Tainted Lives

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Foxies.’

  ‘The lap-dancing place?’

  ‘Mmm-hmm.’ Hannah nodded, pursing her lips for added emphasis. ‘I wouldn’t have found out, only Steve had the receipts in his pocket and I found them. You know how much it costs to get in there?’ she went on, tipping Brasso onto her cloth and passing the tin to Sarah. ‘Twenty-five quid apiece! He’s lucky I didn’t rip his gonzos off and hang them off the tree in foil this morning!’

  Sarah didn’t laugh as she might have under different circumstances – she just set about the polishing with vigour, her nostrils flaring to split-apart width.

  ‘Can you believe the cheek of them?’ Hannah grumbled on, her generous chins and tits wobbling in unison as she rubbed at the pram frame. ‘Handing our money to some skinny-arsed bitches for a flash of split! I flew for Steve this morning, I can tell you. Said if he thought I was ever gonna trust him again after this he had another think coming.’

  Sarah didn’t interrupt as Hannah prattled on: she was too busy digesting the information and allowing it to solidify in her heart. How dare Pete go to a place like that, then try to get into her knickers when he came home. Just wait till she got her hands on the lying, cheating toe-rag!

  Sitting back on her heels after a while, her face sweaty from her exertions, Hannah looked at Sarah and frowned. ‘You all right?’

  ‘Fine, thanks.’ Sarah forced a tight smile, determined not to let Hannah see how pissed-off she was. She’d be the laughing stock of the estate before the day was through. ‘I think this is just about done. Have you got something to give the seat a wipe?’

  ‘Just a sec.’ Puffing unhealthily, Hannah got up and waddled to the sink. Throwing the sponge to Sarah, she sat at the table and lit a cigarette. ‘You paying for it, by the way?’ she said. ‘I’m not hassling, but I could really do with it if you’ve got it.’

  Sarah looked back over her shoulder. ‘Pete said he paid you a couple of weeks back.’

  Hannah shook her head. ‘He kept saying he’d fetch it round, but he never did. I’m not being funny, love, but I did tell him I had another buyer lined up if he couldn’t manage it.’

  ‘I don’t believe this!’ Sarah was furious. ‘He swore blind he gave it to you. Honest to God, Hannah, he stood there and told me how he’d given it to you in your hand, and you’d said not to mention it to Steve ’cos he’d only take it off you and piss it up the wall.’

  ‘Never happened.’ Hannah shrugged. Sympathetic as she was, she couldn’t help but think that Sarah was partly to blame. If she’d climb off her pedestal and stop kidding herself that she was too good to be treated like that by her man, she might wise up and do what the rest of the women round here did – get a step ahead of him and beat him at his own game.

  ‘Look, I’m sorry you didn’t know,’ Hannah said. ‘But I can’t let it go if someone doesn’t pay me. You can give us half now and owe us the rest if you’re stuck, but I’m really desperate.’

  ‘No, it’s all right.’ Taking her purse from her pocket, Sarah took out her last twenty-pound note and handed it over. ‘I only needed cigs, but I’m sure I can manage a day without.’

  ‘Oh, well, I can help you out there.’ Grinning now, Hannah got up and went to the wall cupboard. ‘I’ve still got a few of them cartons Steve nicked off that truck.’ Reaching up to the top shelf, she pushed a pile of plastic bags aside and groped for the cartons. Pulling one out, she tossed it to Sarah.

  ‘I only need a pack,’ Sarah said, offering the rest back.

  ‘Behave!’ Hannah pushed them into her hand. ‘It’s Christmas. You’d do the same for me.’

  Thanking her, Sarah got up and put her coat on.

  ‘Come round for a drink later,’ Hannah said, showing her out. ‘No doubt them two will be off on the piss again so I don’t see why we shouldn’t have a bit of fun an’ all.’

  Making it back in time to wrap the pram – albeit roughly, and in two different colours of paper – Sarah crept into Kimmy’s room and gave her a gentle shake to wake her.

  ‘Santa Christmas!’ Kimmy yelped, bursting to immediate life. Racing into the living room, with her black ringlets flying out behind her, she launched herself at the presents, tearing the paper off each one and showing it to Sarah before moving on to the next.

  ‘Look, mammy, look!’ she squealed when she got to the pram.

