarah, Harry threw his arms around her and held on for dear life, sure he would never see her again.

  ‘Be good,’ she whispered into his ear. ‘And write to me as soon as you can.’

  Sobs racking his thin frame, he said, ‘I – I love you Sarah.’

  ‘Love you too. Now, get!’ Squeezing him tight, she pushed him at West and ran into the house without looking back.

  West shook his head sadly as he watched her go. He felt as if a huge, heavy stone was tied around his heart weighing it down. She had turned out so beautiful. And she genuinely cared for the ugly little fella here. It was no wonder that Jenny had covered for her. She was obviously worth putting yourself out for.

  Turning, he motioned Harry into the car.

  All the kids saw the police bringing Harry through the front door. Most had no clue what was going on and watched open-mouthed as Dandi hurried the two cops and the boy into the office.

  Uninterested, Ollie and Pete went straight into the dining room to get their breakfast, but Vinnie hung back until the hall was deserted. Strolling casually to the office, he stepped into the recess beside the door and listened to the conversation going on inside.

  Making his way to the dining room minutes later, he picked at the toast Pete had got for him, answering ‘Loo’ when Pete asked where he’d been.

  They didn’t need to know that he had just found out where Sarah lived – direct from the pig’s mouth.

  Sarah waited until nine that night before ringing Silva’s. When Jenny answered, she gabbled out the story of Harry’s return to the home, and her own let-off, then asked if Jenny had made her mind up about reporting her to Bernie.

  Jenny took a long time to answer, and when she did, Sarah’s heart sank.

  ‘I’m really sorry, but it’s out of my hands. One of those coppers spoke to Bernie this morning. Do-good sod reckoned he was doing you both a favour. Bernie called me at home and had a right go at me. He knows everything, Sarah – your age, and that you came straight from care and lied about working before . . . everything.’

  ‘Should I talk to him?’ Sarah was desperate to find a solution. ‘Tell him my side? You’ve got his mobile number, haven’t you?’

  ‘Yeah, but I can’t give it to you.’ Jenny sighed miserably. ‘He’s fuming. I’d stay well clear if I were you. I’ve already copped it for not telling him as soon as it happened. I said you’d gone home sick before the coppers came and I didn’t know it was you they were looking for, but I forgot to tell the bouncers to say the same thing. I’m sorry, Sarah, but Bernie says you’re out. He’s going to send your pay in tomorrow’s post.’

  Going home with her tail between her legs, Sarah cried herself dry. She was devastated. Silva’s had become a huge part of her life, and she’d been good at the job – really good. Six months down the drain, and now she was back to square one. It just wasn’t fair.

  But she couldn’t blame Harry. He’d thought he was doing the right thing. Pity he’d lied to Vinnie in the process. There was no telling what Vinnie would do to him now. She’d have to get in touch with Vinnie to get him back on side and ensure Harry’s safety. But she couldn’t risk contacting anyone at Starlight just yet – not with Chambers on the warpath.

  18

  Finding a new job was hard. Knowing that she both enjoyed the work and was good at it, Sarah tried all the massage parlours in town, but it seemed that everywhere she went, the mention of her name brought a negative response and the vacancy would suddenly have been filled already.

  When it finally dawned on her that she had been blacklisted, she tried other jobs, but these were just as fruitless. Either the pay was terrible and the hours too long, or they wanted experience she didn’t have – and, the way things were going, would likely never get.

  After a few weeks, with her money all but gone and no food in her cupboards, Sarah had no option but to go back to shoplifting. But even this didn’t work out. She had lost her nerve. Before, she had been doing it to save towards a precious goal. Now she was doing it to survive, and the desperation made her feel conspicuous, as if she had a flashing light above her head, saying: ‘Watch me, I’m a thief.’

  Sweating and shaking whenever she neared the more expensive stuff, she resorted to snatching easy targets instead. But the easy stuff was the cheap stuff, and no one wanted to pay for it. Not even grubby old Mr Gerber.

  Giving Sarah just a tenner for five bottles of perfume that she’d spent all day getting, he suggested that she might like to consider a different line of work. Blue movies. He had a friend in the business who was looking for a pretty girl like her. She’d only have to do a few hours, and she’d have a whole two hundred pounds to herself.

  Thanking him for the offer, she said she’d rather die than go down that road. Leaving his shop, she vowed she would never go near the place again – unless it was in the middle of the night with a can of petrol and a box of matches in her hand.

  It was the most miserable time of Sarah’s life.

  Harry hadn’t replied to the three letters she’d written since he’d been taken back, leaving her to wonder if he had been shipped out as a result of his run-in with Chambers. And she still hadn’t been able to bring herself to contact Vinnie. In any case, there hardly seemed any point if Harry wasn’t there.

  The police had called round a number of times, but Sarah had ignored them and they’d finally given up.

  She was a month behind with her rent, and Mr Gilbert had sent his goon round with a warning. She had until the following Monday to bring it up to date, or she was out.

