Tainted Lives

by Mandasue Heller

  ‘Not a hundred per cent,’ West admitted. ‘But even if you’re wrong, I do know he’s a bad lot. I saw what you wrote about him in your diary.’

  ‘Diary?’ Harry looked up, a frown of confusion creasing his brow.

  ‘Yeah, my partner and me found it under your bed the night you ran away to Sarah’s.’

  ‘Oh, my God,’ Harry murmured as the memory fell into place. ‘I thought someone had pinched that. I stayed out of everyone’s way for ages after that. I thought someone would kill me for what I’d written about them.’

  ‘Sorry.’ West smiled tightly. ‘But that’s why my mate took it. He didn’t want to risk someone else finding it and taking it out on you when you got back. He meant well,’ he went on quietly. ‘I thought he was a bit of a clown when I got landed with him, but he was all there.’

  ‘Was?’

  ‘Yeah, he got killed in a hit-and-run a few years back.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry.’

  ‘So was I. Anyway, never mind that. I’ve been thinking. Maybe we’d best leave Sarah for a day or two. Give her a chance to calm down and think things through. She knows where you are if she wants to contact you.’

  ‘Suppose so,’ Harry murmured, hoping West was right to be so unconcerned. He had a terrible feeling that Sarah was going to tell Vinnie everything and put herself in real danger.

  42

  Sarah’s mind was working overtime as she drove home. Harry had really pissed her off. Okay, so he was jealous that she’d decided to marry Vinnie after everything that had happened when they were kids, but where the hell had he come up with a story like that? How could you just ‘remember’ something like that – and under hypnosis, of all things? It was too ludicrous for words. He knew it was Chambers, but if he wanted to make-believe the man was innocent after everything she had told him – and after Chambers had been caught and convicted of doing that to him – then he was a bigger fool than she would ever have imagined.

  Whatever Vinnie had done in the past, she knew him too well to believe he would do the things that Harry had accused him of. He was gentle and affectionate – when he was home. And Kimmy adored him. There was no way she was going to jeopardize all that on the strength of these ravings.

  Pulling up outside the flats, Sarah saw that Vinnie’s jeep still wasn’t there. He hadn’t come home the night before, and she had rushed out this morning without leaving a note. She hoped he hadn’t come back in the meantime and gone off again in a huff. That would be all she needed after the terrible morning she’d had.

  Just as she was reaching out to open the security door, she heard someone calling her name in a harsh whisper. Turning, she peered all around.

  ‘Sarah!’ It came again. ‘Over here!’

  Spotting her sister waving from behind a car on the opposite side of the road, she remembered the phone call the previous night and felt a rush of guilt. She had promised to get straight back to her, but she’d been so busy thinking about Harry that she’d completely forgotten.

  Running across to her, she said, ‘Oh, God, Karen, I’m sorry! You must think I’m a complete bitch.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Karen said, still semi-crouching, watching the flats. ‘What are you doing here?’

  Squatting beside her, Sarah said, ‘I live here. Weren’t you waiting for me?’

  ‘No. I’m looking for someone.’

  ‘Oh?’ Sarah was intrigued. ‘Who? I might be able to help.’

  ‘No one can help me,’ Karen muttered, hugging her stomach. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  ‘Really?’ Sarah frowned sympathetically. ‘Is that why you were so upset last night? Are you having problems with the dad?’

  ‘One of them,’ Karen admitted, her gaze still riveted on the flats through the car windows. ‘The other one doesn’t even know yet, and he isn’t gonna be too pleased when he finds out.’ Pausing, she gave a weary sigh. ‘That’s why I rang you last night. I was going to ask if I could stay at yours till it’s sorted, but this is a bit too close for comfort.’

  ‘Does one of them live here?’

  ‘Yeah. The one who knows. I told him yesterday and he wasn’t exactly thrilled. I’m just waiting to see the bitch he’s shacked up with so I can tell her what kind of a loser he is.’

  ‘Who is she? I might have seen her.’

  ‘No idea, but she’s bound to be some ugly slag,’ Karen sneered. ‘There must be something wrong with her if he won’t even admit he’s going with her. He must be ashamed of her.’

  Sarah laughed out loud. ‘Well, I don’t think I’ve seen any deformed slags over there. What about him?’