  Sarah’s eyes filled with tears as Kimmy threw her arms around her mother’s neck. Life might be the absolute pits at times, but she wouldn’t have traded moments like these for all the money in the world.

  Pete surfaced at just gone eleven. Groaning at the pain in his temples, he pushed the quilt aside and dropped his feet to the floor. Cradling his aching head in his hands, he groaned some more as memories of the night before flooded his mind.

  He should never have agreed to go to that club. Only sad blokes with ugly wives, blokes like Steve and Clive, pulled stupid stunts like that. Sarah was going to kill him when she found out – and she would, she always did. The best thing he could do was come clean before someone let it slip – and pray that she’d believe him when he said he would never do it again.

  Wandering into the living room with a sheepish look on his face, he crossed to Sarah, who was sitting on the couch, and kissed the top of her head. ‘Happy Christmas, babe. Sorry about last night.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ she said, her gaze glued to Kimmy who was busy giving every soft toy she possessed rides in the new pram. ‘She’s happy, that’s all that counts.’

  ‘You went and got it, then?’

  ‘Yeah – and before you ask, I paid for it as well.’

  ‘Eh?’ Pete drew his head back questioningly. ‘I gave Hannah the money weeks ago.’

  ‘Don’t lie,’ Sarah said wearily. ‘I know you didn’t, so let’s just drop it.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Pete!’ she snapped, looking at him now. ‘Don’t push it, eh? I’m not in the mood.’ Getting up, she went into the kitchen and filled the kettle.

  Following her, Pete leaned against the door frame and chewed his lip as he watched her take a cup from the cupboard and spoon coffee into it. Her back was so rigid that he didn’t need to see her face to know she was furious. It was coming off her in waves.

  ‘Why are you staring at me?’ Sarah asked irritably. ‘Haven’t you got anything better to do – like play with your daughter? You didn’t even say Happy Christmas to her.’

  Pete decided to come clean while the atmosphere was already strained. She’d be mad but she wouldn’t kick off and ruin Christmas for Kimmy. She’d save the real roasting for later when Kimmy went to bed, but he had a plan to avoid that. He would suddenly ‘remember’ the best news and, with any luck, she’d be so made up that she’d forget all about being angry.

  ‘I’ve got something to tell you,’ he said now, closing the door. ‘About last night . . . I, er, wasn’t in the pub the whole time like I said.’

  ‘Oh, really?’

  ‘No, I, er, went with Steve and Clive to this club. Don’t get mad, babe, ’cos I was really, really pissed, and I swear I didn’t see a thing, but it was sort of a . . . strip club.’

  ‘Oh, yeah?’ Turning around, Sarah folded her arms. ‘Now, there’s a surprise.’

  Blushing, Pete looked at his feet. ‘You already knew, didn’t you?’

  ‘Oh, yeah, I knew, all right. Hannah couldn’t wait to tell me. But you figured that out, didn’t you? That’s why you decided to come clean, isn’t it?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Bullshit! You’ve been caught out and you’re trying to blag your way out of it. So what did you do, Pete? Get your kicks watching the tarts strutting their stuff, then come home to me for the finale? Charge too much for the actual shag, did they?’

  ‘It wasn’t like that,’ he protested helplessly. ‘I swear to God, Sarah. Look, I know I’m a fuck-up, but I didn’t do anything. I was going to tell you when I got back, but I didn’t know what to say w
hen you started kicking off.’

  ‘I was kicking off because you went out on Christmas bloody Eve and left me and the baby on our own,’ she snapped. ‘I thought we were supposed to be a family.’

  ‘We are.’ He moved towards her with a hangdog look in his eye. ‘You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Sarah – you and Kimmy.’

  ‘Don’t!’ She held her hands up to stop him touching her. ‘I’ve got a really bad headache. I just want a coffee and a bit of quiet.’

  Backing off, Pete said, ‘Can I do anything?’

  ‘Yeah.’ She turned back to the sink. ‘Go and play with your daughter.’

  The atmosphere was chilly for a while, but Sarah gradually thawed as the day wore on and by the time they ate dinner she had decided to forgive and forget. Pete was making such an effort to please her, and she had to admit he looked more like his handsome old self when he took a shower and slapped on some of the aftershave that she had given him. Best of all, though, was the way he was playing with Kimmy, helping her to do one of the pictures in her new magic paint book and letting her waffle on about how much her dolly liked her new pram.