  She spent the weekend packing her possessions into carrier bags. She was determined to take it all with her when she left. All she needed on top of everything else was for Mr Gilbert to seize the little she owned before she’d had a chance to come back for it.

  Late on the Sunday night, with the bags stacked neatly beside the door, Sarah sat down and smoked her last cigarette.

  She needed help, but who could she turn to?

  Dandi? No way!

  Harry? She had no clue if he was still at Starlight, and even if he was there was nothing he could do for her.

  Vinnie? She didn’t think so!

  John, Dave and Tony? Bollocks to that!

  Jenny . . .

  Why not? They had been friends. Jenny wouldn’t see her out on the street. Even if she had to sleep on her floor, it would be something until she was back on her feet.

  Running to the payphone, she tapped in Silva’s number. A recorded message said that it was unobtainable. Sure she must have misdialled, she tried again – and got the same message. Thinking they must have changed the number, she decided to go and see Jenny face to face.

  Walking all the way to Ancoats, Sarah was mortified to find that Silva’s had closed down. A night-security guard having a smoke outside a neighbouring business told her that they had relocated a couple of weeks earlier, but he didn’t know where to.

  Defeated
, she wandered aimlessly into the city centre and slumped down on a bench. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she stared off into the distance and pondered how she had let her life crumble to nothing. All her dreams, her hopes, her aspirations – gone in the space of a year. She didn’t have a soul to call a friend, and she had no clue how to track down the one woman who might be able to help her. She was truly alone – as hopeless a case as all the losers she had known. Her mother . . . The abusive men . . . Claire Wilson . . .

  Claire!

  Claire was a friend of Coxy’s sister, May. And Coxy would know where Jenny was. All she had to do was remember which flat May lived in and get his number, and she might still have a chance.

  It was almost one in the morning when Sarah reached the Crescents. Hurrying past the open garages where the sinister shadows danced in the dark corners, she was more nervous than she had ever been in her life. Her pulse was hammering in her ears, her whole body tense with dread.

  Miraculously, she found the flat straight away. She recognized the scruffy girl who answered the door. It was Tara – May’s obnoxious daughter.

  And Tara recognized her.

  ‘Mam . . .’ she yelled back over her shoulder. ‘It’s that tart Uncle Gaz brought round that time. Want me to tell her to piss off?’

  Fortunately, May Cox was more annoyed with her daughter at that particular moment than with her brother’s friend for taking it upon herself to call round uninvited.

  ‘How many times have I told you about opening that door when you don’t know who’s knocking?’ she yelled, storming into the hall and walloping Tara around the back of the head. ‘I swear I’m gonna swing for you one of these days, you brainless little cow! Get to bed!’

  Turning to Sarah then, shaking her head with exasperation, she said, ‘Don’t ever have kids. They do your bleedin’ head in! Well, don’t just stand there letting all the heat out. Come in if you’re coming.’

  Following May into the living room, Sarah was relieved to find it free of children.

  Flopping onto the couch, May waved her to take a seat. ‘So, what’s up?’ she asked, lighting a cigarette and peering at Sarah with open suspicion.

  ‘I just wanted to ask if you’ve got a number for your brother,’ Sarah told her. ‘I’m sorry it’s so late, but I’m a bit stuck.’

  ‘How so? He got you in trouble, or something? ’Cos if he has, I’m telling you now there’s no point trying to get owt off him. He’s married with two little ’uns to feed. And much as I can’t stand his wife, I’d rip your face off before I’d let you muck his family about. We straight on that?’

  Sarah stared at her open-mouthed. Where the hell had that come from? Did she look the sort of girl who’d mess about with an older, married man?

  ‘What you gawping at?’ May said. ‘You got nothing to say for yourself?’

  ‘I didn’t want to see him for anything like that,’ Sarah managed. ‘I’m looking for a friend from work, but they’ve closed down and I can’t find out where they’re gone. I thought Coxy might know, that’s all.’

  May narrowed her eyes some more, making her look even harder and more threatening than she already did. Leaning forward, she said, ‘You sure about that? You’d best not be trying to blag me, ’cos you’ll be sorry if you mess with me.’

  ‘No, it’s nothing like that!’ Sarah was beginning to bristle. ‘I’m just looking for my friend.’

  May sat back. The girl sounded sincere, but she still wasn’t getting Gary’s number until May knew what the rush was. If he was involved in some sort of shit and he found out that May had dropped him in it, he’d stop the deliveries – and kick the crap out of her.

  ‘Who’s this friend you’re so desperate to find?’ She expelled a huge plume of smoke in Sarah’s direction.

  Sarah inhaled deeply, hoping for a second-hand nicotine hit. If she weren’t so proud, she’d have asked for a cigarette but May’s attitude had put her back up. There was no way she was begging favours from the bitch.

  Standing up, she said, ‘Look, just forget it. I’ll find her some other way. Sorry for disturbing you, I just thought with us both knowing Claire you might want to help. I won’t bother you again.’

  ‘Oi!’ May called as Sarah went towards the door. ‘I’ve got a right to find out what you’re up to with me own brother. Just ’cos he brought you round once don’t mean you can be trusted. You might be trying to make a mug of him, for all I know. And I ain’t gonna sit back and let no one do that, you got me?’