  ‘Him!’ Karen snorted. ‘Now there’s a question.’ Pausing, she bit her lip, struggling to keep her emotions in check.

  ‘You all right?’ Sarah asked, shifting to ease the pressure in her legs. ‘You really like him, don’t you?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Karen said, the breath catching in her throat and coming out as a sob. ‘But I don’t know why. He was such a bastard when I told him. All he could say was how he’d kill me if I told Glen.’

  Sarah went cold.

  ‘Glen?’

  ‘Yeah.’ Karen wiped her nose in the back of her hand. ‘My boyfriend. He’s the one who doesn’t know yet.’

  ‘And the other one?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘What’s the other one’s name?’ Sarah felt dizzy now.

  ‘Vinnie – why?’ Karen peered at her with concern. ‘Are you all right? What’s . . .’ She left the rest of the question hanging as realization slammed home. ‘Oh, my God! Not you? Please tell me it’s not you!’

  Sarah didn’t know whether to hit her sister or comfort her. She didn’t know anything any more. ‘But her name’s Carina,’ she murmured. ‘Glen’s girlfriend. His mum told me.’

  Karen stared at her in disbelief. ‘You’ve met Pam?’

  ‘Yeah. Vinnie took me round the day before we got engaged.’

  ‘Engaged?’ Karen gasped, her face as drained of colour now as Sarah’s. ‘No . . . You can’t be.’

  ‘Well, I am.’ Sarah showed her the ring. ‘It was the day I came round to Mam’s. He was waiting when I got home, and he asked me then.’

  ‘You’re lying,’ Karen hissed, pain overriding reason. ‘That’s from your husband. You’re just trying to hurt me.’

  ‘No, I’m not.’ Sarah was becoming angry now. She was Vinnie’s fiancée. Karen had her own man. If she’d messed about with Vinnie before he got together with Sarah and had got herself pregnant, that was her problem. But there was no way Karen was taking Vinnie just because her own man wasn’t interested.

  ‘Mam was right about you.’ Karen’s eyes sparked with malice. ‘She always said you were a slag, and she was spot on. The best thing she ever did was shove you in that home. Why didn’t you just stay there?’

  ‘Grow up!’ Sarah snapped, shocked by the vehemence of the words.

  ‘I mean it,’ Karen continued, all the hatred she’d been storing up for Vinnie’s mystery woman pouring out in a rush. ‘Vinnie was mine long before you came on the scene, and he still is!’

  ‘Vinnie was thirteen when I met him,’ Sarah spat back. ‘Are you trying to tell me you’d already had him then? ’Cos if you are, you’re the slag here, not me!’

  ‘What are you talking about? He wasn’t in a home.’

  ‘Oh, yeah? Don’t know him as well as you think, then, do you?’

  ‘All right, so I might not have known about that,’ Karen admitted defensively. ‘But I do know him. We were going together for ages before I met Glen. And I know for a fact he wasn’t seeing you.’

  Sarah inhaled deeply, trying to calm down. This wasn’t resolving anything.

  ‘How many months gone are you?’ she asked.

  ‘Four,’ Karen muttered unhappily.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Positive. The doctor did all the tests yesterday, and it matches my dates.’

  ‘Well, it can’t be Vinnie’s,’ Sarah said. ‘We�
��ve been together for longer than that and I know he hasn’t been seeing anyone else. Your dates must be wrong.’

  ‘They’re not. And for your information, we’re still seeing each other.’

  Sarah felt her world sliding out from under her. ‘When was the last time?’

  ‘Yesterday,’ Karen told her triumphantly. ‘Vinnie came to pick Glen up but he’d already gone out. If you don’t believe me, he was wearing his black Gucci jeans, his grey jumper and his black Nikes. Oh, and he had the dark grey Calvins on, the ones with three little buttons.’

  Sarah knew she was telling the truth. There was no way she could have known about his boxers otherwise – the boxers that Sarah had bought after moving in with him. The ones she had seen him putting on yesterday.

  Karen gazed at her sister’s pale face and felt a hint of regret for having delivered the news so bluntly.

  ‘Look, I’m sorry it turned out like this,’ she said, reaching a hand out to touch Sarah’s arm. ‘And I shouldn’t have said that stuff about Mam. You didn’t know what was going on.’