  Sarah was smiling as she cleared the table, glad that things were back to normal. Nothing was ever as bad as it seemed, and wrong as he’d been for going to that club at least Pete had told her the truth in the end – which was more than could be said for Steve.

  When she’d finished putting the kitchen to rights, she bathed Kimmy and put her to bed in her new Barbie pyjamas. Worn out, Sarah wandered back into the living room to put her feet up and have a proper drink.

  Pete soon put paid to that idea.

  ‘Oh, by the way,’ he said as soon as she walked through the door. ‘I forgot to tell you . . . I saw Vinnie last night.’

  Stopping in her tracks, she stared at him. ‘Vinnie Walker?’

  ‘Yeah! Mad, isn’t it? I haven’t seen him since just before we got together, but I recognized him straight away. He was in that club with a woman. Proper tart, by the look of her, but you know Vinnie. I couldn’t believe it.’

  Sarah’s jaw clenched. So, he remembered enough about the club to know that he had seen Vinnie and a woman in there. What else had he seen and conveniently forgotten – or done, for that matter?

  ‘I invited him round for a drink later,’ Pete went on. ‘Don’t mind, do you?’

  ‘Yes, I mind!’ she said, astonished that he should even consider bringing Vinnie back into their lives. ‘What do you think you’re playing at?’

  Pete was genuinely surprised by her response. It had been years since she’d seen Vinnie. Surely she didn’t still hate him for the things he’d done as a kid.

  ‘He’s not like he was,’ he tried to reassure her. ‘You should have seen him, Sarah. He’s well minted.’

  ‘I wouldn’t care if he was gold-bloody-plated!’ she snarled. ‘I don’t want him here. He’s trouble.’

  ‘So was I,’ Pete reminded her quietly. ‘But I changed, didn’t I?’

  Muttering ‘Huh!’ Sarah went into the kitchen and snatched a cigarette from the pack on the ledge. Sucking on it furiously, she threw Pete a dirty look when he popped his head around the door.

  ‘You’re not mad, are you?’ He smiled nervously. ‘I didn’t think you’d mind, or I wouldn’t have asked him.’

  ‘Well, I do, so you can just ring him and un-ask him.’

  ‘I can’t. I didn’t get his number.’

  ‘Forget, did you?’ she sniped. ‘Like you forgot to tell me you’d been to that club when you first got in, and forgot to pick up your daughter’s present?’

  ‘Oh, don’t start that again,’ Pete moaned. ‘I was pissed out of my head. What do you want me to say? I’ve screwed up again. Okay – I have. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Yeah, you are.’ Exhaling a thick stream of smoke, Sarah turned to look out of the window. After a moment, she said, ‘So, what did you tell him?’

  ‘That we’re married with a kid. And that you’d be made up to see him.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, I’m ecstatic.’

  Sighing, Pete lowered his head. ‘I’ll wait for him outside and tell him you don’t want him to come in.’

  ‘You will not!’ she retorted angrily. ‘You’re not making me out to be some sort of bitch.’

  ‘Well, I won’t answer the door, then. We’ll pretend we’re out.’

  ‘Don’t be so stupid. What if Kimmy starts crying?’

  ‘What do you want me to do?’ Pete sounded as helpless as he felt. ‘Tell him I don’t want him here when it was me who asked him round?’

  Sarah was silent for a moment, then, tutting, she said, ‘You’ll have to let him in. But don’t go making him comfortable. Give him one drink, then tell him we’re going out.’

  ‘Thanks, babe,’ Pete said, the relief clear in his voice. Then, tentatively, as if testing the water, he said, ‘Don’t get pissed off again, but will you do me a favour?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Will you put that red dress on and tart yourself up a bit?’

  ‘You what?’ she squawked, turning to glare at him now.

  ‘I just want him to see you at your best,’ he explained. ‘Let him – you know – see what he missed.’

  Sarah was furious. It was bad enough that he’d invited Vinnie round in the first place, and now he wanted her to dress up for him. It was pathetic.

  ‘Will you?’ His eyes were pleading with her. ‘Please?’

  ‘Why’s it so important what Vinnie thinks?’ she demanded.

  Pete shrugged miserably. ‘I just don’t want him to think he’s better than me.’

  ‘Because he’s minted?’