  Sarah felt a lump rise in her throat. Gulping it back noisily, she turned around with tears stinging her eyes.

  ‘Do you really think I’d have walked all the way here in the middle of the night just to mess you about? I’ve got no job, no money, no family, nothing! All I wanted was to find the one friend I’ve got, to see if she’d let me stay when my landlord kicks me out, and the only way I’m gonna do that is if I find Coxy. But if you don’t want to help me, fine! Just don’t sit there going on with yourself like you’re something special, ’cos you’re not!’

  ‘Watch it!’ May warned. ‘You’re in my house, don’t forget!’

  ‘Stick your fucking house up your arse!’ Turning, Sarah marched out, slamming the door behind her.

  Outside, with the cold night air stinging her cheeks and nowhere to go, she followed the landing all the way to the end of the block. Standing in the shadows, she leaned on the railings and looked down on the black sea of grass down below, wondering if it would swallow her up if she dived into it.

  Claire found her there a short time later.

  ‘Sarah?’ she called, approaching her cautiously, concerned that she may be contemplating throwing herself over. She’d seen that before, and it wasn’t a pretty sight. ‘May says you’ve been to hers, kicking off. You all right, or what?’

  Turning, Sarah looked at her tearfully and shook her head.

  Claire patted her on the shoulder. It was an awkward attempt at comfort – the true mark of the long-term care-home kid.

  Hugging herself, Sarah closed her eyes and breathed deeply to calm herself. It wasn’t fair to break down. Claire had enough problems of her own.

  ‘She said you was going on about losing your flat, and having no money, and that.’ Claire stuck her hands into her pockets, as if to restrain them from further intimacy. ‘So, I was thinking, I’ve got a place down there.’ She jerked her head backwards. ‘It’s only a squat, but I don’t mind if you want to fetch your stuff round for a bit.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Sarah sniffed. ‘I might take you up on that. I was worried what I was going to do with it. It’ll be safe, won’t it? I mean, I wouldn’t want to lose anything else.’

  ‘I didn’t just mean your stuff,’ Claire said. ‘I meant you, an’ all. Till you get sorted, like.’

  ‘Really?’ Sarah couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yeah, whatever.’ Claire shrugged. ‘It’s no skin off mine, is it? It’s mostly empty, anyhow. It won’t make no difference.’

  Sarah didn’t need asking twice. The sheer relief of knowing she would have a roof over her head convinced her to accept.

  ‘Great! I’ll go and fetch my stuff tonight – if you don’t mind?’

  ‘Whenever. Come on, I’ll show you round. Be warned, though, I’m not exactly tidy.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it.’ Sarah grinned. ‘You should see the state of my place. I’ve really let things slide.’

  ‘That’s depression, that,’ Claire stated knowingly. ‘You’ll have to sign on at my doctor’s. He’s great. You just tell him you’re a junkie, and he gives you Temazies and Valium, and all sorts.’

  ‘I don’t want anything like that.’

  ‘You don’t have to take ’em, you can give ’em to me – for your keep, like. Just go see him in the morning and lay it on a bit thick – cry, and that. I’ll come with you, show you how to do it. I’m due a Methadone script, anyhow.’

  Sarah shrugged. Why not? It was a cheap
price to pay.

  19

  Vinnie was on a total high. It was his birthday tomorrow. He was nearly free. And he’d managed to achieve it without going into remand. He was just counting the hours now, waiting for the moment when he could turn up on Sarah’s doorstep.

  He was more than ready. His things were packed, his grant was in the bank account that Dandi had opened for him, and he had an assured place in an after-care housing project in Hulme. It wasn’t as nice as the one Pete had been sent to a few weeks earlier, but it would do. And it was only a ten-minute run from Sarah’s place in Moss Side.

  Life was sweet. And it was soon to be even sweeter. He couldn’t wait.

  There was just one last thing he had to take care of before he walked out of these doors for the last time. Well, two, actually. Harry Shaw and Mark Chambers.

  Since the police had brought him back, the mong had been impossible to get at. Dandi’s little lapdog Chambers was always pussyfooting round the stupid little prick, like he was some sort of fragile baby that needed twenty-four-seven seeing-to.

  Well, they’d both get a seeing-to before Vinnie left. Mongo, for lying to his face. Chambers, for being a cunt – and a woofter cunt, at that. He’d found out a lot about that man recently.

  It was amazing what people kept in their bedrooms. Chambers was an idiot for thinking that a poxy Yale lock would secure his deep, dark secrets. Vinnie had slid a metal ruler past the latch and it had sprung open first time, and no one had been any the wiser. After rifling the man’s possessions and reading his personal letters, he knew all about Chambers’s bum-chum boyfriend Sean. All about the parties they’d been going to, and the drugs they’d been experimenting with. And once he knew, a plan began to grow in his mind.

  It was so easy it was absurd. And first thing tomorrow he’d be gone, and no one would ever be able to point the finger at him.