  ‘No,’ Sarah muttered, shrugging her hand off. ‘But you did.’

  ‘Only that he had a woman. If I’d known it was you . . .’ Pausing, Karen sighed deeply.

  ‘Well, now we know, what are we going to do about it?’ Sarah asked, her voice as calm as she could manage under the circumstances.

  Karen shrugged morosely.

  ‘This isn’t helping anything,’ Sarah said, standing up. ‘Let’s go get a coffee.’

  ‘Okay,’ Karen agreed. ‘But not in there. We’ll go to a café.’

  Karen ordered a pot of coffee. Pouring two cups, she pushed one across the table. Sarah stirred a sugar into it then took her cigarettes from her pocket. Lighting one, she slid the pack across to Karen.

  ‘What do you want to do?’ she asked, when they both felt safe enough behind the dividing wall of smoke to speak. ‘Are you planning to tell Glen it might not be his?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Karen admitted. ‘He went a bit funny on me yesterday. He got jealous ’cos he found some stupid business cards in my pocket. There was one for you actually, but I can’t give it to you because he ripped them up. It was off some copper who came to Mam’s looking for you.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ Sarah told her. ‘This is more important. Look, you probably won’t appreciate me saying this, but can’t you just make a clean break until you’ve sorted yourself out?’

  ‘I’m not giving everything up without a fight,’ Karen said, looking at her as if she were crazy for suggesting it. ‘Glen will snap out of his mood when he realizes how stupid he’s been. He won’t want to lose me.’

  Frowning at her sister’s see-sawing logic, Sarah said, ‘And where does Vinnie fit into this? I thought you wanted him?’

  ‘Yeah, I do, but he’s scared of what Glen would do if he found out. I’m not risking losing Glen until I know what Vinnie’s doing.’

  ‘You already know.’ Sarah’s voice was cool. ‘He’s with me.’

  ‘And me,’ Karen said defensively. ‘I just wanted to put you straight.’

  ‘Well, now you have, so what next? Are you planning to tell him you’ve seen me? Do you think he’ll be so relieved it’s all out in the open that he’ll suddenly realize it’s you he’s wanted all along, or something?’

  ‘He might.’

  ‘Bollocks! He doesn’t even know who you really are. He thinks your name’s Carina, for God’s sake.’

  ‘So? You are allowed to change your name, you know.’

  ‘I take it you’ve done it legally then, ’cos it’s gonna be a bit awkward explaining it when you get married. You have to take your birth certificate, you know.’

  ‘I’ll tell him nearer the time.’

  ‘Which him?’ Sarah held her gaze.

  Karen pursed her lips, but didn’t answer.

  ‘You haven’t got a clue what you want, have you?’ Sarah said, beginning to realize how confused Karen actually was. She didn’t want to let Glen go and risk losing everything if Vinnie didn’t want her. But she refused to let Vinnie go if there was the slimmest chance of him committing to her in the future – however far off that might be.

  ‘If everyone would just stop interfering it would be easy,’ Karen mumbled. Dipping her spoon into the sugar bowl, she stirred it until grains began to spill over the side. Reaching across the table, Sarah stilled her hand.

  ‘I’m not your enemy, Karen, I’m your sister, and believe it or not, I’m trying to help you.’

  ‘If you really want to help, walk away. I’m pregnant with Vinnie’s baby. You’re not. Can’t you just leave him and give me a chance?’

  ‘If it was just me stopping him from being with you, I probably would,’ Sarah replied. ‘But it’s not, is it? What did he say when you told him you were pregnant?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Don’t lie. You said he wasn’t too thrilled.’

  ‘All right, so he got a bit rough.’

  ‘How so?’

  ‘Pushed me up against the wall and threatened what he’d do if I told Glen,’ Karen admitted reluctantly. ‘Said it’d be really easy to just snap my neck and put me in his jeep and get rid.’

  ‘Did you believe him?’

  ‘Kind of.’ Karen looked down miserably into her coffee, embarrassed to admit that the man she loved had treated her so badly. ‘I know he wouldn’t hurt me really,’ she went on. ‘He’s just worried about Glen. He doesn’t want to get on the wrong side of him. I said we could run away, but—’

  ‘What did he say?’ Sarah interrupted, sick to her stomach that Vinnie had even discussed something like this with another woman.