  ‘Well, yeah. You should have seen the suit on him, Sarah. It probably cost more than I make in a year.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘You wouldn’t understand.’

  Pete took a cigarette from the pack and Sarah was surprised to see that his hands were shaking when he lit it. Vinnie had really got to him.

  ‘All right.’ She relented. ‘I’ll dress up, if it makes you happy.’

  ‘Really?’ Looking up, he grinned. ‘Thanks, babe.’

  ‘Don’t be smiling,’ Sarah warned him, stubbing her smoke out aggressively. ‘I’m not impressed!’

  26

  Achorus of catcalls greeted Vinnie when he arrived at Glen’s house and strolled into the smoky living room.

  ‘Eh up! Here comes the shagmaster general!’

  ‘Yo, Vin, did you leave it begging for more?’

  ‘Hope you give it one for me!’

  Even Pam took time out of the kitchen to come and give him a good-on-you! punch on the arm.

  Only Carina refused to participate in the banter. Tight-lipped, she laid the dining-room table, her stiletto heels punishing the polished wood floor as she banged the cutlery down.

  ‘Chill out, babe,’ Glen said when he came through to fetch another bottle of wine from the cooler. ‘Me mother’s got everything under control. Leave that and come for a drink.’

  ‘Later.’ She shooed him out of the way. ‘I know she’s perfect, but even she can’t do everything on her own!’

  Glen frowned, wondering if Carina was taking a pop at his mother. Then he decided that she was probably just edgy. It was her first big function as woman of the house and she was bound to be feeling the pressure of living up to his mother’s standards. If he were honest, his mother wasn’t exactly helping to put her at ease. He wasn’t stupid, he knew they hadn’t got to grips with each other yet. But, as the most important women in his life, he was banking on them doing the female bonding shit when he was out of the way. With any luck, they’d be best mates by the time he got back. Getting what he’d come for, he left her to it.

  Alone again, Carina placed her hands flat on the table and exhaled shakily. She had to stop this before she dropped herself right in it. Glen was still a bit pissed off with her cutting his mega-shag short last night. If she carried on biting his head off he was likely to get suspicious and demand to know what was
wrong. And what was she supposed to say? . . . That she was mad at Vinnie for fucking off with that slag last night? Oh, yeah, she could see that going down a bomb!

  Pam came through from the kitchen, struggling to keep the enormous turkey from sliding off the plate she was carrying. Seeing Carina standing there like that, she frowned.

  ‘What’s up with you? Got a hangover, or something?’

  ‘Yeah, something like that.’ Straightening up, Carina forced herself to smile. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll take something for it when I’ve finished the table.’

  ‘I wasn’t worried,’ Pam muttered, plonking the turkey down. ‘You polished them knives and forks yet?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good, ’cos I don’t want my Glen getting ill off of ’em. What about the glasses?’

  ‘Yes!’

  Picking one up, Pam held it up to the light and peered at it. Sucking her teeth softly when she saw that it was spotless she put it down and went to get the vegetables.

  Sticking her fingers up at the swinging door Carina carried on with what she was doing.

  ‘That wasn’t very nice,’ Vinnie said quietly, coming in to get a couple of glasses for some late arrivals.

  ‘Piss off!’ she hissed, shooting him a murderous look.

  Leaning close as he passed by her, he whispered, ‘My, but we’re narky today. Something upset us, has it?’

  ‘Do not mess with me,’ she warned in a low voice.

  ‘Or what?’ he persisted. ‘Gonna tell sugar daddy on me? Tell him to give me a little slap for winding Queen Carina up?’

  Before Carina had a chance to deliver any kind of retort, the kitchen door swished open and Pam came in carrying a platter of roast potatoes.

  ‘She ain’t half winding herself up over this dinner, Pam,’ Vinnie said, taking the platter and laying it down on the table. ‘You want to show her how it’s done – put her out of her misery.’

  ‘I don’t need any help, thank you!’ Carina snapped. ‘I’d be fine if everyone would just let me get on with it!’

  Rolling his eyes exaggeratedly, Vinnie got the glasses and left the room with a spring in his step. His plan seemed to have worked. Carina was mad as hell with him for shagging the lovely Lucy. He wondered what she would say if she knew what had really happened: that he had shoved the poor cow into a cab outside Foxies, then gone home alone – his head too full of Sarah to be bothered even going through the motions.