  ‘That we’d never escape Glen,’ Karen told her glumly. ‘I know he’s right, but I just wanted him to say something positive like he would if he could, or something. Anyway, that’s when I asked who you were. Said I wanted to know who this bitch was that he was putting before me and the baby. That’s when he got heavy. He said the baby was nothing to do with him, and if I said anything to Glen he’d . . . Well, you know the rest.’

  ‘That’s why,’ Sarah murmured.

  ‘Why what?’

  ‘Why he came home in such a mood yesterday, demanding to try for a baby.’

  ‘He didn’t?’ Karen’s face had gone pale again.

  Sarah nodded slowly.

  ‘Bastard!’ Karen hissed. ‘What’s he playing at?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Sarah muttered coldly. ‘But he’s not playing it with me, that’s for sure.’

  ‘I can’t believe he did that.’ Karen shook her head. ‘Not wanting me to tell Glen, yeah. But saying he wants to get you pregnant, with all this going on. You’re not going to, are you?’ she asked then, a spark of genuine panic in her eyes. ‘You’re going to dump him, right?’

  Looking at her, Sarah knew that that was exactly what Karen wanted. No matter what had been said, or how hurt they both were, Karen would jump feet first into Sarah’s vacated place if Sarah left Vinnie. And much as she herself didn’t want him now that she knew the truth, Sarah wasn’t about to give Karen the satisfaction of thinking that the younger sister was walking away with the prize.

  ‘I want to hear what Vinnie’s got to say for himself first,’ Sarah said, pushing her cup aside. ‘Can you take me back now? I need to get Kimmy.’

  They didn’t speak a word during the drive back to the flats. Getting out at the corner, Sarah watched until Karen’s car was out of view, then climbed into her own car and set off for the nursery.

  Despite what she’d said about hearing Vinnie’s side of things, she had no intention of staying with him now. He had messed everything up. He hadn’t changed at all. He was still the same cocky, no-good little bastard he’d always been. How the hell had she fallen for it?

  Vinnie’s jeep was parked up when Sarah got back and she felt the anger churning in her stomach. She forced it down. Not yet – and definitely not in front of Kimmy.

  Under normal cir
cumstances she would storm inside, pack her stuff and leave. But she had to put Kimmy’s needs first, and if that meant playing the game for another few hours, so be it. With any luck, Vinnie wouldn’t be around for long and she’d have a chance to pack in peace.

  Kimmy had fallen asleep. Lifting her out of the child-seat, Sarah carried her inside and laid her down on her bed. Easing her daughter’s coat and shoes off, Sarah covered her with the quilt. Then she went into the living room.

  Vinnie was sitting on the couch, a dark scowl on his face, his eyes narrowed to slits as he followed her progress across the floor. ‘Got something to tell me?’ he asked, his voice low and mean.

  ‘No.’ Sarah kept her cool. ‘Want a drink?’

  ‘No, I don’t want a fucking drink,’ he snarled. ‘I want to know what the fuck you think you’re playing at. Where have you been all day?’

  ‘Out,’ she said, fighting the urge to demand to know where the hell he had been all night. ‘I dropped Kimmy off at nursery and went into town.’

  ‘Where’s the shopping?’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘I said where’s the shopping?’ He was raising his voice now. ‘If you’ve been to town, where’s the fucking shopping?’

  ‘Stop shouting!’ she hissed. ‘Kimmy’s asleep. I went bloody window-shopping, if you must know – for wedding shoes! What the hell’s the matter with you?’

  Glaring at her, Vinnie didn’t say anything, but Sarah could see him chewing this over. Finally, he sat back, seeming to accept her explanation.

  ‘Why have you been in such a bad mood for the past couple of days?’ she asked, sitting down and lighting a cigarette. ‘Have I done something to upset you?’

  ‘It’s not you,’ he muttered, drumming his fingernails on the couch arm. ‘There’s loads of shit going off at work, that’s all.’

  ‘Oh?’ Raising an eyebrow, she looked at him as if she was really interested. ‘Like what?’

  ‘Nothing to concern you. I think I will have that drink now.’

  ‘Sure.’ Standing, Sarah went into the kitchen. ‘Brandy?’

  ‘Yeah. And did you think about what I said yesterday, about us having a baby?’